The First Thing I Ever Wanted
"Your grades! Your practical exams! All excellent, Lady Celia."
"As expected! Lady Celia de Valstein, the pride of House Valstein!"
I had noticed it since childhood, from the moment my mind first began to sharpen.
Everyone around me was extraordinarily kind.
Why? For what reason?
Even at a glance, the way they treated me was nothing like the way they treated anyone else. I was desperately curious about where that difference came from.
And so I came to understand something: for a person to be liked, certain ingredients are required.
Looks that outshone those of others.
Being the sole daughter of House Valstein, one of the three great ducal families of the Alpha Kingdom.
A talent for the martial arts that surpassed not only her peers, but people well beyond her age.
"This is extraordinary…! Lady Celia is the bearer of the Ice Soul! This can only be the blessing of our ancestor, the Ice Sword Emperor!"
I even became the master of the Ice Soul — a rare ability that had been passed down through the family only in the scarcest of cases.
The elders of the house, everyone except Father, congratulated me on being born with gifts greater than most, and told me in the same breath that I ought to be grateful.
Grateful for what, exactly…?
I had been this way since the day I was born. I could not begin to understand what I was supposed to give thanks for.
Whatever I studied, I absorbed without the slightest friction. Almost no one around me harbored any ill will toward me. Even when something that might have been called a crisis arose, I resolved it in the end.
Having never once known want, I had no idea what I was meant to be grateful for.
I could have ignored every word about gratitude and simply lived off my own excellence. After all… I had been born with more than most people.
But that command to be grateful lodged in me like a thorn, and I could not stop thinking about it.
Even though I owed no one anything, a strange sense of debt kept accumulating inside me. Even when I achieved something, it never felt as though I had truly earned it myself. Because I had talent, the results I obtained with less effort than others felt like nothing at all — and left me hollow.
"Our young lady is far too soft-hearted… This is a different territory, you know? If you keep helping them, they'll just keep coming."
"But if I ignore them, those children will go hungry for the day. As long as I'm staying here, I want to help as much as I can."
"Haa… If that's what you want, my lady. All right, children — this is from Lady Celia of House Valstein. If anyone asks who helped you, you say her name. Understood?"
At some point, I found myself unable to look away when I saw people struggling. I would step forward and help them. I shared what I had, or else put in the labor myself and moved with my own hands.
The more often I helped, the more freely the people around me praised me for my kindness.
Kind? That was absurd.
I had never helped them out of pure goodwill. I was simply lightening the debt that sat in my chest by aiding those who lacked something. It was never pure virtue — it was an act for my own comfort, so that I could feel at ease.
Still… I was helping them, in practice.
And was that not the truth of the world? People who help others out of pure selflessness are vanishingly rare. Most people find it difficult even to share a little of what they have…
"Lady Celia de Valstein. I wish to devote everything I am and become your one and only man."
Whenever men approached me with confessions, claiming they were interested in me, a quiet sneer rose inside me.
Their eyes saw only my appearance, or my other qualifications. They knew nothing of the person I actually was — and yet they acted as though they would lay down their entire lives for me.
"Lord Delos."
"Lady… Celia."
"Lord Delos is famous at the Academy as a prodigy of the sword, is he not?"
"Oh! So word of me has reached even your ears, my lady? Haha!"
His shoulders squared with pride as he laughed.
"Would you cut off your wrist and give it to me?"
"…Pardon?"
At that single sentence, his face went rigid, as though he must have misheard. A strange excitement stirred in my chest.
"You said you would devote everything to me, didn't you? I want Lord Delos's wrist. Of course, if you do that, you won't be able to swing that sword you're so proud of anymore, will you?"
I kept speaking, a smile forming on my face before I even realized it.
"Th-that's—! I—I have a prior engagement!"
Unable to endure the pressure, he could not finish another word. He simply turned his back and fled.
"Liar."
I condemned him — but inside, I felt a peculiar thrill.
No matter who a person is, giving up something precious is never easy. Myself included.
"I want Allen's hair."
"Would you give me those beautiful eyes of yours?"
"I think I could accept one of Lord Lucas's legs…"
After that, whenever someone clung to me with confessions, acting as though they would tear out their own guts for me, I playfully demanded the precious things they took pride in.
Naturally, no one accepted. And gradually, the confessions dwindled.
Ugly rumors must have circulated afterward — that the young lady of Valstein had grotesque tastes — but I did not care. If anything, the nuisances had simply disappeared.
And in the meantime, one conviction settled firmly in my heart.
There is no such thing as a person who would truly give everything for someone else.
"Selphy's… her smile was so beautiful… I really wanted to treat her well, and I tried so hard… Why did she leave me…?"
Watching him speak of the past with tears falling from those lightless black eyes, I felt a shock rise from the deepest part of myself.
This man named Abel had truly given everything — for a fleeting smile that one person had once given him.
For a Mana Road holder, a Mana Road is worth more than life itself. He had shattered his own to save the person he cherished from the brink of death. And even beyond that, he had devoted body and soul to a life lived for a woman named Seraphina.
Did Seraphina's smile possess that much value?
From what I had observed as a party companion, Seraphina was by no means that special. She was, at best, on the level of one of those slightly pretty noble young ladies I had seen in the capital's ballrooms. She always pretended otherwise, yet it was obvious she was constantly reading the room for her own advantage. And she had fallen for Leon Donauward — a thoroughly pathetic man with a rotten personality — and chased after him, which I personally found incomprehensible.
That Seraphina's smile was valuable? To me, it was worth less than trash rolling in the street.
"Did I do something wrong…? What on earth did I…"
He was a truly foolish man.
To give everything for a woman who was nothing special, to be betrayed, and still wear the eyes of someone about to die while searching for the reason in himself?
And at the same time, he felt truly extraordinary.
In all the years I had lived, I had never encountered a human being of this kind. I had never met a man who said he would give everything — and actually did.
"Let's meet again. It would trouble me if the person I saved came to harm."
So I wanted him to live.
Those eyes already looked like the eyes of a man who might die tomorrow — but I wanted him to live. Even in the middle of a schedule that demanded constant movement, I summoned the nearest steward and the captain of the family knights by the fastest post I could arrange, told them the location, and asked them to watch over the man named Abel so that he would not die.
If I had had the time, I would have looked after him myself… but with the thought that it would be a shame if he died, I left the city.
"Ah…!"
And then I met him again.
Amazingly, when I arrived at the castle gates, there he was among the family members gathered to welcome me — dressed in a black butler's uniform.
I had been in an irritable state, thinking of the pigs in the kingdom's command who ignored what was right and cared only for their own interests.
"What? Why are you here?"
The moment I saw him, every negative feeling vanished at once, and a tremendous curiosity surged up in its place.
"I wished to repay the grace of Lady Celia, who saved my life — so I have come to work here!"
Watching him shout in a loud, unwavering voice despite his fluster, I could not hold back the laughter that spilled out of me.
"Ahaha…!"
Consistently foolish. And what I had seen that day had not been a mistake after all.
If I became the precious person of someone like this… what kind of feeling would that be…?
"My lady, an invitation to the victory banquet at the royal palace has—"
"Mm. Cancel all of them."
I had no desire to go somewhere filled with people wearing masks to hide their true intentions, or people who openly displayed their filthy designs.
Twitch.
Instead, I went near the person who currently interested me most, and spent the entire day watching what he did.
Organizing books in the library and reading them. Cooking with practiced skill in an empty kitchen. Chatting amiably with the notoriously prickly old dwarf from the forge. And even carving wood into something I could not identify.
I briefly wondered whether all the servants of the estate were this busy — but the other servants did not seem to work quite like this.
Twitch!
Incidentally, the way he flinched every time I stared at him was so entertaining that I deliberately kept meeting his eyes on purpose.
"If there is anything you wish me to do, please give the order."
At last, Abel could not endure it any longer and asked.
"Abel. Speak casually with me."
Curious about how he would react, I said it while hiding my mischievous intent.
"Ah— I cannot! I am a butler of House Valstein, and you are my benefactor, my lady…! How could I use such an impertinent manner of speech?"
Watching Abel refuse like a wary herbivore—
Slurp…
—I felt something inside me lick its lips.
"Aaah~ I'm telling you to speak comfortably with me, and I'm ordering you to use casual speech… Ah, that's right! Abel, you said you owed me a debt, didn't you?"
I said it deliberately, teasingly, and the way he regarded me was written plainly across his face.
Barely holding back a laugh, I looked at him.
"Yes… You saved me when I was on the verge of death, my lady."
Abel spoke with a gloomy face, as though recalling the past.
As expected — a pure-hearted person who, if he felt gratitude, would try to repay it no matter what…
Thump… thump… thump…
My heart was racing. Not quite the racing of a girl who had fallen in love… more like the racing I felt just before defeating a formidable opponent.
"…Lia."
When he finally managed to say it, his cheeks flushed—
"Pfft…! Puhuh—!"
—I could not hold it in any longer and burst out laughing.
"It's a Go board, my lady."
When he answered my question in that businesslike tone again—
"I told you to call me Lia."
—I could not restrain myself for some reason. I seized his shoulders, brought my face close, and spoke while breathing against him.
Any other man, if I had done this, would have worn an expression full of superiority, as though he already possessed me.
"…All right. Lia."
At the way he still spoke while remaining wary of me—
"What's a Go board, Abel?"
—I hurriedly turned my head and pretended to ask a question.
Thump—! Thump—!
My heart was pounding madly.
From long ago, I had never once wanted the jewels, accessories, or dresses that other young ladies coveted.
"S-sorry! No — I apologize! It was force of habit!"
But the moment I saw Abel flustered — with a face and manner that made it obvious he was thinking of Seraphina—
For the first time, I felt an overwhelming possessiveness.
Ah… I want him.
No. I want to devour him.
Whenever I recall the bold way my lady declared, "Abel! Will you truly be able to satisfy me as my personal play-butler?!" — worry comes first.
Certainly, as the young lady of a ducal house, Lia must have attended glittering parties, famous concert halls, and theaters far beyond anything I could imagine. I truly did not know whether the kinds of games I had enjoyed in the village where I grew up would be enough to satisfy a noble young lady's tastes.
Even so, this was my first chance to repay something to Lia, my benefactor — so I resolved to do my best, and I crafted as many kinds of playthings as I could.
Wooden tops, kites, jegi, a yut board — I made them all through woodworking.
"…"
As I fashioned them one by one, memories of playing with these things long ago rose to the surface.
Seraphina had always been beside me.
"Abel!"
At the voice calling my name, I lifted my head — and there was Lia, wearing a sky-blue dress that matched her hair, running toward me while waving her arms with all her might.
"If you had waited, I would have come to find you…"
"I'm incredibly free right now! So of course I should come find you. More importantly — it's Lia, remember? Li-a."
"Right. Lia."
Our young lady laughed with a delighted little ehehe, looking thoroughly satisfied.
"Anyway, there are so many of them. What is all this?"
She soon showed interest in the playthings laid out below.
"They're tools I made so I could play with you, Lia. Mm. This one's a top, and…"
Starting with the top, I explained the purpose of each plaything.
"Uung… There are too many. I can't remember them all, Abel."
Lia picked up one of the tops and spoke to me with a dejected look.
"It's fine. Once we play together, you'll learn them quickly."
"Okay! I'll play with Abel."
And so began our top battles with Lia.
I had wondered whether a young lady who had never tried this kind of game could enjoy it, but…
"One! Two! Shoot! Go, Turtle Assault!!"
Lia rapidly unwound the string she had wound around her top and shouted the name she had given it, thoroughly excited.
"Win! Don't lose! Turtle Assault!!"
She was so immersed that I could not possibly imagine she was merely playing along, cheering for the tops as they collided on the wooden arena.
In my heart, I wanted Lia's top to win, but—
Tak—!
"Ah!"
My top, which had more blade-like edges attached, struck Lia's blunt defensive top and sent it flying.
"Ah… nooo… my Turtle Assault…"
"I got lucky."
"It's because of the blades! Attach blades for me too, Abel!"
"Pfft—"
At the sight of Celia, overflowing with competitive spirit, even holding back tears as she begged like a child, a laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it.
"Ah… aah…!"
Lia flushed, clutched the hem of her skirt, and bowed her head. She must have realized, belatedly, that she had been far too unguarded, and was embarrassed.
As a butler, I could not leave my lady in an awkward position…
"Give it here. I'll carve blades onto it."
"…"
She gave no verbal answer, yet Lia set her top down on my outstretched palm.
Shhk. Shhk.
"Here. Make this part pointed, and this part like a curved blade."
While I carved the top, Lia — as though she had never been embarrassed at all — kept listing her demands from beside me.
Tak—! Tak—!
"Win, Turtle Assault!"
Piiik—!!
"Kyaa—! My Turtle Assault won!!"
The moment Lia's Turtle Assault knocked my top away, she threw both arms up and hopped in place.
At the sight of her so thoroughly delighted, I felt a sense of pride as well — until—
"Abel! I won!"
Looking at Lia as she gazed at me with a pure, radiant smile—
…Abel!
—for an instant, the smile I had once fallen for overlapped with hers.
Huh…?
I had clearly loved Selphy's smile. Just having Selphy smile at me had felt like compensation for everything.
And yet I could no longer remember that smile I had held so dear.
"Thank you, Abel. I haven't had this much fun in so long."
Looking into those violet eyes as she took both my hands and beamed—
"If you enjoyed it… then I'm glad."
—heat began to rise in my face.
"Hey, Abel. Since you played with me so well…"
Lia, who had approached without a sound once again, smiled sweetly.
"Would it be all right if I examined your Mana Road one more time?"
She brought up something I had not expected at all.