Those Bandit Bastards #1
Morning.
"Hey, I'm here!"
Her shrill voice jolted me awake.
"Ugh... you're here?"
"What the hell, coming in all disheveled like that? You gotta give me a proper welcome when I show up!"
Damn, her energy's through the roof this early.
Pop! I jumped up, quickly ran a hand through my messy hair, struck a pose, and shouted.
"Welcome, Lady Geophwa Buyong! I'll serve you with utmost devotion!"
"Wooow!"
"How's that? My heartfelt reception."
"I love it, kid! Kyahahaha!"
Wi Ha-young burst into laughter—whether from joy or whatever—and smacked my arm repeatedly with her hand. Why does this girl love hitting people so much?
"Anyway, we gotta head out, so get ready quick."
"Head out?"
"You said you wanted more yodan, right? Perfect timing—a good yokai extermination job just popped up."
"Ooh!"
Does this mean we go hunt it ourselves and chow down?
"Then let's move! What kind of yokai is it?"
"Kappa. There's a habitat over in Anhui Province."
"Kappa? What's that?"
"You know, those water yokai. Like turtles with shells on their backs, mouths like bird beaks."
Hold up. That sounds exactly like Japanese kappa yokai.
"...!"
Now even Japanese yokai are showing up in Ming Dynasty territory? Where's Inuyasha when you need him? I gotta team up with that guy!
"Why are you shaking like a leaf? You get wrecked by a kappa before or something?"
"No, what makes you think that?"
"Then what? Oh! Kappa supposedly stick their hand up the prey's ass and pull out the shirikodama. Scared of that?"
"Wait, they're that kind of fucked-up monsters?!"
Hand up the ass to yank something out? These are straight-up psychopaths! Gotta exterminate every last one!
"Kukuku, you really didn't know. Anyway, let's go. Kappa aren't that strong. We'll catch some first—might drop yodan."
"Hell yeah! I'll gear up right now! Gotta wipe out every one of those freaks!"
Monsters so vicious even Song-ssi, who hates monks, would understand. I got ready like I was heading to work, then left the estate with Ha-young.
Living together and heading out side-by-side? Feels just like a newlywed couple commuting. A wife who uses talismans instead of makeup. Way too stimulating.
Jingle-jangle.
Ha-young led the way with her stone staff. Those talismans still bugged me like crazy. From what I'd quickly researched, the ones she used for combat were different from the ones she stuck on herself. Different sizes and all. But why the hell does she plaster those on instead of makeup? No clue.
* * *
We crossed into Anhui Province from Jiangsu via the mountain paths. Familiar route from when I first arrived here. Swing by my old city for a pit stop and maintenance, then push west to the destination.
Once there, grab a drink with Jae Mi-son and roll out again. The guy's been calling my story bullshit, but after I ditch the Anhui Twin Evils, he'll believe me.
"Ha-young, if we hit the city, mind relaying a message to my friend? Gotta let him know I arrived."
"Sure. But tell me some fun stories? Walking with you's gotten sooo boring lately. Need something to make the trek worthwhile."
"Ah, what story to tell this time."
I've got stories for days. We were strolling along like that when—
"Halt."
Ha-young stopped me cold. No need to ask what. Her vibe screamed trouble.
I sensed danger instinctively, ducked behind a tree, and drew my Cheonrae Sword.
"Nice. Just like that."
Her praise.
"What's up?"
"Looks like green forest bandits nearby."
"Bandits?"
"Yeah. Never seen 'em on this path before... Can't tell how many. We'll probably run into them soon—get ready."
"Got it."
I nodded gravely. Tension boiled up.
Green forest bandits—mountain bandit scum. Ruthless, greedy killer thugs. If you cross paths, it's kill or be killed; no other way out.
"Bandits, huh."
World crawling with yokai outside the cities. To hole up in the mountains pulling bandit shit? Means they're cursed human trash with no other way to survive.
Not just shunned from cities or villages—no, they're top-tier criminals who'd get executed on sight by the authorities. Way beyond black path scum killing each other. Black path beef stays ignored, no pursuit. But bandits? Prime targets for official extermination.
Dangerous. Slimier and deadlier than anyone I've killed.
"Kukuku, tense already? Don't worry. Who am I?"
Her face oozed confidence, like trust me.
"The Murim's Divine Flower, Geophwa Buyong. Think no bandits or rapists ever targeted me before?"
"Huh? Now that you mention it?"
She's prime bait, honestly. Solo traveler, drop-dead gorgeous, killer curves, slutty outfit. No shock if creeps eyed her.
"Plenty. But none laid a finger on me—they all died. So relax. I've slain as many villains as yokai."
"..."
Still worried. Really worried. We might have to fight bandits for real.
I steeled my mind for a life-or-death scrap.
"What? Face like that? You're too worried."
"Kinda tense. Worried, yeah."
"Kukuku. Think I'll get captured and defiled?"
She spoke softly, reassuringly.
"Won't happen, so chill. Just kill 'em all. Come on, let's slaughter these bandit fucks! Got it? First sight, wipe 'em out! Yahoo!"
She pumped her fist, chanting like it was a rally. Life-on-the-line situation ahead, but she's all casual, pumping me up like it's routine.
If she's this fired up, I can't chicken out—gotta keep face.
"Heh heh heh, as expected of Mosan Sect's lady Taoist. Yeah! I trust you!"
"Trust only me. Wanna hide behind? Don't wanna see you hurt."
"Ridiculous."
I steadied my heart.
"Can't hide behind. No matter what, I'll protect you. Got it? You're my close friend. I'll stake my life on it—don't think I'll run!"
"H-huh... You talk big for a scrub."
"That's the man I am. Got it?"
"..."
We've bonded plenty. Protecting a close friend? Obvious duty.
Jae Mi-son picked up arms for me despite no stake. Song-ssi, total stranger, shared monk-slaying intel and charged ahead bravely.
I've got friends like that. So I gotta arm up for mine.
"Fine, let's fight together. Watch me protect you. Ready?"
"Trust only me."
We crept along the mountain path. Stay alert for ambushes, but outpacing mountain bandits? Tough.
"Boss!"
We ran into them. One signaled, and bandits swarmed out.
Over ten in seconds.
"Krahaha!"
The boss-looking one stepped forward. Taller, shirtless, wild-haired dude with an axe.
"Finally found you! Geophwa Buyong!"
He knows her?
"You know me?"
Ha-young tilted her head; he laughed loud.
"Puhahaha! Think I'd miss the Murim Divine Flower? Heard you showed in Anhui, so we laid in wait! Can't tell you how bad I wanted this...!"
Stalker much?
"Seeing you up close? Pure bliss! Rumor-true beauty and those massive tits! Been dreaming of groping 'em raw and pounding your pussy nonstop!"
Fuck.
"Kekekeke! Boss! She's fuckable as hell!"
"Those huge jugs...!"
"Kyaa! Suck on 'em forever—no regrets!"
"I'd tongue her snatch all day!"
"Kukuku, I'd rim her ass a week straight."
"No time for that with our cocks to ram her! Kekekeke!"
The boss's filth drew drooling cheers from the scum.
Daring to insult Ha-young... I wanted to slaughter them all right then, but she just eyed them like trash.
"Surrender, Geophwa Buyong! Do it now, and I'll make you my sex slave—treat you nice! No beatings!"
"Heh, really?"
"Gonna pass you to the boys, sure. Gangbanged long and hard, but I'll block pregnancy. You'll birth my kids only. Fair deal, right?"
You fucking prick... Talking like some demonic bitch in heat.
I tallied them quietly: twelve total. How strong's the boss? Can we take 'em?
Honestly, dunno Ha-young's full power. If she's Namgung Serin level... Serin could handle this many bandits easy.
Issue: Serin's a Peak swordmaster; Ha-young's a Taoist. Taoists weak in straight fights? Better if I guard and fight.
"Hey, you fucking dogs!!!"
Yell loud, pull aggro first.
"Wha...?"
"Say that shit to your moms! They'd love it!"
Light taunt.
"What'd you say?!"
"Crazy bastard...!"
"Fuck, what?!"
Their faces flushed red instantly.
"Your moms'll cry tears of joy at their filial son's words! No time though—go tell 'em quick!"
"You motherfucker! Raaah!"
Boss exploded, roaring.
"I'll hack you to bits—wait, hold up! Who's this punk?"
He spat curses, then cocked his head.
Why?
"N-no way...!"
Then gasped in shock.
"Geophwa Buyong! No way this punk's your lover?! You, who should offer your virginity to me—you made a man?! Raaaaah!"
Huh?
"You bastard! You defiled Geophwa Buyong?!"
Boss raged, pointing at me.
I was dumbfounded, speechless. What the fuck's this lunatic?
Just seconds ago he wanted to rape her, and now?
Slide.
Then Ha-young hooked her arm in mine and said,
"What? Pretty much, yeah? Defiled me sooo much, reaaally thoroughly. Even if you sexually harass me with your dirty talk, it'd just feel pathetic."
No, girl!
"What?! F-fuck! FUUUCK! You shits! Kill that bastard, capture Geophwa Buyong alive! Hurt her and I'll kill you! No, don't kill him either! He pays for defiling my woman, no matter what!"
This guy's a total psycho!
"Charge!!!"
Battle on as boss screamed.
"Raaah! Smash that fucker!"
"Daring insult our moms! Grraaah!"
"That bitch looks tasty!"
"This young master'll pamper you all day!"
Bandits charged, eyes gleaming. Their ferocity matched Ming troops—no less.
Real green forest bandits, huh?
"Daring insult Ha-young! I'll carve you all!"
No choice—use terrain. Fanatics charging en masse? Tough otherwise.
"Hup!"
I channeled inner power for Dae-ryu Geom-beop, aiming to butcher a few gruesomely and break their morale—
when Ha-young sighed.
"Filthy vermin. Every time trash like you sexually harasses me, it turns my stomach. Always groping, sucking, pounding. Same damn lines."
Then.
"Die."
Whoosh!
Her Taoist spell deployed.