054 – The Nightmare Goddess Gets Angry #1
It had been a month since I was assigned to the head office audit team. The days after joining had been nonstop frenzy, leaving no time to breathe.
But the past week had been strangely peaceful.
"Joy Assistant Manager! How about a drink at my place after work?"
Smack! Narcissus Assistant Manager grabbed my shoulder and shook it. Lately, he'd been dying to invite me over to his house. But even if I went, he wouldn't serve anything particularly tasty.
"Alright, everyone, let's head out."
"Lady Alecto, thanks for your hard work today."
"You too, Hector Section Chief! See you all tomorrow!"
It had been two weeks since the head office staff, who used to pull all-nighters as a matter of routine, started clocking out on time. This was possible now that the showdown between the safety management team and the audit team had essentially reached a stalemate.
This peace isn't good.
No problems meant fewer chances to cause trouble. No trouble meant zero opportunities to get fired.
Someone might say that two weeks of peace was something to be grateful for—but that's exactly the problem.
I've fully adapted to the head office vibe. If this keeps up, I'll get complacent.
Adaptation is a scary thing. If I kept drifting along like this, I might start thinking, "Hey, life here's not so bad after all." And that mindset could become a saboteur, undermining my "get-fired operation."
"Thanks for the offer, Assistant Manager, but I've got plans."
Whoosh. I quickly slipped out of the office, which was starting to feel all too familiar.
The rundown street and Happy Snack House. As I approached, the familiar hipster nymph Eurydol wrinkled her nose.
"You're late."
I know. I'd spent some time agonizing at the entrance to the snack house.
Soon, the nymph Paranoy let out her signature "muhuhu" laugh.
"Then it seems everyone's here who was coming, so let's commence the fifth Nymph Alumni Association meeting...! Time to talk about what's been going on lately...!"
I'd been joining the "Nymph Alumni Association" gatherings sporadically these past few days. As the name implied, it was a group formed by nymphs living in the Soul Society.
The only reason a guy like me could crash this nymphs-only event was because I'd been granted the honorary title of Honorary Nymph.
Of course, not everyone was thrilled about me being there.
"Joy Assistant Manager, I still haven't acknowledged you as an Honorary Nymph."
Eurydol, the main vocalist of the idol group E&S. Turns out, becoming an "Honorary Nymph" wasn't something you just stumbled into. It involved strict screening and deliberation, or so I'd heard.
Truth be told, I had zero interest in being an Honorary Nymph. Nymphs were the root cause of over 80% of my suffering here. The humiliation of being saddled with an honorary nymph title was off the charts.
"...Ah...."
At that moment, Echo brought over plates of spicy red rice cakes and offered them to us. The ditch-water nymph Carnoy clapped her hands in delight at the steaming snacks.
"This Carnoy loves snacks...! So in that spirit, let's all do the Joyful Nymph Dance...! Let's do it...!"
Dumchit-dumchit-dumchit-dumchit.
Carnoy bobbed her shoulders in dance. Soon Rilke joined in, along with the eccentric secretary nymph Paranoy, all going dumchit-dumchit.
From my observations over the past few days, nymphs loved doing this mysterious thing called the "Joyful Nymph Dance."
Zing. I felt a glare and turned to see Eurydol staring at me.
"You're calling yourself an Honorary Nymph, so why aren't you doing the Joyful Nymph Dance?"
I had no choice but to join in with a reluctant dumchit-dumchit.
Dumchit-dumchit.
"Muhuhu, as expected of Honorary Nymph Joy...! Your Joyful Nymph Dance skills are splendid...!"
"I don't get it, but as expected of Joy...!"
I really had no clue what was going on. Anyway, we scarfed down the tasty snacks and chatted idly.
The main topic was the "NLM" hashtag campaign Paranoy had been pushing lately. Nymph Lives Matter—a movement to promote nymph rights, apparently.
"We nymphs deserve better treatment and lives...! We should introduce the Nymph Quota System and force every department in the head office to hire nymphs...!"
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but it sounds good...! So let's all do the Joyful Nymph Dance...!"
Dumchit-dumchit-dumchit.
The frenzied nymphs started dancing again. I reflexively joined in while lost in thought.
Nymph Quota System?
Forcing these bizarre nymphs into every department? What a horrifying idea. No one would ever approve that.
Wait.
Suddenly, an idea flashed in my mind. It was absurd, but that might make it perfect.
If I pushed this myself, everyone would think I was an idiot. My performance review would tank.
"Miss Paranoy, the Nymph Quota System sounds like a brilliant idea."
"As expected of Joy...! The one Honorary Nymph I, Paranoy, acknowledge as my fated rival...! You see the brilliance of this idea— you're no ordinary nymph...!"
The problem was, to push something like a quota system, I'd need a high position. As a mere head office assistant manager, I didn't have the clout.
"Have you proposed it to Prince Zagreus?"
"He rejected it...! Prince Zagreus is nymph-friendly and excellent in many ways, but sometimes he's a fool...! That's why I have to look after him...!"
Prince Zagreus had already shot down the Nymph Quota System. I would've done the same.
So, which executive might push this agenda? Alecto Executive Director? Yeah, right. Straight to the Chairman? He'd probably split my skull in two the moment "nymph" came up.
That left only one executive I knew: Melinoë.
Melinoë despises nymphs. What would she say if I brought up the Nymph Quota System to her? My score would definitely drop.
Perfect. Decision made.
So, when and where should I pitch it to Melinoë? It hit me that I hadn't seen her at all lately.
In a way, that's only natural.
Even as a head office employee, I was just an assistant manager. Melinoë, on the other hand, was royalty locked in a succession battle. A peon like me couldn't just drop by whenever.
Of course, I had a direct line to her—a terminal she'd given me before. I could contact her with it, but...
"Joy, something troubling you?"
Siren Rilke approached and asked. I pocketed the terminal and shrugged lightly.
"Worries are par for the course in corporate life."
"True enough. Being an adult in society means shoving your knotted-up heart down deep with bitter coffee and forcing a smile. Hehehehehe...."
Rilke laughed with a shadowed face. Creepy. If anyone was full of worries, it was her, not me.
"...You okay?"
"Nope. Why did I have to grow up? I used to be a little nymph like Carnoy or Paranoy. Back then, just dancing made me happy. But now it's all utility bills and installments...."
There were two types of nymphs: the small ones like Carnoy and Paranoy, and the big ones like Rilke, Eurydice, and Echo. What was the difference?
"Can't you go back to your childhood? Your small nymph days?"
"No. I've already evolved into a sea nymph and an adult nymph. I can't return to being a little ditch-water nymph like those kids."
Can't return. So what did that make Melinoë? A nymph with both adult and child aspects coexisting. She must be extraordinary even among nymphs.
Then Eurydol poked my side.
"Take Rilke's words with a grain of salt. Adult nymphs lie a lot."
"Lie?"
"Easy way to spot it: watch their feet or hands. Adult nymphs fidget with their feet or hands when they lie. See?"
Whoa, she was right. Rilke's sandaled feet were twitching.
Turns out Rilke actually liked being an adult.
"Yeah, I love being an adult. I can drink as much as I want, smoke as much as I want, and slack off without anyone nagging! Adults rule! Yeehaw!"
"This Carnoy wants to grow up big too...!"
"Muhuhu, this Paranoy will figure out how to become an adult nymph...!"
###
My daily routine flew by in a blur. I'd plow through the day's paperwork, and suddenly it was quitting time. Head home, water the cactus, eat, personal time. I'd settled into a nice rhythm.
Honestly, it's peaceful and nice.
Perfect days, aside from not being able to return to the surface. I could just live like this forever.
After repeating that routine a few times, I ran into a procession of executives in the hallway by chance.
"Make way, mortals! Lady Nemesis approaches!"
"Joy, what are you doing? Bow your head and clear the path. Don't get cursed for nothing."
Poke. Thanks to Narcissus Assistant Manager jabbing my side, I bowed my head too.
Even head office staff couldn't meet executives' eyes casually.
Only after they passed could I finally look up. Narcissus let out an admiring whistle.
"That was Princess Melinoë and her entourage. Lady Nemesis, Lady Tisiphone, and Lord Moros too. With the shareholders' meeting coming up, everyone looks on edge and sharp."
Shareholders' meeting. In the Soul Society, it was like an advanced executive meeting. Bold, massive agendas came up—like "switching successors."
"Joy Assistant Manager, what do you think? Can Princess Melinoë really dethrone Prince Zagreus and seize the successor spot?"
No idea. Anyway, that procession reminded me of the gulf between Melinoë and me. No matter how promising an assistant manager I was rumored to be, to executives, I was just a roadside pebble.
Then my pocket buzzed—bzzz.
It was the direct terminal linked to Melinoë. First time she'd called me first, right? I started getting nervous for no reason.
I headed to Melinoë's office in the head office. The door was open.
Stepping inside, there she was—Melinoë, standing with a face full of fury, glaring at me.
Sudden goddess rage power plant mode?
I was flustered. Out of nowhere?
"Joy, you've had time to reflect by now."
Reflect? On what? What had I done wrong?
I racked my brain desperately, and Melinoë added,
"Two weeks. Exactly two weeks I've withheld my attention from you. For a perfect, flawless goddess like me to withdraw her interest—it's the most ter. ri. fy. ing punishment for a mortal."
In that moment, it hit me. The recent peace in my life was because Melinoë had deliberately ignored me!
I'd been under her punishment without even knowing it! That's why life had been so calm!
"But I realized I went too far. It was too harsh for a loyal employee like you, Joy. I swear on the River Styx I won't do it again."
No! This punishment has to continue! I had no idea what I'd done, but!
"Lady Melinoë! Don't forgive me! I'm a grave sinner who disappointed you! Someone like me doesn't deserve forgiveness ever! Keep punishing me!"
I put on my most sincere, repentant face. Seeing that, Melinoë's fierce gaze softened a bit.
"No, Joy, the sin of arbitrarily becoming an 'Honorary Nymph' can be considered fully atoned now. All that's left is to reward your merits."
Honorary Nymph, huh. So that's what it was.
More importantly...
"My merits?"
"According to Alecto, the 'Night Faction' promised to stay neutral at this shareholders' meeting. Probably thanks to your efforts on my behalf. Quite the audacious achievement."
Stroke-stroke-stroke.
Melinoë petted my head and asked,
"If you have any wishes or desires, tell me. I won't swear on the Styx, but I'll do my best to make it happen within reason."
I didn't know the full situation, but it felt like the goddess of opportunity was flashing her bangs at me.
Bow!
Prostrated flat, I said,
"Lady Melinoë, if I may make so bold—a proposal. At the shareholders' meeting, could you present the Nymph Quota System agenda to the executives?"
"......"
Melinoë frowned instead of answering.
Whoosh!
Her gaze reignited, scorching hot.
"Joy, what nonsense is this? Nymph Quota System? Why on earth would we man. da. to. ri. ly hire useless, noisy nymphs at the head office?"
"Well... the truth is... I actually like nymphs!"
This was Melinoë, who'd punished me harshly just for becoming an Honorary Nymph. Confessing I liked nymphs to her. Proposing the Nymph Quota System!
My career was over.
"...Joy, I never knew you liked nymphs that much. I'm deeply disappointed. This shock warrants more than two weeks— a whole month of ignoring you wouldn't be excessive. Withdraw for today."
Yes! My score's tanked!
Peeking up from my prostrated position, I saw Melinoë's small, pale feet on the red carpet, twitching furiously for some reason.