Goburin Subjugation #6: Victory Climax
There's this fucked-up internet slang term called Defeat Climax. It's a grotesque piece of modern lingo that lets you gauge just how rotten society has gotten—a word straight out of the cosmic abyss. If we're talking Kardashev scales for probing the universe's depths, this shit's about a Type 3 civilization-level mindfuck. Anyway, Defeat Climax refers to weirdos with twisted tastes who get off so hard on defeat and ruin that they hit orgasmic highs from it.
Me? I've got the healthiest mindset imaginable, so I'm riding the exact opposite wave: Victory Climax.
"Raaargh! Graaaah! We won! We fucking won!"
Victory—pure, unadulterated victory! Roaring like a beast just discharged from the gates of triumph, I bellowed my praise to the win. The ecstasy of it surged straight to my brain, making my whole body shudder. This wasn't some petty win. This was my first real taste of victory in an actual goddamn war! We'd taken down over twenty Goburin warriors! The primal battle genes buried in human instinct were screaming bloody murder. Keep winning! Seize more victories!
Today's triumph was gonna shower me in massive cash too!
"We won! We fucking won! Raaaaah! We beat the Goburins!"
After howling like that for a good while, I finally got my shit together and looked around. Gu Juman was sprawled out, heaving for breath. Song-ssi and Jae Mi-son were sitting nearby, gulping down water. Guess I was the only one jumping around like an idiot.
So I yelled, "Everyone! You saw that, right? My strike landed perfectly, slicing that Goburin warrior clean in half! I think I had some kinda enlightenment from it!"
My strike had landed perfectly. In wuxia novels, they always talk about "enlightenment," and now I got it for real. I could pull off that exact move again, flawlessly. Why? 'Cause I'd done it once. Nailed it clean. That enlightenment was etched into my hands!
"Raaaaargh!"
"Heh... You're even crazier than I imagined. Total bro-vibes."
"P-please... shut up already... My ears are gonna burst..."
"Kuhahaha! The joy of victory's too destructive—what can ya do!"
Alright, time to wrap this up. I rubbed my forearm where that stone axe had clipped me earlier. Didn't hurt too bad... but rolling up my sleeve revealed a massive bruise.
"Eh."
Taking a hit like that. Well, with my constitution, a bruise this size was no biggie. Slap on some salve, eat well, sleep it off.
"Song-ssi! What's next?"
"Cut off the Goburins' noses."
"Ah, submit those and the quest's done. But where's O Gi-su...?"
The guy who'd bolted earlier was nowhere in sight.
"O Gi-su! That spineless fuck! Screw him—we split the reward among us!"
Now that's the right attitude from Gu Juman. Honestly, his constant yapping and tripping during the fight made it hard to look favorably on him, but we'd fought as comrades to the end and won. Petty gripes like that just fade away. Though... if he hadn't yelled, we could've halved their numbers with a stealth ambush... Whatever, lesson learned.
"Gu Juman! Wise words, my man! Obviously, no cut for that runaway bastard O Gi-su! Jae Mi-son, Song-ssi—you agree?"
"Heh... Agreed."
"Agreed."
Perfect. O Gi-su could drop dead on his run for all we cared. The key was we got more silver taels.
"Then let's harvest those noses."
I pulled out my dagger, and everyone else scanned around, grabbing hand axes and short swords. I squatted in front of a Goburin corpse.
"..."
The thing was mangled beyond belief. Even a failed okonomiyaki wouldn't look this wrecked. Anyway, this one's mine—shoulder to ribs, sliced fresh and clean.
"This is my martial art."
The bastard would be honored to die by a peerless expert like me. I mentally erected a tombstone for it, then carved off its nose with my dagger. Nasty texture... But wait.
"Hey, everyone. Question: Can we eat Goburin meat?"
"What...?"
"Huh?"
"Just tryna save on food costs. If we can butcher 'em, it'd be good protein too. Song-ssi, whaddya think?"
"...No poison."
"Oho!"
Then let's butcher one! Slash.
I tried skinning it right away. I'd practiced on Little Blue Ghosts plenty, so I had the feel... but first time on a Goburin, so no dice.
"Fuck."
Blood spraying, skin tearing—total mess. But you build experience like this for easier times later. Like a pleasure killer desecrating prey, I forcibly peeled the Goburin's skin.
Riiip.
"Urk."
This shit... What the hell was I doing?
"You're insane... If you're gonna puke, stop."
"Jae Mi-son, this is all experience. Once I master clean skins, we sell 'em and get meat."
"...Don't wanna eat it."
"Heh heh, c'mon, you try too."
Anyway, peeling upper and lower body was a bitch. But the meat seemed salvageable... Fuck, this stench! What rancid reek is this?!
"Ugh, can't eat this!"
I bolted upright.
"Told ya..."
Jae Mi-son scolded, but my skill level was just low. Glancing at Song-ssi...
"Hm?"
The guy was heading into the Goburins' cave.
"Song-ssi! Safe to go in?"
"Grabbing spoils."
"Ah!"
Right! Goburins were smart enough for tribes, so their lair had to have valuables.
"Good call! I'll search too! Song-ssi! Jae Mi-son! Gu Juman, c'mon!"
"Heh... Got it."
"Urgh, yeah."
We all plunged into the dark tunnel.
Screeech.
Squawk.
But weird noises inside.
"Song-ssi?"
"Baby Goburins."
"Babies, huh."
Makes sense in a nest like this.
"Over here."
Heading toward the sound, we dimly saw baby Goburins huddled in the gloom. Cave was pitch black.
"Eat these if you must. Better than adults."
"Oho."
Baby Goburin meat? Not bad, but cooking here was a hassle.
"Tempting, but spoils first."
"Yeah..."
Crunch!
Song-ssi mercilessly stomped a baby Goburin's skull. A feral glint flashed in his eyes.
Crunch! Crunch!
This ruthless slaughter, refined killing intent, and his easy work carving up the adults earlier... Song-ssi was an unmatched pro at Goburin hunting. Watching his brutal butchery made my heart—not just tremble, but my limbs shake.
Was that "grudge" he mentioned tied to Goburins? Crunch! Crunch!
Song-ssi was smiling as he crushed the babies. Faint, but intense.
"Geun-hyeop... Path branches that way."
"Okay. Jae Mi-son, let's check it."
"O-okay?"
Got chills, so I stuck with the relatively normal Jae Mi-son. Gu Juman could do whatever. We thoroughly scoured the cave, careful for ambushes.
Jackpot: iron scraps, wooden and stone tools galore. Stone spears and axes littered outside too.
"Grab it all and head back."
"Heh heh, perfect. Song-ssi, can we sell these spears and axes?"
"Cheap to a general store."
Market rate: about 5 copper per piece. Side income around 150 copper? Split four ways: 30-40 each. Plus 2 silver taels divided...!
A whopping 530 copper profit in one day!
"NVIDIA who?! You thieving bastards!"
From today, me and Goburins are one flesh—attacks on them are attacks on me. 530 copper? Fuck, I could buy whatever! Like my heart scorched, eyes slashed by tears!
Labor songs burst out in joy. Finished farming excitedly, exited the cave, and sorted loot.
Snap!
Tied junk with rope, collected noses. Shame about the hides and meat—hides ruined, meat too rancid. But I'd practice skinning whenever. Higher skill means side cash. Oh, and grab cooking gear next time? Boil soup on-site if meat drops. Stinky or not, I'd choked down big-game stew before. No reason to skip Goburin.
"All sorted! Let's go!"
Gu Juman shouted.
"Heh heh! Good work, everyone! You all kicked ass!"
"Heh... You too."
Felt like Jae Mi-son and I clicked.
"..."
Song-ssi nodded silently.
Party over. Pack up and bounce.
"Whew."
Fights with Little Blue Ghost trash were just playtime. Real combat's life-or-death brawls. Today's XP would make me better next time. My first real commission ended smooth and sweet.
"H-hey! Everyone!"
Until the runaway O Gi-su showed up.