Chapter 10
The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 10
Translation: godsn
"How am I supposed to overcome something irreversible? No matter how hard I try, nothing changes. How the hell am I supposed to keep living in this hell?"
A grinding sound of teeth scraping against each other echoed, and the figure that had been curled up suddenly straightened. The sheet draped over his head slipped down, revealing his face. My eyes widened in shock. His forehead was stained red.
"Your forehead...."
He grabbed my hand as it floundered uselessly in the air. Startled, I turned to look at him, only for him to seize my face roughly. His long, disheveled bangs were pushed back.
Instinctively, I shoved him away. Stop this! Don't—!
"Let go—!"
"Look at me!"
He tried to grip my wrist and face, but I twisted my body to evade his grasp. In the struggle, I ended up falling onto the bed. Swiftly, he climbed over me, as if determined to pin me down.
His tangled bangs kept falling away, exposing his face. Don't look. Please don't look at me. I pushed at his face, struck his shoulders, tried everything to shove him off—but it was useless. As I twisted my body in a desperate attempt to escape, he caught my face.
His dry fingers tangled in my hair, gripping it as if he meant to tear it out. A sharp pain made me whimper, and he leaned in close, his voice a furious shout.
"Look at me!"
Only then did I open my eyes and meet his gaze.
Our ragged breaths mingled. As I stared into his murky emerald eyes, I remembered—he was blind.
Right. This man can't see me. He can't see me. A wave of relief crashed over me.
"How am I supposed to live like this? What am I supposed to believe in? Do you think you understand my heart? Do you? The terror of seeing nothing—do you know that? The suffocating frustration of not knowing whether someone holds goodwill or poison toward me, whether they want to tear me apart or protect me—how could you possibly understand any of that?!"
His wide, pale eyes were filled with venom. The hands gripping my face trembled. It wasn't fear. It was resentment.
"My life is a failure. There's no light left in front of me now."
He was lamenting his fate.
"If you just try...."
He scoffed. So this is all you have to offer? His eyes brimmed with disappointment.
"Stay strong, you can do it, if you try, you'll overcome it—I'm sick of hearing that garbage. It's all empty words in the end. You can spout that nonsense so easily because you're not blind like me. Don't give me that laughable drivel. My eyes will never see again."
Every word was spat out with seething anger. His ragged breaths carried the weight of his terror.
"And what exactly am I supposed to try? What can a blind cripple even do...?"
His face twisted further, looking pitiful. Like a child left alone in an empty place. How could someone with so much wealth, honor, and power look so utterly sorrowful? I could only guess at his grief—I couldn't truly understand it.
He was right. In the end, I was just an outsider.
"So you want to die? Alone, wasting away like this?"
"Is that not allowed? Between life and death, can't I choose death?"
"You can."
"......"
I raised my hand and gripped the back of his, still holding my face. His skin was as cold as ever.
"You can choose that."
I could have spouted hollow, pretty words. I didn't—because his pain ran too deep. So I stopped. Offering him comfort would have been nothing but arrogance.
"You're right. Reality isn't a fairy tale. They say God only gives people trials they can endure, but I don't believe that. How could anything be this hard? Whether to keep enduring or not—that's my choice to make. Since you're wielding that freedom, there's nothing I can do about it."
"......"
"Just let me know before you die. I'd hate to suddenly have to clean up a corpse."
I needed time to mentally prepare too.
I peeled his hand away from my face and pushed against his chest. This time, he easily fell back. I quickly slipped out from under him.
The moonlight outside the window was still dazzling. Enough that I wanted to show him. But even if I drew those curtains, that light would never reach Vincent.
"I'll stay by your side until then."
When I looked back, Vincent wore a dazed expression.
"You're not afraid of me, are you? You can kill me anytime you want. Like I said before, no one will come seeking revenge if I die. You don't need to worry."
"......"
"And let me add one more thing—you're wrong, Master. Sometimes the seeing world can be more horrifying."
Like the mother who abandoned the child she birthed and fled. Like my siblings who starved in poverty, beaten to death by Father, or sold to brothels by our own father's hands.
Like my own life.
"You have so much, Master. You have tomorrow. So why not try, even just a little, while you can still breathe? To live even one more day happily?"
"...... It's all pointless."
"I'm not saying you need to do anything drastic. Just... try doing things as if they're your last. Whatever that may be. Eating proper meals, bathing in warm water, wearing fresh clothes, stepping outside your room."
"......"
"If it gets too frightening, you can always retreat again. You have this space to hide in. You can hunker down here until you calm down, then try again when you're ready. With your wealth, your power, servants who care for you—what's there to be so afraid of in this grand mansion?"
"All of it... is terrifying. The wealth, the power, the attention, this mansion."
"Better than having none."
At least you can run away.
"I think you're mistaken about something, Master. A life without those things is far more frightening."
I'd often seen people like him who couldn't see. Newborns abandoned by parents for being born blind, elders who had their eyes gouged out by disease, young breadwinners who lost their sight in accidents but still had families to feed. They too had to live forever in darkness like Vincent. Yet they couldn't huddle in comfortable rooms like his.
They had to labor to survive. For them, hunger was more terrifying than the fear of blindness. Enduring scorn and ridicule, begging just to breathe one more day.
Everyone lives in their own hell.
Some from poverty, some from cruel parents, some from tragic accidents, some from sightless lives—yet all face tomorrow.
"Change comes gradually, step by step. Whatever form it takes. Like how light still finds its way into this dark room."
"......"
"Did you know the moon in the sky right now is breathtakingly beautiful?"
Enough that I wish you could see it.
Maybe then you'd reconsider dying.
Vincent still didn't lift his head at my words, cocooning himself tightly in the sheets again. I reached out and tilted his face upward. A sliver of light seeped into his murky emerald eyes.
Beautiful.
His eyes shimmered, catching and holding the moonlight.
This was the first time I had ever been this close to someone. Everyone always looked at me with horror in their eyes, so I spent my days avoiding people's gazes, keeping my head bowed.
My younger sister Alicia would often shoot me looks of embarrassment. Father would click his tongue whenever he saw my face. I was afraid to meet their eyes. That's why I never cut my bangs—my long hair could at least partially hide my ugly face.
But now.
"Don't lower your head."
My heart pounded. Maybe it's okay. It's not like this man can even see me anyway. I can be honest. So, for the first time, I faced someone closely.
Just as his emotions reached me, I wanted mine to reach him.
"This is real."
I brushed my fingers over his reddened forehead. His skin was torn and bruised. Had he been so terrified of his nightmares that he'd smashed his head against the wall? Just to keep himself from falling asleep. Maybe he wanted to know this was reality.
"Be brave."
You might not like it, but I'm going to try. There's no going back anyway—not since I was sold for gold coins.
Whether I live or die, it'll be here.
By the side of this blind master.
In secret.
His emerald eyes flickered with confusion. Then, slowly, his trembling fingers cupped my face. His unfocused gaze gradually shifted and locked onto mine.
Our eyes met.
"You..."
And in that instant, a powerful force wrenched my face to the side. Huh? Before I could react, my vision flipped. My body was flung backward. Thud! A sharp, familiar pain exploded at the back of my skull.
What... what just happened?
I lay on the floor, blinking rapidly. This felt familiar.
"I've noticed this before—you talk too much nonsense."
A calm voice rang out. Only then did I gather my dazed thoughts and push myself up. He was lying on the bed again, the sheet draped over him as before. The trembling, nightmare-ridden figure from earlier was gone.
"Didn't anyone teach you to watch your mouth?"
And now, a composed warning.
For a moment, I was stunned by his usual, insufferable demeanor. What kind of situation was this?
"Be more careful next time."
"...... I'll keep that in mind."
So, his filthy temper was back, huh.
Rubbing the back of my throbbing head, I glared at his now-serene face. He narrowed his eyes slightly.
"Stop staring. Unless you want me to pluck them out."
Yeah, yeah, he's sharp about these things. I immediately lowered my gaze as warned. My energy drained away. Slumping my shoulders, I let out a dry sigh.
I watched as he buried his face in the pillow, then got up. Just as I took a single step toward the door—
"Where are you going?"
"Ah, I was going back to my room."
"Why?"
"Huh?"
"You said you'd stay until I calmed down."
"You seem plenty calm now."
"Not at all. My heart's still pounding from all that 'I'll stay by your side' nonsense. Terrifying."
"......."
Seriously?! After I said something nice! I bristled but bit my tongue, remembering exactly who I was dealing with.
"Stay here. Until I fall asleep."
"Yeah, yeah."
My half-hearted reply made him scowl. Ignoring him, I plopped back onto the floor and glared at the moon through the curtains, imagining beating him up in my head.
From behind me came the sound of steady breathing.
The peaceful rhythm lasted for a long, long time.