There's No Way Our Kid Would Do That
Hoping the seeds he had sown yesterday would fully sprout overnight had been pure greed.
Obviously, once you plant a seed, waiting at least a few months is only natural, right?
So of course a period of patience was only to be expected.
“Sitri, why can’t I watch Yoanna grow?”
Still, wanting to see the seeds he had planted grow was only human nature.
While reviewing the documents the judges had submitted, Dantalion grumbled to Sitri.
Sitri, who had been helping him with the paperwork, answered.
“That’s because Your Honor never properly read the game rules. Who told you to dump power on her like that?”
“I don’t think that level of help really counts as dumping power.”
“It absolutely does.”
Mammon Corp’s Raising Intelligent Beings was a game.
And game companies never liked cheat-level play.
Having finished her share of the work, Sitri pointed at the ranking button on the game screen.
“You can’t make the other users feel deprived because of Your Honor, can you? Your presence alone made the number-one spot wobble once already.”
“Then what about the shop tucked away in the corner?”
Dantalion clicked the shop button on the screen as he asked.
The shop opened, revealing a whole array of elixirs and bonuses that could be bought with Hell currency.
Didn’t that also create a sense of deprivation among users?
Yet Sitri thumped her chest with complete confidence.
“That one’s fine because it’s filled with love for the game.”
“……”
Since when did love come with a limited number of uses and a time limit?
Dantalion stared at Sitri as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, then stamped the final document.
He rolled his neck about ninety degrees to loosen the muscles and reached for a cigarette.
A single Yeomrasan cigarette after finishing work was pure bliss—
Beep-beep-beep!
“…What is this?”
With a crudely formed mouth clamping the cigarette, Dantalion glared at the notification window that filled his vision.
The notification was from Helltok, the most widely used messenger app in Hell.
It had been created by a famous Hell technician who drew inspiration from novels in the mortal world…
When he clicked the blazing notification, a rabbit-eared woman’s winking emoticon appeared.
Looking thoroughly disgusted, Dantalion asked Sitri,
“Has the Belief Bureau started sending spam these days?”
“I wouldn’t know? Lady Asmodeus is… unique, but she isn’t the type to mess around with work.”
“Hmm…”
The Belief Bureau.
Simply put, it was the place demons and residents of Hell who had become objects of worship eventually visited.
I’ve never founded a faith.
Dantalion had never been particularly interested in being worshipped.
Some demons made a living off faith, but realistically, how could the Chief Justice of Hell ever be short on money?
Aside from that, the ones who visited the Belief Bureau were usually bored or simply loved attention…
“Why don’t you go check it out first?”
“Yeah, I suppose I should.”
“Then, as usual, by car—”
“Teleport us, please.”
“……”
When he answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Sitri glared at him with a sulky expression.
But there was no helping it. This wasn’t a scheduled appointment; it had come up out of nowhere, so finishing it quickly and resting was better, wasn’t it?
Pouting, Sitri muttered,
“If you keep neglecting her, my precious car is going to rust.”
“My precious car? Have you forgotten who the actual owner is?”
“But Your Honor never drives. So it’s basically mine.”
“A judge’s secretary treating the law like garbage, I see. Next time we’ll go by car, so just move us already.”
Only then did Sitri smile brightly and place a hand on his shoulder.
A moment later, Sitri’s shadow swallowed them both.
Public institutions usually give off a clean, simple impression.
Angular buildings, neatly dressed staff, a certain dignity of public service—those were the usual hallmarks.
“Whoa… that’s Lady Asmodeus’s new full-body statue.”
“I truly cannot understand why they put up something like that.”
The first thing the two of them saw upon arriving at the Belief Bureau was a full-body statue of its director.
What possible reason was there to dress a marble statue in shoes, stockings, and even clothes?
Dantalion felt a strong urge to turn around and leave immediately.
“I want to finish this and go home as soon as possible.”
“Really? I think it’s pretty fun. Oh… normally Lady Asmodeus wears pink pan—”
“Enjoying molesting a statue right in front of your superior, are you? Stop it and let’s go.”
He grabbed Sitri’s arm as she reached out with an overly familiar hand toward the statue and pulled her inside the building.
As the statue out front already suggested, the Belief Bureau was a thoroughly unhinged place.
Naturally, the staff were a little unhinged as well…
“Oh my gosh! Isn’t that the Chief Justice?! I’m a huge fan!!”
“Kyaaaah! Then that must be Lady Sitri? I saw you driving last time and you looked so cool!!”
“Heh!”
“……”
Why were the employees dressed in rabbit-themed outfits?
And why was his subordinate looking so smug and snorting with pride?
Having given up on understanding, Dantalion roughly signed the paper the staff held out and got to the point.
“I received a message that a new faith under my name has been discovered.”
“Ah, Lady Asmodeus said she would handle that personally!”
“That’s right! She said it’s important!”
“Is it a problem you can’t resolve yourselves?”
“Yes! She told us to send you up the moment you arrived because it’s something we can’t be trusted with!”
So he would have to meet that woman after all?
After even posing for photos with the squealing staff, Dantalion headed for the elevator.
Ding!
The doors opened. He stepped inside and reached for the top-floor button.
— Entering may cause cardiac arrest from excessive cuteness! —
“Your Honor, your finger is curling up.”
“I feel like I’m going to smash the button. Could you press it for me?”
“Of course.”
Sitri pressed the button as if it were nothing.
Dantalion stared at the rising floor numbers and tried to regain his composure.
This will be over quickly. Just meet her, hear the message, and leave.
In the end, everything was only a moment.
Thinking that way, peace of mind seemed to return of its own accord.
Then the elevator doors opened on the top floor.
“Dante-chaaaaaan!!!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.”
A woman in a fluttering outfit of mixed pink and black charged at Dantalion.
Looking thoroughly disgusted, Dantalion grabbed her arm, spun her in a wide circle, and flung her away.
Boing.
The rabbit-shaped cushion on her back served admirably as a shock absorber.
With a bizarre sound effect, the woman’s body soared through the air. She spun midair as if she were a gymnast.
Thud!
Landing with flair, the woman twitched her rabbit ears and spread both arms wide.
“Dante-chan! Sitri-chan! It’s been so long!!”
“Asmodeus, you’re as loud as ever. More importantly, the Helltok message—”
“Then a love huuuuuug!!!”
Snap!
When she tried another tackle, Dantalion flicked his fingers.
A red cloth that appeared from thin air instantly bound Asmodeus.
“Heeung… Dante-chan is so rough.”
“I genuinely want to kill you.”
Watching Asmodeus blush and writhe on her own, murderous intent surged through Dantalion.
Sitri stepped forward in his place.
“Lady Asmodeus, it’s been a while.”
“Sitri-chan!”
Asmodeus’s rabbit ears twitched happily.
Sitri gave Dantalion a small nod as if to say it was fine.
After a brief moment of hesitation, Dantalion flicked his fingers again and dismissed the red cloth.
The moment she landed, Asmodeus scampered over to Sitri.
Grab!
When Asmodeus latched onto her waist, Sitri lifted her high and spun her around.
Then, still holding her, she dove onto the huge bed in the center of the room!
Asmodeus burst into delighted giggles for no apparent reason.
The chat that began that way lasted ten minutes… fifteen… thirty…
“Hwaa~ I want to talk more, but good little As-chan will hold back!”
“……”
After a moment’s thought, Dantalion relaxed the fist he had clenched.
It wasn’t that his anger had cooled; it was simply that this woman would clearly take even a punch as affection.
This is exactly why I didn’t want to meet her.
Asmodeus of Lust.
Director of the Belief Bureau and a major CEO who held sway over various entertainment businesses.
“Ah, wait just a second! I have to answer the messages my fans sent!”
And Hell’s top influencer.
That said, being an influencer didn’t mean Asmodeus only received goodwill.
Affection, love, jealousy, obsession, love-hate—the gazes directed at influencers were so varied they couldn’t all be listed.
But that didn’t matter.
“Kyaaaaah! Look at this~ They love me so much they want to kill me!!”
“That one actually wants to kill you.”
She was an extreme love-obsessed maniac who interpreted every kind of attention as love.
Having finished replying to all her fans in an instant, Asmodeus was about to open her itching mouth when—
“Is it true that a faith under my name has been discovered?”
Seizing the moment, Dantalion quickly shoved the Helltok message in front of her.
Asmodeus nodded vigorously, looking delighted that he had spoken to her first.
“Yep yep! Of course it’s true! I’m not a bad girl who lies about stuff like that!”
“I’ve never spread any faith, though?”
“Really? But it really exists?”
She pulled a remote from a horned-rabbit-shaped pouch and pressed a button.
A large screen appeared in midair.
A naked woman offering a living person’s heart as sacrifice.
A warrior splitting a living person’s back and tearing out the ribs.
And a blind priest plucking out a living person’s eyes—each filled the screen in turn.
“Have you recently developed sadistic hobbies?”
“Nuh-uh, nuh-uh? This is just Dante-chan’s believers’ taste? Dante-chan’s believers love human sacrifice so much that only these channels come up, you know?”
“Absurd. Have you forgotten what I do for a living?”
Dantalion let out a hollow laugh at Asmodeus’s excuse.
Why on earth would followers of the Chief Justice who punishes sin be torturing living people?
Hell’s work wasn’t always perfect either, so this was clearly some kind of mistake…
“Hm?”
At that moment, a familiar voice from the screen struck his ears.
His gaze turned to the screen.
Under a night sky painted even blacker by ink-like torrential rain,
A man impaled on a sword and pinned to the wall begged the girl before him for his life.
The way he flailed his hands and shed tears was truly pitiful and wretched, yet—
The girl showed no interest in the man at all.
Finishing her prayer, she rose from her soaked knees and, with an indifferent face, pulled the sword from the man’s stomach.
Crunch!
When the blade came free, debris from the wall and the man’s entrails spilled out.
Watching the sight without expression, the girl walked out of the alley.
Then—
Rumble!
Lightning crashed down from the sky and lit the girl’s face.
“Yoanna???”
Dantalion froze on the spot.