The Apology
"Important is that you don't get hurt. Don't you know that? You're such a fool."
"... "
Han Si-a fell silent at my words.
Her face, still flushed from excitement, slowly cooled.
She had been burning up, and I had been calm.
The hotter she got, the cooler I became.
That's why Han Si-a must have known.
That what I was saying was serious and completely right.
"You're a badminton player? Are you risking your life here? If you twist your ankle just from falling wrong earlier, what are you going to do with practice today?"
"... Th-that's..."
"I like the desire to win. It's fine to put in effort while doing it. But what's important for you isn't winning here."
I lightly squeezed her shoulder and spoke gently to calm her.
Han Si-a soon realized how much she had been excited, and her face flushed red.
There was no need for her to be more stubborn here.
What adults should do was accept a child's stubbornness.
But Han Si-a wasn't that naive.
She could get excited for a moment, but she would accept that what I was saying was correct.
Just as she couldn't speak.
The gym teacher clapped from the side and intervened.
"Right, right. Woo-hyun's words are spot on. It's important to win the match, but as I always say? Teacher."
"... "
"If you get injured playing sports, who loses out? You all lose~"
The teacher, with a playful tone like the class president on the farm, kept talking.
He patted my shoulder and Han Si-a's shoulder and said,
"Si-a must have gotten a bit excited. Go and calm your head with Woo-hyun for a bit. The set's already been cleared by me anyway. You must be tired from the match."
And he pointed to the chairs in the gym.
"Yes, teacher."
With Han Si-a's gloomy answer, I nodded.
The teacher then smiled at the corner of his mouth, waved as if to say go, and went to pick up the badminton rackets we had thrown.
I briefly watched his back and headed to the chair with the first-walking Han Si-a.
***
Creak.
Han Si-a sat on the metal chair irritably, and it creaked.
It had been a match I could have won.
It was so frustrating to have lost it.
Especially since it was the score we had made after really putting in effort.
Even now, sweat was still dripping from her forehead, as if proving that passion.
'What? Does she think she's some health teacher? What a waste of time.'
I muttered to myself.
But she knew it was a thought coming from pride.
A kind of defense mechanism.
In reality, the person she should be angry at wasn't me.
It was herself, for failing the underclear and giving a smash opportunity, then forcing it back and falling.
Such a pathetic self.
... She knew it too. That everything was her fault.
Woo-hyun had been mature and grown-up.
He even sacrificed points to protect me from getting hurt.
And when I got stubborn and snapped at him, he answered calmly.
"You're a badminton player? Are you risking your life here? If you twist your ankle just from falling wrong earlier, what are you going to do with practice today?"
It wasn't just cold, harsh advice.
Perhaps at that moment, he was thinking even more deeply about himself than about me.
As an idol trainee, getting injured in just a gym class.
What it meant.
She knew, because she had fallen multiple times during dance class.
Thinking that just falling wasn't a big deal had almost caused her to regret it.
She might not be able to move for weeks, not just one day.
And how much that would set her back in the fierce competition.
Only someone who considered that could say it.
The sweat cooled, and the breath hitched.
The colder my head got, the more gratitude came first.
... Idiot. Woo-hyun thought about me more than himself.
Honestly, he didn't care.
Whether I got hurt or not, winning would have been the better choice.
Because if I got hurt, it was me, and if I won, the performance points would be his.
But he didn't act that way.
Why? For me.
He sacrificed points and victory, and chose himself.
He chose me, who he couldn't even consider a close friend.
He helped me not get hurt.
As the thought became more and more rational, I grew more and more ashamed.
Why was I so angry at such a person? What was winning?
Even if I won the match, nothing would change according to his words.
... It was ridiculous. Really.
It felt like watching a kindergarten kid throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get his way from his mom.
I was ashamed of myself for having thought he was immature.
Because I was the one acting immaturely.
It was too late to say anything.
So Han Si-a suddenly stood up from the chair and ran somewhere.
"Hey, where are you going?"
Woo-hyun's voice called out behind me, but I couldn't look at his face because I was embarrassed.
Outside the gym, there was a small vending machine.
She pulled out two cans of ion drink and returned to her seat.
"Sun Woo-hyun."
"Yeah. Did you really want the drink that much? You must have been thirsty after running for over thirty minutes."
And with a meaning of apology, I offered her the drink first.
"... You want to drink this?"
"What?"
"I don't know. Just take it. I'm embarrassed."
Her face offering the drink was burning redder than anyone's.
Han Si-a must have known she could see it even without looking at her own face.
***
"... "
No words.
In the awkward silence, I opened the ion drink can and gulped it down.
The burning thirst was satisfied, and I felt a little better.
Had I already finished it?
I crunched the empty can of the ion drink I had finished and asked her, who was sitting beside me with her head down.
"What? So, how long are you going to keep doing this?"
She seemed like she wanted to say something.
She was fidgeting and couldn't say anything.
Of course, it wouldn't be easy to bring it up first in this situation.
Admitting a mistake out loud was difficult.
Especially in childhood, it was even harder because of pride.
Just by setting up the mood like this, it was clear how much effort she was making.
Finally, Han Si-a quivered her lips and opened her mouth.
"... Sorry."
"What?"
"... I'm sorry. Sun Woo-hyun. I was wrong."
The honest apology followed, and I couldn't help but smile faintly.
Thinking about her usual behavior, she wouldn't want to lose to me.
But she was apologizing to me bravely.
"I must have gotten too excited. You know I have a strong will to win. That's why I didn't hold back even a word against you."
"I knew that. That thing."
If I lose a little, does it become better?
What were you trying to do by winning against me?
I wanted to say that, but actually I was trying to win too.
"But today's was all my mistake. I couldn't do the clear, and even if I could have given you the ball in a position where I could, I tried to make up for the mistake out of greed."
"... "
"And then it got worse? I even sacrificed winning, but I helped you catch me when I fell. I can't say thanks, but I should give you a victory."
"... "
"I always call you childish, but I think you're the most childish one. Pathetic."
Her voice was mixed with reflection.
It would have been meaningless even if I wrapped it up and said no.
I wasn't the type of guy Han Si-a would like if I fell behind.
I just quietly listened to her words.
"Actually, I didn't want to admit that I lost because of me. Thinking about it now."
"... "
"If you had accepted it, it wouldn't be my fault for losing. It might have been that I was stubborn to the end."
After honestly pouring out all her ugly inner thoughts,
she raised her head and glanced at me.
Because she was embarrassed, her cheeks were slightly red, and her eyes were full of apology.
... As expected, Han Si-a was a good kid.
The excessive effort was the problem.
And I didn't dislike humans who admitted their mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes.
At first glance, it seems like why do such a thing.
They do actions that don't seem rational and seem emotional.
We think we are rational, but in reality we are just creatures controlled by emotions.
So the difference between good and bad humans is not whether they make mistakes or not.
It depends on how they deal with mistakes.
If they reflect on their own mistakes, feel regret, and apologize to the other person,
that alone is enough to be a good person.
Outside school, there are plenty of shameless people.
"Apologized. It's okay."
"What?"
"I said it's okay if you're sorry. You don't have to apologize for something so trivial."
"... "
"It was enough to apologize. Honestly, I wanted to win too."
I wanted to win even more because the opponent was skilled.
I wanted the performance evaluation points too.
And also, the guy named Kim Yun-su. Well, probably Han Si-a had badmouthed him.
If I said there was no subtle psychological warfare, it would be a lie.
"You wouldn't be upset if you lose to someone badmouthed."
"... Ee. That's not it?"
Then Han Si-a's face flushed bright red.
It must be the right spot.
She had practically rejected a confession in front of all her classmates.
To lose right away in the match to that guy.
It would be quite difficult for prideful Han Si-a.
"So you don't have to apologize. I understand your feelings too. Honestly, I was a bit mad too."
"... Sorry."
"It's fine. It would be awkward to death. Now stop the rivalry and go back to your usual fiery one."
"Why am I the fiery one?"
"You weren't? You always challenged me to rivalry. I thought you loved arguing."
"Si-bi is always you who starts it!"
Yeah. This was Han Si-a.
I laughed when I saw her recover her energy after I gently pried.
Soon Han Si-a, feeling embarrassed again, covered her reddened ear and lowered her head.
"But I realized one thing from this incident."
"What?"
"You really love winning."
"Who says I really love winning. Don't give me weird nicknames."
Her tic-tac tone was not as sharp as usual.
Even the acceptance didn't seem sincere.
When my words stopped, she was silent for a moment again.
"... Anyway, thanks."
She said thank you to me with a slightly trembling voice.
Oh, I get to hear thanks from her even after meeting.
We had started fighting the moment we met and kept arguing.
Hearing the word thanks from her mouth was moving.
"Thanks to you too. Really, long life. Right?"
"Don't tease. It's sincere."
"I'm not teasing. I'm sincere too."
"Uggh. Anyway. You thought about me more than the points. Even though it doesn't matter to you."
It doesn't matter, what an unfair thing to say.
If I got hurt, my dream would be ruined.
No matter what, Han Si-a was my favorite heroine.
Of course, Han Si-a didn't know about such things.
"Anyway, a injury to an idol is a serious problem. Different from me, a normal person."
Rather, if I got hurt, I wouldn't have cared much.
I had quick recovery even if I got hurt, and I didn't have to do anything physical.
It would have been even better to skip school.
When I answered honestly like that, Han Si-a turned her head and stared at me intently.
Her transparent eyes were filled with me.
"Chi. You're pretending to be cool."
Even though the tone was tic-tac, she didn't seem unhappy at all.
Rather, I just thought her reddened ear was cute.