Playing Is What I Love Best
Don't you ever feel, as you go on living, that a day slips past far too quickly?
I certainly do. Add a busy routine to grueling training, and a morning that seemed as though it would last forever has, before you know it, turned into a short evening.
So what I mean to say is...
"Won't you tell me now? It's already been five days."
Five days since I had started playing with the child in black, and tomorrow was already the young master's birthday banquet.
"No! I'm never telling you!"
He kept throwing tantrums. Honestly, by now I wasn't even all that curious. Anyone could see he was an immature child—a page of eight or nine, at a glance.
"Isn't it about time you admitted it? I've won every time so far. Easily, too."
As for why I kept indulging him anyway...
"Th-that's 'cause you're cheating! I don't believe you! I don't! I'll never believe you!"
It was pure stubbornness. A twenty-four-year-old acting childish, one might say—but he denied it for no reason at all, and that only made me want to drag the admission out of him all the more. What grudge could he possibly bear me, to refuse so fiercely? Or was he simply too ashamed to concede defeat?
"Losing to a blind person over and over is one thing. Refusing to admit you've lost is far more shameful."
The child who kept shouting that I was a cheat had challenged me to quite a few contests over those five days. The simplest of them was rock-paper-scissors.
"Nnngh..."
Thirty matches, thirty wins—a flawless record, of course. There was no way anyone could beat a user of ki sense at rock-paper-scissors.
"There's no way I'd lose to someone blind! This is a scam!!"
He had tried plenty of other things besides. Guessing at a shell game with a cloth tied over his eyes. Keeping from flinching when a fist came flying at his face. And more.
"Does saying that mean you admit I'm blind? Then you'll admit you lost to a blind person, too, won't you?"
For someone truly blind, and able to use ki sense, such things were as simple as falling asleep with my eyes open. Blindfolding a person who was genuinely blind, while insisting they were not, could hardly change anything. It was only natural—like a bird that could fly challenging a wingless bird to a footrace.
"No! Th-that's not what I—!!"
And yet this child, possessed of an indomitable spirit, spent a fifth day denying his defeat, with the steadfast will of someone who falls a hundred times and gets back up a hundred and one.
"No!! It's cheating anyway!! I'm telling you, it's cheating... I'll never admit it!"
Deny a god that thoroughly, and divine punishment would already have fallen. But I was no god. I wasn't even a hero anymore—only a blind girl. How was a blind girl supposed to call down heaven's wrath? All I could do was ask.
"Why do you deny it so desperately? Deep down, you already know I'm blind."
Judging by everything he had said and done, the child had already accepted it. The movements I caught through ki sense gave him away as well. Every time he denied me, he flinched, and the tell was plain. Looking back with that in mind, he might even have believed me from the very first day. So why scream himself hoarse to deny it?
Did he hate that I was blind so much? Or was he simply prejudiced against the disabled?
"No..."
So that wasn't it either. Then why did he keep this up? If the child never opened his heart, it would remain a mystery for the rest of my life. Better, then, to coax him into speaking freely.
"Just admit it already, and tell me. Keep on like this and it will never end. If you speak honestly, I might even understand."
I made my voice as gentle as I possibly could, and it seemed to loosen him a little. Scratching at his head, the child hung it low and answered in a wilted voice.
"But..."
"But?"
"Buuut..."
"Buuut...?"
How irritating...
Ah—no! That's not what I meant...!
Had I built up more resentment toward this child than I realized? I didn't think so. So why did I keep reacting this way?
"But..."
"Stop stalling and just say it. Whatever I hear, I won't tease you."
Just how shameful—or how grand—could the reason be, for him to hesitate this much?
"If I admit it, you won't play with me anymore!!"
"I won't play with you...?"
He had been this unreasonable over something so small?
"Yeah! All the other servants hate playing with me! If I hadn't done it like this, you wouldn't have played with me either!!"
Well, of course they would refuse, if he asked them to play during working hours.
"If you had simply asked me to play from the start, I would have played something else with you entirely."
"R-really? Then you'll play with me tomorrow, too?"
Tomorrow...?
"Now that I think about it, starting tomorrow will be difficult."
"See?! See!! The second I admit it, you say you can't! You tricked me...! You're just like the other servants!!"
"N-no, please calm down. My post officially begins tomorrow, so I don't think I'll have the time."
"Then just skip work and come play! I skip and come play every single day!"
"So that's why they kept saying they saw you every day. You've been skipping. Playing is playing, but you ought to finish what you're supposed to do before you come."
"I'll do what I want!!"
This little brat...
Th-that's not it! Right. It wasn't even my duty. What did it matter to me? I shouldn't go sticking my nose in the way I used to, back when I was a hero.
"Well, either way, I'll have work from tomorrow on, so I don't think I can play with you."
Being told I couldn't play seemed to hit him hard. He scratched furiously at his head, then snapped his fingers, as if a brilliant idea had just struck.
"So if you just didn't have work, you could play with me?"
"Pardon? Well... I suppose so."
An impossible hypothetical. Still, if someone merely left me with time to spare, was that much really beyond me? Playing with a mildly irritating page was far better than looking after Elencia's child.
There was a gap of about five hours of free time in the middle of the day, but those still counted as working hours. I had to spend them training, or helping with my duties. I couldn't use them to play.
"So that's how it is..."
Did this page have some authority of his own? Had some notable marquis house sent its immature heir off as a page, for the experience?
"You're sure you start work tomorrow?"
"Yes. I was to take up my post starting from this family's young master's birthday."
Hmm. Now that I thought about it, that day was already here. Honestly, I still had no idea what I ought to do.
They say a child is the most precious thing a parent has. So if I killed Elencia's child, wouldn't I be taking from her the thing she treasured most...?
And yet I didn't even know whether the one who ought to feel that loss was still alive, while the child who would actually die had done nothing wrong. What was I supposed to do...?
My heart told me to cut the child down this very instant. My head told me to wait a little longer. If that child turned out to be someone steeped in evil, the way Elencia was, then—
"If this is a lie too, then... you'd better believe you're in huge trouble!"
"You shouldn't threaten people. And I don't lie about things like this."
"You really mean it...?"
"Of course."
What would I stand to gain by lying?
"Well... just in case..."
Anxious, though, the child began muttering to himself.
"What's your name!"
"My name? Ah... we really haven't introduced ourselves yet, have we. My name is Ruanes."
"Ruanes, huh... And your family name?"
A family name? I did have one, bestowed by the Emperor back when I was a hero, but I could hardly offer that now. Making up some other surname on the spot wouldn't be easy either. Simply admitting I didn't have one...
That wouldn't do. Eluise had told me to keep it secret that I was a slave. Speak honestly, and the lack of a family name would give me away as an orphan—and then it would be all too easy for someone to grow suspicious of how I had entered a ducal house.
In that case...
"My family name is a secret."
"A secret? What kind of thing is that! Tell me, now!"
"The kind that's right here, apparently. You've been keeping secrets from me and running off this whole time, too."
"Th-that's different from this!!"
"It's the same. Anyway, I can't tell you my family name, but my name really is Ruanes, so please don't get too angry."
"Hiding a family name... suspicious! You're not lying, are you?"
"It's the truth."
It wasn't a lie. My name was Ruanes, and I had only hidden the family name. Even so—to think I could deceive someone this naturally. Heh... Had I taken one step closer to becoming a selfish person?
On second thought, perhaps not. I had felt it every day. Whenever I did something to this child, the guilt hardly came. Was something wrong with me, or did this child simply have a gift for infuriating people...?
"If you're lying, I'll hunt you down and make you suffer!"
"I'm a servant of this house anyway, so you could find me without even looking. And you shouldn't go around threatening people."
For a child who loved to play the way a penguin does, he was remarkably full of suspicion.
"In any case, I've told you my name, so you ought to tell me yours."
"My name...?"
Lost in some thought or other, the child started stalling again. What was he so desperate to hide this time?
"I told you mine, so it's only proper that you tell me yours. If you'd rather not say what it is you do, you should at least give me your name."
After losing that many wagers, offering his name was the least courtesy he owed.
"...All right. I'll tell you."
Oh. So the child had at least a minimum of decency after all. Perhaps there really were no bad children in the world.
"A wise decision. Then, what is the young page's name?"
"My name is, well..."
He dragged the words out yet again, as if some fresh scheme had just occurred to him.
"I'll tell you tomorrow!! Ahahahaha!!!!!"
"Hey! Tell me now, before you go!!"
With a bright peal of laughter, as though he couldn't wait for whatever was coming, he bolted beyond the reach of my ki sense.