025 – Mental Circuit Breaker and Pirate King
As soon as I closed my eyes, the longed-for surface world rose vividly in my mind. Our house, bathed in the warm glow of real sunlight. I flung the door wide open. There in the living room, Mom and Professor Zeusoo were sipping tea amiably, laughing together.
"Madam, your beauty is truly astounding. I can't believe your son has grown into such a fine young man."
"Hohoho, Professor, you flatter me. People do say I could pass for a high school girl sometimes."
—That married scum of a man, Professor Zeusoo, hitting on another man's wife! I reached out to pry him away from Mom—
"What monster is crawling in here?! Get out of this house!"
Mom whipped out a broom from somewhere and started laying into me.
Mom—! How could you call the son you gave birth to a filthy monster—!
But instead of protesting, the most grotesque sound came from my mouth.
—Jjjjooooouuuuzzziiiiiik!!!
What the hell was that!? I glanced at the living room mirror, and my reflection was utterly horrifying. A humanoid armored insect with a shiny exoskeleton all over—straight out of Happy World's gleaming hell cockroaches!
—Jjjjooooouuuuzzziiiiiik!!!?
Why had I turned into something so nightmarish? A chill of despair crept from the depths of my soul, making my heart feel like it had stopped.
"Manager Jo I, it's time to wake up, nyaat…!"
Someone shook me violently, snapping me back to reality. The bizarre nymph Melinoi and Or… Crowzer were staring down at me.
"Manager Jo I, you were thrashing around like you were having a nightmare. What was the dream? I used to be a bard, you see. Interpreting dreams was a side gig of mine."
"I dreamed I turned into a giant bug."
Like that Gregor Samsa guy who woke up one day from uneasy dreams to find himself transformed into a gigantic vermin.
"Like Actaeon turning into a stag? So Manager Jo I became a giant bug? Hmm, you didn't peep on any goddess, so why would that happen? Looks like your deep unconscious self—"
Anyway, it had been ages since my last nightmare. And the reason was obvious. The bizarre nymph Melinoi, whom I'd thought had vanished, had shown up again.
You know how in a regular house, overuse the power and the toad house trips? Same deal—my mental stamina hit its limit, the mental circuit breaker flipped, and I passed out.
I turned to Marquius, who was frantically copying something.
"Marqui, tell me everything you know about Melinoi."
"Melinoi? She's the new hire you brought on recently. Remember when you punched Mercenary King Magnus? She caused quite a stir."
See? That's the problem. Just recently, everyone acted like Melinoi never existed, forgotten her completely. Now suddenly this.
"Did Melinoi come to work right up until yesterday?"
"Yeah. Saving Kuchiki Priestess, rescuing Inoue Priestess from Hueco Mundo, keeping the supply room spotless— all thanks to Priestess Melinoi, right?"
Who the hell are Kuchiki Priestess and Inoue Priestess? And what's Hueco Mundo? Anyway, if my memory's right, Melinoi hadn't shown up for work until yesterday. Yet here she was, seamlessly woven into everyone's daily lives and memories.
I have no clue what's going on!
Truth is, in this Happy World, weird shit is everyday life. If you freak out over every little thing, you'll end up having nightmares like that one. I'd thought I'd adapted to this bizarre Happy World over the past two years, but apparently not.
What a Happy World.
I led the new hires out of the Happy World office building and headed off to meet the hot idol group E&S.
Recording the company saga to represent Happy World. That was my mission today.
Normally, I'd be pondering, How can I screw this up spectacularly? I'd muddy the waters like a loach on a rampage. But those schemes had backfired too many times. The crazier I got trying to fail, the more unintended successes snowballed out of my control, piling up merits.
So I'll just control the whole thing perfectly.
Thus, Operation: Work Ordinarily.
Keep it ordinary. Minimize variables I can't control, wrap it up at a mediocre level. If the results fall just a hair short of everyone's sky-high expectations, perfect.
Right now, I'm overhyped beyond my worth. Deliver average results, and watch the disappointment crash down.
'Even ordinary work can look like failure if expectations are this inflated.'
Take a director on a hot streak. Every film breaks ten million viewers. Golden Lion, Oscars, you name it. Then suddenly a two-million flop. Average, sure. But to fans with bloated hopes? Devastating.
—He's done for.
—No more hits from him.
Brilliant. Using psychology itself. Even I had to admit it was clever.
"Oho, meeting an idol group for recording? A splendid task for this Melinoi…!"
"I've heard Manager Jo I turns everything to gold and glory like King Midas. With him, even a newbie like me can succeed!"
The clueless rookies were thrilled, steps light. Crowzer, dreaming of superstardom, didn't even hide his plan to ride my coattails. I liked that.
Look at Helios and his son Phaethon. Kid hitched a ride on Dad's sun chariot glory, wrecked everything, got zapped by lightning. Helios had to hand over power to Apollo. Leeches on borrowed glory can drag down even the source.
Crowzer might just be my secret weapon.
We were about to board the ferry to Elysium when—
"Muhuhu, this Melinoi wants to try the premium business seats, nyaat…! Because this Melinoi is a business nymph employed by Happy World…! I have the right to sit there, nyaat…!"
Melinoi threw a tantrum for business class. Crowzer piled on.
"I hear Charon Transport's business seats play sweet Muse music. Hearing it might spark my lost inspiration…."
Business tickets ran 100 gold apiece. About my annual salary. Plus five seconds of surface call time. And a taste of executive-only divine nectar and ambrosia? A tiny bit, but worth every coin.
What if I buy three with the company card? Perfect corporate card abuse. Caught? Discipline, firing!
—That's what yesterday's me would've thought. Too sloppy. Boarding business means some wild variable turns it into success.
Maybe that old-timer ends up a mega-tycoon, and boom—networking jackpot.
Then Crowzer freaked.
"Look! That old guy boarding business! That's Carnegie, the real estate mogul who invested big in Elysium! And he's staring this way!"
See? I knew it. Dodged a networking bullet.
"Miss Melinoi, we can't buy pricey business tickets on company expense. That's Basic 101."
"But this Melinoi is qualified for business… Even paying out of pocket is no good…? This Melinoi really wanted to try it, nyaat…."
Jingling. She pulled out her coin purse—embroidered with a three-headed dog. Familiar, but whatever.
"No can do. Little things are the foundation of big ones. Sticking to basics is step one to social survival."
"Indeed, that's what made you, Manager Jo I! This Crowzer's new to society, didn't know. I'll remember that!"
"Basics are key, nyaat…! This Melinoi lost to basic moves in fighting games on Nymphendo Switch 2 all the time… Now I get it, nyaat…!"
They bought my bullshit. Just to be safe, I skipped the tycoon's ferry entirely.
"Why wait for the next one? We're cutting it close."
"This Melinoi doesn't get it either, nyaat…."
Rookies looked baffled. How to explain zeroing out tycoon encounters?
Bwooo— The ferry horn blared as it departed.
"Manager Jo I! I saw the news and worried! The ferry you were supposed to take got hijacked by pirates! Prince Zagreus stepped in and fixed it…."
Arachne scanned me anxiously. The TV in her agency's office blared breaking news.
"…We had no issues…."
"Thanks to Manager Jo I! Impressive!"
"This Melinoi never saw the rebels' piracy coming, nyaat…!"
I kept quiet. Didn't want another mental breaker.
No more Kamen Rider hellbug nightmares. Let's wrap this and head home.
"So, Miss Arachne. When do we start?"
"Well, um… I called you because… My idol's causing trouble again. She suddenly backed out of the saga collab…."
Sudden flake. Awkward, but her eyes sparkled with expectation.
"But Manager Jo I can handle it, right?"
"Ooh! Chance to see Manager Jo I's skills, nyaat…!"
"…Singer trouble…."
Eyes gleaming with anticipation. Time for Operation: Work Ordinarily.
Deliver average. Just shy of hype.
"Fine. Everything has a reason. Why'd Eurydol bail on recording?"
"She said recording the company saga—a symbol—feels wrong for an outsider like her. Insists company employees should do it…."
Makes sense. Justin Bieber doing the Korean anthem? Weird, even if viral.
"I'll meet Eurydol first."
"I-I suddenly have stomach…."
Whoosh. Crowzer bolted.