The Lord Whispers: Go Work Out
"In the beginning, when the Lord fashioned us humans…."
Yes, Father. In the beginning, humans must have been far hardier than they are now just to survive.
They may have been short and unimpressive to look at, but at the very least they wouldn't have had arms as skinny as yours!
"For a human being, above all, is one of broad heart…."
It isn't only the heart that needs to be broad, Father.
Look at those thighs. Wow. One good squeeze and they'd snap right in half.
How does anything get that thin? You're not even on a diet. What is that supposed to be?
"We must simply embrace all people with a heart of mercy…."
And can you even open your arms wide enough to embrace anyone? One little tap and—crack!—they'd break.
Are those arms, or a pair of wooden chopsticks? Just looking at them makes me feel sorry enough to die!
Kyle cried out in his head more times than he could count, invoking the name of the Lord over and over.
Captain Priscilla was a perfect hundred out of a hundred, and most of the Holy Knights were at least passable. Did that set my expectations way too high? Should I lower the bar because these are ordinary priests?
He had thought that—not once, but dozens of times.
Understand them. Try to understand them. This isn't John Nassen territory, is it? Even I used to hate working out….
…Even so! This crosses the line! This is just not okay!!
Just in case, he deliberately changed locations, walking them here and there and making them climb.
Before long the priests were gasping and heaving for breath.
It wasn't an ascent of Everest. They were climbing a few dozen stairs and already trying to meet God.
Was this even possible? How little exercise did you have to do for this to happen?
And they weren't even overweight! That fragile, and they still didn't train?! One solid hit and they'd be gone for good!
After that thoroughly unenjoyable meeting with the priests, Kyle buried his face in his hands.
Watching the Saintess, he had already sensed that something was off about the Holy Order.
Or perhaps this was how things were supposed to be. The natural course of events.
Was the Empire as chaotic as it once had been? No. That era had passed.
There was no longer any reason for priests to roam every corner of the Empire because endless war had left the people restless and afraid.
All they had to do now was build chapels beside those who wished to believe, and offer up a few prayers.
Where once the faith had been a last lifeline for people who could barely live through a single day, now a quiet whisper, wishing for tomorrow's peace in a peaceful present, was more than enough.
That was the role the Holy Order currently filled in the Empire.
And so there was no longer any reason for its priests to fight monsters as they once had, or to tramp across the Empire on their own two feet—no reason for them to approach anything resembling combat clergy.
I never thought those history books I read while following Tisha around the library would be this useful.
So that was why Tisha loved the library so much.
It piled up knowledge, forced you to think more, and cultivated something that could be called refinement.
And if you quietly got a workout in with the books while you were at it, that was the cherry on top.
In any case, looking at the results, the priests being this delicate was simply inevitable.
People were animals who stopped doing even the things they had done consistently once the necessity disappeared.
In this age of peace, the fact that the Holy Knights were still being maintained properly could already be counted as a blessing.
"Brother Kyle!!"
After finishing his meeting with the priests—who were painful just to look at—he returned to the guest quarters, and the Saintess came bouncing toward him as if she might take flight.
"Did you meet with the priests of the Order?"
"Yes. I met as many as I reasonably could, and heard a great deal from them."
"How was it?! Did they share many good words with you?!"
It was serious. Their hearts were rich; their bodies, not so much.
Kyle very nearly said as much, and only barely managed to smother the urge.
"Every one of them was a truly good person—and a bright one at that. I felt my own heart grow fuller just speaking with them. I found myself thinking that this is exactly why the Holy Order must exist."
"Really? I'm so glad! If Brother Kyle is happy, then I'm happy too!"
Saying so, the Saintess seized both of his hands at once.
Kyle's face flushed red for a moment, though the Saintess seemed not to notice.
"I kept worrying that I'd done something unnecessary. That bringing you to the Holy Order had only piled more fatigue on you. When you've already been so thoughtful of me…."
"I'm truly fine. I'm not tired at all."
Something like this couldn't tire him. This was a man who had once been sandwiched between his older brother and sisters for a full month of hellish training.
Anyone ordinary would have collapsed that same day, or been carried out from sheer exhaustion.
"Brother, you really are…."
Of course, from the Saintess's point of view, he simply looked like a strong man pretending it was nothing.
"…Ah, Saintess."
The mood was good. Her favorability seemed to have maxed out.
Kyle decided to muster a little courage. Was he about to ask her on a date? Of course not.
"Th-that is, for the health of the Saintess and the priests… Of course! You're all healthy already! Yes! Perfectly healthy!"
"That's right, isn't it? Nothing hurts. But why do you ask?"
"Looking over the Order and listening to the priests, I found myself thinking that facilities to help everyone become even healthier are lacking."
"Uh… is that so? That's strange. The others say that simply walking the grounds is enough."
That wasn't exercise. It barely even counted as a stroll.
Walking was fine, but treating it as a substitute for every form of training was going much too far.
If walking alone made for complete exercise, the entire world would be John Nassen!
"Health is like mileage… that is, building it up is hard, but losing it takes only a moment. Especially when you let your guard down—one blink and it's gone. And once you've lost it, building it back takes several times, no, several dozen times more effort than before."
"Th-that makes sense. Hearing you put it that way, Brother Kyle, I'm suddenly a little worried."
"I'm deeply grateful that you understand my meaning. And so, if only to prevent that kind of misfortune, having such facilities wouldn't be a bad thing."
"Mm… I always think Brother Kyle's words are right. But this isn't something I can decide on the spot. Affairs inside the Order aren't things I can settle on my own…."
Fortunately, the Saintess did not seem to hold any particularly negative view.
If anything, her expression suggested she was considering Kyle's words quite positively.
Even that much could already be called an enormous achievement.
Building a gym in the house of people who never worked out at all? What an irony that would be.
"Then later, Saintess, if you would speak separately to His Eminence the Cardinal… Uh, uh? S-Saintess?"
All of a sudden she had grabbed his hand and was dragging him off somewhere.
He was not a man who could normally be dragged, but it was the Saintess who had taken his hand—no one else.
His heart unlocked on the spot, and Kyle had no choice but to be pulled along.
"Saintess? Where are we going?"
"They say you should strike while the iron is hot!"
"Excuse me?"
"I was just about to have tea with His Eminence the Cardinal anyway! Come on! You're going to state Brother Kyle's opinion loud and clear! As magnificently as you just did!"
No—he had asked the Saintess to pass it along for him!
If a guest waltzed in and suddenly proposed building a place to work out, who would just nod along?
They would obviously think it strange, which was exactly why he had asked her to relay the idea for him!
"Saintess! Saintess?!"
Still clutching his hand, she went toddling off at a run.
That figure—racing along in her loose priestly robes—was so unbearably cute that Kyle could only clutch his chest and let himself be dragged away.
"Your Eminence!"
"Ah, you've arrived… Brother Kyle?"
Cardinal Paolo looked faintly startled by Kyle's appearance.
He had assumed the boy would be resting—so why had he suddenly come looking for him?
"Your Eminence! What would you say to following Brother Kyle's advice?!"
"Eh? What on earth are you talking about all of a sudden…."
Even as he failed to understand why the Saintess had become so aggressively proactive, Kyle diligently laid out his grand dream before the Cardinal.
He had listened to so many fine words. He was grateful, and wanted to give something back.
Looking around carefully with that in mind, he had decided that looking after the priests' health seemed the best way.
And so he wondered whether building such a facility within Holy Order headquarters might be a good idea—and he wanted to hear the opinion of the Cardinal who oversaw internal affairs.
"Hmm."
Cardinal Paolo stroked his chin in thought.
Watching him, Kyle did not hold any particularly high hopes.
Even if he oversaw the headquarters' internal affairs, there was still a Pope above the Cardinals.
Of course the Pope's opinion would have to be sought as well, so no firm answer would be possible here.
And installing that kind of facility inside the Order at the word of an outsider who wasn't even a member—anyone who thought about it for even a moment would find it strange.
"Very well. Let's do so."
"…Eh?"
"If Brother Kyle truly affirms that it would be for the best, then we can do it."
But the words that came from Cardinal Paolo's mouth were neither "I'll consider it" nor "That seems difficult."
They carried the nuance that if Kyle wanted it—if he insisted strongly—it could be arranged at once.
And while Kyle was still stammering in confusion—
"Brother Kyle."
—the Saintess at his side prodded him, urging an answer.
"Uh, uh… if you would only grant permission… it would be a good thing for everyone…."
"Understood. Then let us hear the details. Please, have a seat first, Brother Kyle."
"…."
What was this. Why was everything falling into place so easily? It was strange. No matter how he looked at it, it was strange. This shouldn't have been possible.
Kyle muttered as much to himself, and still sat down obediently.
To grasp this Cardinal's true intentions, the first step was to play along.
Meanwhile, Cardinal Paolo found himself thinking that his own prediction might have been more or less correct.
One of the trademarks of House John Nassen. Endless self-discipline—and training.
Why else would he suddenly bring this up to the Saintess?
He needed a place to stay, and outside the Academy there were no such facilities.
So he was asking whether such facilities might be possible elsewhere as well.
And if the Holy Order was the first to step forward and accommodate him on that point?
That would build trust. That would raise his goodwill.
"Come to think of it, this isn't a conversation we should have among ourselves alone. One moment."
At the Cardinal's summons, a Holy Knight approached carefully.
"Go and fetch the Commander of the Knights of Saint Elpleda."
"Yes, Your Eminence. At once."
And so a gym-obsessed man's vague daydream of building a Holy Order gym—tossed out half on a whim—was, in an instant, on the verge of becoming reality at the hands of the Order's most powerful figures.