What the Hell Just Happened?
The same damn hamster wheel, spinning over and over. My daily life was unbearably boring. Every single day I wished for something—anything—special to happen, but of course that was never going to occur. All I could really hope for was that the hours would slip by quietly.
The problem was that even quiet days had become impossible. And nothing irritated me more than that particular problem.
Just like right now.
I’d only commented that we were having fried eggs and toast for breakfast. The sigh that slipped out was nothing more than exhaustion from getting home so late last night. But Shin Yujin refused to let even a small remark like that slide.
“I was just saying it out loud. Am I not allowed to talk now?”
“You sighed. You’re sick of having the same breakfast every morning, that’s what that sigh meant.”
“I sighed because I’m tired from yesterday. Why are you always looking for a fight?”
“Forget it. Why do I even bother talking to you?”
From the very start of the morning the atmosphere was heavy, but it had become so routine that we simply sat across from each other and began eating the plainly prepared food in silence.
Home is supposed to be the most comfortable place in the world. Of course, for me it was anything but. It was the one place I wanted to escape as quickly as possible, a space I couldn’t stand to stay in for long.
“Hey, Han Yuchan. Why do you scatter breadcrumbs all over the plate when I hand it to you? I told you not to make a mess.”
“I’ll clean it after I finish eating. It’s not even that much.”
“Clean it now.”
Shin Yujin shoved a wet wipe at me. She practically tossed the single sheet onto the table as if she didn’t even want our fingers to touch. Irritation surged through me and I let out a deep sigh. That was when I noticed the way her hand moved—pressing her thumb against her index finger, cracking the knuckle. It was a habit she’d developed after breaking that finger. She used to think the popping sound was fascinating, and eventually it became automatic. I’d told her countless times that it was a bad habit, but she had stopped listening to me about it since the early days of our marriage.
“Hey, I told you to stop doing that. It’s bad for your finger.”
“It’s a habit. What do you want me to do about it?”
“I’m worried about you and you can’t even respond nicely?”
“Since when do you care enough to worry?”
“What did you just say?”
“Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it feels every time you do that? Just act normal like you always do.”
“If someone heard you, they’d think I never worry about my own wife.”
“Well, don’t you? When have you ever actually paid attention to me?”
“Hey, Shin Yujin!!”
As her voice grew louder, so did mine. It was infuriating. Just sitting across from each other for a meal had become unbearable. Husbands and wives were supposed to comfort one another, supposed to draw strength from being together. So why couldn’t I feel any of that?
“You’re ruining my morning. Forget it.”
“Hey, where are you going? At least finish breakfast.”
“Finish what? It’s the same damn toast and fried eggs every day.”
“You don’t even think about the fact that I still prepare it for you?”
“Just stop making breakfast from now on. I’d rather not eat.”
“What?! Hey, Han Yuchan!! Are you done talking? If you don’t like it, make it yourself!!”
Her voice had climbed to an ear-splitting level, but I ignored every word. I set down the half-eaten toast, threw on my outer jacket, and headed for the front door.
“Hey, you’re coming home late today. Make sure you clean the house before you leave.”
“You’ve been calling me ‘hey’ since earlier. Do you really think that makes the other person feel good?”
“Why are you picking a fight again? It’s not like I’ve only been calling you that for a day or two.”
“Haah, let’s just stop. I’m already exhausted.”
I ignored the words still chasing me from behind and stepped outside. Simply leaving the house was enough—the fresh air seemed to lift the weight that had been pressing down on my body. As expected, home was a suffocating place and my wife was nothing more than someone who oppressed me.
After everyone else had left for the day, I remained alone in the department, finishing the work the manager had dumped on me. I couldn’t understand why he’d waited until yesterday to hand over a project with a deadline at the end of this week.
“That damn manager bastard.”
“Yuchan.”
“What the—when did you get here?”
“Just now.”
“Then make some noise when you come in. You scared me, being the only one left.”
“Scaredy-cat. Here, take this.”
I accepted the bag Hojin held out and peeked inside. A small sandwich and a zero-calorie cola. He must have seen me working alone again and bought snacks.
“Thanks. You’re seriously the only one I can count on.”
“Lots of work?”
“Too much. The manager threw me a project due this week yesterday.”
“Want some help?”
“I’d really appreciate it. I’ll buy you dinner next time.”
Hojin was a friend I’d met during the freshman orientation in our first year of university. After exchanging just a few words, we’d realized we clicked perfectly. We’d stayed close ever since. He really was a good friend, back then and now. When we both got hired at the same company, we’d practically hugged each other in celebration.
“Is it okay if I rest a bit?”
“Sure. Take a nap. You were here working late last night too.”
If Hojin weren’t at this company, I would have quit long ago. Whenever I stayed late, he’d come by to help. And on top of that, he even brought snacks. Where else could you find a friend like that?
“How’s Yujin doing?”
“Huh? Ah… yeah, she’s doing fine.”
“It’s been a while since we last saw each other. Let’s meet up this weekend.”
“If we can. Might not work out.”
We’d been friends for so long that we knew almost everything about each other. Almost. There was exactly one secret I kept from him: that Shin Yujin was my wife. I’d met her back in college through Hojin’s introduction. Thanks to him we’d started dating, then gotten married. There was no way I could tell him what our relationship had become now.
“Now that I think about it, your face looks way older these past few months.”
“It’s because I have too much work.”
“You really got unlucky with that manager. Here, all done.”
“Thanks. Thanks to you, what would’ve taken two more hours only took one.”
“Buy me something expensive. If it’s mediocre I won’t let it slide.”
“Got it, man.”
I left the office with Hojin and took a deep breath of the cold night air. The refreshing chill seemed to sweep cleanly through my lungs and empty out my heavy chest. I should have gone straight home, but my feet refused to move.
“Want me to buy you food now?”
“What? Dinner?”
“Yeah. Let’s grab a late meal before heading back.”
“I’d love to, but it looks like today won’t work. Yerim’s coming home soon.”
“Ah, Yerim? Then it can’t be helped.”
“Yujin’s probably waiting for you too. Hurry home.”
Swallowing my regret, we headed in opposite directions. Since we lived on completely different sides of town, we always parted ways right after leaving the office. The night air felt lonelier than before, and my footsteps only made it heavier. Even though I was on my way home after work, a sigh escaped me automatically.
“Maybe I should’ve just slept at the office.”
I’d reached the point where I could mutter such terrible thoughts without even realizing it. When I finally arrived home, just as expected, every light was off. I only turned on the living room lamp, shrugged off my jacket, and collapsed onto the sofa.
“Haah, I’m so tired. This is fucking exhausting.”
-Beep!! Beep!! Beep!! Beep-beep!!
While I lay on the sofa venting, the sound of the door lock opening reached my ears. I already knew who it was, so I didn’t bother reacting.
“Hey, we agreed that whoever gets home first cleans the house. Why is it still like this?”
Couldn’t she just let things slide for once? Why couldn’t she leave a tired person alone? I had no idea why the first words out of her mouth the moment she stepped inside had to be spoken in that tone. The instant I heard that irritated voice without any greeting, my nerves began to fray.
“I was tired.”
“You can’t even keep a simple promise for that reason?”
“That reason? Shin Yujin, are you done talking? Is my being tired just some minor thing?”
The moment I heard a word I could no longer tolerate, I shot up from the sofa and glared at her. She was staring back at me with a face full of discontent. Seeing that expression made my irritation spike even higher, and my voice sharpened.
“Then I’ll have to clean it again.”
“Just leave it. I’ll do it later.”
“Look at the state of the house. How can you just ignore it?”
The frustration kept rising. I wanted to spit it all out right then and there. But I knew it would only be a waste of emotion and time, so I simply let out a long sigh.
“Haah, forget it.”
“Hey, Han Yuchan!! Where are you going?”
“I don’t want to listen to your voice, so I’m going to stay in the bedroom.”
“Do you think you’re the only one who works? Are you the only tired one? I worked too. I’m tired too.”
“Then just rest. Why get irritated and angry over every little thing?”
The atmosphere was so sharp it felt like we could cut each other’s throats at any moment. Without either of us yielding first, we poured out all the emotions we’d stored up against one another.
“Hey, would it kill you to let something go just once?”
“Then would it kill you to listen to me just once?”
“When have I ever not cleaned? I’m saying I’ll do it after I rest a little.”
“It’s already past nine. When exactly were you planning to do it?”
“Just wait a bit. Why do you always act like this? I said I’m tired.”
“I’m tired too!! I came home exhausted and the house looks like this!”
Once the emotions started pouring out, they refused to stop. And then I said the one thing I should never have said, no matter the situation.
“I really don’t know why I married you.”
“What?! Hey, are you done? How can a person say something like that?”
“It’s because you keep making me sick of you.”
“Hey!! Han Yuchan. I’m not finished talking!!”
I ignored her sharp voice and entered the bedroom, slamming the door shut. I hadn’t even washed up, but I collapsed onto the bed and closed my eyes. If only I could turn back time. If only I could live my life again with these memories intact. How nice that would be.
The darkness before my eyes suddenly began to brighten. It must be morning. I needed to get up and prepare for work, but the reluctance to go to the office kept my body pinned down. Whether it knew how I felt or not, the sunlight continued pouring onto my face.
“Ugh, damn it. Forcing me to wake up.”
I let out a deep sigh and sat up. The moment I did, I realized something was different. For some reason my body felt light. It didn’t feel like I’d been pulling all-nighters for days. And more than anything, the scenery before my eyes—
It felt both unfamiliar and strangely familiar at the same time. This was… the one-room apartment I’d lived in during my university days. While I hesitated, startled by my suddenly changed physical condition and surroundings, my hand knocked the phone off the bed. When I looked toward the fallen device, I saw it wasn’t the model I’d been using just yesterday. It was the exact phone I’d carried back in college.
I swallowed hard and turned it on. The lock screen that appeared showed the date and year. I rubbed my eyes and looked again.
March 15, 2009
Just yesterday it had been July 29, 2023. Was this a dream? Or reality? What the hell just happened?!