Young or Old, Man or Woman — You're All My Enemies
After the Game 2 victory, Noh In-seong's interview on caster Yoo Jin-woo's personal broadcast became a hot topic.
It wasn't the fact that he'd appeared on a personal broadcast that made waves. He showed up on broadcasts all the time anyway — including his own, which pushed his frequency even higher.
'Is it really acceptable for a baseball player to talk like that on the field?'
'A fine won't cut it. This player needs a playing suspension.'
'Is Noh In-seong's troublemaker image deliberate?'
He'd appeared as seasoning on every sports program imaginable under headlines like those, countless times.
The real issue was his response to malicious commenters — something he had never once done before.
Hardline responses weren't new, but Noh In-seong declared an even harder line.
"If the fine comes out too light, I'll appeal. If they get a suspended sentence, that's not enough either — appeal. The only people I'll fight are the ones I'll be seeing for a long, long time."
In one breath, he was saying he didn't want a WWE or a UFC — he wanted a trial by combat where somebody actually dies.
"Oh, and whether it's broadcast media or online streams — if you've spread false facts, I'd suggest getting ready to sit down face to face with our legal team soon."
Naturally, that meant a duel for everyone — the reporters who showed their faces to rip into him, and the view-count monsters who hid behind their platforms' shields while talking trash.
It was no coincidence that a certified lawsuit had been delivered by registered mail in the middle of Game 2. The duel had already begun.
"The rules are simple. You pay for what you worked so hard to spew — false facts, insults about my family, all of it."
He didn't forget to answer the public sentiment either — the 'But you attack people a lot too... In-seong-ah... how is this right...?' crowd.
"I attacked people face to face, I rarely attacked first, and even when I pointed out the truth, I never just blanket-slandered anyone, did I?
"That's why I've stated the criteria clearly — I'm suing for false facts, or for attacks that don't target me and go after the people around me instead."
No player had ever sued someone for swearing at them on the diamond, and he hadn't sued anyone over the always-WWE either.
If you're mad, come swear at me to my face — or keep sniping from the shadows and die by my hand. Pick one. That was the ultimatum.
Noh In-seong had put the gun of litigation to their heads and forced a choice.
Lawsuit bait was always setting forums and message boards on fire. But the major communities soon quieted down.
Most of you clowns here fabricate screencaps to push fake facts anyway, so half of you are fair game lmaooo
The major baseball boards, being the most vicious, had plenty of real material to work with and little need to fabricate anything new,
while the folks who only posted on their own team's boards tended more toward bitter laughter at the fact-violence.
Missing spring camp at first base, dropping to DH, then barely taking the field around opening day — I was losing my mind
When Noh In-seong shoved that Potato Fist right in his face, honestly? Kind of satisfying
Thus a standard routine was born: get angry, take it out on your team, and ultimately curse the source of the fans.
A steaming bowl of profanity got dumped over the fathers of America cheering for basement-dweller teams nationwide.
The price of handing every last troll over to the legal team: silence from some, concessions from others. And the death throes of the ones actually being sued.
One guy sending bizarre memes to my email, another going "please, just let it slide this once..." — honestly, those ones were tame.
But for people like them, additional crimes meant additional court-issued sightseeing tours. So it was fine.
As it happened, Jin-man had thrown me some advertising money, and I'd come in on the largest signing bonus in history, so I bundled the whole lot and tossed it at a famous AI-driven law firm: "Grind them all down in one go." Expensive as hell, though.
Still, the advantage of a firm running on artificial intelligence is that there's almost no delay. The moment I filed a complaint, it was processed immediately — enough to make me want to put my faith in the mechanical engineering department.
"Hey, I hear you do all kinds of crazy stuff at the ballpark."
In Game 3, I walked on four straight balls, then watched Song get thrown out at second after ripping a long ball into the gap.
Watching old man Song trudge dejectedly back to the dugout from third, I was greeted by one ridiculous-looking human being.
The national team's third baseman, Jong Min-soo. A hitter with a beautiful .300-.400-.500 slash line and enough raw power to crank 20-plus homers a year.
But separate from all that fine substance, he was a lunatic who manufactured endless memes — famous in an entirely different sense.
He was one of the guys who'd reasoned, 'As long as it isn't technically a crime, I can survive!' — if that tells you anything.
"Must be nice, pitching too."
"......If you're going to say 'why don't you pitch like your senior did,' and then do the helicopter ceremony and act like I'd never get hit by a pitch again, please don't."
Normally, anyone pulling that garbage eats a baseball — unless they're someone like me, whose fists directly influence their playing career.
"Please. If I pitched, I'd strike out three every game and then dance. Subscribe to my dance lecture channel."
"......"
Truly a senior with so much to teach. In a sense.
"Hyung, you're a free agent after this season, right?"
"That's right. Well. Want to come to your team? Thing is, I'd like to go overseas."
If he did come, we'd be thrilled. Right now our options at third are a ball-glare decoy or a sacrifice-bunt machine.
A defensively sound hitter with a 3-4-5 slash? We'd kneel and beg for him.
Though I have to wonder — when I come around again next time, will this man refrain from swinging fists at me?
Today was one of those days where Andy's numbers took a beating. Five innings in, and he'd already given up six runs.
It wasn't that he was walking everyone — he'd only allowed five hits, in fact.
The problem was that three of those five were home runs.
"Oh, hell. In-seong, what the hell is with this godforsaken park?"
"What do you mean? You play around in a park factor in the low .900s, run into a stadium creeping toward 1.1, and it wakes you right the hell up, doesn't it?"
It's not for nothing that Jung In-woo goes around screaming “I shall live, I shall live on!” and declaring his hatred of all road stadiums.
Most Korean ballparks are extremes of one kind or another — the truly neutral ones are actually rarer.
Andy is a strikeout-first pitcher, to be sure, but his balls-in-play profile still leans fly-ball.
For a pitcher like that, a hellish stadium whose home run park factor bounces around 1.200 every year is a massive minus.
No wonder In-woo was grinning ear to ear during today's close game. It's his home park now, after all.
But when Andy weeps, someone laughs. Our lineup was grinning ear to ear today too.
"No — there it is, the first home run of the season! Kim Jun-soo's first of the year—!"
"A man with four career home runs just went deep right here! Kim Jun-soo's three-run blast! This game is now 7-6!"
Andy struggling was meaningless. The opposing starter was a fifth starter — a fifth starter on a team already grieving the absence of its rotation.
And a fifth starter with a fly-ball rate higher than his ground-ball rate at that?
Well. Of course it ended like this.
"Whoa, Jun-soo hyung, you collecting tangsuyuk coupons by the end of the year?"
"Goddammit, is that meme STILL making the rounds?"
Of all people, Jun-soo hyung happened to have a family that runs a Chinese restaurant, so he'd carried the essential accessory of a power-hitter — the long-ball redemption — since his debut.
"Next year, I'm telling you, I'll put on some muscle and upgrade my hitting and—"
"Aigoo, I've watched you for over four years now. Suuure you will."
Watching him tussle with Seong-tak hyung on the way into the dugout, I do want to grant the kid his wish...
But then who plays shortstop when I'm on the mound? Can't you just live out your career as a twig and be happy about it?
In the end, we won by the skin of our teeth. 11-10. By a single run.
The game was such a slugfest that even Jin-hong hyung, the only pitcher I trust, gave up two runs on a home run in just two-thirds of an inning.
I wasn't the game's MVP, but the reporters came looking for me anyway.
I could pretty much guess why they were calling. Ha. These bastards are scared out of their minds, aren't they.
I showered half-heartedly, half-dried my hair, slipped on my sandals, and went to where they called me to grant them their interview. Well, well — the very first reporter to ask a question was one of the guys I'd sued.
"The monthly MVP will be announced soon. Do you have any ambition regarding the award?"
"Of course I want it. Don't I deserve it at this point? Is there a single pitcher or hitter who's built up a contribution as large as mine?"
Or what — is this the Kyoto-style trap? 'You sued reporters and fans, so you don't deserve any awards.'
Not that they'd have the nerve to actually ask that, but he was doing his best to look stalwart anyway.
That was you, wasn't it? The bastard who fabricated and published that article about me bullying underclassmen back in my school days.
I did beat people up — but they weren't underclassmen. Four upperclassmen dragged me behind the school, so I beat all four of them down. Get your facts checked before you write. This is exactly the problem with bastards who take tips off social media.
"There is criticism that your unprecedented hardline response infringes on the public's right to know and is merely an attempt to justify your own behavior. Is that true?"
"I'd love to know when the right to know became a justification for your rude, illegal article fabrication and predatory reporting practices..."
So what you're really saying is: we're suing you, please drop it?
"There are no sacred grounds. It's far too late for 'haha, just kidding' — the relationship's beyond repair."
Either I leave this planet, or you do. Those are the options, no?
Of course, the better I perform, the higher the odds it's only you lot who get shown off the planet.
"Do you have no sense whatsoever of your responsibility as a public figure! You make your money on the support of the people—"
"Do I play baseball on a government salary? I'm a private business owner. What, once I make the national team, should the civil servant code apply to me too?"
Go ahead — draft me onto the national team and then give me your 'stern rod of the people's discipline' speech.
I'll happily beat you with that rod until the legs of the guy who said it vanish from the earth.
"If I want to do something, it's fine as long as it isn't illegal, no? Who are you to presume to interfere with the freedom of my life?"
"......"
"People in attention-hungry professions seem to think they can spew whatever filth they like, but you've picked the wrong man. I intend to watch your suffering with great pleasure."
And so Noh In-seong drove the nail in one more time — for the people who had still dared to hope.
The great iron spike called 'I do not bend to public opinion.'