The End of Childhood
I teleported from the abandoned hospital to a random corner of the Black Market, my mind racing with a singular, nagging question: Why did I always feel such overwhelming dread whenever I set foot in this place? Why do I have to be scared in the Black Market? When I really thought about it, it made no sense. At first, I was ignorant and terrified of the I-jok, but now? Is there any reason for me to keep fearing these rotten bastards? After all, those sons of bitches are all just subordinates of the Manma-jeon anyway.
The time for blindly fearing the I-jok had long since passed. I’m currently fighting monsters far worse than them; I can’t afford to live in the shadow of that old fear forever. It was time to cure my "I-jok phobia." I needed to shed this fear, to dominate and rule over them. That’s right. The Manma-jeon has returned. The Three Gods of Disaster have all awakened... and I am their Apostle. There is no reason for me to bow down to these pathetic I-jok vermin. If anything, they should be the ones fearing me...
It was a simple realization. I didn't need to fear them anymore. They were bottom-feeders with nowhere else to go, clinging to the Black Market to survive, but I was different. I only visited this place for a bit of shopping. I was a man who could live perfectly fine without the Black Market. I had a home to return to, and unlike them, I had more coins than I knew what to do with. If they heard how much Kekere earned for me in a single day, those I-jok bastards would surely blow a gasket and beg to serve me as their master.
Exactly. I am a wealthy Apostle of the Manma-jeon, favored by the Evil Gods... I shouldn't be in a position where I feel fear toward I-jok trash.
As I thought this, the events from earlier flashed back into my mind. Me, sprawled on the ground. The I-jok sneering down at me. From the bastards who drooled over my severed arm to the dogs who tried to capture and sell me—they all deserved to die. They had dared to humiliate me. The moment my skills returned, I would slaughter every last one of them.
Skills... right, that’s the problem. In the end, I’m still reliant on skills. To be limited to the powers granted by the System, rather than my own strength...
Having lost access to my skills this time, I had discovered a hint on how to fight without them. Once I escaped the Black Market, I would have to start training to fight without relying on the System. No matter how much the Evil Gods favored me, I couldn't let them pull my strings forever. Relying on their love and being manipulated according to their whims might just be the fastest path to my own ruin. Their perspectives and mine were far too different. What might be a trivial matter to a god was anything but for me. The very definition of a mortal versus an immortal was different, after all. It was inevitable.
And above all, with the gaze of the Evil Gods temporarily absent, a sense of independence had begun to sprout within me. When I was under their protection, it was hard to think of anything other than unconditional loyalty. But now that their eyes were off me, things were different. Yes. The end of my childhood had arrived. It was time for puberty. I couldn't be their plaything forever. The time for rebellion had come. To achieve that, I had to become truly strong on my own, so I would no longer be swayed by them. I had to prove myself. I would strive to be the master of the Manma-jeon, even without skills.
Furthermore, I needed to find a way to become a god. Honestly, I had never been interested in that path. I had just intended to live my life fighting as the Evil Gods led me. But I realized that if I kept going like that, I would be dragged around helplessly forever. Most of all, I realized that remaining an Apostle forever was a twisted path that would never allow me to "conquer" the Evil Gods.
I can't let myself be taken advantage of forever. A man who is pushed around without any agency isn't popular. I had to carve out my own path.
"*Cough*..." As I continued my train of thought, I arrived at the abandoned amusement park where the Festival of Sorrow was being held. This wasn't my destination. I had to get to the drug dealer's shop. I kept pressing the button on the communicator to call Cheshire, but there was no response, which confirmed that she was definitely in a crisis. I ran toward the clown's circus tent at the edge of the park. I had to get there to enable teleportation to another location. The only way to escape this bizarre amusement park was to find the slave trader's shop. It was my first time going to the slave trader alone without Cheshire, but... I was sure I could handle it.
But this... there's no way I'm getting out of here in four hours. I checked my wristwatch; there were only 40 minutes left until the Black Market closed. Escaping today was impossible. The math just didn't add up. I would have to wait in the Black Market until it opened again next week. I had wasted my time, completely against my will. It was all because of that strange bastard. If I hadn't met him at the drug dealer's shop, I would have finished my shopping, spent some time with Cheshire, and left at my leisure. That guy, Lamech or whatever his name was, had just made it onto my "Must Kill" list. He was currently eyeing the spot held by Paimon, who was right behind the undisputed number one, Nick.
As I was running hard to find the circus, lost in those trivial thoughts, Indikron's voice reached me. [That fellow from earlier severed our connection, so I am only just now able to reach you...] She was trying to feed me a slick lie. I shook my head while running. I had already seen through the Evil Gods' schemes. I wouldn't be fooled.
"I know everything, Lady Indikron."
[Hmm? Ah, you... you know?]"
"That you intentionally withdrew your power. I already know. You intended to fix my mindset, didn't you? Isn't that right?"
[W-wait... hold on. Withdrew my power... what could you possibly...]"
Even an Evil God's voice trembles, it seems. Indikron's voice wavered, sounding flustered. "I've already seen through it all. I know everything. Lady Indikron... were you that displeased with me? Did you think I would fall into arrogance and let my guard down? Fine. Good. Everything is fine. But... if Cheshire dies because of this incident..."
[W-wait a moment...! T-this is, you see...]"
"That's enough, Lady Indikron. I trusted you. But I've learned well today that you didn't trust me. If you wanted to test me so badly... yes. You succeeded. I felt extreme anxiety and terror, and thanks to that, I realized I had been relying too much on the gods. I won't let my guard down anymore. Not against my enemies... and not against you, my gods."
[N-no... I never imagined you would suffer so much in your heart...]"
"Not at all. Suffer? Don't be ridiculous. How could a mere Apostle suffer?"
[Don't say such things...! I only have you...! Please... don't belittle yourself... my child...]"
"'My child'..." I laughed. "Hahahaha...!!! Lady Indikron... I am actually grateful to you for giving me this opportunity. Thanks to you, I will move forward once again. You never give me a moment to stop, so how could I afford to relax? And thanks to this, I have a new goal."
[A-a new goal, you say...]"
"I... intend to step out from under your wings a little. From the apron strings of the Evil Gods. Isn't that right? I never know when you might discard me, so I can't stay wrapped in your skirts forever."
[No! T-that's not what I meant...!]"
"I'm a fool. I was just deluding myself. I'm nothing but a spare part that can be replaced at any time, yet I foolishly relied on the gods, believing you would always love me."
[No... that's not it...! Y-yes...! I'm sorry! Okay? I was wrong... Please... don't be like this...]"
Indikron was rambling, flustered and trying to make excuses to me. Seeing a god who always craved the despair of others fall into despair herself... it was, if only a little, exhilarating. It was true, then: sadists have no resistance to pain. Honestly, I felt a little sorry for her. She must have been trying to teach me a lesson with the heart of a parent worried for their child. But I thought her method was fundamentally flawed. What if I had truly been in danger? What if I had been butchered by those I-jok bastards earlier? And what if Cheshire had already died? Could I have welcomed Indikron as my master then? Could I have remained loyal to her?
No. It would have been too late by then. My heart might have been so wounded that I would have jumped ship to the Pantheon. So, it was necessary to give her a sharp piece of my mind now. I didn't know what would happen if a mere Apostle dared to stand up to a god... but I knew one thing: for now, they only had me. I knew they weren't in a position to be looking for alternatives. That's why I acted a bit cocky. If she had gotten angry, I would have apologized for overstepping my bounds and shut my mouth, but...
This is working way better than I thought... Indikron cares for me this much... Good...
Indikron was groveling before me. To think she would cling to me like this over a few words. It was... quite a heart-swelling feeling. It must mean I've lived my life well. Furthermore, Indikron's passionate reaction stimulated my own sadistic desires. Because of that, I ended up tormenting her a bit more than necessary. As I thought, I must become a god. Not for any other reason. In novels and stories, those who seek to become gods usually do so to kill other gods... but that wasn't why I wanted to become one.
To... ravish Indikron. That was the only thought in my mind. The idea of becoming a god to ravish a god. That single-minded obsession. Isn't this what a true villain is? Yes, this is the path I must walk. I have no interest in saving the world, saving humanity, or any of those grand, high-minded ideals. I only want to become a god so I can ravish a god. I don't know how shameless, raw, and progressive a goal that is. Because of that, my passion surged.