086 – The Onion Is Too Spicy #4
Pandora was the first human woman. She was also the oldest ghost in this Soul Society. And she has a connection to me, you know? That "spider" Pandora was raising turned out to be none other than Prince Zagreus's first wife's lost pet, Cungcung. It caused me a real headache.
Surely, after sticking around the market for so long, she'd know who Nureongi's owner was. So I headed to the shop where Pandora was staying.
The door was firmly shut, and grim-faced skeleton guards blocked my path.
"Can't go in."
"You can't just meet Lady Pandora whenever you want. Scram. Shhh shhh."
"I've already met her once before, though?"
"Jo, back then you were HQ staff."
"Lady Pandora's a big shot in the underworld. Even executives can't meet her easily."
Even executives? I hadn't known that. Was there some way around this?
As I pondered that for a good while, the skeleton guards exchanged glances and nodded.
"But Lady Pandora left a message for you. She said something big's going down at the West Gate tonight."
"If you handle it well, she might just agree to see you."
Something big at the West Gate tonight—whatever it was, it felt like a "bring it on" challenge.
At some point, Nureongi's world had grown quiet. The hand that used to stroke it. The noisy chatter. All faded.
In the silent night, Nureongi dreamed. A dream of when it was chick-sized.
—It's a lion spider! Kill it! Kill it now before it grows!
—It'll be a headache later! Lucky for us, the cripple's missing a few legs—easy pickings!
—Ah, no. Don't kill it. You can't just take a life like that….
—What, sympathy between leg cripples or something?
A very kind and gentle boy had protected the young Nureongi. The boy had trouble even putting food in his own mouth.
But he always shared his meals with the injured spider. And the spider grew bigger and bigger.
Soon, it was the size of a large dog. The injured legs healed perfectly after molting.
Kuwoong—!
—Yaong…!
—Nureongi, this wild boar—you hunted it? Incredible!
The boy did anything for the spider. And Nureongi would do anything for the boy.
But then, an unusually long winter came, and the world changed.
—Hand over that wild boar you caught! Or we kill you!
—Ah, no! This is….
—Grrr…!
—Argh! Crazy spider bastard! Beat it with clubs, everyone!
—No! Nureongiii—!
Kyek!
In the blaze of hot flames, the boy and spider embraced, blooming into black flowers.
Thus, they met again in this Soul Society.
—Nureongi! I finally got my own shop! No, wait—our shop! We'll sell tons of gukbap from now on and get rich together!
—Yaong…!
—Jjouji!
—Zzji!
—Nureongi, with you around, even the hell cockroaches don't dare come near!
Nureongi chased away hell cockroaches every day to protect the shop. The boy stroked it in return.
Falling asleep to the boy's touch was the best thing in the world. Nureongi was happy. As long as it could be with the boy, anywhere was fine. Even like this.
But the boy didn't seem entirely content.
—Nureongi, there's this thing called hell onion. Super spicy ingredient. Grows in the deep Tartarus forest, apparently. If we had that, our shop could really boom….
—Yaong….
—Guess I'll have to fetch it myself. So guard the shop while I'm gone, okay? With the onion, we can even fix your eyes.
And so Nureongi waited for the boy. One day, two, three, four, a week, a month, a year—. And time beyond a spider's counting….
The market around Nureongi changed too. The once-bustling street fell deathly quiet, like a ghost town. Footsteps vanished entirely, somehow.
Still, Nureongi sat there, waiting for the boy. In those fading, lonely days, just recently, it felt life returning to the market.
—Nureongi, have some churu!
—Let's take a pic together!
It was happy. Bustling like the old shop days with the boy. Excited. Maybe the boy was among those stroking hands.
But—good times bring bad.
—Jjouji.
—Zzji.
—Zzzeeuji—.
Hell cockroaches. As the West Gate buzzed with life, food stalls opened, tossing scraps. Cockroaches swarmed, forming armies targeting the trash.
They hated the golden spider guarding the West Gate. If not for that thing, the market would be ours—.
United, they decided to attack the spider. Tonight.
—Zzuzzuzji—!
—Zzji—!
The cockroaches advanced. The blind spider stood alone against them.
—Awooooong—!
A massive roar erupted from the spider's maw. A lion spider's name-worthy, valiant cry. Most creatures would drop dead from hearing it.
But there were too many cockroaches.
—Jjouziiiik!
—Zzjii!
—Yaong….
Eventually, the golden spider Nureongi was overrun. Bitten and battered everywhere, pain like the clubbing in that long winter ago wracked its body.
—Yaong….
Is this the end? The kid said he'd come back, told me to wait—.
I have to protect the shop….
That's when it happened.
"You evil cockroach bastards! Get lost! Scram!"
Someone swung something wildly—whoosh whoosh. Nureongi's senses picked up an insanely spicy crop being brandished.
"Hell onions work like a charm!"
Hell onion. At that name, Nureongi recalled the boy's long-forgotten voice.
Could the boy be back? The spicy scent and longing brought tears streaming from Nureongi's eyes.
Thanks to that, its hazy world cleared like dust wiped from glass.
—I can see.
Nureongi was thrilled. But disappointing—the onion-bringer wasn't the boy. A stranger.
━Yaong….
Whatever was supposed to go down at the West Gate was real. Who'd have thought hell cockroaches would swarm like Black Death rats!
Blame the recent crowds flocking for snacks, dumping scraps everywhere. Sure, the fearsome lion spider Nureongi held the line, but….
'Cases of rats ganging up to kill cats are a dime a dozen.'
If the cockroach horde grew too strong, even Nureongi might falter. Especially after spotting a 'department head cockroach' so recently.
Those were hell's masked riders, strong enough to trade blows with executives. If even one lurked in the swarm, the market was doomed.
'Market falls, no resignation—just punishment.'
Thus—I had to defend the West Gate. Armed with onions they hated, I swung away.
The horde scattered like the Red Sea parting. A glorious sight.
━Yaong….
Nureongi, who'd faced them alone, let out a pitiful cry. Tears poured—not from sadness, but the onions' spice.
━Yaong…. Yaong….
It wailed for ages. I felt so guilty I put the onions away, but it cried through the night.
Come morning.
What a mess. Nureongi was even more of a star now, and Arachne was in hysterics.
"Nureongi's eyes seem to be working! Who knew hell onions could cure a blind spider's sight! Jo, you even know spider medicine?!"
Then Melinoë arrived, beaming with pride in my stead.
"Jo, demoted to the market just days ago, and you stir up this huge incident. As expected of the man I acknowledge and watch over."
She'd been following everything via news and papers.
"This kid's owner's probably a ghost by now. Some fluffy one wandering Soul Society somewhere. I'll find them."
"Pardon? Lady Melinoë, even for you, pinpointing one owner among countless ghosts… it'd take forever."
"I'm an immortal of eternal realms. Time's no issue. And loyal minions like this deserve rewards."
With that, Melinoë cast "empty air headpat" on me. To her, this spider looked like me, apparently.
But the real trouble was just beginning. Enter the pink-haired "spider enthusiast" goddess.
"Ooh shit…! A massive badass spider! Big enough to call it 'Charisma Mega Giant Spider'! Whaddya think of my name?"
━Grrr…!
"Puhehe, got it. You're Nureongi! You and my Cungcung could be pals!"
━Cungcung…! Hioong…!
━Yaong…!
Hioong…!
Dumchit dumchit—. Spiders raising front legs alternately. Spider greetings.
Anyway, Nixdoty, Prince Zagreus's first wife, treated her spider Cungcung like a little sister. She took a shine to Nureongi and teared up at its story.
"So sad and touching! Alright, I'll be this kid's guardian from now on! And this alley spot looks prime. Perfect for relocating my health spa headquarters!"
What?! Nixdoty's health spa to Pandora Market?
Reporters swarmed, snapping pics.
Bang bang bang—!
"If the crown princess consort's shop opens here…."
"Pandora Market's revival could kick off again!"
"Post the article! Post it!"
As reporters went wild, Arachne's eyes gleamed with resolve.
"Jo, you're a true friend to spiders!"
"Friend to spiders?"
"As representative of all spiders in Soul Society, I, Arachne, bestow upon you the title 「Friend of Spiders」! Nureongi agrees!"
—Yaong…!
Me, Jo. 「Soul Society's Demon」. 「Honorary Nymph」. 「Guardian of Married Women」. And now 「Friend of Spiders」.
「Friend of Spiders」
Prestige among arachnids skyrockets. Nymph spiders now 20% friendlier.
My titles just keep getting weirder by the day.
"This Carnoy doesn't get it all, but since things worked out, dancing the joy nymph dance sounds good…!"
"Honorary Nymph Joinoi pulls off another feat-nipnida…! Witness the superiority of true nymph kin over invasive foreign nymphs-nipnida…!"
Dumchit dumchit—. Nymphs appeared out of nowhere, starting the joy nymph dance. Everyone shoulders shaking, joining in. A total madhouse party—no sane folks but me.
Clack clack—.
Then skeleton guards approached from afar. One poked my side.
"Vice Chairman Jo, Lady Pandora wants to see you."
"Lucky bastard. Your fortune's turned."
"Pandora's an SSR ghost even I, goddess of ghosts, can't control easily. Rarity on par with honey ant candy! Go meet her, Jo!"
"This Carnoy's only heard of honey ant candy…!"
"Even this Paranoy hasn't tasted that supreme dessert-nipnida…!"
One question hit me. Didn't Melinoë take that honey ant candy jar to share with other nymphs? Looks like she hogged it all. But blabbing that? Instant confiscation doom.
So I followed the skeletons to meet SSR ghost Pandora.
'Gotta ask about censorship.' Might be my ticket to getting fired from Pandora Market. In my opinion, a perfect plan!