Chapter 199
Chapter 199
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 199
Chapter Title: The Lord's Buttocks (4)
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"Buttocks! Buttocks! The Lord's buttocks!"
"Ooooh... Finally! Finally, we're saved! I believe!"
Pink fireworks bursting overhead, and the fanatics utterly entranced by the massive peach.
In the midst of those tripped out on hallucinogens, Kim Won-cheol stripped off his cumbersome robes and flung them skyward.
He shouted at the Ammunition Group intel team staff as he charged toward the altar up top.
"Don't let them anywhere near the altar! They're so far gone, they won't even have the strength to swing at you!"
"Don't worry about us, sir—just handle your business, Deputy Director!"
While the intel team held back the fanatics, Kim Won-cheol bounded up the stairs leading straight to the altar.
His old Special Forces physique was long gone; his breathing grew heavier with each step.
"Ugh, my poor knees. What kind of stairs are this steep? Gonna wreck my joints. Anyway."
But even through his ragged breaths, a laugh slipped out.
His eyes locked on the small door set into that giant peach up above.
"Heh heh heh. How the hell does he come up with these batshit crazy ops?"
He wiped the sweat from his brow, thinking of the mastermind behind this absurd plan.
The man named Han Seo-jun, who shaved his remaining hair clean off and spat out the answer like it was basic arithmetic.
After infiltrating the Garden of the Lord, they'd had another secret call.
"No need to overcomplicate it. Just bulldoze straight ahead. Like a bulldozer."
"What're you talking about? That's not like our Chairman—going without any schemes or tricks."
It was a bit off from his usual style—not Zhuge Liang, more like Xiahou Dun.
With a vibe like, "Why ask something so obvious?" came the explanation.
"It's an 8m x 8m x 8m, 300-ton monster. Topped off with a peach cosplay, the symbol of divinity."
"Yeah, sure. And?"
"The doped-up fanatics under mass hypnosis from the big ritual—what do you think that peach monster looks like to them? If I were in that state..."
The bulldozer enthusiast picked up where he'd left off with a sly chuckle.
"The miracle descended before their eyes. [The Lord's Buttocks] itself—they'll see it as a miracle."
And now.
Just like he'd said, the fanatics below screamed themselves hoarse.
"Buttocks! Buttocks! Waaaaaah!"
With their foaming, half-mad cheers as his soundtrack, Kim Won-cheol raced on, mulling over the op's key points.
"So when the moment comes, just do two simple things. First, keep the believers from swarming the altar. Then..."
Thwack-thwack—his slippers slapping against the stone steps.
Just six or seven steps from the top now. The scene before him was one wrong move from exploding.
Two bound Jewish men and the unconscious Princess Hina, with the cult leader Park Geum-deok gripping a knife and wearing a twisted expression.
Seeing that, Kim Won-cheol yanked something from his belt in a panic.
"Second, extinguish the spark that's about to blow up the altar as fast as you can. Literally."
"Literally...?"
Amazed once more at the foresight of the young master he served, he finished the flashback, pulled the pin on the thing in his hand.
Then spat out a resigned line.
"Who'd have thought 'literally' meant this... Screw it. Put out the fire first. Raaah!"
* * * *
Just before Kim Won-cheol—bad knees and all—bolted up the stairs, cult leader Park Geum-deok stood atop the marble-decorated altar.
The fanatics' butt chants from below must've really grated on her; she didn't even try to hide her fury.
"You idiots! Anyone can see it's a mining truck with a peach shell on it! Are you all blind as bats?"
"It's the hallucinogens—they've lost their minds. We need to get out of here, now!"
At least the evangelist seemed to grasp the situation coolly, quickly sorting out options amid the chaos.
Of course, his suggestion got drowned out by my voice that followed.
-From this moment... I extend my hand in the name of the holy Lord! The hand of salvation that will pull you all from this hellish place!
My sacred, stirring voice mixed with the mechanical tone.
It sounded anything but holy at first listen, but who cared.
To the fanatics already seeing this mining truck as [The Lord's Buttocks], the voice alone was an object of worship.
"Urgh... That heretic spouting nonsense!"
"Prophet Mother! Get away, now! We need to plan for later!"
Park Geum-deok clutched her knife, hesitating.
Yeah, run. Better to get caught fleeing now than make this worse. If she dragged it out... she'd face a tragedy she couldn't handle.
But.
"No. I can't run!"
"Prophet Mother? I mean... Sister Geum-deok?"
"It has to be now! How much time and money have I poured into the Japan expansion!"
My worst premonition never failed.
She screamed at the evangelist like it was her last stand. Veins bulged angrily on her knife hand.
"Sister... what are you planning in this mess?"
"We push through! Aside from that heretic truck, everything's still in place!"
Park Geum-deok bellowed in a frenzy.
Her bulging eyes had been bloodshot red for ages, greed-stricken capillaries bursting everywhere.
"Cops, firefighters—not even a lowly township clerk can get here! I shipped all the local dirtbag farmers off on tour buses!"
"Sister Geum-deok..."
"Even better. Use this to wrap up the Second Coming as fast as possible. And that nameless guy in the cockpit..."
Her knife tip pointed my way in the cockpit. The blade caught the faint new moon light, glinting coldly like it demanded blood.
"Drag him out and make him the sacrifice. Perfect timing today. I'll get a good look at a still-beating heart. First off..."
And so... Park Geum-deok resolved to do the unforgivable.
Her gaze shifted to the opposite side, toward Princess Hina slumped against the altar.
"We start with the ones who deserve to die! Draw the pigs' eyes first!"
* * * *
-Fwoosh!
I hadn't even noticed the screen. That white cloth hung behind the altar doubled as a projector.
Park Geum-deok had the evangelist zoom in tight on her knife-wielding self.
She thrust the blade toward the unconscious Jewish men and bellowed at max volume to the fanatics below.
"Sinful flock of lambs! In service to the holy God's will, I shall rip out the heart of the wicked—and thus your original sins shall be torn away as well!"
Her mad voice hit the fanatics right in the chest.
Their eyes shifted back from [The Lord's Buttocks] to the altar.
"Oh...! It's Prophet Mother!"
"Offering the sacrifice right now! The Second Coming we've awaited is finally here!"
Her one last chance, handed to her on a platter. Heart pounding like it might burst, she dragged the barely conscious Princess Hina along.
"Urgh, so heavy...! But if not now, I lose it all. My entire kingdom built over twenty years!"
Park Geum-deok stood before the altar.
As if on cue...
A summer breeze carrying the thick, ripe scent of peaches.
The slightly muggy wind brushed her cheek as she mustered her final strength and roared.
"Repent in blood! By me, through me, for me... you foolish flock!"
"Bullshit."
And at that moment.
I witnessed the scene head-on—the one I wished would never happen.
No more waiting, no more overlooking. What this unhinged woman needed was a proper thrashing. A hot one, courtesy of Ammunition Group's signature fireworks.
-Boom-boom-boom-boom!
"Gyaaah...! Aaaargh, it's hot!"
Several small fireworks rocketed out with a racket, smacking right into Park Geum-deok's back.
-Sssizzle!
"Whew, made it just in time!"
Perfect timing, luckily.
Kim Won-cheol Uncle whipped out a mini fire extinguisher from his pocket and sprayed her down.
Didn't give a damn if the crazy cult leader got hurt... but couldn't let Princess Hina in her grasp get caught in the flames.
"Gaaah! You cursed heretics! Rot in hell forever, you viper spawn!"
Her back must've stung like hell.
She rolled on the ground like a pig in mud, tears streaming.
To this utterly worldly woman, I had just one thing to say.
"Nope. Cold water has an order, and the first to repent for her sins is you, Park Geum-deok."
* * * *
After fireworks to the back for Park Geum-deok and having Kim Won-cheol Uncle shield Princess Hina.
No time to wake the two snoozing Jewish guys. They'd stay in dreamland for now.
At least... until I calmed the fanatics bewildered by this sudden mess.
"Hear me, you of misguided faith!"
Cue the impromptu performance.
Stern face, stern voice, stern pose—and murmurs reached my ears from the crowd.
"The one from [The Lord's Buttocks]... could it be... an angel?"
"Angel! It's an angel for sure! But... why punish Prophet Mother?"
No.
Not just cult leader level—no mere human, but an angel? What nonsense.
"Makes my head spin..."
But right now, angel or angel grandpa, whatever worked. To safely corral this uncontrollable mob.
"Satan possessed this woman and dared misuse the Lord's name! I stand here to judge her!"
Angel cosplay, go.
Luckily, the hallucinogen haze lingered.
With the Ammunition Group intel team's agitation as backup, the rank-and-file believers conjured faith on the spot.
"Satan! Satan! Hallelujah!"
"Mercy, angel! Spare us! Don't punish us!"
Me, waving the so-called holy sword she'd been clutching.
As the cheers died down a bit, I pointed the blade at the massive chapel and boomed.
"You foolish flock—go to the chapel and repent! Keep your eyes shut tight from sunrise to sunset, all day long!"
"Amen! Amen! We didn't know, angel! We'll atone and repent—forgive us!"
They filed in with eerie orderliness.
Only after the last straggler vanished inside could I finally exhale in relief.
While taking in Kim Won-cheol Uncle's admiring whistle beside me.
"Man... you're a natural cult leader. Chairman, thinking of a career change?"
"Hoo... couldn't do this twice if you paid me."
But at that moment, I had no idea.
That I'd go beyond mere cult status to the fervent cheers of a massively popular religion.
And it all started... right there on the altar, with those two Jewish guys snoring away.