Cheon Jung-sa's Fucked-Up Life
……………
Cheon Jung-sa's life was truly fucked.
He was born in a slum shithole. He couldn't even remember his parents' faces. He scavenged food from the streets, slept in alleys, and learned how to throw punches and wield knives long before he ever picked up a book. At twelve, he first gripped a gun. At thirteen, he shot his first man. Before he hit eighteen, he became a mercenary—and from then on, he lived by the blade. A dime-a-dozen slum rat's tale.
Still, Cheon Jung-sa thrashed about as hard as he could. He scraped together blood money from kills and bought himself a rundown shack in the slums. He didn't trust a soul, yet he craved someone's warmth, so he shelled out for an android maid. Eventually, he even named that hunk of silicone Siel and fell head over heels in love for real.
But those goddamn Oseong pricks sold subscriptions at absurd prices—though they claimed it was dirt cheap compared to Mirae Group—so sweet cohabitation was just a pipe dream. With daily passes, he'd wake her up, spend the day in cozy bliss, promise they'd reunite soon, and put her back to sleep. They'd repeat that routine a couple times a month. It was grueling, no real downtime, but happy enough in its own way.
Just when life seemed to hit its stride, Cheon Jung-sa never figured it'd stay smooth sailing. Too much blood on his hands. He wasn't religious, but he believed the blood you spilled would come back as karma someday. He'd seen too many guys like him—slum survivors with the same brutal path—pay off their debts in screams and sudden deaths.
But even so. Having your whole life blow up in one shot? Too fucking much.
Fucking assholes, fucking world, fucking life—that's what Cheon Jung-sa thought.
Still.
Thanks to that mysterious Outer God Girl breathing some unfathomable power into him, he got to finish what he set out to do. He shoved every ounce of the bullshit he'd endured right back down the throats of the fucking assholes who'd ruined his life. He burned bright at the end.
And with that, Cheon Jung-sa could sum up his life like this: It was a fucked-up ride, but at least he ended it without regrets.
Only.
He felt like shit for his lover—Siel. He'd bought the ring but never slipped it on her finger. Never even whispered a single word about proposing. Just left her to die from a headshot.
But what's done is done. Siel was gone, and he'd avenged them both, carrying her share too. Now, with this death, his life drew to a close.
Sorry, Siel. What a worthless master I turned out to be.
He muttered it in his head, left one final request with the Outer God Girl, and shut his eyes with style.
He figured that was the end of his universe.
It wasn't.
No telling how much time passed. An hour? Ten days? The consciousness he'd thought was sinking into an endless abyss suddenly bobbed back to the surface.
What came next was the sensation in his fingers. Right hand, fine. Left hand, clenching and unclenching. It didn't stop there—the feeling crawled down his torso. Abdomen, hips, thighs, knees, shins, toes.
That's weird. Ma Hyeok-su ripped my torso clean off.
His lower half had definitely tumbled out the window and vanished. But now it was right there, good as new.
Had he died and gone to heaven?
As confusion swirled, a woman's voice rang out.
"—Master!"
Cheon Jung-sa would know that voice anywhere. It was his android maid, Siel—the one whose head had burst open in his arms.
"Finally! You're awake, Master!"
In that instant, he was sure. Heaven. Real heaven. His dead lover welcoming a killer merc like him? Not bad treatment for the afterlife. And Siel was an android, no less. Guess androids got into heaven too. That little girl was right.
Maybe it was hell instead, but reuniting with the woman he loved made it paradise enough.
To take in Siel's form, Cheon Jung-sa heaved up his eyelids, heavy as lead weights. His blurry vision sharpened, outlining the figure before him.
There stood Siel, eyes rimmed slightly red. Cyan hair, cyan eyes. Apron over a dress, lace headband. And—ahem—those nurturing, very voluptuous breasts.
Exactly as he remembered his android maid.
"Siel… are we in heaven?"
The words spilling from his lips hit him with massive dissonance. That wasn't his gravelly merc growl—it was a clear, girlish lilt.
Panicking, he kicked off the blanket and bolted upright. Something was off here too. His arms felt too light pushing him up. This wasn't his 90-kilo muscle slab.
And his eyesight. Even standing straight, Siel's face loomed way too high. She looked a full head taller. But Siel hadn't suddenly turned into a two-meter giant android.
Only one conclusion.
Cheon Jung-sa had shrunk.
"Wh-what the…?"
"Ah, you must be a little shocked!"
Siel wore a pitying look as she patted his back. She wrapped her hands around his tiny ones—he was still frozen, brain stalled—and led him to a mirror in the corner of the room.
The mirror showed—a girl.
Same cyan hair and eyes as Siel. Same dress and apron, same lace headband atop her head. That adorable little maid girl was him.
……………
The girl in the mirror stared back in horror. Pinch her cheek, and the mirror girl pinched hers. Rub her eyes, mirror girl rubbed too.
No denying it. That was him.
"Master!"
As he grappled with reality, a piercing gaze stabbed his back. He turned. Android maid Siel stood there, hands clasped, staring intently.
"Aaah… Master's new body is so cute♡"
Her cheeks flushed pink, cyan eyes shimmering with that sticky, ecstatic heat. The same blindly adoring look she'd flash every time he woke her on a daily sub.
He never expected to see that expression in a situation like this.
"…Cute?"
In over thirty years, Cheon Jung-sa had heard it all. Son of a bitch. Psycho. Murderer. Ace. Sergeant. Android fetishist.
But cute? Never once.
Of course not. What buff merc who killed like it was breakfast deserved that label?
Circumstances had changed, though. The girl in the mirror was genuinely cute. Only problem: she was him.
Cheon Jung-sa let out a hollow chuckle and opened his mouth.
"What the hell happened? You and I both died, clear as day."
"It's a long story—"
Siel pressed a finger to her lips, thought a beat, then beamed.
"But basically, we didn't die! That kind little girl saved us. She saved your body too, Master."
The little girl. Purple hair, white dress, big blinking eyes, silently trailing him. The enigmatic being who'd granted him the power for revenge.
If she did it, it made a twisted kind of sense—and no sense at all. He knew firsthand she wielded impossible power. That purple energy she'd infused had patched up countless gunshot wounds and slashes while he scaled the skyscraper.
But resurrection? And in this body?
His head spun. As he clutched his cyan locks, the room's chaos finally registered.
Comics strewn in the corner: Chainsaw Man, Jujutsu High School, Kill the Blood Demon, Attack on Titan, and more. Snack crumbs blanketing the floor like snow. Game controllers on the sofa, kids' toys scattered beside them.
The Outer God Girl's handiwork, but Cheon Jung-sa had no clue.
The moment he took it in, something writhed in his skull.
The crumbs grated. The messy comics offended. The sprawled toys stabbed at his eyes.
An impulse alien to his ex-human self surged up—cleaning and organizing urges as primal as food, sleep, or sex.
Invisible gears whirred inside his cranium, analyzing square footage, furniture layout, dirt density, optimal paths.
Before his brain caught up, his body moved.
Invisible speed swept crumbs. Comics sorted by volume, slotted into shelves. Clothes razor-folded into drawers. Toys boxed at perfect angles.
Thought lagged behind hands. No idea why. Couldn't stop.
Under three minutes, and the room gleamed spotless.
Cheon Jung-sa stared at the rag in his hand.
When did I even pick this up?
Weird as hell, but it felt good.
What the fuck was this?
"Cleaning's super fun, right? Now you're my fellow maid comrade!"
Siel bounded over with a radiant smile to his bewildered self.
"Maid android bodies come loaded with processors optimized for cleaning and tidying. How's that proud rush feel? Sorting one room makes you feel like you own the world, doesn't it?"
"Fucking… bullshit. This can't be real."
He shook off the alien satisfaction, rubbing his forehead.
Then it hit him.
He'd overlooked the most crucial thing.
Something so obvious over thirty years, never once questioned. Too natural to check.
Cheon Jung-sa gingerly reached for his crotch.
Pat pat.
"…Huh?"