Even the Great White Has Daily Life - 3
Seeing Mar with her face flushed crimson, her eyes darting this way and that, I felt a wave of relief.
As expected, speaking bluntly was the right call—far better than long-winded, pathetic excuses. Casual speech worked faster than any persuasion or apology.
Apologizing in the first place would have looked weird anyway.
Honestly, it wasn't something that called for an apology. Just as I was used to formal speech, Mar was used to it too. She had never once shown dissatisfaction with the mutual formality between us.
Beatrix had brought it up not because Mar complained, but out of a simple question like, "Why do you treat me casually but not her?" No one had been hurt or left feeling slighted. It was a perfectly peaceful little incident.
I should have done this ages ago.
Still, whether anyone was harmed or not, it was something to reflect on. I hadn't used formal speech with every lover—only with one person. It was lucky Mar was the first wife-to-be. If she had been the last, she probably would have cried thinking I was putting up walls only with her.
I tried to tell myself there was nothing to apologize for, but guilt kept rising. She was so happy she didn't know what to do just from a change in speech style—and I hadn't even managed that small thing.
"I'm sorry. Dropping formalities should have come before nicknames. I got the order wrong."
In the end, I apologized after all. An incident with no victim yet a clear perpetrator. Contradictory, but I pulled it off. Impressive in more ways than one.
The one who received the apology began trembling without a word. The vibration was strong enough to remind me of Penelia in her prime—she had clearly lost her mind from the successive casual speech.
"Mar."
"Ah, yes!"
Calling her name seemed to restore her reason; she nodded over and over.
Thank goodness. After Beatrix and Penelia had finally gotten used to skinship, I had been worried the normally steady Mar might suddenly become the weakest at it.
"I'll work hard enough that you'll forget any lingering resentment."
"Ah, no—I wasn't particularly resentful."
"It's because I feel bad. We lived too stiffly as lovers."
Mar's eyes started darting around again, as if she were replaying every bit of skinship we had ever shared.
Certainly we had done plenty of forehead kisses, cheek pecks, lap pillows, and hugs—exactly like fresh young lovers. Far from living stiffly; we had done a lot of that.
But relationships between people are built of both actions and words. No matter how perfect the actions, if the words are a mess you cannot form a normal relationship.
So I had to change. Not only with actions, not only thinking it inside—I had to say it out loud.
"I'll do better from now on. So much that you'll tell me to get lost because it's creepy."
Of course, I couldn't imagine Mar ever pushing me away.
"Then you'll have to keep trying until you die?"
Mar seemed to share the thought; she answered with a bashful smile. Since she had no intention of ever saying those words, it was her way of asking me to stay by her side and show affection for the rest of her life.
"For the one I love, of course I should."
At those words the smiling Mar froze solid.
The reaction was so immediate and intense I almost smirked bitterly. Even I thought I had been far too stingy with this short, simple word.
"I love you, Mar."
From now on I would whisper those words every day, making up for all the times I hadn't.
The words I had been unable to say to anyone since Hecate left—for the people who filled her place and stayed with me.
"I'm sorry for only saying it now."
And I pressed my lips to Mar's.
Not lingering on the forehead or cheek like before, but going exactly where they belonged.
I seemed to have delivered too much shock in too short a time.
"I-I, I waited so long for those words...!"
Seeing Mar bawling in my arms, the triangle in my heart began spinning at light speed. A woman sobbing after hearing "I love you"—how was this the look of a lover on the verge of marriage?
"So—"
Just as I was about to apologize again while patting her back, Mar covered my lips herself.
It was sudden and I was flustered, but of course I didn't push her away. Instead I hugged her even tighter and followed her lead.
"Th-this too—I was waiting for Karl to do it...!"
After staying locked together for quite a while, Mar finally pulled away, hiccuping with a resentment that wasn't quite resentment.
This, too, had no excuse. How frustrated must she have been when her lover aimed only for forehead and cheeks instead of lips? Yet as a lady, and knowing my past, she couldn't bring herself to demand it first and had simply endured.
What a bastard I am.
I finally succeeded in some bone-chilling self-objectification. Ordinary people are lenient with themselves, but I couldn't be right now.
Anyone who could still go easy on himself in this situation wouldn't even be human—just an emotionless psychopath.
"I'm sorry. I made you wait too long, didn't I?"
"Of course you did!"
I flinched at Mar's shrill shout.
Well, it was only natural. I had asked a pointless question.
"...Still."
Unable to overcome the guilt and open my mouth, I stayed silent. Mar, seeming a little calmer, continued.
"Still... thank you for doing it now, even if it's late..."
At that merciful, affectionate remark I couldn't help but kiss her lips again.
If I stayed still after hearing that, I would be a machine that didn't know the emotion of love.
I am happy. This emotion cannot be fully expressed by the word "happy," but happiness is the closest I can manage.
Unable even to wipe the tears streaming as if something inside me had broken, I accepted Karl. I accepted his affection, his gestures—everything.
"I love you, Mar."
When the words he had spoken came back to me, my mind grew hazy.
But I forced strength into my limp body and held on. If I collapsed now the mood would be ruined. And what if I accidentally bit my tongue?
No.
I cannot end this supreme moment. I cannot miss the moment I waited and waited for—the moment I could only reach in dreams.
So I soothed myself and hugged Karl even tighter. It was an effort not to collapse, but also a small protest aimed at him. A protest asking him to stay just like this all day, since he had tormented me for so long.
A little embarrassing for a lady, but what could I do? This moment was simply too good.
Ah.
Fortunately my protest seemed to reach him; Karl sat down on the sofa without letting me go.
My heart is pounding. This—this is a signal that he's going to go further, right? Sitting is more comfortable than standing, so he can put more effort into affection, right?
B-but what's stronger than a kiss? No, I can think of something, but can we do that he—
"Hey."
A voice suddenly cut through my reverie.
"Sorry for barging in without reading the room, but just watching is making me too jealous."
I hurriedly turned toward the voice and saw Sister Erzebet wearing a pouty expression.
I hadn't known. Someone else had entered the director's office and I was only noticing now.
"S-Sister?"
"Yeah."
"When... did you get here?"
To my desperate question Sister grinned and began vigorously rubbing both hands together.
A strange gesture, but I instinctively understood. She had seen almost from the beginning... I just hadn't noticed...
"Mar is Mar, but the Director is too much. You saw me come in and kept going."
At those words my whole body trembled.
Karl knew Sister had come in and still continued? Without stopping?
"We're family—what's the big deal?"
Karl's reply landed like a finishing blow. I squeezed my eyes shut.
Even if we are family, blatant displays of affection are a completely separate matter.
Perhaps as a reaction to the heated atmosphere suddenly cooling, Mar buried her face in my chest and didn't move an inch—a quiet protest that she had no confidence to look anyone in the face.
What timing.
I patted her back with a bitter smile. I had told Erzebet I would be returning today, but if I had known it would turn out like this I would have contacted her a little later. I had given Mar an unforgettable memory in more ways than one.
Of course I had no intention of scolding her for arriving at this exact moment. Calling her myself and then complaining would make me a terrible boss.
Was it too stimulating?
Erzebet's condition after directly witnessing someone else's skinship wasn't great either. Her face was subtly flushed and she kept lightly touching her own lips; it was painfully obvious what she was thinking.
It's understandable.
Unfortunately, for Erzebet the life she had lived and the life without a lover were one and the same. Separate from her mad antics, when it came to romance she was as pure white and untainted as her hair.
It sounds like a lie, but it's true. She's the type who was satisfied just sitting on a lap and having her head stroked.
Looking at her like this, she's a shy lady.
If her mental world were even one-tenth as pure as her view of romance—
"Hey, Director."
"Hm?"
After touching her lips for a long while, Erzebet carefully opened her mouth.
"When is my turn?"
The hand patting Mar stopped. I felt her flinch in my arms.
The question seemed to come from nowhere, but understanding the meaning was simple. Mentioning turns at this exact moment could only mean one thing.
Do I have to keep order for this too?
Now that I had started expressing denser affection with my lovers, it was a question of when the fifth one would get her turn.
"If possible, today!"
Seeing Erzebet giggle, a different kind of guilt from before washed over me.
The ones present were only Mar and Erzebet, yet Erzebet—the fifth—was yielding her place in line to the three who weren't even here.
Damn it.
It's all my karma...