Why of All People (2)
“Sorry. Today must have been really special for you.”
“No, what are you talking about?”
It was growing dark as we walked toward Ikebukuro Station.
Hirose Satsuki scratched her head with only the corners of her mouth slightly lifted, her gaze lowered.
Seeing a lively, pretty high school girl like that made me feel as if I’d committed a crime. I must not have managed my expression well today.
But.
I couldn’t dredge up a single explanatory sentence in my head. Come to think of it, something similar had happened last time too.
“It’s not your fault, Hirose.”
“Huh?”
I decided to just be honest instead.
“It’s just… every day is baseball practice and games, so I guess I don’t really know how you’re supposed to spend a day off like this…”
“…”
Hirose didn’t answer, only blinking with a blank face.
Crap.
I’d said something pretty stupid. What was I, a little kid?
“Hmmm.”
Huh?
Hirose puffed out her cheeks and pressed an index finger to her lips, making a thinking face. She’d done that sometimes before—was it a habit?
“Heeh, I see. Hongo-kun is so completely serious about baseball that it feels awkward when you’re not doing it.”
“…”
She seemed like a pretty understanding friend.
“Then what do you do when you’re with your parents? I go out with my mom a lot.”
“Huh?”
Hirose asked with a smile.
Crap.
This was one of those pretty awkward moments in life. At least even if my body had changed, the circumstances were about the same, so I wouldn’t be killing anyone who was perfectly alive, but…
“My parents passed away when I was little. Right now I’m living alone in my late grandfather’s house.”
“Ah… really? I’m sorry.”
“No, what are you talking about. What’s there to be sorry for.”
Whether Korea or Japan, if you were attending high school normally, people generally assumed both parents were alive and well.
What was wrong with asking?
It’s just…
I was the only one uncomfortable with this situation.
The apologetic look in the other person’s eyes, and my own weakness of wondering if people who heard this would blame every shortcoming of mine on the absence of my parents.
“Hongo-kun, you know…”
“Yeah?”
Hirose seemed to ponder a little before she spoke.
“My parents divorced when I was eight. So now I live just with my mom.”
“Huh?”
Suddenly Hirose confessed her family situation. What was she thinking?
“After Dad left the house and the divorce was finalized, Mom was always having a hard time. When she went to work, when she came home.”
I listened slowly to Hirose’s words.
It seemed like a story hard to bring up to others, yet Hirose’s expression wasn’t particularly dark.
“I had a hard time too. Honestly, when I was younger both Mom and Dad used to play with me a lot and laugh, so I wanted to throw a tantrum asking why it became like this. But I thought, if I did that too, how hard would it be for Mom? After the divorce, Mom started having more days she couldn’t go to work saying she was sick, so what I did was…”
“Yeah?”
Hirose paused a beat, then grinned.
“I decided to make Mom laugh. Funny things that happened at school, funny stuff from TV, or things I’d seen in books. Later when I ran out of things to say, I even made them up. There were days I wasn’t in a good mood either, but when Mom came home from work I’d take her hand and pass them on while smiling. Because if I smiled, Mom would smile too.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah! When I forced myself to smile and try to make her laugh, Mom started smiling too. Later she even asked if anything funny happened today. And like a miracle, Mom’s work at the company started going well, and there were more happy moments. Recently a good thing was when I got paid for magazine modeling, and with that money I treated Mom to the eel rice bowl she likes… Ah, sorry, is this too much unnecessary talk?”
“…”
I suddenly let out a chuckle.
“Eh? Are you already putting it into practice?”
“No, no.”
I waved my hand while laughing.
It wasn’t particularly putting it into practice. I didn’t think I’d been greatly moved by Hirose’s words or anything either.
Just… she was telling what could be her own shameful story so brightly, which was amazing, and anyway it made me laugh.
How to put it.
Meeting Hirose was always refreshing. It wasn’t like anything super special happened, but when I met her I felt emotions I’d never felt before, I guess.
“So Hongo-kun, try making an effort to smile once too. If you look, there are lots of fun things! Ah, of course for Hongo-kun baseball is the most fun, though.”
“It’s not like I do baseball for fun, though.”
“Ah! Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
I smiled looking at Hirose covering her own mouth as she spoke. Just now the laugh had come out really naturally.
“…”
Before I knew it we had arrived at Ikebukuro Station. Now I should go home, send Hirose home even a little sooner—though I’d never met her, the mother Hirose loved would be worried.
It’s a shame.
The first day without baseball. I thought it was a shame that the day was passing.
“Haruka, studying again?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s break now, really. Need anything?”
“I’m fine.”
Nagasawa Haruka said to her mom. For a second-year high school girl whose concentration had been threatened mid-study by a parent, it wasn’t that curt.
“I heard the school baseball club went to Koshien this time? Congrats! You worked so hard.”
“Thanks.”
“Is our daughter going to be on TV?”
“No way.”
When Mom patted her shoulder, grinned, and left, Haruka turned and waved.
Rattle.
“Haa.”
Thud.
Haruka collapsed onto the bed.
Mom had unintentionally completely stolen her studying daughter’s concentration with the baseball-club trigger.
“…”
Haruka covered her face with her hands and dry-washed it.
Hirose.
The massive event that was the Koshien prelims final. Until it ended, the memory she’d set aside in a corner of her mind kept surfacing.
Last time, the Osaka Tigers versus Tokyo Swallows game.
The way home from Meiji Jingu Stadium.
She recalled the conversation she’d had with Hirose Satsuki.
That evening.
“Hey, Haru-chan.”
Swoosh.
Hirose Satsuki stopped walking, and Nagasawa Haruka stopped following.
“I have something to ask. Can you answer honestly?”
“Y-yeah?”
Something about the different atmosphere made Haruka flustered.
“Um…”
Satsuki pressed her lips tight, lowered her gaze, then slowly raised it to meet Haruka’s eyes.
Unlike the usual lively Satsuki, she seemed quite cautious.
“Is there a girl in the baseball club who likes Hongo-kun?”
“What?”
Haruka felt her heart thump.
Why was she asking this?
“No, there might be third-year seniors too, so maybe I should say woman.”
“…”
Haruka was too flustered, but opened her mouth to avoid any misunderstanding.
“I-I don’t know, but I’ve never heard of any?”
Haruka said, slightly avoiding her eyes.
“What about you, Haru-chan?”
“What? Th-that’s ridiculous!”
Satsuki’s question.
Haruka answered trembling even more than before.
“Really?”
“…”
Haruka hurriedly put her hands behind her back so the trembling wouldn’t be noticed.
“You know, Haru-chan, I like Hongo-kun.”
“Huh?”
“At first Hongo-kun was just a bit unique and different from me, that was it? Just wow, school classes are hard enough but he works hard at club activities too, amazing, that level—but somehow… I don’t know much about baseball, but Hongo-kun always seems to know only baseball yet is completely gentle and pure, and yet somehow looks lonely, so I want to take care of him…”
Satsuki speaking in a stream of consciousness. Haruka was listening expressionlessly.
“It just somehow became like that. For a man I want to take care of as a woman to appear—anyone can see that’s liking him.”
“Ah… is that so?”
It seemed so even to Haruka.
“I want to get to know him a bit more, but he doesn’t seem like he’ll give me much time, and there will definitely be many girls who recognize Hongo-kun’s true value and approach.”
“Maybe.”
“Right? You know, Haru-chan, if I go to Hongo-kun and say I like him, do you think Hongo-kun would say he likes me too?”
“…”
Satsuki looking quite serious.
Haruka found it hard to answer for various reasons.
“Ah, sorry, it’s hard for you to answer too, right Haru-chan? I just felt a bit anxious and wanted to hear some nice words.”
Satsuki clenched her mouth and scratched her head as she said it.
Why.
Haruka thought. Why was she saying this. She’d been thinking since earlier but it was hard to know the intention. Just a pure question? Or asking for some help?
“Haru-chan?”
Haruka’s expression darkened for a moment. Satsuki asked, flustered.
“Hey, Hirose.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t really know, but can I ask a favor?”
“A favor?”
Satsuki tilted her head.
“Yeah! Tell me.”
“…”
Haruka closed her mouth for a moment then carefully opened it.
“Hongo-kun and the other baseball club members too, they’re working hard aiming for the national tournament this time. So for a while, it would be good if there weren’t things that might mess up their hearts.”
“Huh?”
Slightly flustered Satsuki. Haruka thought she was saying unnecessary things, but she couldn’t stop here.
“So if you’re going to confess, around the end of summer break would be good. By then the main tournament would be over.”
Haruka held back her trembling lips and raised her head to meet Satsuki’s eyes.
The look of staring at her with blank eyes. Even in that moment, Haruka thought Satsuki was too beautiful.
“S-so, a pretty, cute girl like Hirose confessing might make it hard to focus on baseball a bit?”
Haruka said, avoiding her eyes. What to do? Until just now she’d spoken with too serious eyes?
“I see, thank you.”
“Huh?”
Haruka looked at Satsuki’s eyes again.
“Hongo-kun is completely serious about baseball, works harder than anyone. If I interfered he might have hated me. If it weren’t for you, Haru-chan, I might have been hated by Hongo-kun.”
“Huh? Ah, no.”
No way.
Hongo was a guy too—there was no way he could hate Satsuki.
Why did I say that.
Haruka blamed herself inside.
Why interfere in someone else’s love life, what qualification did she have, and saying the baseball club would be busy throughout the break was a bit of a deception. The team hadn’t even broken through the Koshien prelims yet.
“So it’s like third-years facing college entrance exams? The baseball club people are all concentrating so you shouldn’t interfere?”
“…Y-yeah.”
“Okay! I’m a bit anxious, but I’ll wait for a while. Thanks, Haru-chan. I’m glad I asked you after all.”
“Ah, hahaha.”
Really?
Haruka was too flustered. Was she really following her words? She’d said she was worried other girls might approach.
“My words might not be the correct answer…”
“Mmm, no. I don’t know if Hongo-kun will like me, but at least I don’t want to be hated. Since it’s an important time for Hongo-kun, I should endure too.”
“Is that so?”
“Hehe.”
Satsuki smiling with her eyes. Haruka slightly raised the corners of her mouth. But her eyes weren’t smiling at all.
I see.
To make even that kind of resolution—you have no flaws.
“Hirose.”
“Yeees? What is it?”
“Is it okay to tell me you like Hongo-kun? I might spread rumors or something.”
“Eeh? Haru-chan, do you like spreading rumors?”
“Huh? That’s not it.”
“Just kidding.”
“…”
Satsuki laughed with an innocent expression.
“Mmm, just when I’m with you, Haru-chan, somehow my heart feels at ease? Actually normally I worry a lot that other people might take my words differently, misunderstand, that kind of thing. There were some bad things related to that, but with you it’s fine.”
“I-is that so? Why is that?”
Haruka was flustered from being praised too much.
“You know, Hongo-kun and Haru-chan have similar aspects, I guess? I feel like I can say anything openly.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah! Hehe.”
“…”
No way.
Haruka couldn’t understand Satsuki’s words, and found it hard to accept.
“…”
Nagasawa Haruka’s room.
Haruka was under the blanket, looking at the ceiling.
“Why did Hirose say that to me.”
You seem special.
Wasn’t that something hard to say to others unless they were parents.
Haruka couldn’t understand why she had heard such words from a high school girl she thought lived in a different world from herself.
“Hirose, I’m not a good kid.”
Haruka’s expression darkened greatly.
She had no choice but to let the emotion of guilt dominate her.
Why.
Why had Hirose Satsuki learned about the baseball club, learned about Hongo Yukihisa, and appeared at the baseball field on the day she was late for the practice game.
Haruka had been the baseball club manager even in middle school.
At the time she knew some somewhat delinquent girls had said this about her behind her back.
She became manager because she wanted to be treated like a princess by the baseball club boys.
Honestly it hurt, but she ignored it.
She had some pride too. She just wanted to do things related to the baseball she liked, and support and help the students who bet everything on their dreams.
But what was this feeling.
A popular, pretty, successful high school girl at school sets her eyes on the baseball club. Says she likes the player with the highest stock.
A stinging feeling in the chest.
Did I really do that?
In the end, did I work to get close to the baseball club boys as a woman? Because the boys attending famous baseball schools have no time, so it’s hard to make girlfriends?
Clench.
She wanted to say no, but this choked-up feeling was reality.
Hongo-kun.
Yukihisa who seemed to be going off track.
But in the end he came back.
As soon as he returned, he worked harder than anyone and secured his position.
Among that baseball club, the man who seemed to bet everything on baseball.
And somehow always looked lonely.
At some point, her eyes went to him more. She wanted to be of some help.
So she thought she wanted to take care of him.
“Ah!”
Haruka tried to think more for a moment, then felt like she shouldn’t and tried to erase it.
“Why.”
But still not convinced, she buried her face in the pillow and said.
Satsuki would have been living well in her own world, since she does modeling it would be easy to hang out with cool guys, she’d be super popular, so why of all things did she take interest in the baseball club.
Why did I, from childhood, come to a world where I heard people say a girl is so interested in that kind of thing.
“…”
And why was she being nice to me.
Really, she couldn’t accept it.
Rattle.
Haruka, who felt like she would really go off track if she stayed like this, got up from the bed.
I have to study. To maintain good grades while diving deep into manager work, I have to study hard during breaks when others slack off a bit.
Now it’s the Koshien main tournament. I can’t whine.