The Poison Human – 8
I had talked big, but I didn't actually buy the highest-tier luxury goods. When it comes to the Four Treasures of the Study, once the price climbs past a certain point, you're paying for ornamental prestige rather than actual writing performance. Worse yet, if something is excessively precious, you end up hoarding it like some rare consumable in an RPG, terrified to ever actually put it to use. So we browsed through stationery that struck a reasonable balance—refined enough to look elegant on a desk, yet practical enough for daily work.
Were these items merely the Four Friends of the Study, or should they truly be called the Four Treasures? Just as that idle thought crossed my mind, an intimately familiar sight caught the corner of my eye.
"Ah, is that—?!"
"Being from Joseon yourself, you recognized it in a heartbeat!" The stationery shopkeeper followed my startled gaze and broke into a knowing grin. "It's an authentic Joseon Weasel Tail Brush."
"So it really is a Joseon *hwangmopil*."
What I held in my hands was indeed a genuine Joseon Weasel Tail Brush. Crafted from the fine winter tail fur of a Joseon yellow weasel, it was revered as a supreme luxury both back home and across the Central Plains.
It wasn't modern Kang Yunho who found it so familiar, but rather the good-for-nothing scoundrel Kang Yunho of this world. Whenever the spoiled brat had thrown a fit about studying Confucian classics, he'd snap these expensive brushes in two just out of spite. Of course, whenever he pulled that nonsense, his father would threaten to break both his legs in retaliation.
An authentic Joseon brush here in Sichuan, of all places? We weren't in some coastal port city; Sichuan was an unfathomable distance from the peninsula. It was surreal—like hiking through a remote, high-altitude village abroad only to spot a local girl watching K-pop music videos on a battered old phone.
"Is it that good?" Hwarin asked the shopkeeper, noticing the nostalgic warmth in my eyes.
"Your beau here surely knows best, miss. It's crafted exclusively from the finest tail hairs of Joseon weasels—the very same kind offered as tribute to the Imperial Court."
"Really? Yunho! Let me buy this for you as a gift, with my own money. How much is it?"
The price the shopkeeper quoted was the exact kind that makes you browse a department store, glance at a tag, and immediately spin on your heel. That little rascal Kang Yunho of the past... He hadn't just been snapping cheap pencils when he threw tantrums; he'd been smashing handcrafted luxury fountain pens.
"Hwarin, it's fine. Don't." I shook my head, gently declining.
I understood why she wanted to buy it with her own savings after hearing it came from Joseon, but it was outrageously expensive. I had a pretty clear idea of her personal finances; there was no need for her to bleed her purse dry for this.
"It's from the heart," she insisted. "Shopkeeper, please wrap it nicely for us."
"Right away, young miss! I'll nestle it into a fine imported Joseon lacquer box for you!"
Ignoring my protests, Hwarin bought the brush and handed it to me in an elegant lacquered case. It felt almost burdensome given how pricey it was, yet... it was the first time in my life I'd ever received a gift brimming with a woman's affection. Try as I might, I couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from curving upward.
"Let's check out some more shops!"
Perhaps thrilled by our first purchase, Hwarin had that unmistakable glow of a young lady starved for retail therapy.
"If we pile up too much luggage, the trip back will be agonizing," I cautioned. "Let's just sightsee here and do our heavy shopping once we reach Yichang."
"Are you really going to say that... when this is the very first time in my life I've walked through a market without my veil?"
"All right, all right. Lead the way."
My mild resistance evaporated into thin air the moment her face fell into a pout. Playing the veil card was practically a cheat code. But fair enough—first experiences in life were meant to be cherished.
"Hehe. Don't look so sour; I just want to buy you a few more things. Come on!"
Delighted that she'd gotten her way, Hwarin giggled, hooked her arm through my sleeve, and pulled me along. Together, we wove through Chengdu's bustling central marketplace as she eagerly pointed out whatever caught her eye.
"Is this a Joseon gat? Yunho, try it on! Put it on!"
"I already have a black hat back at Daseogak."
"Yours is woven from plain bamboo, but the merchant said this one is made from fine horsehair! Look, they even have brand-new Joseon robes in stock. Let's try the whole outfit. Shopkeeper!"
"Right this way, young master."
What I was already wearing was perfectly fine, but with a quiet sigh, I allowed myself to be guided behind the partition to change into traditional Joseon garb. A pristine, flowing robe, an exquisite horsehair hat perched atop my head, and a folding fan clasped in one hand—once completely dressed, I looked like a textbook black-haired Joseon aristocrat.
"Hwarin, how does it look? Do I look presentable?"
I had worn traditional robes back when I worked as a street storyteller, but those had been weathered by hardship, making me look like a wandering itinerant minstrel. This, however, made me look like a young noble scion out on a leisure stroll.
"..."
"Hwarin?"
Why was she staring with wide, stunned eyes?
"Ah? Oh... Yunho, you look... completely like a Joseon gentleman."
"Yes, ma'am, seeing as I am from Joseon."
"Giggle... right. Shopkeeper, we'll take everything! Come on, let's check out the shop next door."
It wasn't over yet. Hwarin seemed determined to clean out the Chengdu marketplace entirely, deliberating over every piece of clothing and household item we might need once we settled in Yichang. At this rate, we'd have to charter a massive carriage just to haul it all back to Daseogak.
"Where should we head next?"
After an endless marathon through the market stalls, we finally ran out of storefronts, and I turned to Hwarin.
"..."
She didn't answer right away, merely gazing at me. Did she not have any particular spot in mind?
For a dating novice as innocent as myself, the classic itinerary was simple: movie, café, dinner. We'd already watched the street acrobatics—our substitute for a movie theater—and filled our stomachs on street food. I figured our next stop ought to be a teahouse.
"Let's see, where's a good teahouse..."
"Yunho, there's somewhere I want to go with you."
As I scanned the streets for tea signs, Hwarin clutched my sleeve, a faint blush warming her cheeks.
"Where to?"
"...Well. First, let's head over to that inn."
She hesitated for a brief second before pointing toward a nearby establishment.
An inn? Why an inn? We'd already eaten, constantly snacking on street food whenever something caught our eye.
Wait... could it be?
Could it really be?!
Is this the legendary 'Oppa, let's take a quick rest here' moment?!
An inn provided both food and lodging. Was Hwarin setting her sights not on the dining tables, but on the guest rooms upstairs? That had to be it! The Chief Physician of the Medical Pavilion had warned us not to stay out late into the night, so was she trying to make history during broad daylight instead?
Hwarin dragged me inside the inn's courtyard, her eyes busily scanning the surroundings.
Could it be?! Was she evaluating the accommodations? Checking if the beds were soft and comfortable?
Yes, absolutely. It had to be!
"Is this not the place...?" Hwarin muttered with a puzzled frown.
Any room is fine by me, Hwarin!
She was probably just hesitant, lacking the courage to take the final step. If she chickened out, she might settle for ordering a pot of tea and heading back. In times like this, a man had to step up and make the move.
Assuming the most wholesome, church-boy expression imaginable, I turned to her and spoke gently.
"Hwarin, should we... take a little rest here before moving on?"
Perfect. Utterly smooth and natural.
Yet the reply that slipped past her lips completely caught me off guard.
"We can rest in the carriage."
...Good grief, this lady is out of control! Just because she skipped straight from bookstore clerk to Poison Human, did she think she could skip intermediate steps in romantic experience too? Hwarin, that sort of intimacy should start in a proper bed first! If you really want to try a carriage, that's something you save for later when you need a thrill—
"Found him! Over here!"
"Ah! You've arrived, young miss! I've been waiting for you. Shall we head to our next destination?"
Contrary to my runaway imagination, what Hwarin had been frantically searching for was simply the carriage driver waiting by the inn's stables.
Wuhou Shrine.
Swallowing my bitter disappointment, I followed Hwarin to our true destination: an ancient sanctuary dedicated to Zhuge Kongming, boasting over a thousand years of history.
To be precise, it was the Temple of Marquis Wu alongside the Mausoleum of Emperor Zhaolie. It held a rare distinction among shrines, commemorating both Emperor Liu Bei of Shu Han and his Prime Minister, Zhuge Liang, beneath the same sacred grounds. Naturally, because Zhuge Liang's enduring popularity vastly overshadowed Liu Bei's, nearly everyone simply referred to the entire complex as Wuhou Shrine.
"What brought us to Wuhou Shrine?"
"Yunho, you've always loved tales of the Three Kingdoms era, haven't you?"
"Well, yeah, that's true."
So she had planned this just for my sake. I had loved the Three Kingdoms since childhood—devouring the novels, sinking countless hours into the games, and later binge-reading alternate history web novels set in the period. Still, I never imagined I'd actually set foot in the legendary Wuhou Shrine itself.
"Let's look around together."
Stepping through the grand gates with Hwarin, the sheer scale of the sanctuary was breathtaking. Sichuan folks truly took their enduring adoration for Shu Han to another level.
"Wuhou Shrine has stood here in Sichuan for over a millennium, yet the Zhuge Clan has its roots over in Hubei. That must put them in an awkward position."
The Zhuge Clan was established in Hubei Province, where Yichang was located. Meanwhile, the thousand-year-old sanctuary honoring their greatest ancestor was situated right in Chengdu, the ancestral heartland of the Sichuan Tang Clan.
People who were familiar with the Three Kingdoms but unfamiliar with the martial world often wondered why the Zhuge Clan resided in Hubei when Zhuge Liang had served as the Prime Minister of Shu Han in Sichuan. The historical reason was simple: Liu Bei had first sought out and recruited Zhuge Liang in Jingzhou—modern-day Hubei. Just as prominent aristocratic clans in Joseon might flourish in the capital while keeping their ancestral clan seat in their home province, the Zhuge Clan's ancestral village was located in Hubei, and thus their martial sect was founded there.
"That's partly why the Zhuge Clan doesn't get along well with the Sichuan Tang Clan," Hwarin noted. "And the Tang Clan doesn't particularly relish seeing the Zhuge name venerated so fervently right in Sichuan either."
Even among prestigious martial clans, regional politics were a tangled mess.
Chatting casually, we passed the stele inscribed with Zhuge Liang's Memorial on Starting an Expedition—carved in the calligraphy of the renowned Southern Song general Yue Fei—and arrived at Jeongweondang, the hall housing Zhuge Liang's ancestral tablet.
"There's quite a crowd."
Dozens of worshippers stood before the tablet, hands clasped, murmuring prayers under their breath.
"Let's make a prayer too," Hwarin urged.
Hwarin, you're a member of the Sichuan Tang Clan, the mortal rival of the Zhuge Clan... do you really think he'll grant your wish?
Undeterred by historical rivalries, Hwarin dragged me straight before the tablet, closed her eyes tightly, and began muttering softly.
"Please let Yunho's writing flourish in the days ahead. Even if he looks a bit pathetic at times, he's more precious to me than anyone in the world. So please..."
Hwarin, I can hear every single word. You're making my face burn.
What should I pray for? Just then, a brilliant realization struck me.
Wait a second. Come to think of it, isn't Zhuge Kongming my senior in romantic matters?
His wife, Lady Huang, was famously known in lore for her unusual, striking appearance—blond hair and tanned skin, practically the ancient prototype of a fierce, exotic beauty. In that regard, Kongming was truly my venerable predecessor in unique romance.
"Please let things work out happily between me and Hwarin..."
"Yunho! Let's go!"
Before I could finish, Hwarin grabbed my sleeve and yanked me away.
"What? Why? I barely even started!"
"I already prayed enough for both of us! You don't need to do it!"
By the time evening arrived, our carriage brought us to an upscale restaurant in the heart of Chengdu.
"Isn't this place ridiculously expensive?"
Through the expansive private room window on the upper floor, the panoramic skyline of Chengdu unfolded below us. A high-end restaurant with a private salon... it looked far too luxurious.
Seeing my stunned expression, Hwarin puffed out her chest proudly.
"Who do you think I am? It's all on the Sichuan Tang Clan's tab, so don't worry about it."
So this was the kind of royal treatment an official Poison Human enjoyed.
"Fish-fragrant shredded pork, Kung Pao chicken, garlic pork slices... Wait, don't tell me..."
Looking at the banquet spread across the table, I recognized classic dishes that were normally hard to come by in this particular corner of the world.
"I put quite a bit of thought into this," Hwarin said, shrugging with a pleased smirk at my reaction. "I know you have a soft spot for classic Central Plains cuisine. Eat as much as you want, and order whatever else catches your eye."
"Hwarin..."
I was genuinely moved. Wearing an expression of profound gratitude, I leaned in, slyly attempting to wrap my arm around her waist.
"E-eat your dinner first!"
Tsk.
"Now that was a meal worthy of an authentic wuxia classic."
Deeply satisfied, I set down my chopsticks.
"What are you even blabbering about?" she asked, tilting her head.
"Oh, you wouldn't understand."
"Yunho."
"Yeah?"
"Could you... tell me what happened after I lost consciousness?"
There was no reason to refuse. Besides, moving around a bit would help digest that feast.
"Street Storyteller Kang Yunho stands ready to recite the tale of past trials—solely for the ears of Lady Tang Hwarin, the peerless beauty of Sichuan!"
Drawing my bamboo folding fan from my bundle, I snapped it open and struck the exaggerated, grandiose pose of an experienced street performer.
"Hehe! What on earth are you doing?"
Play along, Hwarin!
"I shall graciously waive my cliffhanger fee today, so in return, I ask only for your radiant smile and generous applause!"
"Waaaah!" She clapped delightedly.
Accompanied by Hwarin's enthusiastic clapping, I launched into my performance, weaving the events into a sweeping chronicle.
"'I am Cheongun, a third-generation disciple of the Wudang Sect!'"
"'Release the next volume of Wind and Cloud of Tang Clan!'"
"'Eating pineapple pizza?! Screeech! Could he truly be of direct Tang lineage?! Unbelievable!'"
From the moment she had lost consciousness to my encounter with Cheongun, our arrival at the Tang Clan compound, and the confrontation before the Council of Elders—I recounted it all with dynamic flair.
Hwarin gasped at the dramatic turns, her eyes sparkling with excitement, but as the narrative progressed, her expression gradually dimmed with sorrow. Was she worrying that I had suffered too much? A cloud of guilt hung over her features.
In that case, it was time to reenact that scene.
Channeling the supreme authority of Tang Baekho, the Lord of the Tang Clan and king of beasts, I boomed:
"'If that is so, why have you come here?!'"
Then, pointing directly at Hwarin, who was completely enthralled by the performance, I spoke with all the raw conviction of that moment:
"'I came here because I wanted to protect my woman!'"
"Kyaaaah! You're insane! You're totally crazy!"
Hwarin shrieked, her entire face turning scarlet. She covered her blushing cheeks, cringing at the shameless melodrama, but the radiant laughter spilling between her fingers proved she loved every second of it.
"Hahaha!"
Once the tale was finished, we sat side by side on the cushioned bench by the window, gazing out at the sprawling night view.
"The night view is breathtaking."
"Yeah. They don't call it a city of sleepless lights for nothing."
I gently draped an arm over Hwarin's shoulder, guiding her head to rest against mine.
"Yunho, today was wonderful, wasn't it?"
"It was... And now that our worries are behind us, we can go out on dates like this all the time once we reach Yichang."
Night had fallen in earnest. The illuminated panorama of Chengdu, the most prosperous metropolis in Sichuan, was a sight etched deeply into memory. The Chief Physician hadn't given us an exact minute or second to report back, but the appointed time was drawing near.
"..."
Turning my head, I found Hwarin looking up at me in silence. Her lips looked exceptionally crimson in the soft lantern light.
Is this my chance?
We'd already kissed once. Surely doing it again was fine, right?
I leaned forward slowly. I could see her eyelashes trembling. After such a perfect date, sealing the night with a kiss was only natural, especially when there was nobody around to watch.
Yet contrary to my expectations, Hwarin gently placed her hand against my cheek, pushing my face away with an apologetic expression.
Was the setting wrong? Even if we were lovers, was physical affection not something to be indulged in casually in this world? No, but this hardly counted as casual or unwarranted!
Flustered and slightly embarrassed, I looked into her eyes—only to realize that tears were welling up in them.
"Hwarin?"
With an expression drowning in an indescribable sorrow and guilt, she delivered words that shattered the evening like glass:
"I'm sorry, Yunho... I can't go with you."