Chapter 14
Chapter 14
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 14
Chapter Title: Restless Night
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Today had been the most mentally exhausting day of my life so far.
The negotiations with the Ruth Kingdom, my meeting with Victor, and the chain of events that unfolded after my return.
Nothing had gone as I'd planned. It felt like I'd just been dragged along by one thing after another.
Especially when I faced those soldiers waiting in front of the tent, weapons in hand.
It wasn't hostility aimed at me, but it was utterly terrifying.
Even when I desperately invoked my family name like a cornered animal, they didn't so much as pretend to back down. I nearly collapsed from the sheer powerlessness of it all.
And yet the man at the center of it all, Victor himself, had faced them squarely without a hint of fear.
I don't even want to imagine what might have happened if General Paul hadn't stepped in.
Even after time had passed, the shock lingered.
That evening, I had no appetite at all. I just poked at my stew before setting down my spoon.
Before I knew it, it was bedtime, but sleep wouldn't come.
Being insulted as the emperor's dog didn't bother me in the least.
When your job involves dealing with people, you have to get used to insults like that.
No, it was simply that I'd realized war was something far removed from my world.
Even if it was just a tiny fraction of it, actually facing war head-on...
'Victor, Ivan, Georgi...'
'How can you kneel with the enemy right in front of you!'
It wasn't something I had any right to speak about.
The stories Victor had shared in the carriage, the fury on those soldiers' faces—they all tangled chaotically in my mind.
Sadness, anger, pity.
I couldn't understand why it was like this, and I wasn't even sure if my feelings were right.
Even lying there with my eyes closed was hard.
Having met so many soldiers, including General Gerhard, and talked with them, I'd confidently taken on this role.
I'd thought I understood war well enough to bring it up with Victor.
With nothing else to fall back on, I'd tried to step forward before the soldiers, flaunting my father's title.
"Hngh..."
I felt so pathetic about myself that I kept replaying Victor's actions in my head.
Unlike me, who spoke only of visible achievements and victories, he thought first of those who'd left us.
Unlike me, who hid away the moment crisis struck despite the emperor's orders, he stood firm, meeting his soldiers' eyes without flinching.
The more I thought about it, the heavier my head felt.
The field bed was far less comfortable than my usual one, and no matter how many blankets I piled on, the tent felt freezing.
On top of that, the tension from the soldiers had morphed into anxiety, making me glance at the tent flap every few moments, even though I knew no one was coming.
It was suffocating.
"...This won't do."
No matter how long I lay there, sleep wasn't coming. I shoved the blankets aside and got out of bed.
General Paul and Victor, sharing the tent with me, seemed fast asleep under their covers, not stirring at all.
Careful not to wake them, I slipped out of the tent.
"Haa..."
Outside, it was quiet.
No soldiers patrolling, barely any lights on anywhere.
With nowhere particular to go, I sat on the chair in front of the tent.
There was a makeshift fire pit of stacked stones, but I didn't know how to light it, and there were no tools anyway.
I just stared blankly at the half-burned logs piled there.
My mind was a tangled mess, but no amount of brooding brought any resolution.
At work, if I didn't know something, I could ask my father.
When human relations got tricky, my maid Ella always gave wise advice.
If all else failed, I could look it up in a book.
But now, I didn't even know what exactly was bothering me, so there was no one to ask—and no one around anyway.
I knew most worries faded after a good night's sleep, but in this state, I couldn't drift off.
The chill wind had chased away any drowsiness anyway.
...This wasn't my first solo mission, yet it felt like my very first trip away from home.
Lost in those thoughts,
-Step.
a footfall suddenly sounded beside me.
"Kyaaak?!"
Not expecting anyone to approach, I screamed and leaped to my feet.
It was Victor, the one I'd thought was asleep.
He stood there watching me silently until I calmed down and sat back in my chair.
His expression was as cold as ever, but in the late hour, his vibe felt different from the carriage—somehow softer.
"Wh-when did you get here?"
Thanks to the scare, my wits returned, and I managed to ask him.
"Not long ago."
With his reply, Victor handed me a steaming cup.
"...What's this?"
"Water."
"Ah..."
Asking was a foolish question in itself.
A prisoner like him wouldn't have tea or anything fancy.
I took the cup and sipped. Just warm water, but it warmed my body, lifting my mood a bit.
"Thank you."
Victor gave a slight nod and sat on a log some distance away.
I sipped slowly, stealing glances his way.
His eyes closed, chin propped on his hand, face impassive—he looked like he was deep in thought.
Was he wrestling with worries like me?
I stood carefully and sat at the opposite end of his log.
"...Um, Victor."
"Yes."
As if he'd noticed me approaching, he turned to me the moment I spoke.
Meeting his face in the faint moonlight made my heart flutter a little.
"Ahem, ahem."
He didn't seem displeased, so I cautiously chose my words.
"Wh-what were you thinking about? May I ask?"
"Ah..."
Letting out a small sigh, he said,
"If you don't want to..."
"I was recalling some old matters."
Before I could backpedal, afraid I'd overstepped, he answered.
His past experiences.
Curiosity stirred.
"...Could you tell me about them too?"
Riding the strange impulse of the predawn hush, I asked.
"Of course."
Victor accepted more readily than I'd expected.
Leadership.
Ever since becoming a soldier, it was one of the things I obsessed over most.
In the early days of the Northern War, distrust of commanders had spread among the troops.
Repeated defeats due to their incompetence meant flashing a rank insignia wasn't enough to make soldiers obey properly.
Noble-born officers could lean on their status to crush dissent, but for a commoner orphan like me with no backing, effort was essential.
Once in battle, I could direct them via the tactical map, but if they fled beforehand, that was it.
"Over the past two years, I've fought in countless battles."
I lacked the raw charisma to make everyone obey with a mere command.
Wealth to promise rewards or power to execute a few as examples were pipe dreams.
So, I approached the soldiers with kindness, aiming to build 'servant leadership.'
My goal was to become what they call a virtuous general—one whom soldiers follow out of heartfelt loyalty.
Sleep together, eat together, fight together, hurt together.
Forget not those who'd departed first, cherish those still here.
Even as my rank rose and my subordinates multiplied, even when my fame meant I no longer had to approach them.
I engraved the word 'consistency' in my mind.
To avoid being exposed as a hypocrite, I had to maintain it at all costs.
"Back then, I thought it was the best approach. Survival took everything; there was no room for second-guessing."
Approaching Erika now, who seemed lost in heavy thoughts, was part of that.
Paul was asleep, and it was the dead of night—perfect for talk without suspicion.
Our affiliations differed for now, but befriending her could only help.
Knowing Empress Luise, she'd be digging into my background thoroughly. Sooner or later, imperial folk would learn how I'd treated kingdom soldiers.
If I didn't treat imperials the same way, tongues would wag behind my back.
The moment someone wondered, 'Is it all an act?'
Everything I'd built could crumble.
Even if watched, or seemingly alone.
"But as my rank climbed, I gained some leeway. And with leeway came doubts."
I had to play the 'kind general,' 'Ruth Kingdom's virtuous Victor.'
It never felt particularly hard.
I just acted as my heart led, as I'd always dreamed.
Thanks to the cheat-like tactical map and game knowledge, handling the aftermath was a breeze.
"Was it truly the best?"
I just had to suppress the occasional impulses.
Everyone else lives like this, I tell myself.
"In spare moments, I review the battles I've fought. Could I have reduced casualties more? Commanded more perfectly?"
"..."
"Doubting and regretting doesn't change much, but..."
Erika was so quiet I glanced over. She stared at me with wide, sparkling eyes.
She'd crept close without me noticing—leaning just a bit would touch her head.
"Eep."
She ducked her head before our eyes met, but she didn't seem bored.
Still, time to wrap it up.
"I believe there's meaning in remembering the events and the feelings from then."
"So, just now...?"
"Yes. I was slowly replaying the Battle of Serkutsk."
"Ah..."
Erika, who'd listened silently, gulped down the remaining water from her cup.
Then she stood,
"Thank you, Victor."
left those words, and hurried back to the tent like fleeing.
The moon was at her back, so I couldn't see clearly, but her expression seemed brighter than before.
"...Success?"
If this chat made her view me even a little more positively, it was a win.
Once she was fully inside, I closed my eyes and opened the tactical map again.