Kim Chang-won Teeters on the Brink of Death

Kim Chang-won had wandered on the brink of death for several days. A tremendous amount had happened while he was hospitalized and receiving treatment. He'd passed out from coughing so hard he couldn't breathe, and his vision had blurred to black before brightening to white, shuttling him between heaven and hell. Just when he thought he wouldn't last much longer, his body began to recover. He stuck to his treatments, exercised steadily, and focused on rehab and restoration. His cough hadn't fully subsided, but he could at least take solitary walks around the hospital grounds.

And so, using a walk as his excuse, Kim Chang-won slipped out of the hospital and, evading the nurses and doctors, lit up a cigarette in secret. He took a deep drag, the smoke scraping roughly down his throat and sending a dizzying vertigo crashing over him. It felt like all the agony of the forced abstinence over the past few months was washing away with that single puff. But before he could fully savor the aftertaste, an unwelcome guest arrived.

"Chairman?"

At the sudden voice, Kim Chang-won hurriedly hid his cigarette. But the moment he saw who it was, he let out a sigh of relief and smiled.

"It's you, Teacher So Do-jin. I panicked thinking it was a doctor."

"...Do you really have to smoke like that?"

"This is my last one. Then I'll quit for good."

"That's the fifth time I've heard that from you."

"All us smokers are like that."

Kim Chang-won kept smiling as he said it, steadfastly continuing to smoke. So Do-jin limped over on his crutches.

"How's your body holding up?"

"They say I'll need these crutches for a few more months. Otherwise, I'm all healed."

"Good to hear. I was worried sick about how bad your injury was. Want one?"

Kim Chang-won offered So Do-jin a cigarette. So Do-jin shook his head.

"I'm good."

"Weren't you a smoker too, Teacher So Do-jin? No need to hold back on my account."

"I quit a while back."

"You're one tough bastard."

Kim Chang-won pulled out another cigarette and put it in his mouth as he spoke. So Do-jin frowned.

"Just one today. Keep it up and you'll really ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠get lung disease."

"I couldn't smoke for months. The resentment's too deep."

"Hah..."

So Do-jin let out an incredulous sigh as he stared at Kim Chang-won. He continued.

"Why not quit for real this time?"

"I've tried a few times. All failures. Quitting's harder than it looks..."

"It's doable with help from those around you. That's how I managed."

So Do-jin gazed off at distant mountains, lost in old memories. Kim Chang-won raised an eyebrow curiously as he lit his cigarette.

"Oh? Who helped you out?"

Snap! Out of nowhere, Ha Ye-jin appeared and yanked the cigarette from Kim Chang-won's mouth, tossing it to the ground. Kim Chang-won stared blankly at the thin wisp of smoke rising from the extinguished butt. Ha Ye-jin opened her mouth with an innocent smile.

"I did. Shall I help you too, Chairman?"

"Your methods seem a bit rough..."

"If we don't do it like this, no one ever quits."

Kim Chang-won felt an inexplicable chill at Ha Ye-jin's beaming smile. So Do-jin chuckled beside him.

"She's improved a lot. Back when I was chain-smoking, she showed up with a fire extinguisher."

"Isn't extinguisher foam worse for you than cigarettes?"

"Nah, she didn't spray it. She bashed my head with the extinguisher."

"..."

Kim Chang-won glanced at Ha Ye-jin. She was smiling innocently, just as before. So Do-jin turned to her.

"So, why are you here?"

"What do you mean? You don't want me around?"

"Not that... Where's Kim Bok-dong? Why'd you come alone?"

"Kim Bok-dong went off to train. Said he'd come back stronger after secluded practice. No idea what he's thinking."

"Secluded practice? He's nuts... Well, it's Kim Bok-dong, so maybe."

So Do-jin suddenly recalled the taxidermy doll of Kim Bok-dong he'd killed during the incident and took a deep breath. It wasn't traumatic enough to haunt him, but no need to dwell on it. He shook off the memory with a few deep breaths.

"...So, why are you here, Ha Ye-jin?"

"You're discharging soon, right? Came to check on you. And I have something to tell you, Chairman."

Kim Chang-won looked puzzled at her words.

"Me? Say it now. No clue when I can get back to school."

"Yes, sir. Hold on a sec..."

Ha Ye-jin rummaged in her pocket and pulled out an envelope. Kim Chang-won took it reflexively. A bad feeling crept over him. He opened the envelope and unfolded the paper inside.

Ha Ye-jin clasped her hands demurely in front of her and spoke.

"I'm planning to step away from teaching."

Her face held no smile now.

*

Two ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠weeks until the exams. The past few days had been uneventful. Dull, if I put it negatively; peaceful, if positively. As always, self-study during class, library after school.

"The practical exam schedule looks like it'll be a week after the written one. Study hard, but don't push your health too far. Good work, everyone~"

Morning homeroom started as usual. Ha Ye-jin announced the exam dates, gave a brief pep talk, and left the classroom. Her complexion seemed to darken with each passing day. The change was glaringly obvious to me, but the other kids didn't seem to notice at all.

"You think ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠she's retiring?"

I casually mentioned it to Jeong In-ah, but she just tilted her head, oblivious to the change.

"Retiring? Why?"

"Her face looks gloomy. Her tone's off too."

Ha Ye-jin's speech carried a strange resignation, her eyes hollow and vacant—the telltale gaze of someone set on quitting. And she had plenty of reason to. Bae Seong-hyeon had caused a scandal early in the semester and gotten expelled; O Byeong-min had withdrawn in the aftermath. Gu Jun-hyeok, who was top of the class academically, turned out to be a Satanist. All three from Charity Class—enough to make any homeroom teacher question their purpose.

"Really? I don't see it... But I hope she doesn't quit. Teacher Ye-jin's great."

"Me too."

I nodded in agreement. Among Florence's teachers, Ha Ye-jin was the least bad. Ideally, I'd prefer she stay as homeroom teacher.

Jeong In-ah pouted at her book for a while, then slammed it shut irritably and glared at me.

"Quit staring. You're breaking my focus."

She snapped at me. Apparently, her lack of concentration was my fault. I was about to leave her alone, but now I didn't want to.

"Can't I watch a little?"

"What's there to watch? Studying's not that entertaining."

"Just wanna see how hard you're working."

"...Do whatever."

Jeong In-ah grumbled and reopened her book. It was falling apart at the seams, every corner crammed with notes. Not just summaries—she jotted down confusing parts and random questions too. Then she shut it abruptly and started scribbling wildly on a blank page. Blank-page studying or whatever. No clue. I'd never tried it.

Or more precisely, I'd never properly studied for exams before. I watched, figuring it might help. Then she wrote "idiot" on the paper. I looked up. She was looking at me.

"...Me?"

"Yeah. Who else?"

Jeong In-ah grinned. Just then, the proctor came in and told us to quit chatting. I finally returned to my seat and started studying. Tried her method, but my blank page stayed blank. Tougher than it looked... I'd barely grasped the basics; she was already applying advanced concepts. No wonder it flopped. Better stick to my way.

As I studied, Legba clicked his tongue.

[Two weeks left, and you're still on basics.]

"..."

[Skip this exam, aim for next time. Or go all-in on practicals.]

Florence weighted written exams heavily. All-in on practicals was too risky. I ignored Legba and focused.

[Risky or not, good results are what matter. Didn't you say that last time?]

Legba grumbled sarcastically. Still salty about me ignoring him during the Mun Yo-seop call. Petty old man.

*

One week before exams. I decided to pause voodoo practice and experiments until after. No stamina or time for both. Plenty of time post-exams, so focus on studying now.

I'd studied like mad the past week. Ten hours minimum daily; all-nighters on good days. All to beat Seong Ha-yeon. Not just beat—had to win. Bet was on the line.

Today, mid-study—

"...What?"

I'd dozed off at my desk. Woke to birdsong and an unnaturally clear head. Fresh breeze through the window, body light. Then a ominous hunch hit; clock read 11 a.m.

[Oh dear... Disaster.]

"Why didn't you wake me?!"

[I tried. You wouldn't budge. Told you not to pull all-nighters, fool.]

Stung a bit, but no time to argue. Quick wash, change, check phone. Missed calls galore: 8 from Ha Ye-jin, 3 from Jeong In-ah, 1 unknown. Twelve total. And C Dorm's wake-up broadcast was busted. Massive tardy.

Straight to the office upon arrival.

"This qualifies as cutting class, right?"

Ha Ye-jin greeted me sternly. I bowed my head silently. She sighed.

"Know how many demerits you have?"

"One? Wait, two now. Yes."

"Not something to laugh off. Ten means expulsion."

"Don't they waive some with volunteer work before that?"

"...Anyway, don't be late again. I'll let today's slide—no demerit."

"Huh? Is that okay?"

I blinked. She nodded casually.

"You overslept from late-night studying, right?"

"Yeah... Sure."

"Everyone's cramming this time of year, pulling all-nighters and sleeping in. And..."

Ha Ye-jin trailed off with a deep sigh, then forced a smile.

"You got badly hurt last time—stamina's probably shot. Study hard, but take it easy on your body."

"Ah... Got it."

"This is a one-time pass to emphasize no more lates. Understand? Next time, no mercy."

"Yes."

"Don't just say yes. Go study."

I bowed and turned to leave. She stopped me, told me to sit. I did. She stared seriously.

"...You holding up? Not feeling like dying or anything?"

"Out of nowhere?"

"Not really... Good. But if it's too much, tell me. I can help."

Ha Ye-jin met my eyes steadily, probing my mood. Probably because I was close to Gu Jun-hyeok. He was missing—no, dead—from the incident. I paused, studying her face. Resignation in her eyes, as before. A subtle melancholy too.

"You look more worn out than me."

Her eyes widened in surprise—easy to read her. After staring, she chuckled.

"Worn out? What makes you say that? Go study."

"Your face has been off lately."

"Analyze your wrong-answer notebook instead. You're slacking on weird stuff."

"I study too."

"Talking back again. Keep it up, and demerits."

Ha Ye-jin laughed. I smiled back, bowed, and left. Her tone and expression screamed she was leaving—transfer or quitting teaching altogether. But whether she did or not wasn't my business. No need for regret. Florence was just a gateway to high clergy for me—nothing more. Like Legba said, no one here could be my true friend.

But ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I couldn't fully shake the disappointment. When my head was a mess, she'd offered counseling relentlessly. When my place burned, she hooked me up with dorms and scholarships. Stripped of religion, she was good people. But I couldn't separate faith like that. No room for it.

My head was a mess.

(Continued next time)