Let's Hire a Total Loser Receptionist
"Let's hire a total loser receptionist. Men can't do shit but make endless demands. No sense of responsibility, treating everything lightly—I don't want them under me. It was only a matter of time before something like this blew up." Veronica grumbled to Natalia, who had just returned after dealing with the problem employees.
One vice guild master spot was now empty, and only a handful of receptionists remained. The guild master declared she couldn't even stand the sight of men anymore and ordered all the rest fired too.
"......I get it, but you know how rare it is for women to come to Labyrinth City looking for desk jobs. Without receptionists, how are those illiterate adventurers supposed to take on requests?"
The guild master insisted it was her problem to worry about as leader and doubled down on the firings. Natalia sighed and shook her head.
"......You can trust Vivi. Honestly, I was able to clean house this fast because of him. He disrupted the contact pretending to be a client, tampered with the codes in the documents to throw them off, passed their internal memos to my people......"
Of course, Vivaldi hadn't done any of it on purpose. He'd just played the idiot in front of clients to get bad reviews, botched the paperwork, and sent documents to the wrong departments. But Natalia had no way of knowing that.
I've been recognized as the most senior receptionist left. I even got my own private office.
......But I'm not happy about it at all!
I'd been diligently picking the dumbest screw-ups to get myself exiled, and now all the higher-ups are gone, so I get this ridiculous promotion. And what's the point of a higher position when there are barely any receptionists left anyway? I was already worried about dying from overwork, but the severe manpower shortage just piled on even more tasks.
"Vivaldi-nim, did everyone else really get fired......?"
One of the receptionists asked me as I sank into the comfy executive chair, lost in anguish. Her name was Haru. The dog ears on her head drooped limply.
"......No idea."
For some reason, it seemed like they'd all tried to quit like Henrik and got disposed of by the guild. Looks like I wasn't the only one who thought this was a black company. A few guys disappearing didn't even make waves in Labyrinth City. But spreading the guild's terrifying truth around would probably be dangerous too.
"Maybe I should just quit before I get fired too—"
"Absolutely not!"
I shot up from my seat to stop her. If you try to leave on your own, you die!
"Haru-ssi is an irreplaceable asset! We're already short-staffed—if you leave too, do you have any idea how much harder it'll be for me?"
"R-Really? W-Well, if that's the case, I guess I have no choice."
I could see her dog tail wagging furiously behind her. My conscience stung, but it was a lie. Haru was totally replaceable. "Receptionist" was just a catch-all for guild admin staff, and she handled the lowest-priority miscellaneous tasks.
Still, I couldn't let her die.
"Um, I think these need your attention, Vivaldi-nim."
"What's this?"
"I just did exactly what I used to do with Milo-nim, so I wouldn't know."
Haru handed over the documents, bowed her head, and left the office. They turned out to be a stack of resumes. As I tilted my head in confusion, the window flew open, and someone slipped in with silky-smooth grace.
"......Hey, Vivi."
"That's not a door......"
"......Can't exactly stroll around where everyone can see."
It was Natalia. She seemed to be one of our guild members, but she moved like she was avoiding the other guild folks' eyes. I'd never even spotted her around the guild until recently myself.
"......Perfect timing. You're reading the resumes for the new receptionists we need to hire."
Natalia glanced at the papers in my hand and spoke.
"Ah...... Resumes from guild membership applicants......"
Yeah, we couldn't ignore the manpower crisis forever.
"......You're the one who has to pick them."
"What?!"
Why me when we have a vice guild master? ......Don't tell me even the vice spots? The pressure was so intense my stomach was churning. Just yesterday I was a lowly receptionist—now they want me to hire people?
"I-I can't do it. I'm not even guild brass......"
"......Guild master's orders. She wants to see your judgment. Just hire one for now. Interviews or whatever, up to you."
"......"
With the guild master pulling the strings, all I could do was pitifully gaze at Natalia, hoping for mercy. If she had any compassion, she wouldn't abandon a snot-nosed kid like me.
"......Cute."
"Eek!"
But she just pinched my cheeks stone-faced, stretched them a few times, and vanished out the window. With a heavy heart, I turned back to the resumes.
She wants to test my eye for talent? If I had any, I wouldn't have picked this black company in the first place.
......Wait a sec. I don't even want the guild master's approval or to keep this position.
It's the same as always. Botch the job to tank my evaluation.
Specifically: Hire the weirdest person possible as receptionist. Someone totally incompetent with a nasty personality who'd be a nuisance to everyone.
Once they see how utterly hopeless my judgment is, maybe the guild master will boot me out? At least she won't leave me stuck here.
Sudden motivation surged, and I started scrutinizing the resumes closely.
Ex-empire bureaucrat? Hard pass. Ten years as receptionist? No way.
Our guild's reputation drew some seriously impressive applicants. Skipping all the stellar ones, one stood out.
A woman?
A female applicant in Labyrinth City, where women rarely aim for desk jobs. They can find better gigs in other cities. Guys like me come here chasing higher pay.
Women who make it here are usually adventurers; desk jobs are mostly for men.
Magic academy graduate?
In a world where even basic education isn't widespread, that was elite credentials. But no prior work history anywhere.
The reason was obvious.
Curse, multiple personalities, schizophrenia......!
Cursed somehow, went mentally unstable. No place would hire her after the paperwork stage. She must've wandered here desperate for anyone to take her.
Even in a melting pot like Labyrinth City, no one hires the mentally ill.
But I'll welcome her with open arms. And no matter how much she screws up, I'll cheer her on.
I'll take the blame for all her sins!
I started drafting the document to summon her.
[We Welcome Your Guild Membership.]
A direct acceptance notice, skipping the interview entirely.
I felt the warm sunlight tickling my eyelids and slowly opened my eyes. The fatigue from yesterday was gone—like a fresh start.
Yep. Overslept again.
"Morning, Philo. Sleep well?"
―Chirp chirp!
The little bird perched by the window sang back. Lately, it'd been sneaking into my room to snag bread crumbs. I named it Philo on a whim.
Planning to be late again, I leisurely ate breakfast. Today was the first day for the new guild member I hired. The other receptionists were swamped with their own work, so if I didn't show, training would be impossible. A deserted newbie twiddling thumbs while the short-staffed boss doesn't show up...... Perfect for tanking my reputation.
"Heh heh, sorry I'm late......?"
Expecting warzone chaos at the reception desk from the morning rush, I entered the guild hall...... but it was strangely peaceful. Clients processed requests without lines and left promptly. Adventurers calmly grabbed new postings from the board.
The desk was humming along smoothly. With our current staff? Impossible.
"Welcome to Tragodia Adventurer's Guild. How may I assist you?"
A woman with wings on her waist approached me. No mistaking it—this was my new hire, Marie. My confused stare must've made her think I was a first-time client.
"U-Um, Marie-ssi? I'm the receptionist Vivaldi. The one who got you into the guild—"
"Oh, my deepest apologies. First day on the job—I didn't recognize you."
Her apologetic poise was the most elegant I'd ever seen. Like a noble drilled in etiquette.
Nothing like the split-personality nutcase I'd imagined.
"First day and already swamped, right? No one had time to train you properly......"
"Not at all. Everyone was kind enough to explain. Once I know the ropes, heavy workload isn't an issue for me."
Heavy workload's no problem? That's my biggest nightmare!
A bad feeling brewing, I glanced at the reception desk.
And witnessed the impossible.
Every single desk was manned by someone identical to Marie.
Twins? Six-plus identical twins? No way.
Noticing my shock, Marie covered her mouth and giggled softly.
"They're all my clones. My specialty's illusion magic. The curse kept me out of every job at the paperwork stage—no chance to show my skills...... Until you gave me this opportunity, Vivaldi-nim. Oh—Vivaldi-nim?"
Crushing despair hit like vertigo. Everything was ruined.
I hadn't hired a total dud.
I'd snagged a super-elite who single-handedly fixed our staffing crisis.