The Noble Looters (2)
Up until now, I have often described the empire as a dysfunctional, chaotic mess on the verge of collapse. Still, it isn't quite as disastrous as Russia or the Ottoman Empire. You could say we play the role of the only sane sibling among the "Three Hopeless Brothers of the Balkans."
Aside from the radical separatists, most ethnic groups generally accept the dominance of the Germans and the Habsburg Empire. It's similar to how Hispanic residents in the United States don't harbor massive resentment over having to use English in government offices. It's a matter of efficiency; German naturally took the dominant position in administration and the military. After all, a civil servant can't possibly learn all of the dozen-plus languages spoken within the empire.
But still, the ethnic issue is not something to be taken lightly. Why? Because two massive ticking time bombs exist: Hungary and Bosnia. If a stray spark from elsewhere catches the wind and blows toward Hungary or Bosnia, the empire is finished.
In other words, Hungary is a perpetual thorn in our side. The Hungarian nobility, who behave more like Huns than civilized gentlemen, constantly shake the foundations of the empire by boasting about their nomadic heritage.
"Of course, they were conquered by the Habsburgs too, so maybe I shouldn't be too harsh..."
No, actually, I should. When it comes to oppressing ethnic minorities, these guys don't play second fiddle to Austria. In fact, they are far worse. Despite crying out for nationalism and securing autonomy akin to a federal state, all they ever do is trample on their own minorities and plot rebellions.
"Come to think of it, wasn't Hungary part of the Axis powers too?"
Austria could at least play the victim card by claiming they were "forcibly" annexed by Germany, which made their victim cosplay somewhat tolerable. But Hungary? They only escaped major infamy because they lacked recognition and were later "normalized" by the Soviet Union. In truth, they were outright fascists.
Therefore, I gathered the members of the Stahl Faction, briefly explained the situation, and declared my intention to shake up the Hungarian nobility. Archduke Franz Ferdinand, who knew the empire's political landscape inside out, asked,
"...Hungary. This will be on a completely different level from Bosnia. The Hungarian nobles are the established ruling class of this empire. Their interests are deeply intertwined with the German nobility and even the imperial family. It won't be easy."
"You are correct, Your Imperial Highness. However, we must strike them while their economic power is weakened. Every time the international situation becomes unstable, Hungary will use the pretext of 'independence' to demand even more privileges from the empire."
"But wouldn't that conflict with our identity as a multi-ethnic empire?"
"On the contrary, it is the Hungarian nobility who are actively oppressing the minority populations."
It was true. Back in 1905, after coming to power, the Hungarian Independence Party strongly demanded the use of the Hungarian language in the military. Yet, they were the ones who exacerbated linguistic conflicts by ruthlessly suppressing their own minorities. Next, Lenin spoke up.
"Comrade, I am not entirely familiar with the inner workings here, but won't this trigger a coup d'état?"
"A coup is impossible. The Austrian military will never mobilize without the explicit consent of the Emperor."
"What about a rebellion?"
"We must strike first. We need to incite the agricultural laborers—who are essentially bound to the Hungarian nobles—to rise up."
Many nobles had already gone bankrupt. Those who hadn't were trying to weather the storm by squeezing every last penny out of their agricultural laborers—essentially modern-day serfs. Tenant disputes, which were historically notorious in Korea, and organized peasant strikes were already breaking out here and there.
The next question came from Wittgenstein. As the oldest and most experienced member of the Stahl Faction, his insight was incredibly sharp.
"The capitalists will welcome this crash in agricultural prices. The Hungarian nobles have kept a tight grip on their serfs and refused to let go. However, there is one thing that concerns me."
"And what is that?"
"If what you say is true, a recession is inevitable. The only reason the capitalists have behaved themselves so far is because of the economic boom, is it not?"
In a way, a recession can be an opportunity for a politician. If played right, it is a golden chance to corner political rivals while rallying supporters. With a propaganda genius like Hitler on our side, managing the public wouldn't be difficult. However, even this was impossible without the premise of "winning it back to pay it off." Didn't the Nazis in the original history pull off a massive Ponzi scheme on the entire nation using Mefo bills, planning to pay it back with the spoils of war?
"You are correct. We must find a way to manage the immediate economic crisis."
Gradually, the shockwaves of the collapsing Hungarian agricultural sector began to reach Austria. First, panicked Hungarian nobles began dumping their stocks. Of course, when stock prices plummeted, investors blinded by the bubble tried to "buy the dip," temporarily stabilizing the market. But as the agricultural crisis deepened, the selling pressure completely overwhelmed the buyers.
"Defend the stock prices! The situation in Hungary and the financial crisis in New York are just temporary. If we hold out here, they'll bounce back!"
"We can't! Sell orders are still flooding in, and we're running out of capital!"
"Aaaargh!"
They say humans are born of water and return to water. These investors, born with the hearts of wild beasts, literally returned to Mother Nature, throwing themselves into the cold embrace of the Danube River.
It wasn't just the stock market that was shaking.
"The Festetics family has declared bankruptcy!"
"Seize their farmlands immediately to recover our loans!"
"We haven't even recovered half of the debt!"
"Why on earth not? Sell the land at a fire-sale price to those land-obsessed nobles!"
"There are... no buyers. No one wants to buy farmland anymore."
Creditors who had lent money went bankrupt in droves. With agricultural prices projected to plummet, the value of farmland nosedived. Meanwhile, the very nobles who would normally buy land just to maintain their prestige had already gone belly up.
Real estate, where the bulk of the empire's wealth was tied up; stocks, which supported the real economy; and the futures markets—all of them were on the brink of falling into the abyss.
Suddenly facing the prospect of losing their noble status, the Hungarian aristocracy immediately began exerting political pressure.
"I funded your campaign! Do something about this right now!"
"At this rate, the entire nobility is going to ruin!"
Subsidies, tax cuts, low-interest loans, protectionist trade policies, bankruptcy protection, price controls... The Hungarian Independence Party, which had gorged itself on the money and votes of the Hungarian nobility, scrambled in every direction to find a solution.
"We need a capital injection from Austria! Our tax revenues are about to be cut in half, while our expenditures are going to double at the very least!"
"The Austrian government will invest in railway construction and urban redevelopment projects in Hungary."
"No, not that! I'm telling you, people are going bankrupt right this second!"
"The Stahl-Wittgenstein Chemical Company has agreed to build additional factories in Budapest. There won't be any massive spikes in unemployment, nor will people starve to death."
The Austrian government did indeed promise full support to Hungary. They were genuinely trying to help as much as their own tight budget allowed. Of course, the parliament—which Stahl had already thoroughly manipulated—was only passing measures that the Hungarian government absolutely did not want.
Real realizing the Austrian government's true intentions, the Hungarian officials began to protest furiously.
"So you're just going to let the farmers, the very backbone of Hungary, go under?!"
"Is a country where agriculture accounts for sixty percent of the GDP normal? Besides, we and the Stahl Faction have supplied massive quantities of fertilizer to Hungary at dirt-cheap prices to help your agricultural sector. Why didn't you reform your industrial structure sooner?"
Austria had plenty of justification. They had squeezed their own tight budget to provide free grants aimed at industrial restructuring. Furthermore, treating them as family despite their constant tantrums about independence, Austria had practically gifted them astronomical amounts of fertilizer and farming equipment.
"H-how dare you... Are you throwing your weight around just because you threw some budget our way? You call us one nation, yet you treat us like this!"
"And wasn't it the Hungarian parliament that was throwing tantrums to gain independence from the empire just three years ago?!"
"Fine! If we're going to be treated like unwanted stepchildren, we'll declare independence right now!"
"We won't stop you this time. However, with an economic crisis already upon us, are you sure you can handle a sudden economic decoupling?"
"...Are you threatening us?!"
"So please! Just cooperate with the industrial restructuring. For once, listen to reason."
In the end, the Hungarian Independence Party had no choice but to return to Budapest empty-handed. This had actually been an olive branch extended by Stahl's side to "resolve things amicably." Yet, to the offer of restructuring their entire industrial system for free, the Hungarian nobles responded with pure outrage.
Having failed to secure almost any of their demands from Austria, the Independence Party members were terrified that a lead bullet from an angry Hungarian noble might find its way into their chests. Fearing assassination, the politicians resorted to the ultimate political survival skill: shifting the blame.
"What happened to the aid request we sent to the Austrian parliament?"
"...I finally see the truth now. This is all the doing of that Jewish communist demon, Marx Stahl, and his gang of thugs in the SDAP!"
"What?"
"The Jew Marx Stahl—no, Marx Spielberg—used two hundred tons of hidden gold bullion to conquer Hungary! He has been quietly hoarding Hungarian agricultural products for years, only to dump them onto the market all at once!"
"Where would Stahl get that kind of money?"
"...The source of that money is Wittgenstein! That Wittgenstein fellow is a traitor who married a Jew, is he not?"
It was a lie from start to finish. In his scramble to fabricate a wild conspiracy, the MP had blurted out the absurd figure of two hundred tons of gold. Having made up the story on the spot to avoid a bullet, the Hungarian Independence Party politician now trembled with fear that his lie would be exposed.
"I'm losing my mind...! I screwed up. Who on earth would believe such absolute nonsense?"
The politicians of the 1900s were still amateurish. In truth, he had no reason to fear.
"What?! He used two hundred tons of gold?"
"W-well, yes..."
"I see. So that's how it was."
"?"
"Two hundred tons of gold makes perfect sense! How else could he have crashed the agricultural market so completely?!"
While the politician who spun the yarn shivered in fear, the cornered Hungarian nobles swallowed the absurd lie hook, line, and sinker. Not only that, but their supporters began spreading the rumors like wildfire without the MP having to lift another finger.
Naturally, even the Independence Party MPs were dumbfounded by these bizarre rumors. They had only made up a random story to save their own skins, yet people actually believed it? And they were actively spreading it? Sane Hungarian intellectuals tried to counter this sheer madness with facts. However,
"The chemical composition of natural saltpeter fertilizer and synthetically produced fertilizer is identical! No matter how much you hate Stahl, this is going too far..."
"What?! This bastard is a Jew! Get him!"
"Everyone, let us not sell our souls to the people who killed Jesus!"
Whenever anyone tried to speak sense, they were instantly branded as Jewish and socially ruined. If they couldn't be framed, they were drowned out by brain-rotting hate speech. Karl Lueger had been the pioneer of German anti-Semitism, but now it seemed his legacy was spreading past Bosnia and straight into Hungary.
Stahl watched the deteriorating situation in Hungary with sheer bewilderment.
"Are these people seriously living in the twentieth century?"
Indeed, the theory of "modern-day genius superiority" was a total sham. Even those living in the barbaric twentieth century could instantly transform into twenty-first-century social media fake-news warriors when pushed into a corner.
Though Stahl was briefly taken aback, he had already been thoroughly vaccinated against this sort of thing by Karl Lueger. Besides, didn't he have his ultimate weapon waiting in the wings—a master of fake news, propaganda, and character assassination?
Go, Hitlermon! To Budapest!