Episode 11 - Restless
#11 - Restless
(This episode is told from Han Yu-ra's point of view.)
A pension in the Daebudo pension valley.
The Rituel Commerce planners' workshop was in full swing.
It wasn't a grand schedule.
After work time ended—next quarter plans, competitor analysis, that sort of thing—it was free time, and right now the evening barbecue preparations were in full swing.
With men and women from their mid-twenties to early thirties gathered together, once work talk ended the conversation naturally drifted to romance.
"Yu-ra, are you seeing anyone these days?"
It was Ji-yu from the Delivery Team.
She was sharp about company gossip, but she never brought up stories people would truly hate, so nobody particularly avoided her.
"Um... no. I'm not seeing anyone in particular."
"No, why not? If I were you, I'd be dating constantly!"
"Dating isn't some kind of quota."
Min-a, who had been washing lettuce beside her, nodded too.
"Right. Someone like you probably gets tons of blind date offers."
"I do get them, but... there's just no one I'm really drawn to."
"...Oh."
Ji-yu's eyes immediately sparkled.
'Ah.'
I'd misspoken.
That was the face of someone who'd found gossip.
"So that means there is someone you're drawn to these days?"
"No, how does it become that?"
"You said there's no one you're 'really' drawn to."
"I just meant it as a figure of speech."
"Not someone from work?"
"...No."
My answer came a little too quickly.
Ji-yu's and Min-a's gazes flew at me simultaneously.
"...Why?"
"We didn't say anything."
"..."
Why does it feel like I'm surrounded by people like this lately?
Min-a smiled and spoke.
"But office romance isn't bad, is it? Our company has quite a few couples, you know."
"They just don't show it. Just the ones I know, three couples."
"Here she goes."
"I don't talk about the ones that cross the line. You know how tight-lipped I am."
"It's most unsettling when you say that yourself."
Everyone laughed.
Then Ji-yu suddenly spoke.
"Come to think of it, isn't there anyone decent on the Product Team?"
"...The Product Team?"
"Yeah. The developers. You know, Jung Se-ryu."
-I froze.
"Se-ryu?"
I asked as casually as I possibly could.
"Yeah. He's quietly popular, apparently."
"...Is he?"
That was the first I'd heard of it.
Min-a tilted her head.
"Jung Se-ryu? Isn't he just a quiet developer?"
"He doesn't stand out at first. When he's dressed comfortably in a hoodie or sweatshirt and jeans, staring at his monitor, he's just Tall Developer #1."
"...What's Tall Developer #1?"
When I spoke without thinking, Ji-yu laughed.
"You've seen him a few times at employee weddings too, right? Jung Se-ryu in a suit."
"..."
I had.
More than once.
He usually dressed so casually that it didn't show, but when he dressed up properly, the impression was quite different.
He was around 185 centimeters tall, and because he worked out consistently, his shoulders were on the broad side.
Min-a's eyes widened as if she'd remembered too.
"Ah. Last year's Platform Team wedding?"
"Right."
"The one in the suit back then was Jung Se-ryu?"
For some reason, I didn't like that.
Why was she talking like she'd only just recognized him now.
"Normally he has a bit of a nerdy vibe, but when he's dressed up there's a twist."
"How tall is he?"
"185, I think?"
"Wow. He's that tall?"
"...He's always been tall."
Again, my answer came out first.
Their gazes turned to me.
"...We're on the same team, so I see him often."
"We didn't say anything."
"...Go on."
The corner of Ji-yu's mouth lifted.
"But even if he's popular, he probably doesn't know it himself. He doesn't really socialize with people at work."
That was true.
He attended the gatherings he needed to, but from the second round of company dinners onward he almost always disappeared, and he didn't join any company clubs.
Even for lunch, unless it was with a few close developers, he often ate alone.
"Then how do you know he's popular?"
"I'm Ji-yu."
"...Is that an explanation?"
"All the company's unofficial history reaches me."
Ji-yu smiled and picked up the tongs.
"He's not exactly an overt company heartthrob, but among the people who've worked on projects with him, his reputation is good. He's good at his job, doesn't run his mouth carelessly, doesn't look down on planners. Even when he shows that he doesn't want to do a favor, in the end he does everything he needs to."
"...He shows that he doesn't want to?"
"When meetings run long, it's all over his face."
"...That's true."
I laughed without realizing it.
Does this meeting really have to take a full hour.
Even when he didn't say it out loud, sometimes it was written all over his face.
"Most of all, he doesn't hit on women for no reason."
"Then some people might actually get interested."
"They do."
The lettuce in my hands stopped.
'They do?'
"But since he never meets people like that, nothing progresses. Even if someone's interested, he doesn't come to company dinners, so there's no chance to ask him for coffee."
"He's impossible to get close to."
"Isn't he more of a nerd who's happy in his own world than someone who shuts people out?"
"...That does sound about right."
After work, the gym.
At home, games.
Someone who has fun alone even on weekends.
That was the Jung Se-ryu I knew.
But apparently there had been people interested in him.
"Who?"
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
"..."
The two of them looked at me at the same time.
"...Why?"
"Yu-ra, you suddenly got really proactive about asking."
"...It's about someone on my team, so of course I'm curious."
"Ahh. Because you're on the same team."
Why is she saying it like that.
There was a message notification on my phone from Se-ryu from earlier, but if I took it out now, Ji-yu would latch onto me, so I put off checking it until later.
===
When the barbecue party was in full swing, the conversation that had been cut off earlier resumed.
"So who is it?"
In the end, I asked first.
"You were still curious about that?"
"...The conversation got cut off in the middle."
Ji-yu smiled.
"I won't talk about anyone currently at the company. That's gossip that crosses the line. Instead, I know one person among those who left."
"...Who?"
"A designer who used to be on the brand side."
"Designer Park So-yeon?"
"Right."
She was someone who had left around early last year.
She'd worked on a project with Se-ryu before, and even to another woman's eyes, I remembered her as delicate and fresh-faced.
"She was pretty interested in Se-ryu."
"...Was she?"
"Yeah. She came by the Product Team often even without work, and kept messaging him. Asked him for coffee, asked him to lunch, asked what he was doing after work."
"And Se-ryu didn't react at all?"
"Nope."
For some reason, I felt like I knew why.
"One time, So-yeon went up to him directly and said, 'Want to go get coffee?'"
"...He probably said, 'I just had some.'"
Ji-yu stared at me.
"How did you know?"
"...Seriously?"
"Yeah."
Min-a burst out laughing.
"He really said that?"
"So-yeon was so dumbfounded she told me about it herself."
'That's so like Se-ryu.'
"She also asked him to have lunch together."
"He probably said he'd already decided what to eat that day."
"...Close."
"What did he say?"
"'I was planning to have spicy pork today. Is that okay?'"
"..."
This time I laughed too.
"Then couldn't they just have spicy pork together?"
"They did."
"Huh?"
"The two of them had spicy pork."
"Then it was a successful date."
"The funny thing is, they really just ate and went right back."
It was too easy to imagine.
Designer So-yeon trying somehow to keep the conversation going, and Se-ryu talking about how the spicy pork tasted, then when the meal ended, saying naturally,
'Should we head back now? We have an afternoon meeting.'
'...He definitely did.'
He definitely would have.
"Yu-ra, you really know Se-ryu well."
"...We've worked on the same team for a long time."
Ji-yu took a sip of beer.
"Anyway, So-yeon tried a few times and gave up. It wasn't that he said no, but he kept being like that, so there was no progress, and he never reached out first."
"...Still, he didn't exactly reject her."
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
Something in a corner of my heart snagged.
If it wasn't that he disliked her and pushed her away, but that he truly hadn't known.
What if someone had been a little more proactive?
Just then, Hye-jin across from us suddenly cut in.
"But hearing all this, he actually sounds pretty good?"
"What does?"
"Jung Se-ryu. Tall, fit, good at his job, no woman problems, doesn't even like drinking parties much. And apparently he's handsome when he dresses up."
"..."
Why is she even summarizing it.
Ji-yu grinned playfully.
"Is he Hye-jin's type?"
"A little?"
The beer glass in my hand stopped.
"Then should I make a move?"
"No!"
"..."
'Ah.'
The words came out too fast.
"Why?"
"No... Se-ryu finds that kind of thing burdensome."
"Then just get close without being burdensome."
Ji-yu smirked.
"Seems like you're the one who's more burdened, Yu-ra."
"That's not it."
Hye-jin laughed playfully too.
"Then if I actually get interested, I'll get your permission first, Yu-ra."
"Why would you need my permission."
"You just said no."
"...That was."
I was at a loss for words.
In the end, I lifted my beer glass and took a sip.
"I don't know."
Ji-yu laughed out loud.
"Yu-ra, your ears are red."
"It's from drinking."
"You haven't even finished one glass."
"...Just eat your meat."
I pointlessly flipped the meat on the grill.
But one line kept lingering in my head.
Then should I make a move?
That bothered me more than I'd expected.
A lot more.
===
The barbecue party didn't end until almost midnight.
We only cleared the big trash and the tables and put away the things that needed refrigerating or freezing, and decided to do the rest in the morning.
I told my roommates I'd take a short walk to sober up, then headed toward the beach.
Once I'd put some distance between myself and the pension, I opened my phone and checked the messages that had piled up.
From right after he finished working out until after he got home, several messages from Se-ryu had accumulated.
[NanoChat]
Se-ryu: Yu-ra, I had dinner and got home.
Se-ryu: (emoji of a sparrow lying on a blanket)
Se-ryu: Looks like you're having fun at the workshop lol
"..."
Had dinner.
Got home.
'Didn't he say he finished working out around nine?'
I checked the earlier messages again.
The rented gym.
During the reserved time, it had been just the two of them.
They'd tested his ability.
And after the workout ended, they'd even had dinner.
'Well. They worked out together, so it's possible to have a meal.'
I'd eaten meat and drunk with company people today too.
But the things I'd heard earlier came back to me.
Jung Se-ryu is quietly popular, apparently.
There was a designer interested in him before.
Then should I make a move?
"...Seriously."
Why am I only hearing this kind of talk today.
I opened the message input window.
[Who did you have dinner with?]
I typed it and deleted it.
[Did you eat with the trainer?]
I deleted this too.
It was too obvious.
I walked a little farther in the cold night breeze, then finally pressed the call button.
-Brrr.
-Click.
- Hello?
"...What were you doing?"
- Me? I was lying down reading a webtoon.
"What did you eat for dinner before coming home?"
- Pork belly.
"...Who did you eat with?"
After saying it, I stopped myself.
'Ah...'
I'd asked too naturally.
- ...With the trainer. She bought it for me to thank me for helping with the workout today.
"Ah... I see. Just the two of you?"
- ...Yes. There was no one else.
Se-ryu's voice became a little more cautious.
"Did you drink too?"
- We split one bottle of beer.
One bottle.
The two of them.
'Why am I even calculating the numbers.'
I kicked a pebble with the tip of my foot for no reason.
"You and the trainer... have gotten pretty close, I guess?"
- ...Um. Today was the first time we ate outside together.
"Outside?"
- Outside the gym.
I could feel him correcting himself right away in case I took it the wrong way.
It was a little funny, and my mood lifted just a little.
This time Se-ryu asked about my side.
- How was the workshop? Is the barbecue party over?
"It's all over, and the people who wanted to drink more went inside. The company people just kept talking about romance."
- At the workshop?
"When planners get together, that's how it always is."
- Isn't that a prejudice?
"When developers get together, you talk about games."
- ...I concede.
A small laugh escaped me.
"Se-ryu—are you popular at work?"
- ...What?
"That kind of talk came up today."
- ...Me? Why...?
"That you're tall, you work out, and you look better than expected in a suit."
- Heh heh. So there were quite a few people who knew my true worth?
"No—that's not the point right now."
- It seems a little like the point?
"Oh, please—as if you like it."
I held back a laugh and continued.
"Anyway, apparently there was someone who liked you before. Designer Park So-yeon."
- ...She liked me? I was never confessed to or anything.
"...You really didn't know?"
- I just thought she was asking me to eat or have coffee because the project had been rough.
"Apparently she kept asking you for coffee and to have lunch together?"
- I thought she liked coffee, and lunch is something you can just eat together.
"...That's so like you, Se-ryu."
It was exactly as I'd expected.
"Se-ryu, do you get told a lot that you're clueless?"
- Sometimes. But actually I'm quick on the uptake. Really.
"Hmm, I doubt it—"
The sulkiness that had been rising until a moment ago gradually subsided.
But then the trainer he'd worked out with today suddenly came to mind.
What if that person also became interested in Se-ryu?
Se-ryu would work out with her again without knowing, eat with her, and stay in contact.
I hated it.
Quite a bit more than I'd expected.
"Se-ryu—are you going to work out with that trainer again next time?"
- Yes. We each helped each other today, so we agreed to work out together again. It's convenient for testing my ability too.
"...Again?"
"No—I just thought, since you already worked out together once today, wasn't that enough. If it helps, I guess it can't be helped..."
For a moment, the other end of the line went quiet.
- Why? Are you worried that...
"..."
My heart lurched.
- ...my ability might get found out?
"...That's part of it."
Of course.
A small sigh escaped me.
- I was really careful today. I can make the lines almost invisible too.
"I know. I saw that in your messages."
For a moment, only the sound of the waves could be heard.
- But have you been drinking? Your voice sounds a little more relaxed than usual.
"...I drank a little. I'm not drunk, though."
- That's a relief, then.
"...Okay—"
For some reason, I liked that way of speaking a little.
"Se-ryu—today..."
- Yes?
"...Did you have fun today? The workout, and dinner."
This time his answer came a little late.
- Yes. It was good.
"...I see."
My mood sank again, just a little.
But then Se-ryu continued.
- But I was a little bothered that I hadn't heard from you. I figured you were busy with the workshop, but since you hadn't replied for a while, I was worried you'd had too much to drink.
My steps stopped, and I spoke.
"Why?"
- I was just worried.
The corners of my mouth lifted on their own.
The mood that had sunk just a moment ago lifted with ridiculous ease.
'Seriously.'
'This person keeps making my heart tickle.'
"I didn't drink much. I'm about to head back to the lodging now."
- Okay. Don't wander around too late.
"I came all the way to Daebudo, so I should at least see the ocean."
- Watch out for swell waves!
"Got it."
I was about to hang up when I suddenly wanted to say one more thing.
"Se-ryu—next time you finish working out, contact me right away too."
- ...I did that today too, though?
"...You did it after you got home."
- No. Hold on.
I heard the sound of him tapping his phone.
- I sent it right after I finished working out at 9:17!
"...Huh?"
[NanoChat]
Se-ryu: Ah! And I also figured out how to adjust the connection strength!
Se-ryu: I just finished working out, so I'm cleaning up now.
Se-ryu: (emoji of a sparrow cleaning diligently)
Se-ryu: You're doing well at the workshop too, right?
It had definitely arrived.
I just hadn't replied.
"...That's not what I meant."
- What?
"Not that."
- What are you talking about?
His voice sounded genuinely confused.
'How am I supposed to explain this.'
Not the work-report-style message about figuring out his ability.
That the workout was over.
What he was going to do now.
Who he was with.
I just wanted him to tell me those things first.
"...Anyway, not that."
- No, if you tell me, next time I can—
"I don't know—"
In the end, I hung up first.
-Click.
On the now-dark phone screen, my reddened face was faintly reflected.
'What am I doing, seriously.'
Come to think of it, Se-ryu hadn't done anything wrong.
He'd contacted me the moment his workout ended, and sent another message after getting home.
Even while I couldn't reply, he kept reaching out first.
But what I wanted didn't seem to be only that kind of contact.
'Then what is it.'
I couldn't even explain it properly myself, yet I was pointlessly expecting Se-ryu to just understand on his own.
Still, my mood was much better than a moment ago.
I faced the sea breeze for a while, then turned back toward the lodging.