5+1 - 4
Yuris’s words left me briefly adrift, but I pulled myself together soon enough.
That the 4th Department Head liked me. It wasn’t something I couldn’t accept, not really. More precisely, it was no longer something that ought to shock me at this stage— that might be the truer way of putting it.
Margeta, whom I had once rejected; the Demon Duke, despite the gulf of status and race between us; Luise and Irina, whom I had known for less than a year; even the 1st Department Head, with whom I had been bound only by work— did they not all like me?
I did treat the 4th Department Head well, after all.
I emptied my mind and judged the matter with cold objectivity. The 4th Department Head had more than five reasons to like me— never fewer.
Because of the war she had lost her family, her home, everything. I had taken her in, fed her, clothed her, and given her a place to sleep. I had no memory of ever mistreating her. I had even awakened the martial talent she had left dormant and neglected.
On top of that I had pushed for the revival of the 4th Department in every way I could, and she had risen to her present post. She was still only a knight without a title, yet she was the sort of talent for whom a title someday was essentially guaranteed.
She has every reason to like me, doesn’t she?
No matter how I turned it over, I really had treated her well. Had I not simply followed the classic savior cliché to the letter?
“I should have been only moderately outstanding.”
This sinful man. Without even realizing it, I had enchanted one more woman. My sins ran deep indeed.
“Master. We don’t mind, but you really shouldn’t say things like that in front of other people.”
“Sorry.”
A judgment so objective it gave me chills. From the perspective of anyone who knew nothing, however, it made me a chilling narcissist.
Fortunately Yuris understood my relationship with the 4th Department Head and let the remark pass, but as she said, it was not something I could utter in front of others.
“But are you sure?”
Still, I asked again while stroking her head. If Yuris was telling me this directly she must have conviction and grounds, yet there was always the chance of a “what if.”
At Yuris’s age, interest in romance was at its peak. She might spin fantasies simply from a close man and woman standing near each other. Could she not simply be mistaking a warm superior-subordinate bond for something romantic?
“Everyone in the mansion knows except you, Master.”
“…I see.”
That firm answer erased even the possibility of “what if.”
So that was it… Only I had not known… My sense for these things was garbage…
“No one said anything out loud, but they must have been anxious, right? The rings on your hand keep increasing, yet Sister Penelia is nowhere to be seen…”
Yuris spoke with a sigh. It sounded as though she found the 4th Department Head pathetic, yet she could not hide the tremor in her voice.
The 4th Department Head was blunt by nature, but she was gentle with the members of the 4th Department and with the household staff. To her those people were a new family replacing the one she had lost in the war.
Yuris had followed that 4th Department Head like an older sister. That was why she fretted over her sister suffering unrequited love— and over the chance that love might never be answered.
“Um, so, Master… Sister Penelia is a good person too, so…”
“I know.”
Knowing what she wanted to say, I cut her off. Even if I was not the sort of master who squeezed his servants dry, how much courage must it have taken for her to speak such words to me?
And just as Yuris held the 4th Department Head dear, so did I. She was practically my first disciple, and it was the 4th Department Head who had led the 4th Department that had nearly vanished into history.
In the first place, how could I not grow fond of an orphan I had managed and raised from start to finish?
Though calling it “raised” felt odd, since she was older than I.
“If the 4th Department Head ever confesses, I will take it seriously no matter when. Whether it is today, tomorrow, or next year.”
Yes— I had no intention of treating a confession from someone like her lightly. She was more trustworthy than any subordinate, a person with whom I had shared every kind of bond. There was no real reason to dislike her or push her away.
If I had never received anyone’s confession, or even if I had received only one, things might be different— but I already wore five rings, did I not?
Even if the number became six, it would still be only half of the Golden Duke’s—
“…Um, Master?”
“Hm?”
“I don’t think Sister would ever confess first…”
It was a negative remark, yet I had no proper rebuttal.
She’s right.
The always strict, solemn, serious, and quiet 4th Department Head. I simply could not picture her confessing first. Honestly, even imagining her getting married was a little difficult.
And if she had possessed the courage to confess first, she would have done it long ago.
“I’ll handle it, so don’t worry.”
I patted the head of Yuris, who seemed a little dejected, and soothed her.
If the other party would not move, then I would have to. If I had never known, I might have let it pass— but now that I knew the 4th Department Head’s feelings, I could not pretend I did not.
I headed urgently for Master’s mansion. I had only just returned to the Imperial Capital and still had a mountain of work to clear, yet nothing could take priority over Master’s summons.
“It’s been a while. First time since the Red Wave, right?”
“Yes, Director. I apologize for not greeting you first.”
“It’s fine. If work keeps you busy, it can’t be helped.”
Seeing Master smile as though it were nothing, I could not bring myself to lift my head. While I was away, Master had suffered the humiliation of detention. As Master’s servant I had not even been able to visit him— how shameful was that?
Even so, Master did not blame me. Master never contacted me first when I was out on assignment. If a communication orb rang at a critical moment, there could be no greater disaster.
“When you have time, come to the mansion? We should at least see each other after so long.”
“I will come at once.”
“No, you just got back. There’s no need to push yourself.”
“I will come at once.”
“…All right.”
That was why the moment Master invited me, I ran straight over.
I left the remaining work to my deputy commander. When he heard it was Master’s invitation he practically shoved me out the door telling me to go at once, so I could entrust it to him with confidence.
“Oh, you got here fast?”
And to my overwhelming gratitude, Master had come out to the front gate to wait for me.
Theo and Hans, on guard duty, offered their greetings, yet honestly they barely registered. I was sorry, but I believed those two would understand. How could my heart not race when Master himself had come to welcome me?
“Come on in. Yuris has been missing you a lot. Ah, Sophia too.”
“Yes, Director.”
When Master mentioned Yuris, a bitter smile slipped out. Thinking of that child who must have fretted while I could not receive any contact made my heart uneasy.
“You must have been really busy if you couldn’t contact even once?”
“Yes. The allied tribal forces decreased sharply, so supplies were not easy. And as winter approached, operations became difficult as well.”
“Can’t be helped. Winters in the North are brutal.”
Seeing Master click his tongue made me feel as though I had committed a sin.
No— it was a sin. As Master’s servant I ought to resolve Master’s worries, yet I still had not handled the northern issues and remained stuck.
“Don’t take it to heart. Searching the entire North is something that has never happened in the Empire’s history.”
As if reading my mind, Master kindly patted my shoulder and comforted me.
“Thank you.”
I could only bow my head at that mercy.
I bowed my head now for producing no results, but next year I would strive to stand proud before Master.
This time I bowed my head for a reason different from before.
“Penelia. Is there anything you want to say to me?”
The moment we entered the empty reception room, Master spoke words my heart could not endure.
Penelia.
My hands began trembling of their own accord. My breathing grew ragged. Suddenly calling me by name, without the slightest warning— what was I supposed to do?
It was something that had happened with truly no warning or sign. The only times Master called someone by name were when he was furiously angry.
But the Master before me now was smiling as though delighted, not angry at all— from the front gate all the way to the reception room.
When the Director calls me Erzebet, I’m so happy.
Suddenly I recalled the conversation I had had with Erzebet before contacting Master. It was true. Master had truly begun calling us by name. At last I could be called by name by Master.
…And knowing the reason, I could not bring myself to lift my head.
Do you know how many people have confessed to the Director now? I’m the fifth. There are four ahead of me.
Erzebet’s pressure, spoken as if she were frustrated. And on top of that, Yuris’s frantic contacts.
If I still failed to notice after going through something like that in a single day, it would be an intelligence problem. Fortunately I had no issues with intelligence.
Moreover, when I did not speak up, Master himself opened the way. Softly whispering my name, kindly asking whether there was anything I wished to say.
Master…
My eyes grew hot at that generosity. How merciful a person was this?
That was why I had to speak the words I had locked away so tightly, the words I had meant to carry to my grave. With Master being so considerate, saying nothing would be the greatest disloyalty and rudeness imaginable.
“In truth, there is something I have long wished to tell you.”
Forcing down the heat at the corners of my eyes, I carefully raised my head.
There I saw Master still smiling.
“I have dared to hold feelings for you in my heart, Director. Toward the Director who bestowed upon me a grace unmatched in this world, I have held emotions I never should have.”
It was shameful. I had spoken with my own mouth the secret I should have hidden my whole life, the secret I had strictly made Erzebet swear never to tell anyone.
It was an ugly secret. That one who had received everything— one for whom wanting more would be greed— would dare to yearn for the one who bestowed the grace. Was it not excessive desire that could be told to no one?
Even so, Master still smiled. He showed neither disappointment nor anger.
“But please do not worry.”
I quickly added to such a Master.
“I do not dare hope to stand at your side, Director. I will protect you from your side as I do now.”
Even if I held Master in my heart, I did not look beyond that. I did not dare, without knowing my place, hope to become Master’s wife.
It was only natural. How could a master and a dog, an inspector and a sword, a god and a devotee become husband and wife? A dog must end as a dog, a sword as a sword, a devotee as a devotee. Even if one harbored an uncontainable heart, one must not advance beyond that.
That was why I was merely Master’s dog, Master’s sword, Master’s devotee. I was satisfied just to circle at Master’s side, just to be able to see Master.
“If you would permit it, Director, I will devote my entire life to serving you, your wives, and even your children.”
I spoke those feelings to Master.
That I was sufficiently happy just serving Master.
What is this.
What the hell is this.
Crazy.
A reaction I had never imagined came out.
No— I had simply expected the 4th Department Head to stay silent or dodge the subject.
Then, unable to overcome her embarrassment, she would confess…
Is this… love?
I was confused. Something was off. It was clearly love, yet the direction was twisted somehow.
And she was speaking of that twisted love as though it were nothing.
…Is the 4th Department cursed or something?
I even thought that. The Minister, myself, those fellows who had once belonged to the 4th Department— one after another, none of them a normal lineup.
And the madness of the 4th Department gathered like that had, regrettably, been inherited by the 4th Department Head. Though the name of the 4th Department had changed to the Dark Light Squad, the madness remained the same.
“D-Director?!”
Guilt and pity welled up, and I ended up embracing the 4th Department Head. Feeling her tremble in my arms, I held her even tighter.
I’m sorry, 4th Department Head.
The madness left by the previous generation has made the next suffer.
I’ll definitely fix this.
It was time to guide that twisted love in the right direction.