The Hungarian Crisis, Part II

I had finally managed to patch together a coherent platform for the Social Democratic Workers' Party of Austria (SDAP). First and foremost, we agreed not to utter a single word regarding ethnic issues. Now was not the time for nationalism. One wrong word here, and this already fragile empire would go bang.

On top of that, I made sure they toned down any talk of republicanism. Why on earth did the patchwork quilt known as the Austro-Hungarian Empire stay bound together as a single nation? Solely because of one man: the Kaiser. Without the Habsburgs, the empire had absolutely no reason to exist.

Otherwise, I would have cut ties with both the Kaiser and the Crown Prince a long time ago. Still, it was a relief that the SDAP had at least agreed to preserve the state structure of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Who was next on the agenda? It was time to accompany Archduke Franz Ferdinand to see the Kaiser. The Hungarian regions had begun a collective tax strike. On top of that, strikes and riots were breaking out in areas beyond the reach of the Austrian SDAP.

"It is a pleasure to see you again. A few more rules have been added to the protocol manual since your last visit. First, let us conduct a quick test. Do you recall Rule 74?"

"At the stroke of noon, do not be alarmed if the Kaiser abruptly halts the meeting. Rest at your ease, but ensure you are seated in the exact same posture when the Kaiser returns. Is that correct?"

"Excellent. The newly added Rule 115 states..."

There was absolutely no sign of the Kaiser's obsessive-compulsive disorder improving. Just how many times had this damn protocol manual been upgraded? It was a clear testament to how his OCD had worsened as he lost control over the political situation recently.

But honestly, did the Kaiser even remember all these rules himself?

"...It has been a while. First of all, I must express my gratitude to you and Freud. Archduke Otto's appearances in the newspapers have grown rare."

"Not at all, Your Majesty. I merely did what had to be done."

"Instead, it is that rascal Otto's girlfriends who mostly grace the papers. In the year since you enlisted, a total of one hundred and fifty-four girlfriends have passed through his doors."

"..."

This was one fact I could not deny. Even if he was treated as an incompetent ruler, the current Kaiser was a genius. How on earth did he memorize the exact number of Archduke Otto's girlfriends? He undoubtedly remembered every single rule in that massive protocol manual.

"I hear you visited the headquarters of the Social Democratic Workers' Party recently."

"I did, Your Majesty."

"You likely anticipated that I would summon you. And I assume I do not need to spell out my business."

"...I presume you wish to request our cooperation in resolving the current crisis, Your Majesty."

"Indeed. And just to be absolutely clear: an ethnic federation is out of the question."

This was something I fully agreed with. The entire empire was burning due to ethnic conflicts. If we proposed a radical reform like a federation under these circumstances? The empire would burn to ashes instantly. It was practically the Soviet Union in the nineties. The imperial family was already besieged. If we alienated ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the German nobility who held military power and forced them to surrender their privileges, a coup d'état would erupt that very day.

"Furthermore, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠have the Social Democratic Workers' Party rein in the violent riots and strikes. In exchange, universal suffrage will be granted."

"Resolving the ongoing unrest through parliament is an excellent strategy. Thank you, Your Majesty."

Democratic systems where power is decided through voting are surprisingly stable. Issues that would normally trigger all kinds of strikes and riots are instead channeled by the public into parliamentary elections. To give up universal suffrage so easily... The empire must truly be in a crisis. In original history, the Kaiser had also readily permitted universal suffrage. The German Empire—their predecessor in the realm of stubborn, reactionary regimes—had already set a precedent on how to neutralize democracy under a sham constitutional monarchy.

First, you drop the massive bombshell of universal suffrage. Then, you hunker down and wait out the storm until the crisis subsides before the next election. What happens then? Every burning issue gets funneled into a parliament that holds nothing but nominal power anyway. The Kaiser's choice was brilliant. However, I had no intention of letting it end there.

"Your Majesty, if I may be so bold, might I offer a suggestion?"

"Speak."

"Even if we suppress the ethnic issue now, it will eventually explode in a far more extreme manner. Even if we survive this Hungarian crisis, there will be a next time."

"Oh?"

"Hungary has already been granted autonomy, so they will be manageable once we weather a few more of these crises. The real threat lies with the Slavs, who are backed by Serbia."

This was the most fundamental flaw of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. If there were only two ethnicities, it would be manageable. Instead, a myriad of ethnic groups took turns causing endless trouble. When Yugoslavia eventually tore itself apart in my past life, crises erupted sequentially over decades—first Croatia, then Bosnia, then Kosovo.

"A federation is out of the question."

"I am well aware, Your Majesty. If we start handing out autonomy to every group one by one, the situation will quickly become uncontrollable."

"Then what do you propose...?"

If we reached a compromise with Hungary, Bohemia would be waiting. If we settled with Bohemia, Croatia would be next. If we settled with Croatia... If we kept making endless compromises like this, the Austro-Hungarian Empire would cease to be a Dual Monarchy. It would become a federation composed of as many states as there were rules in the Kaiser's protocol manual. A Dual Monarchy? More like a Quintuple Monarchy, or a Decuple Monarchy. At this rate, we'd end up with an autonomous Jewish state right inside Austria-Hungary.

"There is no end to compromising with every single ethnic group. Furthermore, these identities have a tendency to multiply indefinitely."

Just imagine if the German identity fractured into a Berlin identity and a Bavarian identity. Such dizzying geopolitical divisions were surprisingly common. It was a miracle Germany had unified at all. Even in the twenty-first century, Italians and Neapolitans still bickered over their distinct regional identities.

"We must bury the very concept of 'ethnicity' into the annals of history."

"Hmm?"

"We must strike at nationalism itself. We must make it so that your subjects cannot even begin to think about 'ethnicity.'"

If you want to destroy an ideology—take communism, for example—writing a brilliant thesis refuting it is an amateur's move. After all, that thesis still keeps the conversation focused on 'communism.' No matter how thoroughly you debunk it, people are still talking about it, which only proves that communism remains at the center of intellectual discourse. When does communism truly die? When absolutely no one talks about it anymore. When no one gives it a second thought.

The moment people shrug and say, "Communism? Sure, why not?" and move on—that is when communism has truly reached the end of its lifespan. Nationalism must be treated the same way. I laid out my scheme to the Kaiser.

"...With this method, we can bury nationalism once and for all. Your subjects won't even have the mental capacity to worry about ethnic conflicts."

"Are you out of your mind, young man?"

"No, Your Majesty. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I am perfectly sane. But I beg you to think of the empire. We are merely replacing a catastrophic issue that could tear the empire apart with a far more 'moderate' one."

"..."

"The SDAP is essential for this scheme. I promise you our full and active cooperation."

The Kaiser stared at me, completely forgetting his obsessive-compulsive habits—like constantly aligning his pens in a perfect row. After a long, agonizing silence, he spoke.

"I accept your proposal."

The Kaiser's approval was secured. Now, shall we drop a bomb on the empire?

"I need you to instigate strikes and riots."

"Yes, we are doing our best to resolve the situation as peacefully as—wait, what did you just say?"

Viktor Adler's eyes widened as if he had just heard the most absurd thing in his life.

"Surely, that was a slip of the tongue."

"Not at all. I need you to actively stage strikes and riots. In fact, my own SFB Chemical Company is currently preparing for a strike as we speak."

"...What? But the Kaiser..."

"I am acting with the Emperor's explicit permission. Just make sure to avoid causing excessive damage."

The Emperor's OCD had reached critical levels. Every time politics slipped even slightly out of his 'control,' he would meticulously adjust the position of the dust on his desk. Thanks to the Hungarian crisis, fifteen new rules had been added to the manual. A Kaiser like him actually preferred to have even 'riots' and 'strikes' under his absolute control. This kind of WWE-style staged rioting and striking perfectly suited his psychological needs. And as I mentioned, I was preparing a strike of our own.

In any case, following my instructions, SFB Chemical was scheduled to go under a month-long factory occupation. Of course, to demonstrate the sheer greatness of worker self-management, production would continue completely as normal even during the strike.

"Do you understand? You simply need to execute strikes and riots under our 'control' like this. You can frame it as a struggle for universal suffrage, or any other labor-related issue. It doesn't matter."

"W-Why on earth are you doing this...?"

"To completely wrest the narrative away from the nationalists."

At my explanation, Viktor Adler looked even more bewildered. The logic was simple. He who screams loudest wins. When someone raises their voice, the indifferent masses assume that's the dominant trend and blindly follow. Up until now, those loud voices had belonged to the nationalists. Even when workers protested over wages, the rhetoric of 'ethnicity' was invariably dragged into it. This time, we would do the exact opposite. Before any independence protests could spark, we would trigger an explosion of discourse surrounding socialism and universal suffrage, completely burying the ethnic issue.

"C-Can this really be controlled? These are still strikes and riots. Once workers taste blood and lose their minds, there is no telling what they might do."

"Isn't that exactly what the Stahl-Ferdinand Model is for? Ah, by the way, I have successfully defined the core of the Stahl-Ferdinand Model: the establishment of 'autonomous worker communities.'"

"Autonomous worker communities?"

"Yes. To shed the label of 'rioters,' they must maintain public order and production on their own."

Viktor Adler finally grasped what I was trying to pull off. Yet, his expression remained deeply anxious.

"What if His Majesty betrays us? What if he encourages the strikes only to turn around and execute the ringleaders...?"

"He will cooperate for at least a little while, won't he? In the meantime, occupy the streets and erect barricades."

"Y-You mean...?"

"Thanks to the military's enthusiastic cooperation with the Stahl-Ferdinand Model, the committees on every street are essentially paramilitary organizations. Every single street has become a fortress."

Thanks to the military's relentless blundering, Austria was now perfectly primed for Maoist or Guevarist-style urban guerrilla warfare. The Emperor was a smart man. Of course, it was highly unlikely, but if he suddenly lost his mind and ordered a bayonet charge against the citizens like the Russian Tsar, I would simply establish the Vienna Commune—a literal Paris Commune Mark II. Wait, would that actually be better? If we're talking about altering history, founding an Austrian Commune might be a far superior outcome.

"Are you saying you would incite a real rebellion?"

"Exactly. Starting a riot is the hard part. Turning a fake riot into a real rebellion is child's play—even if the odds of success are slim."

"Then what do we stand to lose, and what do we stand to gain?"

"If you play the lead role in this riot, and the Kaiser merely puts on a show of conceding to your demands, the SDAP will become the largest party in parliament. What other reward could you possibly want?"

We have nothing to lose but my chains, and a world to win! And so, the WWE that would shake the entire world began.