098 – Grasping the Blade #3
When I stood in front of the building with the expensive Security Bureau map I'd just bought, someone emerged from the shadows.
"My brother Joy. I figured you'd head to the Security Bureau to reclaim that Fantasy Nymph statue, and sure enough, my prediction was spot on. This Crowzer shall aid his brother!"
"Crowzer, how did you know I'd come to the Security Bureau?"
"Joy, you had the face of a man marching to his death. Just like mine back when I headed to the underworld to retrieve Eurydol. Planning to go die?"
"I'm not going to die. I'm just going to confirm whether I'm really alive or not."
In truth, I was going there to survive. But Crowzer trembled as if deeply moved.
"Indeed! But I hear the Security Bureau's entry procedures take at least a few months—or even years—until formal approval comes through. So, sneaking in undercover is the way to go!"
As Crowzer said, the Security Bureau's entry requirements were incredibly strict. The Soul Society's civil servants had no lifespan limit, so they were laid-back, dragging out processes endlessly. Plus, it was a place you could only enter after rigorous audits.
Crowzer pointed at the guards with their glowing red eyes standing at the Security Bureau entrance.
"You know what? They say the Security Bureau's skeleton guards stand there without sleeping for 24 hours straight, not even twitching. Sneaking past their eyes is impossible."
Formal visit: minimum a few months. Sneaking in: impossible due to ironclad security. As I pondered how to get into such a fortress, Crowzer pulled a harmonica from his pocket.
"Lulling the guards to sleep and slipping into the building? That's no challenge for this Crowzer. I'll quiet them with my beautiful melody—just watch closely!"
Preeee—. Crowzer started playing the harmonica.
"Hear that noisy sound somewhere?"
"Yeah. Seems like it's coming from over there."
Thud, thud—. Wait, instead of falling asleep to the music, they're heading toward the corner where we're hiding?
If we stayed put, we'd get searched for sure. As I panicked a bit, Crowzer pulled out the electric guitar slung on his back.
"Just as I planned. Time for my beloved treasure to shine. Don't worry—I've got it all figured out. Been too long since I felt the guitar in my hands."
He was clearly planning to mesmerize the skeleton guards with guitar sounds. Even in this situation, I was secretly looking forward to how cool his performance would be. After all, though Crowzer looked like a failed stock-trading clown now, his true identity was the famous musician Orpheus.
But when the skeleton soldiers reached the corner, Crowzer hoisted the guitar high and smashed it down on a skeleton soldier's skull with all his might.
"Crowzer Technique, Chapter 37! Ruthless Guitar!"
Crack—!
"Gahk!"
"Heh heh! Nothing beats the feel of a guitar! No time to dawdle—hurry inside!"
…!? What the hell? Knocking out Security Bureau guards and breaking in illegally?
If word got out, we'd face punishment for sure.
…Punishment. Actually, isn't that a good thing?
With that thought, I slipped into the Security Bureau building alongside Crowzer, shh shh shh.
The Security Bureau building was beautiful, like a mansion—practically a palace, considering the Moirae had stayed here.
"The warehouse storing inspected documents and items should be somewhere on this first floor. Sneak in, grab what you want, and get out fast—that's a perfect crime!"
"Crowzer, you seem awfully knowledgeable about the Security Bureau."
"Heh heh, somewhere in here are the inspected sheet music of the Muse goddesses. If I can snag that, regaining my fame as a musician will be no problem!"
As I'd mentioned before, the Muse goddesses were Crowzer's mother and aunts, the very source of inspiration for all artists. Sheet music penned by them would guarantee success for any musician.
"That inspected sheet music will fetch a fortune with its fame and rarity! Just auction it at Pandora Market, and I'll make a killing!"
Selling sheet music made by his mom and aunts for cash? Where'd his pride as a musician go, Crowzer?
Then trouble hit.
Weee-ooo-weee-ooo!
Weee-ooo-weee-ooo!
"Intruders!"
"The main gate guards triggered the intruder alarm!"
The Security Bureau's tight security wasn't a lie—barely ten minutes in, and the alarms blared.
"Joy! What do we do?!"
Crowzer trembled at the sound of footsteps rushing through the halls. Honestly, I had no clever solution either.
If we got caught like this, tomorrow's headlines would scream, "Joy Caught Sneaking into Security Bureau!" Demotion and firing talks would follow, and I'd escape to the surface. Not a bad outcome.
"There they are."
Clack—.
Then a golden-armored skeleton knight appeared from around the stairwell corner where we'd hidden. The ornate, artistic armor looked familiar.
It was Achilles, the underworld's top warrior I'd met before.
"Joy, and that weird clown next to him. Never thought you'd infiltrate the Security Bureau. Foolish. Don't resist. You don't want to get hurt."
Shing—. Achilles drew his sword from his waist.
I was tense but excited to see the Achilles I'd only heard about in stories in action.
If I die here, I'll revive in the Soul Society as a permanent contract worker. So, best to surrender quietly.
I decided to surrender, slowly raising my hands and stepping forward.
Crowzer gaped at me.
"Joy! Why are you being so compliant?! Not like the man called a devil! You aren't scared of some Achilles, are you?!"
"Some Achilles?"
The already menacing skeleton knight's face seemed to darken further.
But oblivious Crowzer kept yelling.
"Got it! It's a strategy! You wouldn't surrender this easily! This Crowzer knew it! You were just pretending to lure out an opening!"
"…Makes sense! Joy, you dared to deceive me? Pretending to surrender to ambush me? No scheme works against battle-hardened Achilles!"
Shing—! Achilles gripped his sword and assumed a stance.
In this powder-keg situation, I felt wronged. Then Achilles spotted the vial on my waist and freaked out.
"…That's poison surpassing the Hydra's!? One drop turns meters around into a dead zone—the Soul Society's worst venom!"
"This? Yeah?"
I knew the vial from the married nymph contained venom worse than Hydra's. It looked vicious, but I planned to use it later for hell cockroach pesticide. If a manager-level roach popped out, I'd need something potent.
"That much in a vial would turn the whole Security Bureau into a wasteland! Joy, to think you'd attempt a venom terror attack! You heartless devil!"
Achilles, with only bones left, sweated bullets, unable to hide his tension. Now even I was scared of the vial on my waist.
"Wait, misunderstanding. I—."
Jingle—.
I reached for the terrifying vial to drop it away from me. Achilles panicked more, hurling his sword to the floor.
Clang—!
"You venomous bastard! Still going for terror?! As you saw, I'm unarmed now!"
"Now's the time! Wail! My guitar!"
Twang—! Crowzer lunged like lightning, smashing Achilles' skull with the guitar.
###
"Joy, just as you planned—we've subdued and locked up all the guards! Lucky our strategy worked. Never dreamed you'd prepare 'Venom of Resentment' surpassing Hydra's."
…When did I plan this?
But we'd come too far to argue.
Somehow, I ended up a terrorist.
Still, my mind spun positively even here. This bold crime would finally end my career. No even goddess of opportunity could escape this. Not even the Teumessian fox that slips any trap.
As I thought that, Crowzer shouted from the warehouse.
"Joy! Found the Fantasy Nymph statue here!"
What difference did finding it now make? But…
"Damn, after the nymph statue after all!"
"It's ours!"
"Joy, you bastard! Still trying to thwart us!"
The skeleton soldiers, bound in sturdy ropes, somehow freed themselves and stood, swords aimed at me. Tricky situation.
Achilles looked just as flustered.
"Skelty! Bonnet! What are you doing?! If you rampage, Joy might drop that poison vial and raze the Bureau!"
"Achilles, you really this clueless?"
"Joy targeted us from the start, not Bureau terror!"
"He knew we were Tartarus members!"
What? Tartarus? The name I hated most, popping up here? This is bad!
Achilles' eyes glowed blue.
"You who've guarded with me for 30 years… Tartarus? Don't tell me you were involved in the Moirae kidnapping too?"
"Ha, only figuring it out now?"
"How else would kidnappers enter the Security Bureau that takes months just for entry?! Guards don't even rotate or sleep!"
"Hee hee! We opened the door for the kidnappers."
Truth I wished I didn't know.
"Joy figured out our identities."
"Can't hand over the Fantasy Nymph statue."
"It belongs to our master!"
The rebel gang charged with swords. Oh man, I'm done for. As I thought that, Crowzer yelled.
"Danger!"
Crowzer! Calling me sworn brother, he was worried for me? Touching, even now.
"I'm in danger! Protect me!"
Flash—! Light flared. Looking up, Achilles had drawn his sword, slicing down three skeleton soldiers with a cold expression.
"Joy, I misunderstood your intent. My apologies. Blinded by camaraderie, I ignored the truth. Eating from the same pot as enemies all this time."
But the situation wasn't over.
Shing—. The air split like cut by a sharp blade. A man with a black scythe appeared.
"…Lord Thanatos!?"
"Long time no see. Joy, the clown, and the skeleton knight."
Death god Thanatos. First time seeing him in ages.
He reached out. Grabbed by that hand means certain death— But his hand halted at the vial on my waist.
"The 'Venom of Resentment' I suspected. Even I hesitate to touch it. Joy, seems you've won this round too. However—."
Whoosh—.
His deathly grasp shifted, snatching the Melinoi statue.
"We'll take the Fantasy Nymph statue. We ordered it originally."
Then he vanished into the air.
Crowzer teared up at the sight.
"Joy! You drove off the death god! You're our hero!"
Soon, the skeleton soldiers Crowzer had smashed with his guitar and tied up shouted too.
"Jo— Joy saved us from the rebels!"
"Long live Joy!"
"Joy repelled death god Thanatos!"