Chapter 62
The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 62
Translation: godsn
The floor shook violently. As we entered the mountainous path, the road grew rough. The carriage rattled incessantly, causing the women inside to sway helplessly. I too was preoccupied with trying to maintain my balance as my body lurched from side to side.
All the women in the carriage were strikingly beautiful. With their long hair cascading down to their chests and slender figures, the gathering of such beauties was almost blinding to behold. Though there were some with ordinary looks among them, none were as plain as me—let alone outright ugly.
Fidgeting with my bangs for no reason, I turned to look at Alicia sitting beside me. At first, she had been excitedly scanning the interior of the carriage with bright eyes, but at some point, she began occasionally shooting displeased glances around. Now, she had closed her eyes and was dozing off. I marveled at her courage to sleep in such circumstances. Surely she hadn't already decided to die, had I? I wanted to ask, but knowing the response I'd get wouldn't be pleasant, I held back. 'Give her time to think.'
In the end, I couldn't break Alicia's stubbornness that day. Alicia remained resolute, and through our conversation, I found myself revisiting my own wretchedness.
I didn't entirely agree with Alicia's words. While I did think my life was miserable, I didn't feel any desperate urge to escape this situation. Perhaps I might have in the past, but now, I was oddly content with this comfort.
Yet that didn't mean I didn't need change.
Five years had passed since I left that place. It wasn't a short span of time—enough for a runaway maid to be forgotten, or even presumed dead.
At least while living in the slums, there had been no sign of anyone pursuing or watching me. It might have just been my intuition, but I had a vague certainty that I was no longer in danger. If that was the case, wasn't there even less reason to keep living like this?
The choice was simple. Perhaps it had already been made for me. To let Alicia go and live my own life. No matter how much I elaborated on my relationship with Alicia, no hopeful future awaited us. We would only continue to reproach and hurt each other, and that relationship would never change. In that case, it might be better for us to each live our own lives.
But...
What followed was an endless cycle of torment.
The sleepless nights piled up. Though it was a new place, the prospect of becoming a servant in the Count's household brought back memories of the past, weighing heavily on me. My heart pounded with tension, and my mind was filled with worry and anxiety. Dozens of times a day, I wavered between going and staying.
Then, I had a nightmare. As always, my younger sisters came to see me. They nestled into my embrace. Their bodies were terribly emaciated, and I couldn't feel anything—no warmth, no scent, no texture, nothing.
In my ear, Second Sister whispered softly, "Elder sister, you mustn't run away alone." The moment I heard that, I screamed and woke up. Gasping for breath, I sat up in bed. It was unbearable. My chest felt so tight I didn't even know what I couldn't endure anymore.
Leaning against the wall, I staggered outside when suddenly my fingertips brushed against something hard. Turning my head, I saw a woman reflected in the mirror.
It was the only mirror Alicia had stubbornly insisted on keeping in the house. In it, a woman with thick bangs covering her face was trembling, her lips—the only visible feature—quivering uncontrollably.
When I forced the corners of my lips upward, the woman in the mirror also pulled her lips into a smile. It was an unbearably awkward expression, as unfamiliar as if she had never properly smiled before. Her chapped lips exhaled short, tense breaths. The raised corners of her mouth soon lost strength and drooped back down. The smiling face quickly twisted into one on the verge of tears.
Hesitantly, I flipped my bangs back. The hideous face I loathed appeared before me. This face had helped me survive, but it had also condemned me to a lifetime of discrimination and scorn. I never asked for it—I was simply born this way, and for that, I had to endure such a life. That was why I hated my face, why I couldn't stand to look at it.
The newspaper article I'd seen last time came to mind. That man was living well. Everyone was living well. So shouldn't I start living well too now?
The demon spawn who'd shackled my life was dead, and the hateful Third Sister was leaving too. Now I had the right to choose my own life. No—it had been in my hands from the very beginning. Yet my life remained bound by the past.
I was still trapped in that hell.
Tears welled up and streamed down my cheeks before I knew it. I covered my face with both hands. Not a single sob escaped me. Because I knew I didn't have the right. Poor little sisters. I'd whispered those words while cradling the youngest, her neck snapped when she was still a newborn. On that final night, I'd stroked Second Sister's tear-streaked face and repeated those same words. I'd held Fourth Sister, who'd closed her eyes alone with an empty stomach, and could only lament the cruel fate she'd suffered in her stead.
That was all I could do.
That was all I had been able to do.
Now it was Third Sister. But I couldn't turn away from her either. Because she was the only one left—my sister. "I'll go with you."
"Really?" Alicia asked, as if she couldn't believe it. I nodded firmly.
"But the moment anything feels dangerous, we run."
"O-okay. I will."
"I'll bolt at the slightest hint of trouble. I don't want to die."
"I said I got it!"
After repeating my warnings to Alicia several times, we finally decided to go together. When she mentioned it was a count's estate, I wondered if it was the same place I'd worked before, but thankfully, it wasn't.
"The Stella Count's Estate, was it?"
I'd never heard of the family. Had such a count even existed? Then again, what did I know? The important thing was that it wasn't a place I was familiar with.
As we prepared to leave, we packed lightly. Not that there was much to pack—just one bag each. Alicia had some clothes she hadn't sold off yet, so her bag was somewhat filled, but mine was even emptier.
On the day of our departure, I stood before the mirror one last time. Steeling myself, I raised the scissors in my hand. The sharp snip-snip sounded eerie.
When I stepped outside, Alicia, rubbing her sleepy eyes, took one look at me and gasped in shock. Her widened eyes blinked rapidly, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. I'd expected this reaction, but that didn't make it any less awkward. As I hurried her along, she grabbed my arm to stop me.
"Y-you—you're seriously planning to go out like that?" She even stumbled over her words, which was rare.
"Yeah. This is how I'm going out now."
"You're insane!" Alicia shouted. I gave her an awkward smile at her horrified reaction. Was it really that strange? I touched my bare face. The bangs that brushed against my fingertips were now short enough to graze my eyebrows.
I'd cut off the long bangs I'd once clung to so desperately to hide my face.
"It's already done. Can't grow it back now."
"Don't you feel ashamed?"
"I'm going to pretend I don't."
"It's embarrassing!"
I ignored Alicia as she kept yelling about how embarrassing it was. This had been a big decision for me too. It wasn't like I could glue the hair back on just because she found it humiliating.
Even though we were going to a new count's estate, that didn't mean I had no worries. What if someone there recognized me? Of course, I might just be overthinking it, but jobs in service tended to circulate among the same circles. And there was no guarantee that misfortune wouldn't come knocking at my door again.
In the past, I'd always hidden my face behind long bangs—even when I'd been employed at the Bellunita family's mansion. Though I couldn't say it was a perfect disguise, at the very least, no one had gotten a proper look at my face. Going out like this, no one would recognize me as that runaway maid. I'd stand out, sure, but even a slight change in appearance could make a person look entirely different.
In short, it was a precaution.
"Don't tell anyone I'm your sister either."
"Fine by me. Don't call me by my real name from now on."
"Huh? Why your name too?"
"Just because."
That was another precaution.
Ever since I'd left that mansion, I'd been using a fake name. If someone was chasing me, revealing my real name would be dangerous. Thankfully, no one cared about the names of lowborn folk like me. As long as the work got done, it didn't matter who you were. So I'd never bothered much about my name before, but since this new place might be different, I figured I'd better remind her.
"You know I have another name, right? Keep calling me that. Got it?"
"Why should I?"
"Because I like that name better."
"Are you out of your mind?"
Alicia made a weird face, staring at me like I was some kind of lunatic. Ignoring her bewildered gaze, I made sure she understood what I'd said before heading to the meeting place.
There were about a dozen people gathered there. Not just women, but men were present as well. Most were pretty or handsome, though a few had rather ordinary looks. They'd said bringing a companion was allowed, and while appearances seemed to factor into the selection, they clearly weren't the sole deciding factor.
Still, I didn't let my guard down.
The assembled crowd either chatted in pairs or idly glanced around with nothing to do. As soon as we joined the group, two carriages rolled up.
The mysterious men in black stepped out to greet us. They swept their gazes over the gathered people before dividing them by gender and directing each group into separate carriages.
The carriages didn't even have windows—nothing to look at outside. People passed the time by dozing off or reading books.
It was a long, tedious stretch. By the time the once-bright sun had sunk low, the carriage still hadn't stopped moving even once.
My mind jolted as much as the rattling carriage. This didn't feel like a normal road. Where exactly were we headed? Was it really okay to follow along quietly? What if we were being sold off somewhere? I glanced around at the others, but their faces were calm, worry-free—only deepening my confusion.
Yet, the more the carriage jostled, the more my unease grew. Should I just throw the door open and bolt? The thought kept surging up unbidden.
Then, abruptly, the carriage lurched to a halt.
We must have arrived.
As the carriage stopped, the dozing passengers stirred awake one by one. I shook Alicia's shoulder to rouse her.
Just then, the carriage door swung open, and a man gestured for us to step out. The others poured out eagerly, stretching stiff limbs. Alicia yawned and climbed down, and I followed close behind.
The first thing I saw was the dense wall of trees surrounding us. After what felt like endless travel, we must have ventured deep into the forest. Who'd have thought a mansion would be tucked away in a place like this?
And there, in the heart of the woods, stood a massive, opulent mansion. The moment I took in its staggering size, my breath caught in my throat.
"Wow, it's incredible."
Alicia, rarely one for awe, tilted her head all the way back with a sigh. The others, too, couldn't tear their eyes away from the mansion's grandeur and beauty. Unbidden gasps escaped them.
"Alright, ladies to the right, gentlemen to the left."
Two men stood on either side, waving their hands. At their direction, the group split again into men and women. Waiting for them were an elderly woman and man, respectively. My past experience told me these two were the head stewards overseeing the male and female servants.
Alicia and I lingered at the back of the group. My heart pounded violently. The hand gripping my bag's handle was slick with sweat. I swallowed dryly several times, but the tension refused to ease. Anxiety and restlessness tangled with a strange, bubbling excitement, making it hard to steady my emotions. Even so, a part of me thrummed with anticipation for this new life.
At least it was dark out. If Alicia saw my flushed face, she might start teasing me about regretting coming here—and I didn't need that right now.