Orcs Hate Female Knights
"Sssshhh~"
It had been days since the relentless downpour finally stopped, and this was the first refreshing morning we'd had. The sun, always hanging high in the sky, shone down on the damp forest, and that unique fresh air—only available at this hour—flowed through my nose, down my throat, into my lungs, and spread throughout my body. I always felt it, but damn, I loved this crispness in the air. To be precise, it was that humid scent? Compared to the blood-soaked stench and rotting flesh I'd smelled enough of back on the old battlefields, this was heaven!
"Ahem."
Was I still not over it? The war had ended ages ago, so why the hell was I still dwelling on those days, replaying them in my head? I'd nearly lost myself reminiscing about those blind, mad times. It wasn't even all that great. The military really fucks people up. Once is enough, but twice? No wonder I'm half-crazy. And what good does thinking about it do? Revenge? Rush off like a lunatic yelling that they killed everyone except me? With just an axe? Thud.
Suddenly, everything felt so damn empty. 'Above all, I don't even feel any urge for revenge... Hell, I never did.' Everything has causes and effects. Wars have winners and losers, and we lost. End of story. Simple as that. Whether humans or us, the law of the jungle rules: the strong take all, the weak lose everything. It's the tradition from the dawn of time, etched into the instincts of every creature in this world. And it doesn't just apply to beasts. We think we're above animals, strutting around like we're superior, but the second it's time to claim our rights or grab some gain, we're no different from wild dogs. Hell, we preach how we're better than animals while hoarding more than we need based on that very law of the jungle. At least dumb beasts, after winning a fight and taking spoils, only grab enough to fill their bellies—they don't get greedy beyond their capacity or fight each other for more. Right?
"Ow...."
Was it the random morning thoughts? I hadn't noticed the spike sticking out of the tree stump I was sitting on. My ass stung like hell—must've lodged deep, 'cause it barely even touched. Fuck. "Hup! Hup!" Like an orc zapped by a thunderbolt, I stiffened up like a drawn bowstring, twisting every which way to pull the damn thorn from my butt, but nothing worked. Worst of all, the cursed thing was just out of arm's reach.
"Fuck it, I'm done."
Sure, I'd regret it later, but what can you do when you can't even reach it? And I sure as shit couldn't ask anyone to pull it out. Not that there was anyone to ask. I lived here alone! Raging alone, bitching alone, giving up alone—no one to vent to. But honestly, I wasn't that pissed. I was already living on borrowed time in this place, one wrong move from death. Complain about that? Really?
Chirp chirp!
"Ah."
The cheerful birdsong snapping me out of my daze. What the hell was I doing, acting like a madman? I had a ton of shit to do today!
"Gotta patch the fence. Check the traps I set the other day. And the garden? Better make sure it's still intact."
A wild animal must've smashed the fence a couple days back, so I'd done a quick fix, but yesterday's rain delayed the proper repair. Today, I had to get to it by lunchtime at the latest. Morning routine: head deep into the forest to check the traps from last night. Fingers crossed for a deer—or hell, even a rabbit. Otherwise, breakfast was potatoes again: baked, boiled, mashed, fistfuls of 'em till I puked. For once, I found myself praying to a god I'd never believed in—not even on the battlefield or in my past life—just to avoid potato hell as I pushed through the underbrush.
"Ow, fuck."
Twigs slapping my face were annoying as shit. Why do these animals only travel through the most inaccessible spots? I was hunting for my meal, but at this rate, the trek would wear me out more than eating nothing. If it were just nuts and berries, fine, but their main paths always went through thorny bushes and brambles. Packed with spikes. Screw it, head home? Nah...
".....Ah."
Another parade of baked potatoes, boiled ones, mashed, fistfuls flashed by, and suddenly the twigs didn't sting anymore. Yeah, at least I found an animal trail. If not, I'd be munching grass till I withered away alone. A few thorns? I could handle that. Better than dying with grass stuck in my teeth, heh. Rustling through the spikes, I finally hit the trail. Right, this was where I set the snare...
"What the fuck?"
Signs something got caught, but no animal. Just bones. Rabbit-sized. Where the hell did the meat go, leaving only bones?
"Puuuuh...."
Goblin brats passing by and snatching it for a roast? There was a bear den nearby, but the charred-black bones ruled that out. No animal did this.
"I'm gonna kill those little shits...."
Goblins are such a pain. One alone is bad enough; a pack is a nightmare. They don't build shit (don't even think to), don't farm, just steal and raid. They swarm in hordes, jumping any traveler, killing, eating, or snatching women for their caves. Word is, the horny ones can't control themselves and shove their tiny jalapeños up anything—men included. Weakest of the weak pulling that crap, so imagine the higher-ups. There's a saying: the shrimp embarrasses the whole market with its bullshit. Humans lump us orcs in with goblins 'cause the bottom-feeders are rotten, assuming we're all the same.
'Monsters are creatures that kill, eat, and fuck humans till they drop dead.' That's the prejudice they'll carry to their graves. Not entirely wrong, but don't judge us by goblins after seeing them! Hurts the pride! Anyway, point is, goblins ruined the monster rep. Orcs? Well... can't deny we've killed, looted, raped humans. I did it too, being an orc. But in our defense, we only claimed spoils from war—not random impulses. Well, I didn't, but others... War gets you hyped after a bloody fight, blood boiling, so jumping other races' females... Ahem! Point is, we only do it during wars. Don't compare us to those unproductive thug goblins fucking anything in sight. Again: we earned it fighting for our lives, not just ramming whoever's around when we get hard. Orcs surprisingly chill? Without fights, we live quietly in tribes—farming or hunting depending on the land. Wars turn us into frothing maniacs charging ahead. That's the issue.
But you'd say, "Still, you kill and rape humans, so don't act innocent." Simple: swap to human terms. They form parties, storm random dungeons, slaughter everything, loot all treasure, trash the place, then saunter home calling it "exploration" and "hard-earned loot." Same for us orcs: war spoils. ...Though now, I'm the last orc left. Came home after the war, and poof—just me. When I die, history books will call orcs an evil race that wantonly looted and raped good humans. Forever.
That thought hit hard. Felt depressed, wanted to head home. Checked more snares—same story. But then,
"F-Finally, you reveal yourself, you evil orc—no, Red Bear!"
A voice from somewhere. Someone else in the forest besides me? Calling me evil orc... so the day had come? The day orcs go extinct—with me today? I turned toward the voice.
"......"
"Do you know how long I've waited for this day! Come at me! I know everything! That lust in your eyes! You depraved race!"
A female knight was dangling upside-down from my snare, caught in the tree. Knew that face. Expected her eventually... but seeing her like this was a sight.
Silver hair sparkling in the sunlight, waves cascading. Armored, but those massive tits. I could confidently say I'd never seen a beauty like her in my life—not even legends' nation-topplers. And she was hanging there upside-down in the snare.
"Hah, hah, come on! What are you waiting for? Don't you want to jump me, coward? I'll cut you down with one stroke! End our long grudge here!"
Her words dripped with eagerness to kill me, but her flushed face, ragged breaths, lust-filled eyes staring at me...
"?"
No way, for real? Nah, no chance.
"Come on! Slurp! Your puny dick can't break me anyway!"
"......"
Someone get this female knight outta here, neighbors! How far does this grudge go? Old memories suddenly flooded back. Yeah, time for another explanation.