Chapter 180
Chapter 180
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 180
Chapter Title: Dog Food Star (1)
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Jurchens, Satsuma folk, Ryukyuans, Englishmen...
They weren't even people—they were barbarians. After all, weren't they just subhuman races missing the rites of propriety from true humanity? Zhu Xi himself said as much, so it had to be true.
Those barbarians were slaughtering each other. I watched the spectacle while munching on something like popcorn, courtesy of a distant cousin in the slave trade.
They had corn in Joseon too, and when I tried popping it, the results were surprisingly good—better than I'd hoped. Earlier, when I first arrived, I'd brought some along, and even Ishiyo liked it.
Kim Eungseok, the Jeju garrison commander who'd come along as my bodyguard and naval advisor (I had no idea how to command a navy), was sneaking glances my way.
If you want some, just say so. I generously handed him a fistful.
But Kim Eungseok didn't take it. Instead, he brought up something else.
"Still, if we just sit here doing nothing, won't we get grilled later? I hear the South Sea Naval Commander has the world's greatest martial arts..."
"Why should we spill blood when barbarians are killing barbarians? If it's to save precious lives, I'll take all the heat myself—so don't worry, Commander."
Kim Eungseok seemed speechless in the face of my advanced human rights sensibilities.
And we were fighting, in a way. We were cheering them on enthusiastically from a safe distance beyond cannon range.
If by some fluke the English won, I'd bust out my English skills and immediately sue for peace à la Kang Hongrip. But no matter the gap in ship quality, with numbers this lopsided, even Yi Sun-sin couldn't save the British fleet.
Yet as the battle dragged on, my hunch was leaning toward "maybe there is an Yi Sun-sin over there."
Wait—Nelson? Was Nelson even from this era? I set down the popcorn and peered through my telescope with renewed focus.
Admiral Hyde Parker—not three-year-old Horatio Nelson—was trembling with excitement.
The line formation was working brilliantly. Especially the Endeavour, which he'd never expected much from; it maneuvered even more precisely than the Argo. He decided to revise some of his prejudices about James Cook.
Of course, the main firepower came from his own Edgar-class ship of the line, HMS Panther.
Its twenty-four 24-pounders and twenty-six 12-pounders unleashed a merciless storm of steel.
The Chinese ships, with their short range and sparse guns per vessel, couldn't even close in. If any got close, they'd shatter under a hail of small-caliber fire.
Even so, this was 18th-century cannon and shot—predictable stuff. Parker had no delusions of physically annihilating the entire Chinese fleet.
The effect he'd hoped for soon showed up in the lookout's reports.
"Chinese warships breaking off en masse! Twelve ships turning southwest! Correction—twenty! Over twenty ships fleeing the battlefield!"
"Just as I thought—a ragtag mob scraped together in a hurry. Excellent! Gentlemen, a little more and victory is ours. We'll smash fifty times our number!"
No one asked what would happen to the East India Company or their tea afterward—James Flint wasn't here to point it out.
Anyway, Parker was a soldier, and victory was a soldier's only goal. Plus, the Chinese had fired first.
Crushing 150 enemy ships (that's how he'd report it) with just three was the stuff of legends—even in glorious British naval history, nothing like it.
And Admiral Parker's luck didn't end there.
The next moment brought him a chance to smash not fifty times, but a hundred times his number.
It wasn't that the Qing navy lacked ships—just that they didn't bother labeling every one a warship. The scale of vessels along China's southeast coast this era was beyond measure.
With the Grand Canal and coastal trade fueling a continental economy, China had no need for some "Age of Discovery."
Even among wealthy shipowners, it wasn't rare to find ones with 50 to 100 ocean-going junks. And even without that, plenty of former sailors turned captains owned 10 to 20.
A "fleet of 200 warships" scraped together by hitting up a few rich houses wasn't even an "overly ambitious expedition."
Compared to the 3 million taels of silver loyal Yangzhou merchants voluntarily covered every time the Qianlong Emperor toured Jiangnan (he repaid them with his poetry), this was pocket change.
Just skip one Jiangnan trip next time. The Qianlong Emperor loved his people.
Of course, that was his view—his ministers were sane and deeply worried.
They worried plenty, but dared not voice it.
Dismissing the emperor's actions as pure madness was unfair too. Half-hearted armies, fretting over every detail, had led to the bitter failure against the Dzungars.
"That bastard calls himself an official?" If the Dzungars slapped them in front and Satsuma raped their favorites behind, imperial dignity would crumble—and heads would roll.
So not a single official even pretended to dissuade the emperor.
Ishiyo, as fleet commander, naturally knew his reinforcements "hadn't all arrived yet."
That's why he'd stubbornly endured the British barrage without batting an eye at the deserters.
Now, with 100 fresh ships bolstering his ranks, Ishiyo squeezed the British again.
Soon, Parker faced the perennial Chinese foe.
"Out of ammunition!"
Send 1,001 men for every thousand enemy bullets—that's China for you.
Parker barely rallied his fraying nerves.
"Prepare fire hoses and boarders! Stay calm! They can't board a behemoth like this from those tubs!"
True enough—for everyone except his flagship Panther.
"Three Chinese ships closing on the Argo! Hits confirmed!"
"Signal from Endeavour—requesting permission to withdraw!"
The Endeavour was especially small compared to the Chinese heavies. The Argo was vital too, but losing the Endeavour—with its roster of European VIPs—would socially kill Parker.
The admiral gritted his teeth.
"...Wind direction?"
"South-southwest! Quite strong!"
Spring's herald. With blood in his mouth, Parker commanded.
"Disengage from the battlefield. We'll cover the rear—head north until the tailwind dies!"
The wind blew equally on the Chinese.
And while gunnery favored the West, sailing? Junks were a match. Ishiyo pursued without hesitation.
Luckily for the British, the chase didn't last. As they neared Hangzhou up north, most ships slunk home.
But the cost to the British fleet was steep.
Argo nearly wrecked, Panther's sails ablaze and ruined. Even tiny Endeavour had Chinese pirates swarming the decks at one point.
Weapons? A chaotic mess. Some hauled out swords, axes, short muskets that barely fit under clothes. Others, too broke for arms, showed off bare-fisted kung fu.
Unlike the Boxers, it actually worked this time.
Partly because the guy had trained hard in Dongchun Gong, but mostly because Endeavour was a science vessel packed with civilians.
"Argh! I'm dying!"
"Professor!"
Nevil Maskelyne, Greenwich Observatory director, was the top expert on stellar orbits—but not fists to the jaw.
If his assistant Charles Green hadn't stabbed the pirate from behind with some random rod, screaming like a madman, Venus transit observations would've been DOA.
Even Captain James Cook swinging pistol and cutlass barely repelled them. But beyond Ryukyu-bound colleagues, one problem loomed.
The British fleet, navigation crippled, had drifted far north into unknown waters.
They knew China lay west—didn't mean they wanted to go there. So the three ships drifted for days, pretending to deliberate.
This era, over half of East Asian driftwood ended up in Joseon.
Meanwhile, Richard King, who'd crushed the Satsuma siege in a flash and watched from Shuri Castle, saw the Qing reinforcements and Parker's flight clear as day.
Captain King decided on the spot.
"We bail. Chinese—or Ryukyuan port guards—will be back soon. Word is there's a smaller harbor just north (Maki port, ~5km north of Naha). We'll seize a ship there."
James Flint hurriedly added his British flair.
"Take the king hostage while we're at it!"
Tempting, but King shook his head after a thought.
"Too conspicuous. We might avoid attack, but everyone'd know where we're headed. Let's misdirect instead."
Moments later, King Shō Boku barely escaped blazing Shuri Castle and collapsed.
Forgetting dignity, he wailed face-down.
"You barbarous scum! I won't forgive you—ever!"
His officials chewed their rage alongside him. Never dreamed worse than Satsuma existed.
Joseon, Japan, China—now Ryukyu. East Asia united in isolationism that instant.
As Qing victory solidified, Kim Unhaeng joined in. The loudest piper and drummer chasing the British, he returned to Ryukyu far ahead of the rest.
Then strode into Naha with commander Ishiyo.
Troops entering civilian zones meant looting—but with the capital aflame, even "liberators" couldn't prioritize business. The Joseon-Qing Ryukyu Liberation Force focused on firefighting first.
King Shō Boku, ragged as a refugee, led his officials to kowtow before the emperor's edict.
From his view, Qing arrival saved his kingdom from doom. Worth every bit of that Manchu calligraphy sweat. He'd even ponytail his hair now.
Ishiyo, though, couldn't relax like Shō Boku.
Half a day's probe revealed too many oddities.
Brits invading Shuri, binding the king, torching it? Fine—Englishmen gonna English.
But fighting Satsuma—their "allies"—and beheading Ryukyu's vice commissioner Jai Banbu? Made no sense. Why fight your own side?
Ishiyo racked his memory. Objectively, Brits hadn't attacked until Qing guns closed in.
He glanced around.
"Summon South Sea Naval Commander Kim Unhaeng of Joseon."
Impressed by my isekai hero vibes—or maybe the popcorn—Ishiyo sat across from me. True to a conqueror, he'd upgraded it with sugar.
"—So I worry if England and Satsuma weren't allies after all, and this was needless friendly fire."
And you don't want your head rolling to the emperor either, huh?
Suspicious Brits? You flagged it first—help me brainstorm, or we both end up executed side by side?
I opted to reassure Ishiyo first.
"First off, England dared fire on heavenly troops. You saw it yourself, Governor-General, right?"
"I did?"
"Yes. You did."
Ishiyo stared blankly, then nodded furiously. No hypnosis app—proof he had the wisdom for the moment.
"Right! Exactly. I saw it with my own eyes. But why'd England and Satsuma fight?"
"Simple. Zhu Xi's teachings make it crystal clear."
Qing lacked rites and culture now. So I became the great power's teacher, kindly lecturing Ishiyo on Hua-Yi distinction solutions.
Right after mission-accomplished Kim Unhaeng left Ryukyu, Ishiyo filed his report. He wrote exactly as Kim dictated—no delays.
Reports can't ramble or complicate. Even a brand-new superior must grasp them fast and clear. That's the bureaucrat's job. Efficiency's the bureaucracy's edge.
Ishiyo knew that. His concise report was a breeze to read.
Sea went like this:
<Satsuma learned of Ryukyu affairs and dared defy the Celestial Dynasty. Lacking strength, they colluded with an English fleet—fresh from a northern port raid (James Flint's plausible Tianjin detour after Yokohama expulsion). England raged with cannon fire, but Jiangnan valor crushed and routed them.>
Land like this:
<Meanwhile, English deceived and seized the Ryukyu king in the capital. When Satsuma bandits arrived, they fought over spoils and killed each other. As proven by Joseon South Sea Commander Kim Unhaeng—barbarian thieves act thus, nothing surprising. Realizing they couldn't resist heaven's might, the ocean barbarians horrifically torched the capital and fled.>
As Ishiyo hoped, Qianlong got it instantly.
Response was swift.
"Demolish Guangzhou's Yuehai Pass. Expel all Westerners without exception. Ban trade until their merchants repent."
Generous mercy. Brits might gripe over eternal tea ban, but Qianlong saw it as excessive grace.
Like mobilizing 200 ships, he always heeded Dzungar lessons.
Make enemies everywhere, and quests fail to interference.
Qianlong wasn't a muddled tyrant. He stuck to goals.
"Hurry the Eight Banners and Green Standards from Zhejiang and Henan to Hangzhou. With seas pacified, march on Ryukyu then Satsuma once assembled."
Think Ryukyu liberation ends it? Wrong.
Dzungars escaped his grasp—Satsuma wouldn't. Kyushu's an island; no fleeing like nomads.
Not Yuan, not Sejong's Joseon. Unlike those era-bound powers who shelved pirate hunts, Qing was an 18th-century modern empire.
The emperor's wrath tsunami'd Japan via upended East China Sea.
"If Japan's king (shogun) foolishly buys Tokugawa lies and backs Satsuma, I'll charge him with aiding rebels too."
Back on Jeju, Kim Unhaeng met South Sea Marine Superintendent Han Jungnyang.
Similar to Ishiyo but amping his and South Sea Fleet feats, Kim's dispatch was smoothly accepted.
"As expected of the Spring Strategy's master. One trip and the noisy south quiets instantly! When the emperor conquers Japan, Chinese and Japanese'll flock here—no direct enemy ties, after all."
Kim Unhaeng grudgingly agreed. Unavoidable.
Then nailed down Jeju trade partners.
"But those England blowhards yelling about Joseon? None'll show. Wherever they fled, Tianjin or Shanghai docking means capture. They don't even know where Joseon is—starving at sea, they'll turn to familiar Qing ports."
"Likely. Shame—no English ships."
"No need to covet their warships. Useless against merchants and pirates—what good are they?"
Kim trashed Parker's honor in the mud. Han smacked his lips.
"Still, wanted a peek. Sixty guns means big and sturdy..."
Then Jeju commander Kim Eungseok burst in, gasping.
Han asked, "What is it?"
Kim croaked like a throttled man.
"Urgent from Jeolla Right Sea Fleet. Three English capital ships off Geomundo!"
Han whipped around. First time seeing Kim Unhaeng that shocked.
Author's Notes
1. Corn entered way before potatoes or sweet potatoes, already in China and Joseon by story time. Popcorn's ancient too—even Native Americans loved it.
But good popcorn needs "exploding kernels" (not modern imports). Joseon's native "rat-tooth corn" fits. Kim just popped some by chance. Exact settling date unknown, but assumed present in 18th-century Joseon here.
2. Shipowners with ~100 vessels: late Kangxi-era Zhang Yuanlong. 10+ owners from sailor backgrounds: Yizheng merchants. All Shanghai. Records from drifter interrogations imply many such folk. (Ref: Matsuura Akira, 2010, Research on Qing Dynasty Junk Coastal Shipping History.)
3. Of 284 East Asian drifters 17th-19th centuries, 186 hit Joseon. Same ref analyzes Dongmunhuigo (Joseon), Nagasakizhi (Japan), Yeokdaebogan (Ryukyu). Joseon detail or actual currents? Currents suggest possible.
4. Shanghai Dongfang Shinmun feature "Mighty Cannons and Warships vs. Imperial Troops: Qing Pirates' Final Madness" notes bare-handed fighters among them.
5. Nevil Maskelyne and Charles Green originally sailed separately—1761 (St. Helena) and 1769 (Tahiti). Mentor-mentee-ish, but not chummy like most such pairs.