Little Golden Duke? - 5
I could see Older Brother freeze solid. I was probably just as stiff myself.
These were words I had held alone for months. Words I had wanted to speak dozens, hundreds of times, and yet never managed to let out. Because I simply could not find the courage.
"Ahaha, you're pretty shocked, aren't you?"
My heart hammered so hard I could barely breathe. I forced my still-trembling hands to still and opened my mouth.
This was the last chance. If—if I said right now that it had only been a joke, I could take it all back. Then Older Brother would laugh it off and tell me not to pull stunts like that. He would ruffle my hair and scold me never to do it again.
That way I could avoid his rejection. I could avoid him turning serious, or looking at me with dislike. I could avoid things growing awkward between us.
"But I mean it, Older Brother."
I did not want that.
I finally said it.
I had been driven and driven to the absolute edge, and only after that once-in-a-lifetime variable called the Magic Lord appeared did I finally confess my heart. After all the dithering, I had at last taken the first step.
I had even received the consideration of my club members. Children who would have every right to hate me were still looking out for me.
Anyone would notice if things went that way.
Five people vanishing from their seats all at once. Even the densest person would find it strange not to catch on.
So I opened my mouth. I gathered my courage and stepped forward.
"I… see."
At my sincerity, Older Brother barely managed to move his lips.
Not dislike—more the look of pure fluster. The expression of someone whose head had twisted itself into knots after hearing something utterly unexpected.
Good. If Older Brother had been in any state to answer seriously, I probably would not have been able to speak at all.
Say everything.
Pour it all out while he cannot get a word in. Even if I am rejected, leave no regrets behind.
There would be no next time. If I could not speak even in this situation, then when? When Older Brother married other women? When I was on the verge of death?
I refused to be the sort of person who only then said, "I loved you." I did not want to become the tragic heroine of anything.
I wanted to love Older Brother with my head held high.
So I had been raising a fox, not a capybara.
No—maybe it was a rabbit? Not that she particularly resembled a rabbit either.
My head is spinning.
I tried to protect my sanity with deliberate nonsense, but it did not help much. Capybara, fox, rabbit—what difference did it make?
I let out a small sigh and lay back on the bed. Club time had truly been a storm.
"I love you, Older Brother."
Luise, speaking those words with resolute eyes and open pride. I almost could not believe it was the same girl who always went around grinning and looking so purely sunny.
"I've wanted to say it for so long, but I couldn't. Because I'm a coward. I was too scared."
After saying that, Luise had smiled as if embarrassed. She had said she never even opened her mouth until now because she was terrified of being rejected by me.
For a self-proclaimed coward, that was an awfully straight pitch.
Despite the chaos in my head, a laugh slipped out.
Just how high was the bar for "brave" by Luise's standards? She probably thought you had to grab someone by the collar and yell that you were dating them starting immediately before it counted as courage.
According to legend, the Crown Princess had once confessed at roughly that level. So Luise's role model was the Crown Princess.
Impressive.
A young lady who took the Crown Princess as her role model. Truly impressive.
Yes—and what Luise had said after that was impressive too.
"I know I'm lacking. I'm only from a baronial house, after all."
A remark made with the two ducal houses in mind.
"I haven't known you for long either. There's still so much about you I must not know."
A remark made with the shortness of our connection in mind.
"But that's my own shortcoming. It doesn't mean my love is lacking."
At the time I had only been able to nod blankly. The force of it had been enough to heat my entire face.
Luise would probably thrash around under her blankets later once the excitement faded. I could already see that future, so I said nothing. Even if it was embarrassing, better to leave her a little less embarrassed than otherwise.
"And I can bring a proper dowry! The title and the territory—everything!"
That one made me flinch for a second.
It was true enough. Luise had no other siblings, so she stood to inherit the barony and its lands. If she married me, a child between us would eventually inherit that title and territory. Until then, I would effectively manage it.
But something about the way she said it sounded a little like a love-blinded traitor to her own house. Not wrong—just the flavor of the words was strange.
Anyway, under Luise's passionate confession I had been unable to open my mouth. It had been completely unexpected, and she was a romantic prospect I had never once considered.
"I'm not asking for an answer right this second. It took me so long to confess—I don't expect you to be quick about it either."
Thankfully she seemed to understand my feelings and said as much.
"Just know this one thing. The people who like you aren't only Senior and Her Grace the Duchess."
Remembering those words, another laugh leaked out of me.
Of course I knew. After a confession like that, how could I not?
"And that there might be more than three."
When I recalled that part, the laughter died almost at once.
I'm going to lose my mind.
Mar on the left, Magic Lord on the right. And now Luise in front as well. Even three was already far more than I deserved. I had already surpassed the "flowers in both hands" stage.
And there might be more? That would make a minimum of four—front, back, left, and right.
Wow.
My head swam. With four of them, marrying all of them would be a problem, and rejecting all of them would also be a problem.
And accepting some while rejecting others would be even stranger.
…I'll think about it later.
For now I just needed to sleep.
Luise had poured poison into me.
Damn it.
I was going crazy. I never expected to catch a status abnormality this severe. Luise, I never thought you had it in you to do something this vicious.
I sighed and started walking again, but every time I felt a gaze, the status abnormality only worsened.
Whenever I naturally glanced toward the source of a stare, I would spot some female student—and an unconscious thought would rise.
…Is it her?
Immediate self-loathing crashed over me, and I quickened my steps.
But before long another gaze, another thought.
No way—her?
Self-loathing again.
Fuck.
I squeezed my eyes shut of my own accord. A status abnormality that made me hypersensitive to every glance from the opposite sex.
I had caught a hideous case of the "every girl is into me" disease.
"And that there might be more than three."
Remembering yesterday's words, I felt just a tiny bit resentful toward Luise.
Luise, why did you have to say that? Was it revenge for all the time you spent secretly pining? Did you make me suffer too because you hated fretting alone?
If so, I'm sorry. But this is still an excessively harsh punishment, don't you think?
At my age, catching the "everyone has a crush on me" disease.
Self-loathing crept up and sank its teeth into my chest. Past twenty years old, and I had come down with it. Worse, the targets were teenage students.
If the Minister found out, he would roar with laughter and ask if I was still a damn kid. The section chiefs would do backflips while mocking me. They would ask if I was finally living out the school romance I never got to have.
I wanted to lose my mind too. Knowing objectively how pathetic I looked right now only made it worse.
This is my lot in life.
I wept inwardly, but there was nothing to be done. Consecutive blows from the Magic Lord and Luise had driven my defenses to the extreme. I would probably stay like this for a while.
In that case, head somewhere without gazes. Stay in my own private sanctuary where no one else was. Just bury myself in the clubroom and never leave.
I'll cover meals with cookies.
A firm resolution to plant roots in the clubroom even through lunch.
With that tactical retreat decided, I started walking again—
"Ah, Oppa!"
"Irina?"
I ran into someone I could at least feel a little safer around.
…Right. No matter how bad it got, the "every girl is into me" disease was not going to activate toward Irina.
The Audit Department had done things to House Yorun, after all. Anyone who thought she liked me after that would have to be completely insane.
Was Luise always this fast…?
"You confessed?"
"Yeah!"
I could only gape at the happily grinning Luise.
It was real. She had no reason to lie in the first place, but this was genuine.
"If I didn't do it now, I never would."
Luise spoke with a mix of embarrassment and relief, and I found myself nodding without thinking.
She was right. The young lady's support, the sudden appearance of the Magic Lord—if you still could not confess even when the situation was shoving you in the back and telling you to do it, then when would you ever?
You would just keep making excuses, keep putting it off, and grow old and die that way.
No.
For a moment I imagined Oppa smiling between Luise and the young lady. And I imagined myself watching that scene alone from behind.
Horrifying. If that image ever showed up in a dream, I was confident I would wake up crying.
Now it's my turn.
I clenched my fists and steeled my will. If even Luise had moved, then I had to move too.
Of course, not right this second. I needed at least some mental preparation. Yes—what words I would use to confess to Oppa, and where I would make my first and last confession—
"Ah, I also told Older Brother about Irina."
"…Huh?"
Luise looked at me with a face that said, I did good, right? Her sparkling eyes and thoroughly lifted corners of her mouth seemed to be asking for praise.
"……."
"I-Irina! That huuurts!"
She seemed to want affection, so I hugged her tightly.
As tightly as I was grateful.
Fortunately, Luise had not gone as far as saying something like "Irina likes Older Brother too!" She had only left a vague hint that there were more people who liked him.
That's even more dangerous.
I could not let my guard down. Besides me, Luise, and the young lady, there might be others at the Academy who liked Oppa. Once you got past the terror that came with the title of Audit Department Chief, Oppa was a truly wonderful man.
If—if someone had overcome that fear, and Oppa met that person after hearing Luise's words…
Absolutely not.
I refused to watch that, if only out of sheer unfairness. I had gotten the young lady's permission and fretted myself half to death just staying near Oppa, and someone else was going to waltz in and take the easy win?
That was not happening. If any such creature appeared, I would not forgive them in the name of Yorun.
So I set out to find Oppa at once. If I delayed even a little and the disaster I feared actually happened, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
"Ah, Oppa!"
"Irina?"
Fortunately, Enen must have been watching over me, because I found him right on time.
"What is it? Something wrong? You look like you ran here."
Oppa asked worriedly as he watched me catch my breath.
A concern that warmed the chest. But this was not the time to bask in that warmth.
"Oppa. There's something I really need to tell you."
"To me?"
It was a sudden appearance and a sudden statement, but Oppa nodded as if telling me to go ahead.
"I'm not from a ducal house, and I won't inherit a title either."
The pinnacle of the nobility—the ducal houses. Titled nobles who received higher treatment than ordinary aristocrats. I belonged to neither.
"But still—still, House Yorun is a prestigious family. We may not measure up to Crassius… but we're not so lacking that I can't stand by your side."
At my words, Oppa's eyes began to tremble.
Seeing that made me tremble too, but I did not run. If I backed down now, there would be nowhere left to go.
"O-Oppa, what do you think…?"
…Still, shrinking at the very end was beyond my control.
Wow.
Woooow…
Third Section Chief, you son of a bitch.
Did you maybe sprinkle some kind of drug on House Yorun?
It was a perfectly reasonable suspicion. Poor Irina must have been caught in the Third Section Chief's evil biochemical attack and was no longer in her right mind.
That has to be it.
Of course, I carefully chose not to recall that when the Third Section Chief had torn through House Yorun, Irina had already been at the Academy.
I am, in fact, both dense and stupid.
Just let me have this.