057 – Returning to My Hometown #1
Long time no see, bank. I stopped by to check how much salary I'd racked up. No matter how you slice it, saving money is always a thrill.
But—
"Carnoy? What are you doing sitting here?"
I was startled to see a familiar face at the bank teller window. It was the drummer from E&S, the nymph Carnoy who loved pounding away wildly.
Carnoy raised both hands dramatically.
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but if this Carnoy just sits here all quiet-like, people shower this Carnoy with money...! You sit here too, Joy Noi...! Money comes pouring out...!"
"Nymph employee hired under the Nymph Quota System."
"Please treat her kindly."
"Verbal abuse toward nymph employees violates the 'Nymph Discrimination Act' and results in severe penalties."
...Nymph Quota System! Those words made my vision swim.
Just looking at them dredged up the sore spots in my life.
The Nymph Quota System is actually getting implemented? What kind of nonsense is this...?
Of course, it was just a one-week trial run. After a week, everyone would realize how ridiculous the Nymph Quota System was. And then, I wouldn't escape the blame!
Right then, the bank doors flew open with a rumble as a horde of ghost sauwls poured in.
—Hooo, hooo...!
—Hooooh...!
—Hoo hoo hoo...!
Fluffy and round. Ghost sauwls were always adorable, no matter how many times I saw them. They were one of my few healing spots in life.
But the bank staff were in full panic mode.
"The ghost sauwls are swarming again today!"
"Activate the translation system!"
"Where's the employee fluent in ghost language?!"
"Aaaah! The line's backing up like crazy! Overtime again today?!"
Have I ever mentioned that over half the population of this Soul Society consists of those round ghosts? Honestly, it might even be more than half. Every soul was destined to become a ghost eventually.
The problem was communicating with all those ghosts. I knew ghost language, so no issue for me, but to regular employees, it must've felt like a mob of foreign tourists had invaded.
The line grew longer, complaints piled up...
And right at that moment—
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but these ghosts wanna know about regular deposit products...!"
"No way! Carnoy!"
"You're our only hope!"
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but joining the new '0.4444 product' seems like it'll give long-term deposit returns and steady savings buildup...!"
The ghost sauwls left one by one with satisfied expressions. Smiles bloomed on the bank staff's faces too.
"Carnoy, the new dark horse of our customer service team!"
"Nymph Quota System is the best!"
"Gimme a nymph for our general affairs department too!"
"Ours in loans too!"
What? What the hell is this?
I turned on my heel in a daze and hurried out of the bank.
And that's when I spotted a bizarre sight.
"Muhuhu, this Nymph Doctor Noi finds making bug spray the most fun thing in the world...! Spray this special insecticide, and hell cockroaches drop dead easy...!"
Hiss, shhhh—
A nymph in a crow-beak mask was disinfecting the streets like mad. Her chest bore a badge reading something like "Nymph Quota System Employee."
Flutter—
Then I stepped on a newspaper. I picked it up, and the heartbreaking headlines stabbed at my heart.
I can't accept this as reality. Why the hell did stocks recover in one day?
A chill ran down my spine from behind. I turned to see a man with purple glowing eyes wearing a skull like a helmet or crown approaching me.
"You..."
[Adjustment Officer]
[Final Interviewer for Incompetent Fools]
[God of Ruin and Fate – Moros]
Moros! The terrifying god of fate.
He came right up close, close enough I could feel his breath, and stared down at me with those fearsome eyes.
"Until now, the Soul Society's main tasks have been 'translating ghost language' and 'chasing off hell cockroaches.' Every department was too bogged down with those two to handle anything else."
What was he getting at? Whatever a god of ruinous fate said was bound to be disastrous. I wanted to plug my ears.
"But the Nymph Quota System solved both issues in a single day. One day! Who could've predicted it? That nymphs would be the solution."
Slap—
Moros placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Who would've thought those ridiculous creatures had such potential? Everyone laughed. But I praise you for braving the mockery. Of course, we'll need to watch the full results."
Click—
Moros pulled sunglasses from his suit pocket and slipped them on. They suited him perfectly.
"Therefore, Jo Iseo, I'll be watching you personally from now on."
Moros was an executive in charge of employee discipline and firings. Everyone feared him. Him watching me would be brutal.
But? It also meant living one step from getting fired.
"...Please do watch over me!"
I bowed deeply, hoping he wouldn't change his mind.
Flicker—
Purple eyes glowed behind the sunglasses.
"What a fearless guy. No wonder you made that bold presentation to the executives. Perfect timing—I need an escort for a four-day trip to the surface."
Four days on the surface...!? The surface! Four days! What a thrilling, sweet ring to it!
"But accompanying the layoff specialist is something even executives dread. Do you have the guts, Jo Iseo? I won't hold it against you if you refuse."
"Entrust that role to me!"
"Then prepare for the trip. I'll tell the audit team I'm borrowing you myself."
# # #
"To be honest, Jo Iseo, I'm angry."
Under the fake moonlight of night, as I hummed happily prepping for the trip, Melinoë showed up at our house and hit me with that line.
"We trialed your Nymph Quota System for a week, and all the executives unanimously voted to extend it. Your plan was a perfect success."
Ugh—my stomach hurt.
"The problem is this."
She slid a business card my way. The writing on it was shocking.
"NEO Melinoë"
Neo Melinoë? A new version of Melinoë? No, probably this: Nymph Executive Officer. Nymph overseer.
In other words, Melinoë had become the executive in charge of all the nymphs flooding in via the quota system. CEO with the C swapped for N.
Since returning to HQ, she'd been just a vague 'executive' without a proper role, but now she had this fancy NEO title.
"Making me handle noisy, chattering nymphs. I know you did this for me, Jo Iseo, but honestly, I hate nymphs."
She clearly wasn't thrilled with her new nameplate. I'd known she disliked nymphs forever, so nothing new there.
"Still, I admit the Soul Society is a nicer place to live now. And that nymphs have some usefulness."
I had to concede the results were impressive. Hell cockroaches had drastically decreased since the quota system kicked in. Life was getting better.
If it kept improving like this, my desire to return to the surface might waver—and that scared me!
Whenever that thought hit, I remembered Professor Zeusoo and Mom. I had to separate them soon!
As I steeled myself with that, Melinoë asked,
"And Jo Iseo, you lied to me."
"Lied?"
"You didn't push the Nymph Quota System at the emergency shareholders' meeting to attract executive attention. You spotted a gap in the executives and went for the bite."
What was she talking about? My mind reeled.
"Executive seats are a game of musical chairs. One in means one out. After Apate's dismissal, I got NEO for that reason. In other words—"
That to become an executive, someone had to step down? Was that what she meant?
"In other words, Jo Iseo, you boldly joined the meeting to scout for an executive ripe for the taking. The Nymph Quota System was just a pretext. That's the lie you told me. Right? My deductions never miss."
...Totally off. Not even close to the target!
But? My heart was unusually generous. Because soon, Moros and I would head out on that four-day surface trip.
Surface trip. Just thinking about it filled me with peace.
Bzzzzt—
My terminal buzzed loudly. It was Audit Team 1's Hector Manager.
What the—
Slit—
Princess Melinoë's narrow eyes opened slightly.
"It's started already. The musical chairs game. Zagreus never takes a loss lying down. He hits back as hard as he gets hit. I smell flames, brimstone, and wind."
What the hell was going on? I flipped on the TV, and chaos unfolded live.
—Arrest Executive Moros!
—Rebels might make contact! Beef up security!
I was floored. Executive Moros? Of all people? No way—my 'surface trip'...
Four days of sweet dreams! If Moros got arrested now, it was all over.
"Melinoë, do you know where Executive Moros lives?"
"...As expected. I knew you'd say that. Big incidents mean big scraps for the taking. Then, grab me."
Grab her? Where could I even grab an executive? Especially a female one—touching anywhere was a no-go for mortals like me.
But with the surface trip on the line, I didn't care anymore. In a haze, I grabbed Melinoë's side with both hands.
Her waist was slim as porcelain.
Suddenly—pfft!
Melinoë burst out laughing.
"Muhuhu...! No, ahem. Grab lower down instead. Not that a perfect goddess like me is ticklish or anything...!"