Chapter 118
Chapter 118
Just as I was about to open my mouth, I felt someone's hand on my thigh.
"......?"
When I reflexively turned my eyes, there was Han Neuti, his gaze fixed on Kim Sanho.
With a perfectly unremarkable expression, Han Neuti had reached under the table and was pressing down firmly on my thigh.
'What's this about?'
In that brief moment when I kept my mouth shut, Kim Sanho's answer began.
"The reason I wanted to become an idol......."
Last time I heard, it was out of rebellious defiance born from his father's extreme opposition.
But if he repeated that here verbatim, it would be like pouring oil on the already blazing fire of the authenticity controversy.
No, more than that, whether he could even bring up his family situation in the first place was the issue.
And through all this, Han Neuti was still pressing down on my thigh. I had already caught on that it was a signal to stay quiet.
I had no choice but to swallow my tension and wait for Kim Sanho's next words.
Fortunately, Kim Sanho gave an answer completely different from what I expected.
"I don't really know."
Whether that was a better answer... I wasn't sure.
But let's be patient and listen further.
It looked like he still had a lot left to say.
"At first, I just... listened to senior artists' songs a lot, their stages looked cool, and the fans in the audience seats... um, I was envious. Yeah, that was it. I don't think there was anything particularly special or intense... like that."
After pausing to catch his breath, Kim Sanho continued.
"Then, when I had to stop playing the violin, for some reason, the only thing that came to mind was being an idol. So that's how I started."
"......."
"But when I left my former agency, and back then when I felt like I might not be able to become an idol... I didn't feel anything. Just, like a blank slate......."
Listening intently to his words, I shifted my gaze to the monitor in front of me.
Fans' messages were flooding in.
[8XX2: Sanho you had a former agency?? Where??]
[2XX5: Sanho I'm always cheering for you, let's only see good things, love you♥]
[9XX9: I like idol Sanho so much ㅠㅠ I'm so so thankful you became an idol]
"I have never once taken being an idol lightly."
Kim Sanho's eyes fixed on the monitor.
"So... I never will in the future either."
As soon as Kim Sanho's answer ended, Han Neuti's hand, which had stayed on my thigh the whole time, fell away.
"Yes, ah, that's a wonderful thing to say. Our Sanho, I already knew it, but he's really a friend who's sincere about HAZERD!"
Kim Yuri's comment immediately followed, lightening the mood.
And then my eyes met Kim Yuri's.
'......They knew all along.'
It seemed I had... underestimated the titles of eldest hyung and leader.
'No, if that's the case, they could have said something.'
But I could guess why those two didn't say anything. It would be the exact same reason I had clammed up after witnessing the malicious comments during the live broadcast.
Because the more you share negative stories, the more they multiply.......
"Then shall we move on to the next question?"
After that, the Q&A corner proceeded surprisingly peacefully.
Kim Yuri skillfully selected only the safe and fun questions from the fans, and the members continued their talk in a comfortable atmosphere.
I also went along with it comfortably, while thinking to myself.
'Was this the right way to handle it?'
The reason idols don't directly mention controversies that flare up in online communities is often because ignoring them is actually a better way to put them to rest.
Bringing it up needlessly would make people who didn't even know about the controversy aware of it, the issue could grow bigger, and soon it could lead to exhausting the fans even further.
And before that, some people are uncomfortable with the very idea of idols letting on that they monitor the internet directly.
Of course, the chat window in the monitor in front of me was consistently wholesome.
That figures. There couldn't possibly be anyone dumb enough to reveal their phone number and send hate comments.
[4XX6: (If you bully my babies I'll beat you all up) Curious about the members' current pLaylist #1 song♥]
[7XX6: Shoulders out for the 1st place nominee artist!!!!! I'll roll out the red carpet for your confident walk]
[9XX4: Kids only look at good things pretty things look at the mirror only]
"......."
Well, yeah. It seemed like it would be okay.
If a problem came up, we could just resolve it then.
"Unfortunately, the final segment is already upon us. Everyone, shall we end this on a heartwarming note?"
Originally, this final corner was going to be the 'I See' game.
A game where no matter what you hear—past grievances, confessions, disses, etc.—you had to resolutely respond with just 'I see'.
I planned it thinking we could easily create some comedic moments.......
But in the current situation, even breathing a single letter of a diss would clearly spark and set everything ablaze.
So what we changed it to was this.
"Things you were grateful to the members for, or compliments you really wanted to give but were too shy to say, etc.! Let's use this chance to be hoNest, and bravely open up!"
Relay praise time.
In other words, it could be called the mandatory wholesomeness injection corner.
Though, knowing our members' tendencies, the side effects seemed likely to be worse.......
Still, it was a corner planned with firm resolve, so let's give it our best shot.
"Then shall we go around one member at a time? Starting with Jeong Sowol next to me, going clockwise. I'll start! Sowol, thank you for switching shop schedules with me today."
"If something trivial like that counts, this will be pretty easy."
"Gyeonwoo, how can you say trivial! I slept 30 minutes more thanks to Sowol."
......Was this heartwarming?
I didn't know. I just had to be heartwarming.
Afterward, once the shower of praise for Jeong Sowol was over, Kim Yuri pretended to wipe tears and said.
"Our members, still, when given the chance, they can express themselves this hoNestly. I now understand well that they were just shy usually."
"What do you mean, how are we usually?"
"Then we'll proceed quickly. This time it's our Sanho's turn, right? I'll start again. Sanho, thank you for picking up the wallet I dropped."
Finally, the moment to achieve the real purpose for which I had planned this corner was approaching.
Well, it wasn't anything special, just.......
Like Kim Yuri said, I just wanted to use this opportunity to say some things I normally couldn't.
"Sanho."
No, I pitched my voice too low.
I cleared my throat and adjusted my voice to be as plain as possible.
"Sanho."
"......Yeah."
"You look just like you do when you're getting scolded."
Kim Yuri nudged Jeong Sowol.
Thanks to that, the local broadcast got cut off, and I cleared my throat one more time.
"Having you at the company was a huge support. If you hadn't been there back then... well, I don't know if our team would have been formed. Thank you for always silently working hard at your place."
We ran out of time and had to move on without hearing a response.
It was rather fortunate. I was feeling a bit... embarrassed creeping up on me just then.
'I'm never doing this corner again.'
The wholesomeness had surpassed a lethal dose, and I felt like I was suffocating from awkwardness.
On top of that, the scariest part was that my turn hadn't even come yet.
And at last... riding the inevitable flow of time, my turn arrived.
"Chaegyeom."
"Hah......."
"Sounds like you're dying."
I think this was the first time Baek Gyeonwoo had ever called me just by name, dropping my surname.
This wouldn't do. As soon as the radio ended, I had to ban it.
"We're short on time, so I'll be quick."
"Okay......."
"Thank you for letting me crash with you last winter."
Fortunately, the content wasn't as cringey as being called by my first name.
In the first place, that was the same thing he said to Kim Sanho earlier.
'He must have been pretty thankful that I let him sleep in the practice room.'
All I did was give him one measly folding cot, but being thanked this much was embarrassing in a different way.
Plus, from the fans' perspective, it was a completely incomprehensible story, so the chat window on the monitor quickly grew noisy.
[3XX1: Why were you going around bumming a place to sleep at other people's places on a cold dayㅠㅠㅠ]
[7XX6: Gyeonwoo I can let you crash too, I'll give you my address]
[4XX4: Gyeonwoo did you not have a house...??]
At this rate, everything from Youth's bullying to his bad blood with Giddeun was going to be exposed.
Anyway, after Baek Gyeonwoo, it was Kim Sanho's turn.
Since I had already set the groundwork with Kim Sanho earlier, I was less afraid compared to the other members.
Honestly, I even felt some anticipation.
If you give, you should receive.......
"Thank you for buying me udon."
'......Udon?'
Even Kim Yuri, who had been obsessed with super-fast pacing due to time constraints, giggled this time and added a word.
"Earlier, Chaegyeom felt like he said about three lines... Yes, Sanho, the udon must have been really delicious."
When I glared at her for acting somewhat excited, Kim Yuri immediately used time as an excuse and hurried things along.
And so, the hellish...... heartwarming corner passed, and at last, the true final segment arrived.
"The song we'll play for you live is our album track, 'BYE MY DECEMBER'! This is the song we made when our HAZERD debut was confirmed for January."
'bye my december'.
It was the song that appears in Han Neuti's teaser, but, well, honestly speaking, the teaser matched it simply based on the outfit, so that didn't matter much.
The reason I chose this song this time was simple.
Because it was the song where Kim Sanho's voice stood out the most.
While we moved to the live booth and briefly readied ourselves, my eyes met Kim Sanho's as he organized his mic cable.
'Do well.'
When I mouthed it, Kim Sanho nodded.
Soon, the dreamy synth sound characteristic of deep house filled the booth.
Han Neuti's rap first opened the live, and Kim Sanho's voice followed.
Though the rough wind scrapes me away
Even the shattered fragments are sharp
The twelfth day, gone astray in vain
As expected.......
He was indispensable.
* * *
While the radio was ongoing, fans were immediately reacting on social media, enjoying it in real time.
―I'm so curious about Chaegyeom and Neuti pointing each other out as having the opposite first imPression of them, what happened at their first meeting?ㅜㅜㅜ
―It's fascinating how Chaegyeom always gets called scary at first impression, his looks aren't scary at all though...
―Ah Yuri's true calling is being a DJ for real, please give Yuri one permanent schedule, management sirdeu
―I think Gyeonwoo and Sowol forgot this was a visible radio show... I can see the two of you fighting with your eyes completely...
As they watched the members who seemed like they were having fun, they wore heartwarming smiles. And just then.
[Sanho, what was your motivation for dreaming of becoming an idol?]
That question appeared.
―No you crazy b*stards Sanho is Sorasum's first trainee, which one of you b*stards was saying he saw Seo Cha-gyeom and was like 'alright' and joined
―Wow... Sorasum without Chaegyeom... that's... if he was protecting that all alone... it's just... impossible unless he's truly sincere about being an idol...
―All you b*stards who said he wasn't sincere, come out and stand in a line so I can f*cking beat you up
Before they could even tear up at Kim Sanho's sincere answer, a thick rage settled in the fans' hearts.
Because anyone could see it was an answer aware of the current situation.
―Ah f*ck... Sanho and the kids 100% know the situation right now
―Are you satisfied now you f*cking akgaes?ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Do you enjoy hurting the kid your ultimate bias likes that much
―No, in the first place, if you watch Kim Han-ul's documentary, the house is strict as f*ck so it should be totally obvious that things like living comfortably or getting allowance from dad were impossible, and you don't even try to look into it, haa...
For the closing segment, the power of the blatantly 'be touched' corner allowed things to die down for a moment.
And instead of anger, they rallied together.
―Who poured a whole bowl of hearty soup all over my heart...
―When did you guys secretly build up this beautiful friendship
―Film a documentary
―HAZERD let's go forever for real
―Who's writing the blood oath
―Somehow Chaegyeom and Sanho seem especially close
└Because in the first place, those two are the kind of close where they have each other's ID photo stuck in their phone cases
└Eung... I didn't think it was to that degree...;;;;
Even in this situation, trolls of course still existed.
But.......
―It's so f*cking pathetic how you go around explaining every little thing reacting to Abyss community posts
└No you guys came all the way to the live broadcast to fling insults and then left lolㅋㅋ
―Today's radio kept trying to make Kim Sanho the center of the talk, it was boring af and obviously aware of the controversy, it was totally baffling, especially from S C G
└It means that much how precious he is~ Don't you get it because you have no friends?
―Stop force-feeding a fake bondㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ it just makes me feel resentment...
└What are you going on about you keep eating something, nobody's trying to feed you so f*ck off
This, too, only served to buff the fans' combat power.