Margeta's Unease
Lately my mood has been off. Or rather, more precisely—I feel happy, and yet a little left out at the same time.
"Mar, I should be heading back now."
The time Karl spent in the vice president's office had dwindled. It wasn't my imagination; even objectively, the change was unmistakable.
I waited for this hour every day. Of course it was nice that he still came by, but I wished he would stay just a little longer.
"You're leaving already?"
"Yes. I've got something I need to take care of."
I carefully opened my mouth, but Karl only smiled as he answered.
A part of me wanted to cling and throw a tantrum, begging him not to go. But I couldn't. If he said he had work, I had no right to get in the way.
Still, I couldn't simply let him leave.
"Karl."
I called his name and opened my arms. When I simply looked at him without a word, he let out a soft laugh and pulled me into an embrace.
Yes. This made it all right. The knot in my chest loosened.
If only we could stay like this.
If I could have my way, I would have preferred he never leave and simply keep holding me.
"I'm sorry. Honestly I'd rather stay with you too, Mar, but there's nothing for it."
As if he had read my mind, Karl whispered against my ear.
Please don't do that while you're holding me. You'll notice the way my body trembles, and that's mortifying.
"It's all right. I'm sure there's a good reason. I understand completely."
I forced my shaking body and heart to settle and spoke. It would be a lie to say I didn't feel the loss.
But Karl had always been faithful with our time together. If he was suddenly slipping away, I believed there had to be a proper reason. I still had no idea what could keep him this busy for days on end.
Even so, I didn't press him about where he was going or what he was doing. If I showed him this kind of generous trust, he would be moved by it.
Managing a husband is a wife's duty, but you mustn't cage him too tightly. If you show him how clingy you are, his affection might cool.
That was what my fourth sister had told me not long ago, when we last spoke.
Sister is right.
She had a wonderful marriage and plenty of children. She wouldn't give bad advice.
So I held back and let him go. Karl and I still had a long, long time ahead of us. I couldn't start acting like a possessive, stifling wife this early on.
I pictured Karl looking at me coldly. "Being with you is suffocating, Mar. Can't you trust me?"
My body trembled again at the thought.
No. Absolutely not. I could never bear being hated by Karl.
"See you tomorrow, Karl."
I saw him off with the brightest smile I could manage.
I couldn't stand being hated by him—but then, I already trusted him from the start. He simply wasn't telling me because I never asked. He wouldn't be doing anything he needed to hide from me.
...Yes. Of course that was it. I trusted Karl.
"I'll be going. I enjoyed today as well."
The next day, Karl left early again.
Even so, I trusted him more than anyone.
"Ah, time for me to go."
The day after that, he rose from his seat once more.
Even so, I loved and trusted Karl more than anyone else in this world.
"I'm sorry. I think I need to leave first."
...I trusted him...
The moment I confirmed he had left the vice president's office, I found myself biting my nails.
Why...?
For a few days I understood. I told myself Karl must have some busy work, some personal matter.
But once it stretched past a week and started racing toward two, anxiety was inevitable. What on earth was going on? For Karl to be moving this frantically, it couldn't be anything ordinary.
And we had promised each other: if something came up, we would tell the other. No secrets—just the truth. Anything busy enough to keep him this occupied should have been more than worth mentioning.
Something he can't tell me?
My mind went blank. Something to hide from me. Something he mustn't say to me.
"Devotion is important. But if you pour your heart out too one-sidedly, the other person can grow tired of it."
My fourth sister's words rose again. Showing affection mattered, she had said, but if you loved too unilaterally the other person might start taking it for granted and grow distant.
Really?
I felt the blood drain from me. Had he truly grown tired of me? Had his heart turned toward someone else?
No. Ours wasn't a one-sided relationship. Karl loved me too. We were mutual, not one-way.
...Truly?
Once my thoughts tilted toward the worst, the grim possibilities piled up beyond control.
Karl had said he would be honest with me. That there would be no more secrets. And from then until now we had spent time together, laughing.
But strictly speaking, he had never formally asked me to be with him. There had been no engagement, no promise of marriage.
The thought that only I had been happy. That Karl had stayed with me out of guilt. That he had someone else in his heart. The horrible imaginings lined up one after another.
No.
My fists clenched tight.
It was undignified for a duke's daughter, but I followed after Karl. To quiet this anxiety, I needed to see with my own two eyes what was going on.
Even so, I avoided trailing right behind him. Karl was far too good at sensing another person's presence; if I tailed him closely he would notice at once.
Father was the same way.
When I was little and tried to sneak up behind him, he would suddenly spin around and startle me instead. Did all martial artists have senses that sharp?
At any rate, I asked students along the way and tracked where Karl had gone. The place I arrived at was the research wing, where the faculty offices were clustered.
What?
It was such an unexpected destination that I could only blink. Anywhere Karl went would have been surprising, really, but a faculty research office was in a league of its own.
I carefully moved from door to door, peering into the rooms. Through the windows I saw classrooms empty of their main instructors—only assistant teachers remaining—or instructors speaking with their assistants.
Only after checking office after office did I finally spot a familiar back.
Karl.
The instant I confirmed it was him, I dropped into a crouch. If he glanced toward the window he would catch me immediately.
I lifted my head just enough to read the nameplate: History Instructor Gerhardt. History... I still had no idea what connection that had to Karl.
If it had been the swordsmanship club, maybe.
That I would have understood. Young Master Erich belonged there, after all.
"—ni, ———ssuh—?"
"—— gam—!"
While I was still puzzling over the link between Karl and history, conversation drifted from inside the office. Of course I couldn't make out the details.
I forced my hammering heart to calm and slowly rose.
Ah.
And there he was—Karl, smiling as he spoke with a woman who had deep blue hair.
Gerhardt had stepped out on urgent business. Ordinarily the research office would have fallen into silence—
"You've already written this much?"
"It's all thanks to you, Inspector. Thank you so much!"
Ever since learning that Christina was the Minister's niece by marriage, I had made a point of striking up conversation.
At first she had been a little awkward around me, but time, as always, had done its work. Now we got along fine even without Gerhardt present.
It would have been easier if I'd never known.
If word got out that I had snubbed her or been indifferent despite knowing who she was, that would be a problem. So I made sure to treat her as kindly as I could.
"Udesre Zairug could fire several arrows in a single draw. And even then, he never missed."
"That's amazing."
"That's the kind of men who made up Kagan's Eight Steeds."
Still, I never strayed from the original purpose of sharing knowledge.
It was a familiar space, yet sometimes the atmosphere felt strangely off. Right now was one of those times.
What is this?
The moment I stepped into the vice president's office, a nameless pressure settled on my shoulders. It had been fine until yesterday.
I glanced over. Margeta was quietly signing documents.
"Karl."
Once she finished signing, she spoke in a low voice.
She was smiling, but it felt forced in a way it never usually did. The rims of her eyes were faintly red, too.
"Am I... not enough for you?"
"...What?"
She dropped a bombshell I never saw coming. Not enough? What was she talking about?
After that I barely managed to hold a conversation while wrestling my whirling thoughts into order.
"That you've been... secretly meeting another young lady... behind my back..."
Margeta tried to speak calmly, but she couldn't stop her voice from trembling.
Even if her voice had been steady, one look at her face would have told me she was anything but fine.
I messed up.
Only after hearing her explanation did I understand. Once again I had made an absolute fool's mistake.
It was true I hadn't told her what I'd been doing lately. But it hadn't been deliberate; I simply thought saying "work" was enough and never went into detail. Of course if she had asked I would have explained—
No. I should have spoken up before she had to ask.
Experience really does matter.
I nearly sighed at the sheer scale of my blunder.
Thinking back, I had never had a normal relationship—not before the possession, and not after it either. With Hecate we had rolled through the North and shared the same tent; we knew everything without needing to say it.
Because it was the only romance of my life, I had taken it as the standard. That hadn't been normal at all—it had been the exception.
"Mar."
I caught Margeta's hands as her gaze slowly dropped. No matter how I dressed it up, this was my fault.
I had been leaving earlier than usual without properly explaining why. Even I would have been anxious in her place.
Because she never asked, because I assumed Margeta of all people would understand, I had been far too careless. I never even realized she was holding it all in.
"I'm sorry. I've been far too thoughtless."
Then I explained everything in detail. That Gerhardt had asked me to advise on northern research, and that the assistant teacher Christina was the Minister's niece, so I had been making a special effort to be kind.
And of course I kept apologizing as I went.
"I—I see. I'm sorry. I completely misunderstood."
Her face flushed for an entirely different reason now, and Margeta scrambled to smooth things over.
But what did she have to be sorry for? This one was squarely on me. I was the one who had given her no warning at all, the one who had left her trembling with anxiety.
If there had been real trust to begin with...
If we had the kind of unshakable faith that could laugh off a small misalignment, none of this would have happened.
"Mar?"
In that case, building that trust was my job, wasn't it?
"Once next year's New Year's Audience is over..."
Even so, it was too soon right now. I wouldn't have the time until after the New Year's Audience at the earliest.
"...would it be all right if I paid a visit to His Grace the Iron Blood Duke?"
"Pardon?"
At those words, Margeta's eyes went perfectly round.