Chapter 12
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 12
Chapter Title: The Assassin Wields an Inkstone, the Scholar Sharpens His Tongue
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The strike ended in half a success and half a failure.
I secured my rights to sleep and rest, but the population density in my office had skyrocketed—in the most headache-inducing way possible.
"Your Highness! Don't cross your legs! A curved spine blocks the flow of qi and undermines your imperial dignity!"
The newly appointed secretary, Nokhui, spotted my posture and let out a shrill yell. Her eyes gleamed sharply behind her glasses, like a nagging mother-in-law.
"Ah, got it. I'll uncross them."
"Your sentences are too curt as well! Before I am Your Highness's subject, I am carrying out my master's orders..."
"Quiet."
Whoosh—thunk!
Soso, who had been sorting documents at my side, hurled her brush. It embedded itself precisely in the pillar one centimeter from Nokhui's ear.
"Shall I cut out her tongue, Your Highness? It's hurting our efficiency."
"How dare you! Do you think I'd fall to such a slow brush throw? And have you ever seen such barbarism in the sacred imperial palace—discussing murder, no less!"
"I won't kill her. I'll just make her quiet."
Soso impassively drew a dagger from her bosom and toyed with it, while Nokhui's face flushed red as she rattled off quotes from the sages like a machine gun.
I clutched my head with both hands. An assassin and a nag. Physical force and logic. This maddening duo was yammering at me from both sides in full surround sound.
"Please... let's just get some work done, you two."
This wouldn't do. It was chaos. My ears felt like they were bleeding. I grabbed the Revenue Department's report from my desk.
[Yellow River Levee Repair Project Final Accounts]
This was my salvation. Better to head outside.
"Minister Gwak! General Ma! Get ready—we're going on a trip!"
For the crown prince to venture outside, he needed the emperor's permission. When I approached my imperial father, he suddenly tilted his head in puzzlement and began whispering with Eunuch Jin.
What was this about?
"Hmmm. Just as I thought."
After hearing whatever it was, Father turned to me.
"Very well, you may go. But on your way, you must stop by Yellow River Flood Control Site Number Four. Something ridiculous is happening there—handle it and wrap it up neatly."
What did that mean? Unease crept in.
"Ah, yes... Is there some kind of problem there?"
"Word is, there is. I was pondering how to deal with it when you volunteered. I'm happy to grant permission."
Damn it. Hearing that already made me anxious. I'd planned to go out for a break, but how was my luck this rotten?
No matter my thoughts, I'd taken on the task, so whatever happened on the trip, I'd have to sort it out myself.
"It'll probably leave you dumbfounded. Utterly absurd. Well, since you sought it out yourself, think of it as fate and resolve it properly."
Should I cancel now? The doubts grew.
A few days later, on the official road heading to the Yellow River.
The procession was modest for a crown prince's entourage—just two carriages and a handful of escorts kicking up dust as they raced along.
But inside the carriage, it was noisier than the palace.
"Your Highness! Even in a carriage, your posture is slouching!"
"Hey, come on! The thing's bouncing all over—how am I supposed to sit straight!"
"A steady mind makes a steady posture!"
"...Your Highness. Can't we toss that woman out of the carriage? I can make it look like an accident."
"Soso, be patient. Don't you remember who her master is?"
I turned to Minister Gwak with a look of enlightenment. He seemed to be enjoying the pandemonium, chuckling heartily.
"Minister Gwak. Got any earplugs? My eardrums won't hold much longer."
"Heh heh. Youth is wonderful. Such vitality!"
Vitality? More like murderous intent. General Ma, driving the carriage, let out a booming laugh from outside.
"Your Highness! The Yellow River's just ahead! Bear with the sore butt a bit longer!"
General Ma, cooped up in the palace for so long, was thrilled to be out and tearing along like a madman. He insisted on driving himself instead of delegating, and now I felt seasick.
The wildly speeding carriage came to an abrupt halt. Urk—I thought I'd hurl.
Screeech—!
The carriage slammed to a stop. By the law of inertia, my body lurched forward.
Nokhui shrieked "Kyaa!" and tumbled into my lap, while Soso instinctively shielded me.
General Ma Chulsan's gruff voice boomed into the halted carriage.
"Who the hell are you lot! Blocking the middle of the official road—what's your game!"
I opened the window and peered out.
Crude barricades of logs and rocks blocked the road, manned by a dozen rough-looking thugs. Their flag bore childish scrawl reading "Iron Sand Gang."
I was no calligrapher myself, but even I could tell that handwriting was atrocious.
"Hey, you in the carriage! Pay the toll and pass!"
The boss—a bare-chested brute flaunting his chest hair—waggled his club menacingly.
"This stretch is under Iron Sand Gang management. Road maintenance fees, escort fees, and... for not knowing who we are, that comes to three taels of silver."
Typical street punks. The kind of third-rate villains from wuxia tales, existing solely to get sliced by the protagonist.
In reality, they provided some value by maintaining neglected roads... but three taels for passage?
Are they insane?
General Ma's eyebrow twitched—he was thinking the same. His hand rested on the great sword at his waist.
"Do you even know whose carriage you've stopped? This is an imperial vehicle. Step aside."
"Imperial? Pfft-haha! Hear that, boys? Every mutt and cur claims to be imperial these days!"
The Iron Sand Gang boss cackled.
"Listen up, old timer. This ain't the palace—this is the jianghu! The strong fist makes the law! If you don't like it, come at us!"
It was a bit sparse for an imperial retinue.
I'd opted for a small, fast group to avoid rumors and delays, but hearing that irked me.
General Ma's face flushed with rage. Just as he seemed ready to charge out and butcher them...
"Hold, General."
I opened the carriage door and stepped down. In the tense atmosphere, the bandits gawked as a five-year-old kid hopped out.
General Ma panicked and shouted.
"Your Highness! It's dangerous! Get back inside!"
"You told me to train my lower body whenever it suited you, but now you want me inside? Besides, violence is for martial artists—we must teach them what justice means."
General Ma looked moved. From inside the carriage, Minister Gwak chimed in approvingly, "Well said, Your Highness."
I straightened my robes and strode toward the boss.
Behind me trailed Soso and Nokhui, who had followed from the carriage, along with Minister Gwak Jeong-eon like a folding screen.
"What's the brat? Out nursing?"
"Are you the gang leader here, mister?"
I pulled a notebook from my bosom and asked.
"This is the official road, right? Crown land."
"Y-yeah! So what!"
"Unauthorized occupation of state land, illegal structures, obstructing passage. And you're charging tolls? Whose permission? Do you pay taxes?"
I drew my brush, pointed at them, and bellowed.
"I don't know when you started this, but even at a year minimum, with one passerby a day, you'd have raked in dozens, hundreds of taels. Since it's ill-gotten gains, we'll confiscate it all."
The boss's face twisted.
"You little runt... Think words scare us? Kids, scram!"
The boss menacingly raised his club. I sighed and stepped back.
"I wanted to handle this like gentlemen, but words won't work. Soso, they're obstructing business. Clear them out."
"As you command."
Soso stepped forward. She reflexively reached for her brush in her bosom, then paused. That brush was the finest weasel-hair one I'd gifted her after the strike for her invaluable help.
I'd gotten a bunch from the emperor for my own use and shared one.
"..."
Soso glanced at the brush and shook her head. Instead, she drew the heavy weight from her side—a pitch-black, solid stone inkstone.
"Wh-what's that? Here to study calligraphy?"
The boss sneered and swung his club. But Soso was faster.
Flash!
Her figure ghosted into the boss's bosom. The inkstone's edge struck his solar plexus at the perfect angle.
Crack—!
A dull yet crisp impact. The sound of bone resonating.
"Guh, ack...!"
The boss flipped his eyes back without even screaming and crumpled. The inkstone was unscratched.
"Sturdy. Fine stationery."
Soso impassively tapped the inkstone against her palm. She looked a hundred times scarier than the club-wielding bandits. The minions freaked and charged.
"Y-you bitch! Kill her!"
But reinforcements arrived from another front.
"Halt! You barbarians with no manners!"
Nokhui stepped up, pushing up her glasses.
"As Master Mencius said, without constant livelihood comes no constant mind—but you, with healthy limbs, torment the people! That's worse than beasts! Did your parents birth you and slurp seaweed soup without regret? Have you no fear of heaven!"
Antitheses and brutal facts poured from Nokhui's mouth like machine-gun fire. The simpleminded Iron Sand Gang thugs plunged into confusion. A nagging assault piercing the eardrums, more painful than blows.
"Argh! My head hurts! What kinda bullshit is this!"
As the minions clutched their ears in agony, Soso danced with her inkstone.
Thwack! Thud! Crack!
Shins, solar plexus, jaws. Precision strikes to vitals with the inkstone's edge. Clean subjugation without a drop of blood.
Some ink splattered from the residue... but better than blood. In moments, a dozen grown men littered the ground.
As the situation cleared and we moved to handle the rest, I spotted Minister Gwak fuming behind us. No need for me—he could take over.
Minister Gwak Jeong-eon strode out, hands behind his back.
"Iron Sand Gang Leader."
Not as burly as General Ma, but his low voice carried the dignity of a former Chief State Tribunals.
The boss, just regaining consciousness after collapsing, would see a grim reaper staring down.
"Statute 12: Occupying official roads. Statute 34: Extortion and intimidation. And..."
Minister Gwak pointed at me.
"Insulting royalty. You deserve extermination of your clans, but by His Highness the Crown Prince's mercy, your lives are spared."
"M-mercy, please! We'll do anything!"
The boss kowtowed, smashing his head on the ground. I tossed in a line from behind.
"Oh? Anything, you say?"
I pointed toward the Yellow River.
"Then come carry stones with us over there."
"Pardon?"
"Yellow River levee site. They're short on laborers and desperate. Perfect—you're strong and tough."
I grinned.
"Unpaid forced labor. But we'll feed you, so no worries. You know what happens if you run?"
The Iron Sand Gang thugs exchanged despairing looks. From extortionists to penniless slaves in one go.
"Alright, General Ma, have these guys tag along. Let's move! We've already covered labor costs."
I boarded the carriage in high spirits. Behind me, Soso dusted her inkstone while Nokhui lectured the bandits on "the sanctity of labor."
The assassin beats with an inkstone, the scholar with her tongue. A chaotic scene, but one I rather liked.