081 – The Social Life of a Perpetually Failing Man #2

They said there was a "special monster" in the Monster Pen that hadn't been revealed to the public yet. As someone who'd majored in Greek mythology all the way through my master's degree because I loved it, my curiosity was naturally piqued.

But Deputy Director Augeias freaked out and started berating Paris.

"You idiot! What the hell are you talking about, 'special monster'? That thing isn't even under control yet—it's in no condition to show to anyone!"

"W-well..."

"You moron! What if the auditor gets hurt? You gonna take responsibility? Huh? Think before you open your damn mouth for once!"

He bowed deeply to me after unleashing a torrent of abuse.

"I'm terribly sorry. Please forget everything that fool said. It's all for the auditor's health and safety!"

The zookeeper who'd been called an idiot was named Paris. The same Paris who'd handed the golden apple to the fairest of the three goddesses.

'The younger brother of Audit Team Chief Hector. Who would've thought I'd run into him here.'

But even as brothers, the difference in how they were treated was night and day. Unlike Chief Hector, who was respected by everyone, Paris got treated like a total dimwit or dead weight.

And that made sense—Paris was one of the most hated ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠figures in Greek mythology, easily in the top five. Even his own brother Hector and his lover Helen had basically told him to go die countless times.

"This animal's Nymph Animator wants to shut up the nymph-hater Paris...! Hit him with Nymph Skill: Massive Beating and make him quiet...!"

"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but the nymph-hater Paris should take the punches...!"

Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud—

Nymph employees popped out from somewhere and started pummeling Paris.

"Aaaagh!"

Paris screamed. Why was Carnoy, who'd gotten a job at a bank, here? Whatever.

I envied Paris, getting chewed out by his boss and beaten by the nymphs.

'How do you even get yelled at like that by your superior and hated by everyone?'

Of course, Paris himself looked pitifully shrunken.

He barely opened his mouth after getting turned into mush by the nymphs' cotton-soft punches.

"I-I just thought... since the auditor seems to like animals... showing him the special monster would be nice..."

Truth be told, I didn't like animals. I had no idea what they were thinking, and they were walking bundles of unpredictability. The only thing I liked was a nice, stable Happy Cactus.

But a "special monster" sounded like something I should check out.

'Deputy Director Augeias is going out of his way to hide it from me for a reason.'

A monster so uncontrollable it might hurt the auditor. Approaching it rashly could lead to disaster—

The perfect event to tarnish the legend of Devil Joy.

"Deputy Director. I'd really like to see that special monster."

"W-well..."

Augeias looked genuinely flustered. He glared at Paris, clicked his tongue, and turned away sharply.

"I warned you! This is not on me!"

"Understood. I'll take full responsibility if anything goes wrong."

Please, let something go wrong—

With that thought, I headed underground in the Monster Pen.

No sunlight reached the underground. Trudging through the pitch-black stone corridor by the light of a single candle felt a bit eerie.

Was this how Heracles felt descending to the underworld to capture Cerberus?

"I-I found the special monster... It was injured and collapsed... I treated it... fed it... But... it doesn't warm up to people easily... so we couldn't make it public... kept it in this special prison..."

Chimera that eats people, venomous Hydra, Nemean Lion—they were all out ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠on display, performing tricks for the public. Yet this special monster was too feral even for that?

What could it be? I was dying to find out.

"B-but I think it's actually... kind. It seems to connect with me since we both get hated... But the director and deputy... said we absolutely had to hide it..."

Paris let out an uncertain "heh heh..." He was aware of how hated he was.

"Paris, how's life in the Monster Pen? Looks like the nymph staff and Deputy Augeias really have it out for you."

"...That's... 'cause I fail at everything I do... Even simple tasks, I screw up... I can't butter people up at all... Social life is... so hard..."

It reminded me of the employment woes back on Earth. A world where more and more young people were saying "I just took a break" instead of job-hunting. Surprisingly, most weren't slackers from the start—they'd been bounced out after trying to fit into society.

'Not so much the work itself being tough, but the human relationships wearing them down. The sensitive ones especially struggle in harsh society.'

I was one who'd bounced around job hunts on Earth, only landing here in Soul Society through bizarre misfortune. Seeing Paris vent about social struggles didn't feel like someone else's story.

"Still, you're hanging in there without quitting."

"W-well... I read in the news... that quitting without a stable job in Soul Society accelerates ghostification... I don't wanna become a g-ghost..."

That was why Soul Society residents feared layoffs and demotions. They didn't want to lose their memories and turn into ghosts.

"I... have someone I must meet. Somewhere in this Soul Society... I know they're here, but... haven't found them yet. My c-childhood friend... a n-nymph..."

Paris's childhood friend nymph. I had a feeling I knew who.

I hadn't met her myself yet, though.

Then Paris stopped dead.

"W-we're here."

It wasn't an animal enclosure—it was a prison cell for inmates. The kind of iron door you saw everywhere in punishment-happy Happy World.

"L-look through this gap."

Peering through the square peephole in the door, I vaguely sensed a pitch-black shape huddled inside.

And it was staring back at me.

—Zzzzzziiij.

"Gah!"

A horrific screech! I jumped back from the door.

"Paris! What the hell did you pick up and lock in here?!"

"Y-you'll see... it's a h-hell cockroach."

"No! No, that's not a hell cockroach!"

It was human-sized, walking upright on two legs. It even had two arms! Just that its pitch-black carapace was inhuman, its flapping wings like a cape, and its face like a terrifying helmet.

'The Hell Cockroach Masked Rider from my nightmares actually exists!'

Among all the hell cockroaches I'd seen, this was the most horrifying and fearsome. A manifestation of nightmare. At least manager-level.

Humanity wasn't ready for something like that.

"We have to kill it now!"

I pulled out the nymph-made hell cockroach repellent spray from my pocket. Just knowing something like that existed in Soul Society made me want to foam at the mouth.

But Paris blocked my way, pleading.

"A-Alexander is nice! My friend! D-don't kill it! I'll prove it. That it's g-good...!"

"Prove it?"

"W-watch. Alexander... here... your food for today..."

Paris pulled out some plucked quails and mitchuri from his bag, sliding them through the bars—

Arrr, garrr—

The manager-level hell cockroach shredded the food in seconds with a deafening roar, shaking the entire underground, the ground trembling.

"See? Cute, right?"

"You lunatic! Cute my ass! It's a raging demon incarnate!"

To think a monster like this was in the Monster Pen.

'By my estimate, its combat power is at least on par with the Nemean Lion—maybe more!'

If the rebel Tartarus had unleashed this instead of the Hydra?

Massive property damage.

Wait—

Maybe this was my chance?

So I told Paris,

"Paris, raising hell cockroaches in Soul Society is a clear violation of the law. Normally, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a manager-level one gets culled on sight, but..."

"...C-cull..."

"In light of our connection since you guided me here, I'll overlook it this once. So release it back into nature as soon as possible."

I channeled the cold wildlife experts from those animal shows, advocating for release.

Paris shuddered, then hung his head.

"Then... let me spend just tonight with it."

"Got it."

Releasing it around midnight? Tomorrow's headlines would be chaos with the manager-level hell cockroach.

The next morning, half-excited, half-nervous, I opened the paper.

Then Moros visited our house.

"Here to chew me out?"

"Quite the opposite. Joey, thanks to you, we uncovered the link between Monster Pen Director Momus and Tartarus. And you even wiped out their rebel base. Beyond what I expected."

"Pardon?"

Moros handed me the morning papers.

Wha...!? What the hell happened last night?

"...Any casualties or property damage?"

"None. The Chairman himself praised you highly for this. He even ordered you to attend today's executive meeting. Be proud."

Me, a mere vice chairman peon, at the executive meeting?

This was a worse nightmare than the hell cockroach masked rider.

"But raising hell cockroaches violates the Cold-Blooded Oath of Darkness. Joey, you might face minor discipline. Though your merits outweigh it—I'll request they drop it."

Discipline! Even in despair, hope blooms!

"The law must be upheld no matter what—that's what makes it the law. If there were issues in handling the matter, I must bear the responsibility."

Today, I get disciplined.

With that thought, I suited up and headed to the headquarters executive meeting room.