Chapter 36
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 36
It wasn’t that he disliked having fun, but the energy allotted to Gio was strictly limited.
“…”
“…”
“…Honey, if your dad is slacking off, you should at least nag him.”
“…Kkoong, kkoong, kkoong, kkoong…”
“If both of us are just lounging around like this, we’re hopeless.”
Returning to the “busy, busy modern society” had completely drained Gio’s stamina.
Even having my blood sucked by a vampire wouldn’t be this exhausting.
He didn’t remember the country being particularly peaceful or gentle to begin with, but after thirty-one years, South Korea had transformed into a full-blown “Hell Korea.” The fragile Gio was utterly intimidated.
Sprawled out on the bed like a twenty-nine-year-old rag, Gio kneaded Honey, who was deflated like a puddle of slime.
“As far as I know… I should still be synchronizing with Giovanni.”
“Gurgle?”
“But the sensation is much weaker when I’m inside the portrait than when I’m outside in the real world.”
“Gurr-r-r?”
“The synchronization speed has slowed down, too.”
[Synchronization Rate: 14.8%]
“I think it went up by nearly six percent when I dipped my feet in Cheonggyecheon.”
“Squeak.”
“And it was almost four percent when we traveled to the restaurant through the waterway…”
There was a common thread: both actions involved water.
“Is it because of his deep connection with water?”
He was referring to Giovanni’s personal history. In any case, the synchronization rate was much faster in reality than when he was just sitting still inside the painting.
“It must be a characteristic of the world inside the portrait.”
“Gurr-r-r-r…”
During synchronization, he experienced his old human lifestyle patterns. He would get hungry at regular intervals, feel the need to sleep after working hard, and his strangely light body would grow heavy.
However, ever since returning from his sightseeing tour of Seoul, he noticed that these sensations became somewhat duller inside the portrait.
“Even during synchronization, maybe it’s because I’m treated as a painting rather than a human inside here. When I’m in the portrait, even my emotions are treated as a ‘painting.’”
It seemed that as long as Gio was the subject, even intangible things were judged as a ‘painting’ first and foremost. It was just like how gifting fruit syrup to Yoo Seong-un out of gratitude hadn’t caused any issues with the System’s 1:1 Rule.
“…”
Once synchronization was complete, would he revert to being just a ‘portrait’?
“What would a human be like if they had no choice but to remain a portrait unless they synchronized with someone else?”
“…”
“That’s actually pretty special.”
“Gurr…”
“There’s no other portrait like me in the entire world. I should have some confidence.”
Today, too, Gio’s self-esteem soared sky-high.
“I really am amazing.”
Gio’s humanity did not yield to the mere identity of being a haunted portrait. His sense of self was far too strong to suffer an identity crisis over such a trivial matter.
“Let’s just eat.”
“Gurgle.”
Their conversation naturally shifted to food. They were practically pigs.
“Up we go.”
Only after exactly twenty-nine hours and thirty-six minutes had passed did Gio finally drag himself out of bed.
Honey showed no intention of moving, remaining sprawled out. He was like a pampered young master who knew perfectly well that Gio would carry him anyway.
“Do you have any idea how obnoxious and cute you are when you act like that?”
“Kkoong.”
“Do you think being cute is everything? Well, yes. In this world, it actually is.”
“Gurr-r-r-r-r-r.”
“You’ve already fulfilled your purpose in life just by being cute.”
In Gio’s opinion, no emotion brought more peace to humanity than cuteness.
“I shall now perform today’s cooking operation.”
It was always like this.
“Shall we head to the vegetable garden for the first time in a while and see how much things have grown?”
“Kkoong, kkoong, kkoong…”
“You’re too lazy to even float over there? Your laziness has truly reached the heavens. Just stay still, I’ll put you in a basket.”
“Kkoooong-gurr-r!”
“Where do you think you’re going, leaving me all alone? Uh-uh. No way, we’re going together. Daddy will get lonely.”
Gio scooped the floppy slime monster into the basket. Honey let out disgruntled kkoong-kkoong noises but slid right in anyway. With a satisfied expression, Gio picked up the basket and stepped out of the cabin.
And there, he witnessed Mother Nature in all her glory.
“What on earth is this?”
Where did his humble vegetable garden go, and why was there an Amazon rainforest in its place?
“Where did my tiny, precious vegetable garden go?”
“Kku, kkuru…”
“My garden wasn’t like this.”
He had expected a few sprouts at most. But far from cute little sprouts, the cherry tomatoes had shot up to about three meters high.
“Wait, can a three-meter-tall cherry tomato even be called a ‘cherry’ tomato?”
No.
“Is it even a tomato in the first place?”
The tomatoes he knew weren’t the size of small watermelons.
Gio, who had tried his hand at all kinds of farming before, was thrown into utter confusion by this unprecedented result. He hadn’t even left the garden unattended for that long. They were definitely ordinary seeds and saplings when he planted them, so why had a monster garden sprouted instead?
“And the state of the lettuce is…”
“…”
“It’s the incarnation of Cthulhu.”
“Gurgle?”
“There is such a thing.”
There was a certain octopus monster god that could drive a perfectly sane person—someone who could normally buy bungeoppang for five thousand won without a second thought—completely mad.
“It looks exactly like that.”
And Gio knew that this was the exact spot where he had planted the lettuce.
“I must have planted an octopus instead of lettuce.”
“Gurgle.”
“Don’t agree with me, Honey. Your dad gets hurt easily.”
The lettuce leaves, thicker and sturdier than autumn cabbages, towered toward the sky. Their posture was so majestic and imposing that Gio felt like he’d been rejected before he could even confess his love.
“This is a reality beyond my wildest imagination.”
And the corn…
“…”
“…”
“I’m scared.”
Gio was intimidated.
“Is it a tree?”
The stalks were incredibly thick, and the cobs were even thicker. It was terrifying.
The potatoes and sweet potatoes hidden beneath the soil inspired an even deeper dread. Even though they hadn’t revealed their true forms yet, the vines crawling across the ground looked like something straight out of a horror movie.
“This intense vitality… they’re alive.”
“Gurgle.”
“Don’t ruin the mood by saying plants are naturally alive, Honey. Your dad knows that much.”
“Squeak?”
“I meant they look like they’re about to start crawling around on their own. Normally, they shouldn’t do that.”
If this wasn’t a horror movie, what was?
As for the peas…
“…”
“…Even a zombie crawling out of hell wouldn’t cling with such obsession.”
The long, thin pea vines clung to neighboring plants like parasites, doubling their bizarre appearance. They looked ready to start catching and eating bugs at any moment. Like spiders.
“So, what on earth is this?”
What have I done?
“I really am amazing.”
No, not that.
“At this point, it’s just funny.”
“…Squeak?”
“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to say.”
Faced with such an absurdly unexpected situation, all he could do was laugh.
“It’s not like the taste would have changed.”
Then it was fine.
“Even though it’s become a burly garden that looks like it’ll start talking to me soon…”
“…”
“Let’s still call this place a vegetable garden. It’s a bit embarrassing, but since we know its humble beginnings, we must preserve its identity.”
“Gurr…?”
“Think about it, Honey. Those things look like they’ll start moving any second. We need to get on their good side so we don’t get eaten.”
He was half-joking, half-serious.
In a world that evolves humans into portraits, sentient plants are probably pretty average.
Grandmother used to say: A mere human can never know when disaster will strike, so one must always live humbly and wisely.
Today, too, Gio became a good grandson and faithfully followed the wisdom of his elders.
“…”
However, when something goes wrong, it is human instinct to want to shift the blame onto someone else.
“…Could it be that Mr. Yoo Seong-un gave me monster seeds from the very beginning?”
“Kkoong.”
“Right? But even to my eyes, the seeds themselves looked normal. It must be this world’s fault.”
He was highly curious to see if they would taste good.
“Let’s have a taste…”
“…”
“…”
“…?”
Stepping into the monster garden, Gio doubted his own eyes.
Am I getting presbyopia?
Or was it a hallucination?
“If this is real, isn’t our safety in jeopardy, Honey?”
“…Gurr-r-r-gurgle…”
“Why is there a dead deer here?”
Gio was thoroughly spooked.
“O gods of heaven and earth.”
Please watch over this pitiful portrait.
“Seriously, why is it here?”
“Gurgle, gurk, gurk.”
“You could do it too? No, don’t turn this into a competition. Who on earth caught this and brought it here? Where did this deer even come from? Daddy is very confused right now, Honey, so please don’t climb out of the basket to promote yourself…”
Because the monster garden was so overgrown, he hadn’t noticed it at first. But as he ventured deeper, he found a dead deer lying there, looking incredibly fresh.
Judging by its robust and sturdy appearance, it wasn’t a creature from the forest around Gio’s cabin. The animals here were all cute and dainty to suit his tastes.
“…”
[Tree-Horned Deer]
A herbivore that camouflages itself by blooming flowers or growing fallen leaves on its horns according to the season. It usually avoids fighting other animals, but if its camouflage is blown, it enters an extremely agitated state and runs wild. Its metallic horns, teeth, and hooves can easily crush animal bones. As part of its camouflage, it emits the scent of nuts, flowers, or fruit.
Alchemy Method: Processed meat, sliced and sun-dried, provides a strong sense of satiety and heals minor abrasions.
Habitat: Ruined Abilas Rainforest - Animal Kingdom
Gio shuddered.
“I’ve finally gone and caused trouble.”
In this unpredictable life of ours, he had expected that living so thoughtlessly would eventually bring about doomsday, but the end had arrived much sooner than anticipated.
“The day of ruin is coming soon.”
“Kkoong?”
“An invasive species has breached our borders.”
Gio, whose only means of self-defense was his ability to draw potatoes, was bound to perish.
“Gurgle, gurr-r-r-r-r-r.”
“Honey?”
“Squeak, squeak, squeak. Kkuru, squeak.”
“…”
Observing the situation carefully as Honey tried to convey something, Gio realized.
“…This…”
“Squeak!”
“There’s a hole in its forehead.”
And then he noticed blood on a nearby sweet potato vine.
“…”
“Gurgle?”
“Are you trying to tell me that the sweet potato vine came alive, pierced the forehead of this invasive species that popped out from the dimensional gate I created, and killed it instantly?”
“Squeak.”
“I see.”
Gio pondered.
Which one should I be more afraid of?
A violent invasive species that drifted in from an unknown dimension…
VS
A sweet potato that moves on its own and can pierce a solid skull in a single strike.
“Good heavens.”
Both were terrifying. Gio was intimidated for the third time today.
“Honey, can a fragile being like me survive in this wild wilderness?”
“…”
“Don’t look at me like that, Daddy is serious. I think I’m far too weak to survive in this great outdoors.”
“Kkoong.”
“How can you say that? Where else would you find someone as genuinely pitiful as your dad?”
After a long exchange, Gio was assured that all living things in the monster garden would be friendly toward him. Just as all the flora and fauna of the forest were to Gio, the crops he grew would be the same.
Though there was no concrete proof of this…
“Then that’s fine.”
Gio’s ultimate positive mindset quickly delivered him from his trivial fears.
Besides, hadn’t he just been about to prepare a meal?
“We have meat now.”
“Gurgle.”
“Meat…”
Come to think of it, the Alchemy Method did mention ‘processed meat.’
“…Nice.”
And so, today’s activity was decided.
For the record, Gio had once learned how to butcher.
*
Click, clack, click, clack…
“…”
Tap.
“…How strange.”
In a quiet slum alleyway, a woman with deep-blue hair that swayed lazily like the ocean depths murmured to herself.
“To think the trail ends here.”
She had been quite worried when the energy of her dear human helper vanished, but this was an absurd turn of events.
“There are no signs of a battle.”
She had carefully handpicked a suitable fellow and sent him out into the sun. He should have possessed decent infiltration and combat skills, so it made no sense that there were no traces of a fight, let alone any signs of escape.
Yet, she did not deny what had already transpired.
“Was he taken out?”
She didn’t know who did it.
“I’ll have to investigate further.”
The woman hummed, chanting like a song.
“The Temple seems troubled, nothing has been reported in the media, and despite it happening in the slums, no one knows the details. What a hilarious situation…”
She could understand the Temple’s perspective.
“The caution of those who love to hide things never changes. How insidious.”
It was understandable that they were in a bind, given that an event was just around the corner.
“And here I was, trying to ruin the Festival of the Sun.”
“…”
“But the person who was supposed to ruin it has vanished.”
The woman spoke to the child beside her.
“Iser, the only galaxy by my side.”
“Yes.”
“I need you to do a job for me.”
“I will not disappoint you.”
“Don’t be so stiff.”
The woman smiled, baring shark-like teeth.
“We’re all doing this to have some fun.”
Her sea-like dress fluttered.
“…”
Soon, only a single child with blue hair remained in the alleyway.
The child wore a benevolent smile.