Chapter 90
The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 90
Translation: godsn
After exchanging a few more words with him, we concluded our reunion. Alicia might return at any moment, and I couldn't keep leaving a guest of the mansion in this dirty storage room.
As Ethan checked the time and rose to his feet, he asked me:
"By the way, who's Ann? You seemed to be calling Paula that earlier."
"Ah, that's my name."
"When did you change your name?"
"......"
"It just happened. Please call me Ann now."
"I prefer Paula."
"I. Insist."
I emphasized each syllable of my final words. Though he made a displeased face, Ethan eventually nodded in acquiescence.
"You're not going to tell Vincent?"
"No."
"Why not?"
Why not...?
"Because I don't want him to know I was that maid."
"Why? It'd be good if he knew. Actually, come to think of it, Vincent doesn't seem to recognize Paula. That's strange..."
Ethan crossed his arms and sank into thought. There was really nothing strange about it.
"Did you perhaps... deceive him about something?"
"......"
Caught off guard by his sudden question, I hesitated. Ethan's eyes flashed as he stared at me.
"Don't tell me you disguised your face?"
"......"
"Paula."
"He knows me by a different appearance."
At my answer, Ethan let out a deep sigh. Uncharacteristically, his expression darkened completely. His furrowed brows and piercing gaze seemed to scold me, asking why I'd do such a thing.
I had no response. Not because I was wrong, but because it was simply too obvious. How could I possibly be honest about looking like this?
"Lord Ethan. I don't want the master to know who I am. I'd prefer if he never found out. Forever."
"Paula."
"I want to remain a good memory."
"What makes you think knowing Paula's true appearance would ruin that memory?"
"Look at me."
Ethan stared at me as if wondering why I'd say such a thing. Growing even more frustrated, I spread my arms wide, presenting myself. Look at this woman. Look at this worthless, pitiful, ugly dwarf. Look at me, the one everyone used to stare at with horror.
"If that maid from back then turned out to be someone like me, wouldn't you feel disgusted?"
"Is this... all because of your face?"
"Yes."
"So that's why you grew out your bangs. Isn't it?"
Correct. Exactly right.
"Your name too?"
"That too. And... in case someone might come looking for me. You know why I left this mansion."
Remembering our last conversation, he remained silent.
"Do you really think Vincent is the type to judge people by their faces?"
"I don't know. But he'd be disappointed to see this ugly face."
"What nonsense. That's impossible."
"Lord Ethan. Everyone imagines things they're curious about. What's that person like? What does that pretty girl's older sister look like? What did the cheeky maid who nagged me back then actually look like? People picture these things in their minds. And when reality doesn't match their imagination, they feel disappointed."
"Paula."
"I don't want the master to be disappointed."
I don't think Vincent is the type to judge by appearances. But regardless, he's already formed an image of me in his mind.
He must have imagined the face of the maid who stayed by his side when he lived in darkness. Maybe at first, he imagined an ugly face. But I made him imagine me with beautiful features. That was my greed, my shallow pride.
"Vincent wouldn't do that."
"Everyone who's seen my face has reacted that way. They're all shocked when they see me. Some even get angry. The word 'ugly' has always followed me like a label."
"......"
"Lord Ethan. I'll be leaving here soon. Because of the probationary period. There are only a few days left. Once it's over, I won't be coming back here. And I won't... see the master again either. Since we'll be parting anyway, it's better if he doesn't know."
"Is that truly what you want? Do you really, truly want Vincent to remain unaware?"
"Yes. I wish he never knew."
It's okay to remain as a good memory for someone. It's okay to stay beautiful in their mind.
I'm glad Vincent regained his sight. I feel bad for Ethan, but only now did this thought occur to me. If after I left, he had remained shut away in his room or continued living as the blind Count Bellunita, I might have wanted to stay by his side again.
But knowing he's living well allowed me to let go.
"As a pretty face, as a good memory, as part of his past... That's how I want to be remembered."
"......"
"The Young Master wouldn't want to see me again either. I'd just be a stain on his life. And he doesn't need someone like me anymore."
"Paula really hasn't changed at all."
His words felt like a rebuke. We've changed, but you've stayed the same. He's right. Change is unfamiliar and difficult for me. Just because I lived for five years eating sweet cakes laced with poison doesn't mean the core of who I am changed. In the end, I came full circle—back to struggling in goddamn poverty, unable to escape this hell even after that devil's spawn left.
Changing my name and cutting my long bangs to reveal my face didn't mean I'd truly changed. Once the bangs dangling before my eyes grow back, they'll hide me again. Real change is something bigger, something that flips your entire life upside down in an instant.
Like the man who lost his sight and shut himself away, yet found the courage to step outside again. Like the man who trembled in fear of death yet reached out to grasp hope with his own hands. Like the woman who lost her love yet lives on with resilience. Like Ethan, who silently accepted his friend's sacrifice and his brothers' deaths.
I couldn't do that. Only I couldn't.
"I'd hoped you'd live more happily."
"I am happy."
"Truly happy people aren't ashamed of themselves."
I smiled bitterly. This is why I disliked Ethan. People who are perceptive are also skilled at digging into others' hidden feelings. The things I buried deep where even I wouldn't touch—he easily unearthed them and laid them bare before me. Look at this. This is what you've been hiding.
"If that's how Paula truly feels, I won't force the matter."
"Thank you."
"But then again, no one knows what the future holds."
What? At his meaningful words, I looked up at Ethan to see him smiling faintly. Somehow, it was a sly smile. A sense of foreboding surged through me. I desperately willed him not to do anything, but he just kept smiling.
A small face with round eyes widened even further tilted to the left. Then it swayed to the right before tilting quizzically to the left again. Shimmering violet eyes brimmed with curiosity. Plump cheeks lifted slightly before stretching long. I studied the little face before me carefully.
"What? Is there something on my face?"
"No. Nothing..."
Even though I'd been staring blatantly, I pretended not to have seen anything and pointlessly brushed at Robert's trousers. At first, I hadn't felt anything particular, but now my gaze kept drifting to him.
So this little Young Master is Violet's son, huh? Now that I knew, I could definitely see the resemblance—the pale golden hair, the violet eyes, even the unpredictable temperament. Looking closely, if Violet had a son, he'd be exactly like Robert.
After finishing preparations, I headed to the drawing room with Robert and Nanny. Joelli, Vincent, and Ethan were already seated around the table, engaged in lively conversation that looked quite enjoyable.
Robert scampered over to them.
"It's Ethan!"
"Hello, squirt."
Ethan smiled slightly as he picked Robert up and ruffled his hair. Unlike when he'd greeted me, his demeanor was oddly calm. Robert giggled.
"You've grown so much since I last saw you."
"Yeah, I'm big now! I'm not a squirt anymore!"
"Still looks like a squirt to me."
"No—!"
Robert kicked his legs in protest, then stretched both arms up high to show how much he'd grown. Ethan ruffled his hair again. Maybe because he was Violet's son—seeing Ethan play around with him, they seemed to get along well.
Then Robert began looking around as if searching for something.
"Why?"
"Where's Mother?"
"Mother couldn't come with me."
Seeing his bright expression instantly deflate, it seemed he had been secretly hoping for her.
As the mood dipped slightly, Ethan lightened it by saying he'd brought something interesting. When he picked something up from the sofa, Robert perked up. What he held were small stone carvings shaped like animals—several of them, in fact.
Wow. Robert beamed as he took the carvings, turning them over in his hands. Each one was a different animal. The sullenness vanished from his face as he examined them, and I couldn't help but feel a little impressed. Just like Vincent, Ethan seemed skilled at handling Robert.
Ethan noticed me standing by the door and flicked a glance my way. The corners of his lips lifted slightly, so I bowed my head a little.
"Robert, sit here. Audrey, some milk, please."
"Yes."
After Audrey poured the prepared milk into a cup, she placed it in front of Robert. He eagerly grabbed it and took small sips. The nanny hovered nearby, fussing over him.
I stood blankly behind the nanny for a moment before helping Audrey. Meanwhile, Alicia picked up the teapot and was the first to fill Vincent's cup.
"Be careful, it's hot."
Her voice was soft. Alicia poured the tea while stealing glances at Vincent. He, too, flicked a glance her way before lifting his teacup.
Joelli chattered away about the tea—how rare it was, how good it was for the skin. Vincent and Ethan only nodded occasionally, offering no real response. The one who actually reacted was Alicia. " Wow, really? Where did you get it?" Her exaggerated enthusiasm seemed less about genuine interest in the tea and more about inserting herself into the conversation. Audrey quickly shot her a warning look, forcing her to retreat with a disappointed expression.
Come to think of it, Johnny was nowhere to be seen. As I glanced around, Audrey handed me a dessert plate, which I set down on the table. Robert's eyes sparkled. When I cut a piece for him, he snatched it up quickly and grinned. The way he moved so fast when food was involved was adorable, and I couldn't help but smile.
Then my eyes met Vincent's. I immediately wiped the smile off my face and bowed deeply. Yet, I could still feel his gaze lingering. As I turned my head slightly to set down the dessert plate, I caught sight of Ethan sitting beside me.
His stiff expression was unfamiliar. With an elegant posture, he sipped his tea, not a trace of amusement on his face.
Staring at that unreadable expression, I recalled what he had said last time. A bad feeling crept in. When I subtly glared at him, he must have sensed it—his eyes lifted. The rigid expression softened slightly when he saw me. No, actually, he was smirking.
Ethan's lips twitched. "Your stare is intense.""Don't do anything." I mimicked his silent reply, mouthing the words back before picking up a cookie and handing it to him. Take this and please shut up. He must have sensed my desperation because he accepted it, eyes crinkling. "Hmm." But then, of course, he had to add something ominous.
I scowled fiercely. Ethan, who had just taken a bite of the cookie, failed to suppress a chuckle, shoulders shaking. He was definitely mocking me. What was so funny about making someone anxious? Watching him, who had been so stiff just moments ago, now barely holding back laughter, I let out a silent curse.
Somehow, he caught it. Ethan, mid-sip, choked on his tea. The coughing fit was the price for being such a nuisance.
"Oh my, are you alright?"
"Cough, cough—yeah, fine."
"Be careful. The tea's hot."
Joelli fretted, handing him a handkerchief. Ethan wiped his mouth, but I'd already seen him drool. I suppressed the urge to laugh at his clumsiness and calmly stepped back. But when I lifted my head again, Vincent was looking straight at me.
My heart dropped. Had he seen everything just now? Worried, I bowed my head deeply again. Maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in so long—I kept making mistakes. Fidgeting with my clasped hands, I just wished this moment would pass quickly.