56
My Villains Chapter 56
15. The Fools of the Ship's Horn Inn (3)
My chest tightens with an indescribable emotion.
In the Middle World, sixteen-year-olds are considered adults. So the current situation, where Ellen, an adult, has feelings for Phoenix, another adult, wasn't strange at all.
But I'm not from this world. I couldn't help but feel an uncomfortable emotion that no one in the Middle World would understand.
It feels like Phoenix the mass murderer who killed hundreds and Kim Seung-soo with modern sensibilities are clashing inside me.
After a moment of silence, Ellen slightly lifted her head to look up at me. The frost that had settled on her face had already lifted, replaced by an inexplicable nervousness.
Cowardly, I decided to run away from this problem.
"Whatever you're feeling, work is work. How can you just lie there when your comrade is going to fight?"
Ellen made an enigmatic expression at my question. Relief or disappointment quickly disappeared below the surface, and coolness regained its place.
"Why should I do this job in the first place?"
"What? What do you mean? Of course..."
"Isn't this just because of your hero complex?"
When I silently furrowed my brow, Ellen snapped sarcastically, "Did you like getting attention from the prince and the lord that much? Or do you feel like a real hero now that you've gained fame as the 'Bloody Swordsman'?"
"What nonsense are you suddenly spouting?"
"We completed the request and handed over evidence of collusion. Why are you going out of your way to seek dangerous places?"
"Well..."
As I trailed off, Ellen spoke again, "And did you forget what we promised? We were supposed to make money doing requests, then seize an opportunity to escape the city and go north! But what's this? After all that trouble, we're trapped in the siege again!"
"The situation has changed that much. Prince Ulkar came, and soon the army will move to break the siege. If that operation succeeds, we'll be saving the city."
"And what do we gain from that? Are you risking your life to get a few more gold coins? Wasn't it you who said not to risk a comrade's life for a few coins?"
"Do you think I'm doing this for money now?"
"How would I know! What's certain is that you're not considering me. You're dragging me into dangerous situations and only caring about other people!"
"What? You—"
My head is hot.
I took a deep breath to calm my excitement and asked, "Are you serious?"
"About what?"
"That I'm putting you in danger and not caring about you?"
"...That's how I felt."
"Ha."
Ellen probably doesn't mean it either. Because she's angry, she just wants to hurt me somehow. These are probably words she's spitting out without much thought.
I understand it rationally, but emotionally I can't accept it.
"...It's not true?"
"What?"
"I've never tried to put you in danger, and I've never not cared about you."
"I've always tried to protect you somehow when it was dangerous. I've always cared about you more than others."
"I..."
I don't know how you felt. But, really— it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy. I did things as routinely as eating that I couldn't even dream of when I was Kim Seung-soo.
I always thought of you, not myself.
I didn't know I could do it either. Throwing away my life to save others is something only firefighters can do. I've never done it in my life, and I thought I never would.
I poured out the words in my heart without even knowing what I was babbling.
"Of course, I was afraid I'd regret it. Afraid I'd regret hesitating like an idiot again. I didn't even want you to acknowledge it. But— I didn't want to hear those words from you?"
"I, I…”
Ellen stammered for a moment, then silently moved her lips before closing her mouth.
A brief silence.
After running my hand through my hair once, I put on my helmet and armor.
"Fine. I'm tired too."
"...What?"
"I'm tired of covering for you too. I'm sick of you doing whatever you want, and I hate seeing you treat others badly."
Ah, I misspoke.
Throwing sharp words to hurt was no different for Ellen or me.
"What, what did I..."
Ellen's light pink lips trembled.
Even though I knew I should stop, I couldn't calm my anger. Has my mental age regressed along with my body?
"What did you do? You ignored, sneered, treated people like idiots. Like someone determined to ruin others' moods."
"...I said I'd be careful. And it's not on purpose, it's just how I talk."
"Right, I'm sure. What would I know about you? You always meditate and observe yourself, right? You must know yourself best."
At my sarcasm, Ellen trembled her tightly clenched fist and spoke with difficulty.
"...You, you. You shouldn't do this to me."
"Do what? You just say whatever you want to people."
"It's not like that with you. Why, why are you being like this?"
Her eyes were starting to droop, and her voice became so small it was about to crawl away.
Stop it, Kim Seung-soo.
Apologize for going too far, then pat her shoulder.
Then she'll cry her eyes out, so just throw in some jokes to ease the awkwardness.
But the voice that flowed from my mouth was still cold.
"Are you going to be like this to the end?"
"What am I..."
"...Haa. I'm going."
"Wait, wait a moment. We're not done talking."
"People are waiting. You can rest or not, do whatever you want."
"Who."
"What?"
"Who's waiting? Are they such important people?"
"They are important people. Maybe not to you, but they're my comrades. Grania and Arnal are coming too."
Ellen opened her mouth as if she had heard a terrible sound.
"...Your comrades?"
"Yes, my comrades."
Seeing her expression harden, I frowned and added, "What's the problem now?"
"How could you..."
"Grania, Arnal, Mr. Luke are all comrades I've shared life and death with. You might have thought of them as just objects for venting and throwing tantrums, but they're all precious comrades to me."
By the time I finished speaking, Ellen's wide-open eyes were already filled with moisture.
"You, how..."
"...What?"
"H-how can you say that?"
The setting sun overlaps with thin clouds and ripples like waves.
The light coming through the window held moisture and wavered on Ellen's blue eyes.
"What do you mean your comrades... What on earth are you saying?"
"Your comrade is *sob* me, you bastard...."
As soon as the words ended, she began to pour out thick tears. Then she began to sob bitterly, her shoulders shaking violently.
"Ugh, uhh, huuk...."
Ellen hugged her knees as she collapsed.
Watching her quietly, I knelt on one knee and put my hand on her shoulder.
No, I clenched my fist before putting my hand on her shoulder.
What I realized while spending the night with Daria is that 'kindness' is rare in this world.
Being kind and showing goodwill with a gentle smile to strangers is behavior befitting only clergy.
Judging by how Daria perceived my actions based on my common sense as interest, doesn't that mean the world is that harsh?
Perhaps it's also my responsibility that Ellen developed feelings for me.
It must have been an unfamiliar experience for Ellen for a complete stranger to approach without malice, act friendly, and protect her.
Moreover, I unconsciously treated Ellen like a niece, so she may have misunderstood the affection that seeped through my words and actions.
"Huu, huuuk."
I finally stood up in front of Ellen, who was sobbing bitterly.
...Yes, this might be better.
Isn't it rather mean to act kindly while giving ambiguous possibilities when I clearly know her feelings?
I moved with heavy steps and left the room.
Click.
I closed the door, but Ellen's crying didn't get quieter; rather, it became clearer.
"No, what kind of nonsense is that?"
When I glared fiercely, the guard captain also furrowed his brow.
"Your words are harsh. Mind your manners."
"Manners my ass, you ignore everything I say and then spout that nonsense?"
As anger tinged my voice, Mr. Luke quickly stepped in to stop me.
"Phoenix, calm down. You're too excited."
"No, I'm not excited - haah."
I took off my helmet and stood up, pushing back my chair.
The heavily armed senior guards sent fierce glares, but they quickly averted their gaze when they met my reddened eyes.
"Move, you idiots."
I pushed past the soldiers with my shoulders and left the guard barracks.
Grania, Arnal, and Mr. Luke followed, but I shook my head to stop them.
"...Haah."
I left the inn, leaving behind Ellen who was crying profusely, but the planned operation failed miserably.
Even after the sun set and two, three hours passed, the informant didn't move.
At first, I thought it was because of the variables I created that he didn't move. I judged that Prince Ulkar's entry into the city had affected the informant's plan.
But the reality was different.
About thirty minutes ago. While waiting at the guard barracks, with no news despite the passage of time, I circled the city once out of frustration.
But the royal guard was spread out near Salt Castle.
Suspicious of the situation, I pressed the guard captain, and he said he tipped off the royal guard captain because he was worried about the lord's safety. The information had leaked.
"Haah, this damn..."
I clearly asked him not to tell even the lord, but he went and offered the information to the lord's confidant? I wanted to beat him up.
No, come to think of it, it's my mistake. It was stupid of me to think the guard captain would follow my words 100%.
The guard captain is, after all, the lord's vassal. It's natural for him to prioritize the lord while carrying out his duties. I'm the idiot for not thinking of that.
As the short cloak flutters in the cold wind blowing from the sea, my head cools down a bit...
Now, how do I catch the 'Unveiled Location'? It's too dangerous to let things flow according to the scenario.
...Is it better this way? Is it safer to just go on like this rather than recklessly changing the future and creating variables?
No, no. If you know the future, you should use it. I can't keep acting passively like this forever. I should take advantage where I can. Isn't catching the 'Unveiled Location' early a decisive advantage?
Should I just barge in when I already know the identity? ...No. No matter how I think about it, that's an even crazier thing to do.
Ah, my head hurts. Nothing is going right.
"Oh, Brother Phoenix!"
"Hm?"
Turning my head towards the voice, I saw a young man with messy brown hair approaching with a bright smile.
"Farel?"
"Hehe. It's been a while, brother. I heard my sister was indebted to you."
Grania's younger brother, Farel, is a very cheerful guy unlike his sister.
He's friendly and makes friends wherever he goes - in a word, you could call him a typical 'insider'.
I remember being surprised when we drank last time; he sang when he got excited, and it sounded better than I expected.
They say he's surprisingly good with javelins, which doesn't match his slender build.
I haven't seen him throw a spear myself, but thinking back to the battle at the docks, he seemed to be a mercenary who could pull his own weight.
I smiled slightly and shook my head.
"It's not a debt, we helped each other."
"I heard everything. They say you were in a real pickle trying to save my sister when she fell off her horse."
"Who said that?"
"Arnal was saying so."
Of course.
"But what are you doing here?"
"I was bored, so I followed the messenger. Thought I'd see my sister's face too."
Come to think of it, Farel and Gillius were still part of the royal guard.
Well, if they kicked them out as soon as Grania returned, it would be too obvious that they were being held hostage. They'll probably keep them in the royal guard for a while before sending them to the city guard or gate guard. Or end their contract.
...Wait. Royal guard?
"Uh- why are you looking at me like that?"
"What do you do in the royal guard?"
"Just, all sorts of odd jobs. Sometimes I fill in for patrols or guard duty."
"You do guard duty too? At Salt Castle?"
Farel made an 'oops' expression at my puzzled question.
"Oh, brother, you can't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Why?"
"Why? Because if the royal guard captain or the military officer finds out, we're totally screwed."
I wanted to ask more, but just then the royal guard messenger came out of the guard barracks, so I had to let Farel go.
Royal guard... Royal guard.
The worry that started then continued until the city guard disbanded without results and returned to the Ship's Horn Inn.
What woke me from my deep thoughts was the conversation between Mr. Luke and Daria.
"What are you saying now?"
"What? Didn't Ellen go with you?"
"...What did you say?"
Thump- my heart felt like it sank.
Mr. Luke pressed Daria with an angry voice.
"Ellen was supposed to stay in the room, what are you talking about!"
"Uh, right after Phoenix and Mr. Luke left with the mercenaries, Ellen went out too."
"Where, where did she say she was going?"
Daria answered with a slightly pale face at Mr. Luke's unfamiliar appearance.
"I, I didn't ask specifically. She doesn't like me talking to her. I, I just thought she naturally followed Phoenix and Mr. Luke."
"What a disaster..."
Ellen - disappeared?
Why on earth...
I felt my legs giving out and collapsed into a chair at the bar.
"Huh, huuk."
I can't breathe.
Suddenly, the scene of an amusement park flashed before my eyes.