I'll Be Back
"I'll be back."
When we came up from below, it was night.
The heat and the reek of blood from the underground arena vanished like a lie, and cold night air touched my face.
Seo-yeon walked ahead. I followed behind her. For a while, neither of us said a word.
Once we left the alley and reached the main road, Seo-yeon spoke.
"Hey."
"...Yeah."
"Thanks. For earlier."
"...For what."
"You don't know?"
Seo-yeon stopped walking and turned to look at me. Under the streetlight, I could see the bandage stuck to her forehead.
"I almost got hit by that bastard. You blocked it."
"...I just did what was natural."
"What's natural about it."
Seo-yeon snorted a laugh.
"Nothing's natural in this world. Everyone's too busy looking out for themselves. Whether someone else gets hit or not."
"..."
"But you blocked it. And you smashed two vending machines doing it."
Seo-yeon held up two fingers.
"Two of them. Two. Who's paying for the repairs."
"...One of them was basically the boss telling me to smash it."
"Oh, look at you talking. Blaming the boss already."
Seo-yeon cackled. When she laughed, the bandage on her forehead moved with it. I looked at that bandage.
"...You said it didn't hurt."
"That again?"
"Your forehead. Did they stitch it?"
"Two stitches. It's nothing."
"It is something."
"I said it's nothing."
Seo-yeon started walking again. I stuck close beside her.
The lights of a convenience store glowed along the main road. Night, so no people. Just the occasional car passing by. The city was quiet.
When I was a bear, the mountains at night were like this. Quiet, cold, and you could see the stars. Now it was streetlights instead of stars.
"Han Daewong."
"...Yeah."
"Are you really fighting tomorrow?"
"...Yeah."
"Aren't you scared?"
I thought for a moment.
I was scared. But it wasn't the fight that scared me. It was myself — the me who'd wanted to bring my fist down on that man one more time. When the bear's instinct told me to kill a person. How hard it had been to stop that. That was what scared me.
"...I'm not scared of fighting."
"Then what are you scared of?"
"..."
I couldn't say it. That I was a bear. That stopping the bear's instinct was what scared me.
"...Nothing. I'm not scared."
"Liar."
Seo-yeon looked up at me. Her amber eyes caught the streetlight.
"Your eyes are saying you're scared."
"..."
This kid reads people's eyes well. Because she's a fighter, maybe. Reading an opponent's eyes has become habit.
"Whatever. Don't say it if you don't want to."
Seo-yeon looked forward again.
"But I'll tell you one thing."
"...What."
"You win. No matter what."
"..."
"The Golden Cat with thirteen straight wins guarantees it. A monster like you doesn't lose."
"...Monster?"
"Yeah, monster. It's a compliment."
Seo-yeon grinned.
"In this world, 'monster' is praise."
I turned that word over in my mind. Monster. I'd been a monster when I was a bear, too. A one-ton Kodiak. I'm still a monster as a person. This oversized body, fists that can ram people into vending machines. Wherever I go, I'm a monster.
But. The way Seo-yeon said "monster" sounded different somehow.
"...Thanks."
"Thanks for what now."
"For calling me a monster."
"...You're a weird kid, you know that?"
Seo-yeon laughed like she couldn't believe it. But the laugh was bright. Even with a bandage on her forehead, it was bright.
Looking at that smile, I thought. I want to protect this smile. I don't want this kid to bleed. If I can fight in her place. With these fists like artillery shells.
"Tomorrow..."
"Yeah?"
"Are you coming to watch?"
Seo-yeon paused a moment. Then she smiled.
"Of course. You're the monster I brought in."
"..."
"Gotta see if you can actually fight. Right?"
Night wind blew. Seo-yeon's short black hair swayed. I walked slowly beside her, wishing this night would last a little longer.
After walking him home, Han Daewong left.
Watching that broad back recede into the distance, Seo-yeon stood a long while at her door.
...I'm not worried.
It was strange. Through thirteen straight wins, every time a teammate stepped into the ring, she'd worried. Can he win today. Will he get hurt. Hope he doesn't get hurt bad. That was how you felt about your people in this world.
But Han Daewong—
...I don't worry about him.
His first match tomorrow. A guy who'd never done combat sports once. And she wasn't worried. If anything, she almost felt sorry for his opponent. She'd seen it that afternoon. How he rammed that man into the vending machine. How he folded an already crumpled machine in half. How was any person supposed to beat that.
...Wonder who they'll match him against.
She didn't know who Seo Jin-woo would pick for his first opponent, but whoever it was would get demolished. By Han Daewong.
Seo-yeon snorted a laugh. She was a little excited to see how the monster she'd brought in would tear through this world.
...But.
The smile slowly faded. Not being worried was worrying in a different way. Han Daewong wouldn't lose. He wouldn't get hurt. That was good. But it also meant that with that monstrous strength, he would stay chained to this world. Just like her.
That gentle teddy bear of a man had set foot in this bottom she'd spent decades unable to climb out of.
...Did I drag him in?
Seo-yeon shook her head. No. He had no ID, no money. Nowhere else to go. Even if it hadn't been her, someone would have taken him. A man like Seo Jin-woo would never leave merchandise like that alone.
...Still.
That it had been her of all people weighed on her. That she'd brought the person who'd held out a tissue with those gentle eyes into this hell...
Seo-yeon looked up at the night sky. No stars. Maybe because it was the city.
"...Sorry."
She muttered it small. Han Daewong wouldn't have heard. He was already far away.
"...But thank you. Really."
Seo-yeon stood like that a long while before going inside. Tomorrow she would go watch the first match of the monster she'd brought in. Without worry. But with one corner of her heart still heavy.
It was a shabby place to call a waiting room. Concrete walls. A flickering fluorescent light. One old metal chair.
I was sitting on that chair. More precisely, I'd tried to sit on it. The chair was so small that only half my ass fit on it. It creaked, so I ended up standing.
...Tight.
This body is too big everywhere I go. The hospital, the shelter, this waiting room. The world isn't built for me.
...I'm nervous.
Strange. I hadn't been this nervous when I met Dominic. Or when I fought the smuggling ring. Or when I rammed that guy into the vending machine. But this was different. There were rules. A referee. An audience. At a set time, in a set space, fighting in front of people watching.
...This is a human's fight.
Bears don't fight like this. A bear's fight is sudden, short, and then it's over. But this you prepare for, wait for, and step onto a stage. This was a first.
I looked down at my hands. The forepaw that had sent Dominic flying. With this forepaw — ah, no, this fist — I'd hit a person again. This time not from instinct. For money. For identity. To live.
When I was a bear, fighting was simple. When I was hungry, or protecting territory, or my life was on the line. That was when I fought. The reason was clear. But now it was different. I wasn't hungry, and my life wasn't on the line. I was just... hitting a person because I needed money.
...Is this right.
As that thought came—
"Hey."
The door opened. Kang Seo-yeon came in.
"So you were here."
"...Seo-yeon."
"What's with that face. You look like a bear who just lost his honey pot."
"...Honey pot?"
"Yeah. That's exactly the face. All droopy."
Seo-yeon stood in front of me. Looked up. Looked way up. This tiny kid must get a sore neck every time she looks at me.
"Nervous, right?"
"...No."
"Liar. Your eyes are saying you're nervous."
Reading the eyes again. Can't fool this kid.
"...A little."
"A little?"
"...A lot."
Seo-yeon snorted a laugh.
"I like that you're honest."
Seo-yeon crossed her arms and looked at me.
"Listen. You don't need to be nervous."
"...Why."
"You remember ramming that bastard into the vending machine yesterday?"
"...Yeah."
"And folding that vending machine in half?"
"...Yeah."
"That's your answer."
Seo-yeon shrugged.
"You don't need fight techniques or anything. Just do it like normal. Like you did to that bastard yesterday."
"...Like normal."
"Yeah. You just be you and you win. Guys who've trained techniques? Meaningless in front of you."
"..."
"Because you're a monster."
Monster again. But strangely, the word gave me strength. When Seo-yeon said "monster," it wasn't an insult. Wasn't condemnation. It was more like... trust.
"I've got a good eye for people, you know."
Seo-yeon thumped her chest.
"You don't lose. You win for sure. I guarantee it."
"..."
"So don't be nervous. Just go and come back."
Go and come back. Nothing special about the words. But they were strangely warm.
When I was a bear, no one ever said anything like that to me. When I went hunting. When I passed through dangerous places. I was alone. If I got hurt in the mountains, I licked my wounds alone. If I starved, I endured alone. No one waited for me, no one told me to come back. That was natural. Beasts are alone by nature.
...Something feels off.
That memory I just recalled. The nights licking wounds alone, the cold of an empty den. It should clearly be a bear's memory, but it's as vivid as if I lived it myself. It doesn't feel like someone else's life. Meanwhile, my previous life's memories keep blurring. The office of late nights, the subway, the chicken box. Growing more distant, like a dream.
The bear's memories feel like mine, and my memories feel like the bear's. Where the human ends and the bear begins — lately that line keeps blurring.
...Well. Either way.
But now someone was waiting for me. Someone who said "go and come back."
"...Okay."
I nodded. The tension eased a little. Not completely, but a little. Thanks to Seo-yeon.
"I'll be back."
When I said it, Seo-yeon grinned.
"Yeah. Go. And win."
I stepped out of the waiting room door. Walked down the corridor. The roar grew louder. The walls vibrated. At the end of the corridor, light. The ring lights. Hundreds of spectators. And in the middle, the opponent waiting for me.
...Let's go.
I walked toward that light.