039 – Internal War! #1
Retaliatory audits were coming from the Audit Team. How terrifying and strict would they be? They'd dig up every crime, real or imagined, and slap us with punishments. Even someone hailed as a capable vice president like me wouldn't be able to withstand it.
Could a mere mortal like me survive in the middle of this war?
"But! I will never run away!"
Heroic death. Firing. That was the fate I desired.
Hedone, my junior colleague, grabbed my arm and wailed like a baby.
"Vice President Jo I, you idiot! Why are you going this far? What's the reason for sacrificing yourself for this company and its employees?!"
"That's—"
Zing. A chill ran down my spine. I turned to see Lady Melinoë glaring at our little drama with eyes blazing red-hot, like a goddess-powered thermal plant stuffed with dry firewood.
"Uwooh! Behold that fierce gaze! Our goddess must be deeply moved by Vice President Jo I's declaration! This Crowzer, famed for his sharp social instincts, can tell!"
"Hedone, step back for now."
I pried the junior employee Hedone off me. If there was one tactic I, who craved firing and discipline, would never use, it was sexual harassment. In Happy World's work environment, getting tangled in that would lead straight to dismissal and punishment. On the flip side, Lady Melinoë might just yell, "A disloyal employee like you can become hell cockroach fodder—take this!" and split my skull open.
So I tried to shake Hedone off, but she clung like a longhorn beetle stuck in tree sap.
"Vice President Jo I! You can't die! Waaah—"
Die? Why would I die? Hedone, you jinx.
At that moment, Lady Melinoë let out a soft hmph.
"Vice President Jo I may seem reckless, but he's not. He always has a clear goal of climbing higher. He doesn't fight unwinnable battles. So no need for the fuss."
Clap clap.
"Now, everyone back to your seats and prepare for the audit."
Goddess Melinoë strolled through Happy World's garden, created after the business renewal. Her jet-black hair should have clashed, but strangely, it suited the flowerbeds perfectly. That was because she was the daughter of Persephone, goddess of spring greenery. Mothers and daughters always resembled each other. Just as Alecto, goddess of retribution, mirrored her own mother inescapably cruel.
"Our princess might end up bawling like when she parted from Mommy. This audit's gonna be brutally strict, after all."
"I never cry, Alecto. Unlike my brother, I've been a perfect, flawless goddess since birth."
"Hmph, sure, let's say that. More importantly, you're calmer than I expected after getting Nix's feather. Or have you gone mad from shock?"
Kakakaka.
Alecto and her sisters, the Erinyes, were the Audit Team's original members. No one knew better than them how merciless their investigations could be when they came in guns blazing. No one could endure it—not even top executives.
Yet Melinoë just sneered at Alecto.
"Worry about yourself instead. Once Vice President Jo I declared he'd face them head-on, it means he won't hold back."
"Ha? You're worried about us right now? Hello! This war started because of that Jo I guy who humiliated our Audit Team's authority multiple times!"
"That's his scheme. Vice President Jo I hungers for achievements like a lion hunting prey. And HQ picked you lot as the easiest targets."
Slit. Melinoë the princess narrowed her red-glowing eyes into thin slits.
Alecto exploded in rage.
"Ha? You're saying our Audit Team's become prey for some mortal? You little blood-clot! Back when you were in your mom's belly, I—"
"The Audit Team's riddled with issues too, right? Why else bring in a 'horned woman' from a partner company during the business renewal? To keep your rotten team in check."
"Sh...shut up! Hmph! Anyway, our princess seems awfully fond of that mortal Jo I. Fallen in love, have we? How romantic—"
"Not at all. I'm the incarnation of nightmares, through and through. I don't favor any one employee specially. I'm just investing in a capable worker appropriately."
"Oh, isn't that Vice President Jo I walking with a female employee?"
Whoosh! Melinoë's gaze snapped to Alecto's fingertip.
Of course, no one was there.
"Huh? Must've been my mistake."
"......"
Crumple. Melinoë scowled. As her hair bristled with a googoogogo, Alecto swallowed hard. It felt like the terrifying Nightmare Melinoë, who once battled Zagreus for succession, had returned. You never poked this Melinoë or made her angry. Otherwise, you'd spend every night screeech. Stab. Pure. Hell.
'...But she's cute?'
Alecto, goddess of judgment, loved tormenting things. And the cuter, the more you wanted to tease.
"You seem awfully interested in Vice President Jo I strolling with a female employee? Come to think of it, they say unmarried vice presidents get prime offers left and right."
"Fragrant flowers naturally attract bees and butterflies. Excellent employees draw admiration and popularity. You can't blame the flower or the butterflies for gathering."
"Right? Right. Now that I think about it, a guy like Vice President Jo I is a heroic exemplar unseen for centuries. More than worthy of my interest and affection. Maybe I'll become a butterfly too?"
"What?"
"If he gets wrecked in this audit and loses his job, having him as my live-in butler wouldn't be bad. Hmm, worth considering—"
"Jo I won't get fired. If anything, the Nix faction—you lot—should prepare your necks. If his integrity comes out during this audit, you'll lose shares."
The Nix faction held about 200% in combined shares. That surpassed the CEO's solo 91%. Such powerhouses had backed Zagreus over Melinoë in the succession battle, leading to that ridiculous business renewal.
Zagreus. To topple him, I had to crush his steed, the Nix faction, first.
'Vice President Jo I figured that out and stirred this up. He forced the sluggish Nix faction to move. Turned what looks like a crisis for me into an opportunity.'
Then Alecto flap spread her wings wide, heading back to work.
"Hmph! Then show us that miracle! But the one handling this audit is my brother Apate. If Jo I gets caught by him, even your favorite will be shredded."
Apate. Brain of HQ's Strategic Planning, god of deception and trickery. Infamous for his ruthless methods, sparing no means for his ends.
"......Jo I."
"Manager Bones, you were originally from HQ's Audit Team, right?"
"That's right!"
"How's it there? Office vibe, policies, that sort of thing."
"Vice President Jo I, know your enemy and yourself for a hundred victories? As expected of a thoroughbred salaryman! Already scouting the foes—everyone, learn from this!"
In my view, the Audit Team had problems. Bullying, factions.
'Asterote's the proof.'
Why bring in executive talent from a partner company in the first place? And only for the Audit Team? Prince Zagreus, meticulous enough to win the succession war against Lady Melinoë, wouldn't do it without reason. There had to be an issue forcing it.
And where there were problems, incidents always brewed.
'Incidents bring storms of firings and discipline. I wish I could dive right into that storm.'
But Manager Bones seemed to misunderstand.
"...No way, you're not just planning to block HQ's Audit Team—you intend to bite their throats and win outright?"
He thought my interest meant I wanted to fight and beat them. Opposite, actually. I wanted to study their habits and do exactly what they hated.
Manager Bones shook his head.
"Don't, Jo I. Don't delve too deep into the Audit Team's darkness. Especially not the 'Night Faction'—don't even get involved—"
Manager Bones gasp covered his mouth with his bony fingers. He glanced around, then urgently warned me.
"Pretend you didn't hear that. For your own safety."
"Pardon? Why?"
"...This Soul Society is full of dangers just from prying. Taboos. Like the types of feed for Cerberus..."
Manager Bones was trembling fiercely. What could Cerberus's feed be to scare him like that? Still, confirmed the Audit Team had more issues than expected. Worth probing gently?
"Could it be that even you, Manager, thriving at HQ, got demoted here because of that 'Night Faction'? And your classmate Skeleton getting fired and going independent...?"
"Whoa! Can't say more! Don't dig further! Your talent might be your downfall!"
Taboos dangerous just to inquire about. And the goldmine wasn't underground but at HQ.
"So, Vice President Jo I, how will you shock everyone this time? Surely you've devised something beyond my empty skull."
"Of course. Just trust me. And don't panic or show unease—enemies spot weaknesses and pounce. Act normal, everyone."
"Act normal before an internal audit? No countermeasures—? That's what you're saying?"
Manager Bones's eye sockets flashed blue with distrust. Other employees murmured worriedly. Opportunity's forelock—if I saw it, now was the time.
"Just normal. Normal. If anything happens, I'll take responsibility! No need for overtime today!"
"...No overtime?"
"Today? Tomorrow too?"
"In that spirit, how about group dinner instead of overtime? My treat. Speak up what you want!"
"Ooooh!"
"I, I want truffle golden pearl kebabs. Friend bragged about them from a fancy fairy shop recently... Too pricey for my salary..."
Fancy fairy shop? Hedone, you cute junior, planning to bankrupt me? But—
"Great! Let's go!"
"Jo, Jo I! You've grown bold since becoming VP!"
"Hiya, I, Marquius, acknowledge you!"
Squeals. The office brightened instantly.
Rumble rumble. I led everyone out to the dinner spot like that.
No one would guess. That I had no plan or strategy at all.
Time flew by like an arrow. Four days later, audit day arrived. Audit Team demons stormed in like wrathful asuras.
Now, expose all my crimes and fire me!
"I'm Executive Director Apate from Strategic Planning, in charge of this audit. Also called the God of Deception. Before we begin, Vice President Jo I, one word—"
The executive with heavy dark circles under his eyes raged at me.
"When and where did you plant that mole on us?! Making us distrust and fight each other. Vice President Jo I, you devil!"
What the hell? I just skipped audit prep and goofed off eating every day.