The Reason for Running
…Is he joking?
Seo Da-eun turned her head slightly to glance at Seon Woo-hyun.
She had thought she asked the question in a fairly serious tone, so she couldn't believe that was the answer she got back. But the guy running hard beside her wore a pretty serious expression of his own.
"What's with that look?"
"No, I just can't understand how someone would work this hard for a reason like that."
"Why not? There are plenty of guys who work out just to impress girls, right?"
"Well, yeah, but…"
Of course, she had seen a few of those herself. Even on the track team, there were quite a few guys who hit the gym just to show off—kids who bulked up extra muscle even though track didn't really require that much of it. And though she didn't know them well, there were a few in her own class too.
Seon Woo-hyun huffed out breaths as he continued.
"I think guys fall into two types. The ones who are openly girl-crazy, and the ones who pretend they're not. Doesn't matter if they're old or young—it's the same."
"That's a pretty simple classification."
"And you've got some of that too, right? Body management, looking good, that kind of thing."
"…It'd be a lie to say I don't have any of that at all."
"Right?"
Of course, once you trained at her level, you went past "looking good" and started packing on actual muscle. Honestly, that could put you at a disadvantage when it came to projecting a feminine image. Still, the excess fat disappeared, the body lines sharpened, and the skin improved. All of that boosted a woman's confidence in her own way.
…Not that romance felt like anything more than a luxury from her perspective. Even so, it was impossible to completely kill off biological desire itself.
So who was he trying so hard to impress, working out like this?
"Then… are you trying to look good for Han Si-ah?"
"Why are you bringing her up too? Seriously."
"No reason. The kids in class keep talking about it."
"Haa. It's not that. Anyway. That's half of it."
He let out a tired sigh and kept going.
"Half? What's the other half?"
"Stamina and health, mostly. You know how it is—the earlier you start working out, the easier it is, right?"
"…"
"If you wait until you're old, you don't have the habits built up and you don't have the stamina either, so it just gets harder and harder. You've got to lock in the habit while you're young."
He wasn't wrong. Still… something about it felt like listening to an old man. The same lines her trainers and coaches repeated every day somehow felt awkward coming out of Seon Woo-hyun's mouth. Listening to him talk, she got the strange sense of someone who had already lived one life and was living it over again.
"And like you know, I've been living pretty recklessly up until now."
"Yeah. Seemed that way."
"You're supposed to deny that a little. Anyway. So I'm trying to change things. Working out, studying a bit on my own."
"Growing up, huh?"
"Something like that, yeah."
He brushed the compliment off awkwardly, as if it embarrassed him. …Still, that was pretty cool. She didn't say it out loud, but she thought having the will to change was a fine thing.
People who gave up on themselves because they'd lived recklessly, and people who decided to turn things around starting now—she had seen that difference countless times through track.
And most of the time, the results sided with the latter. People who kept trying, whether they succeeded or not. Was there anyone in the world who disliked people like that?
"What about you, then?"
"Hm?"
"Why did you start running?"
And the question she had asked him came right back at her. She hesitated, wondering if she should tell him something like this.
"I…"
But why had she asked him about his reason for running in the first place? Maybe she had asked because she wanted to be asked in return.
Spending time with him had shown her he was comfortable and decent company, and without realizing it she had started wanting to get closer. Maybe, just as she listened to his stories, she had wanted him to listen to hers too.
So carefully, she opened up to him.
"At first, it was because I felt stifled, I guess."
"When I was little, the atmosphere at home was pretty heavy. So I hated being there."
"I'd make an excuse to go for a walk, head outside, and start walking—and then I'd see someone running off in the distance. So I just took off after them."
Looking back, the beginning had been nothing special. She had simply wanted to escape that stifling feeling, so she had wildly chased after whoever she saw. And the next time she looked up, she had somehow become a track athlete.
"That day I learned for the first time that when you're running, no thoughts come at all. And that felt really good."
"The harder you run, the more you only hear your own heartbeat and the wind."
The shouting and sighs of her parents fighting every day. The crying of her younger siblings that always followed. In that moment, she could forget all of it completely. She could empty her mind and immerse herself entirely in herself. That was how she had started to love running.
"That's a good method."
"What is?"
"Going out to run whenever random thoughts hit you. I should start doing that too."
…This guy really was something else.
There was a reason she rarely told people why she ran. The moment she brought it up, the mood would turn solemn and the focus would shift to her family situation.
But this was the first person who focused on her reason for running rather than her household. He didn't pity her or feel sorry for her. He simply accepted that those things happened, as if it were only natural. For some reason, that side of him made Da-eun feel a spark of fondness.
And maybe because the atmosphere had turned serious, Seon Woo-hyun found it easy to let out what was on his mind as well.
"Anyway, thanks. Seo Da-eun."
"Hm?"
"Because of you I can actually enjoy running like this. If I'd been alone, I would've dropped out ages ago."
After watching the persistence he had shown for months, she didn't think that was true. All she had really done was give him a little push so he could take one step forward more easily. But she wasn't the type to refuse a thank-you.
"Don't mention it."
She shrugged and focused on her breathing again. It felt strange even to her that she had told him things she rarely said to people. Seon Woo-hyun had a way of putting people at ease. Harmless, maybe. Pure, maybe.
"Let's try to finish a full course at least once this semester."
"Then what are you going to give me?"
"Why do I have to give you something? You're the one who benefits."
"There's got to be a reward or I won't get fired up."
"Fine, then. If you pull it off, I'll introduce you to some of the pretty girls on the track team."
"For real? Holy shit. I'm dead. Full course, you bastard—bring it on."
He really liked that. She would never understand guys.
Anyway.
Having a friend she could share something she loved with… turned out to be not half bad after all.
An afternoon without Cluster.
Around six-thirty I slowly stop studying and get up from my desk. I have to go pick up Min-hyun by seven. The walk to the kindergarten is pretty long, so I like to get ready ahead of time.
"I heard there's a new transfer student," I muttered to myself while getting dressed.
Yesterday, or maybe today—Min-hyun's class was getting a new kid. The teachers had apparently been going on about how pretty the little girl was. That must have been why Min-hyun had been so excited telling me about it.
…If I was lucky, maybe I'd get to see her today.
Truth was, Min-hyun was in the full-day program, so I almost never actually saw his kindergarten friends. I usually arrived right before the place closed, and by then the other parents had already picked up everyone in his class.
'The new friend is in the full-day program with me too, hyung!'
Full-day groups were small, so the kids tended to get bored waiting around. I couldn't really blame Min-hyun for being that happy about it. What kind of friend would my little brother's new friend turn out to be? Maybe the two of them would even become best friends.
Thinking things like that, I headed toward the kindergarten.
After walking for a few dozen minutes, I arrived at Yeongseong Kindergarten, the biggest one in the neighborhood. I stood at the entrance and exchanged greetings with the teacher.
"Hello, teacher."
"Ah, hello~ You're here. Min-hyun~ Your hyung's here. Hyung."
"Hyung-aaaa!"
Thumping footsteps echoed from inside as my little brother came charging toward me. The kid had energy to spare. He'd been playing all day—where did he even get that much power?
I scooped up Min-hyun as he threw himself at me.
"Yeah, hyung's here. Let's go home now."
"Okay! Home! Home! I'm hungry."
"Got it. I'll make you something good when we get there."
"I want sausages. Sausages."
"Okay. I'll pan-fry some Vienna sausages for you. Go grab your stuff."
"Okay."
Min-hyun wriggled out of my arms and went back inside to gather his bag. Living on my own, I'd cooked enough that even with a limited repertoire I could still put decent food on the table for my siblings. That was a relief.
"…Are you leaving now?"
"Yeah. Ji-ah, I'm going first!"
"Okay. Bye."
Inside, Min-hyun was packing up and waving goodbye to a little girl. So that was the new kid. Without meaning to, I found myself watching her carefully. She really was incredibly pretty. A little cool, with doll-like features. Cute enough that you could believe she was a child model. Even next to Ah-hyeon, Ah-hyeon might come out a little behind.
Min-hyun was pretty sociable, so it looked like they'd already gotten close.
"Is that the new transfer student?"
"Yes, that's right. It was her first day, but Min-hyun talked to her and they hit it off right away. Her name is Ji-ah. Seo Ji-ah."
Seo Ji-ah… Seo Ji-ah…?
The name felt strangely familiar. I stood there clutching my head, trying to pin down the half-formed memory, when someone tapped me lightly on the back.
"Um, excuse me. Could I get past for a second?"
A slightly boyish girl's voice. I finally realized I was blocking the entrance and jumped aside with an apology.
"Ah, sorry. Min-hyun, come on out this way."
I stepped clear of the doorway first and led Min-hyun outside.
"Ji-ah~ Unnie's here!"
"Unnieee!"
Family reunion on that side too. So this was the older sister of Min-hyun's new friend. I watched the scene with a fond little smile—then my eyes met those of a girl in casual clothes wearing a familiar cap.
I hadn't looked properly before, but something about her felt familiar. She hugged her little sister, then lifted her head, saw me, and her face went completely stiff.
"Seo Da-eun?"
"…Seon Woo-hyun? What are you doing here?"
Only then did I remember where I had heard the name Seo Ji-ah. Seo Da-eun's younger sister. Her name was Seo Ji-ah.