When Cornered, Take Off Your Pants
The place was a total colosseum.
Standing right in the middle of the circular arrangement of desks, I felt like a Roman gladiator. The kids sitting around me in a perfect ring had eyes that looked exactly like an audience watching a famous fighter in a movie. If I had to point out one slightly uncomfortable thing, it was that the girls’ gazes weren’t on me—they were all locked onto the class president.
Jeong Uiseon glanced around like he was used to this kind of attention, then stood up with relaxed confidence.
“If we’re talking about the death penalty system, the ‘retention’ side has to bring up the more sensitive arguments. Since we can’t make the new transfer student Namjin handle that, I’ll take the ‘death penalty retention’ position. That okay with you?”
It was pretty considerate of him to volunteer to carry the cross of such a touchy topic. Did that mean he was that confident? He had said he prepped for the Youngsa High entrance exam, so he was probably a veteran at debates.
“Sure. Then I’ll take the abolition side. Don’t go changing your mind later.”
I wasn’t the type to refuse goodwill, so I nodded. Starting from a good position to earn Points? Since it could lead to meeting Seo Gaeul, there was no reason to turn it down.
“Then I’ll start. First, there are currently thirty-five countries that constitutionally maintain the death penalty. Among them, the well-known developed nations are the United States and Japan—”
Jeong Uiseon looked around the room and continued speaking without a single stutter. Honestly, I was impressed. Why did a high schooler even know how many countries still had the death penalty?
“Four out of every ten violent criminals commit another violent crime after release. That means every time these people finish a simple prison term and get out, at least four innocent people die because of it.”
I didn’t know the exact numbers, but his voice carried real power and a charisma that gripped the entire room. I had expected something impressive since he was the class president even in this special class, and he really delivered.
Does he have a Concept related to eloquence or something?
“Also, when you consider that managing and monitoring a single heinous criminal costs eighty million won in taxes per year, we can’t overlook the financial issue either.”
The money angle. That must have struck a chord with the kids, because sighs of “Whoa—” started spreading everywhere. This was bad. If things kept going like this, fewer kids might vote for my opinion during the final tally!
“So, we should keep the death penalty just because of money?”
Killing people for cash—.
At my cold question, the class president shut his mouth for a moment and looked around.
“It’s not just about the money. Haven’t you heard this saying? For victims who’ve suffered something horrific, the best thing the perpetrator can do for them is to disappear from the world.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that.”
“Some people don’t even want a sincere apology from the criminal. They just want them to vanish from their sight and disappear from the world. Remember the Kim Kwang-ji case from a year ago?”
“…….”
“It’s the case where Kim Kwang-ji, a child sex offender who was released after serving fifteen years, was stabbed in the heart and killed by some mysterious assailant. When that happened, people cheered.”
I knew about that case too. The world had been in an uproar, treating it like a righteous judge had executed a heinous criminal the justice system had let loose. Most of all, the ‘Judge’ had started serially murdering criminals like Kim Kwang-ji, even throwing down a gauntlet at the police as if provoking the entire judicial system. There was no way I wouldn’t know.
“There are even research results showing that the more brutally criminals are punished by this ‘Judge,’ the lower the crime rate drops. I believe the Judge’s actions are essentially the same as the death penalty. They instill fear.”
“I did hear that criminals started behaving themselves when the news came out that executions would resume.”
“Even death row inmates who used to act like they owned the prison supposedly became meek.”
I could feel the mood in the room shifting even more toward Jeong Uiseon. With my sensitive senses, I could tell that out of the twenty-eight students here, nearly twenty were siding with the class president. Honestly, in this dopamine-addicted era, if I brought up a weirdo who kills heinous criminals to make people feel good, what could I even say to refute it? If I said something like “Still, murder is wrong no matter the reason!” here, I’d just come off as a rigid, old-fashioned person to these thrill-seeking high school seniors.
Then it was time for the Namjin Kick.
“Isn’t the death penalty too simple?”
Chef's Kick
There’s an expression called “the chef’s kick.” It’s like the chef’s secret ultimate technique that defines the identity of a dish. A single kick that no one else would ever think of. And I, Ha Namjin—who is confident in the strength of his legs and possesses the Leap Concept—also have a kick.
“The death penalty is a solution that creates problems precisely because it’s too simple. Do you really think the 106 countries that have abolished it are just stupid and overly emotional, so they let criminals live?”
“Too simple? I’m curious why you think that. Care to elaborate?”
To be honest, I thought heinous criminals deserved to die. But just “kill them and be done with it” was way too simplistic.
“I believe everyone should be given a second chance equally. Even if someone looks like trash, depending on how you use them, they can become a wonderful recycled product.”
I deeply respected Seo Gaeul, who had given a new life to me when I was rolling around in a shack. The rope that pulled me from the abyss. The goddess of luck who gave me a second chance. In a way, this debate was my confession to her.
“Recycled?”
“What is he even trying to say?”
When everyone’s faces filled with anticipation at my heartfelt emotional appeal, I opened my mouth to deliver the decisive kick.
“So we give criminals a second chance too. We build a beryllium factory with severe radioactive leakage on a deserted island where no one lives and make them work there as labor!”
“…Labor?”
“…What…!?”
“What the hell is he talking about?”
“Or we leave them with only the minimum parts needed to survive and have them donate their organs to sick people. And we regularly draw their blood to help with blood shortages—”
The economic value of one human body. At minimum, two hundred million won. Having been pressured by loan sharks over organ trafficking, I knew that better than anyone.
“If we just execute them, we lose two hundred million won! Two hundred million! Do you know how many packs of ramen that is? According to UNICEF standards, that’s enough to provide vaccines to 3,960,000 people!”
Emotional stimulation aimed at the audience combined with realistic financial benefits! A strange expression began to spread across the face of Jeong Uiseon, my debate opponent, while the other kids looked at each other in confusion.
Good. Just as I predicted, huge gaps had opened in their minds. Now it was time to pull out my secret ultimate move!
“Everyone, please just give me one vote! Just one! I want to earn Points too! I’ll even take my pants off right here! Please look at my sincerity!”
Take off my pants to show my sincerity!
“The voting results show Uiseon received nineteen votes. Let’s give him a round of applause.”
Clap clap clap—.
At the teacher’s words, the kids clapped. The class president got nineteen votes. Since there were thirty students in Class D, that was a majority.
“Looks like the kids are closer to me, so they voted for me. Still, saving four million lives with one death row inmate… Your perspective was really fresh.”
The class president reached out to me with a bright smile, showing his white teeth. He really was handsome. Good personality, good with words—yeah, this guy and I were the same kind.
“If I could’ve taken my pants off, I probably would’ve gotten ten more votes. What a shame.”
I guarantee that if I had shown everyone the ‘sincerity’ inside my pants, no one would have been able to predict the voting results. It was truly regrettable that my final ultimate move had been stopped by the teacher’s hand.
So my vote count was…
“Teacher, eleven votes means 110,000 Points, right? You said ten thousand Points per vote, didn’t you?”
With a single debate, I had earned a whopping 110,000 won! Honestly, I thought five votes would be a success, but getting eleven was a huge success!
“Wow, you really are something, Ha Namjin—getting eleven votes with such an absurd opinion!”
That’s right. Eleven votes! If I counted one as my own, whose were the other ten?
While I was wondering about that and returning to my seat, Baek Yeoul—with her face flushed bright red—kept opening and closing her mouth like she had a lot to say as she looked at me.
“Hey! I was so embarrassed for you! What kind of debate was that? Why would you take off your pants!”
“Ppang-daeng, did you vote for me?”
“…I’m not Ppang-daeng!”
Baek Yeoul shouted quietly. She snorted and added,
“Even I voted for you because I was afraid you wouldn’t get even a single vote otherwise. Do you know how embarrassing and mortifying that is? I still kick my blanket at night just thinking about it.”
“Sounds like you’ve been through it. What was the topic back then?”
“…Ugh….”
Baek Yeoul glared at me with her face still bright red. It looked like an unwanted memory had just flashed back. But whatever! The important thing was that I had earned 110,000 Points!
“Ppang-daeng, with 110,000 Points, can I take that special class or whatever that Seo Gaeul is in?”
“I told you I’m not Ppang-daeng! And how are you going to take a special class with only 110,000 Points? If you really want to meet Seo Gaeul that badly, go to ‘Noble’ during lunch today.”
“Noble?”
“At Youngsa High, there are different tiers even for school meals. Noble is like a fancy restaurant where you pay 50,000 Points per meal ticket. Chefs who earned Michelin stars cook there, and the pudding is especially delicious!”
Spending 50,000 won on one meal? Honestly, it sounded insane, but if I could meet Seo Gaeul there and get ‘malang-malang’ from her twice, it seemed like a worthwhile investment.
Seo Gaeul, my light. Seo Gaeul. Me. From now on, Seo Gaeul and I will move beyond a supportive relationship and become one. Fusion. Hehehe—.
While my lips loosened into a smile from all those happy thoughts, Baek Yeoul poked me in the side.
“Hey, why are you so desperate to meet Seo Gaeul? Do you like her?”
“Yeah.”
“…What….”
At my instant answer, Baek Yeoul’s expression turned extremely serious. Her lips parted and she let out a suspiciously long sigh.
“Sigh… No matter what part of her you like, she’s not the kind of girl you think she is, so don’t get your hopes up too high. You asked about my debate topic earlier, right?”
“I did.”
“My opponent was Seo Gaeul. In first year, I was in the same class as her. Because of her, I…”
“Hey! Namjin! You were hilarious! I’ve never seen anyone debate like you!”
Suddenly, someone approached and grabbed my shoulder. It was a tall guy with a scar over his eyebrow, looking like a delinquent who knew how to have fun. He gave off the vibe of someone who rode motorcycles really well.
“Let’s go eat lunch together! I’ll show you the way to the cafeteria! Oh, and my name’s Geum Taeseong.”
He was treating me like we were already close—maximum social skills. But perhaps overwhelmed by the sudden appearance of this larger-than-life male student, Baek Yeoul—who had been about to say something—shut her mouth and flopped face-down onto her desk. Maybe she wasn’t hungry even though it was lunchtime.
Gurgle—.
At that moment, an extremely strange and loud sound rang out.
Startled, Baek Yeoul flinched while still lying down.
What a weird girl. If she’s hungry, she should just eat.
“Hey, Ppang-daeng. Come eat with us too.”
“…I’m not hungry! I ate a lot for breakfast!”
She answered without even lifting her head. The smartphone on Baek Yeoul’s desk still had a completely shattered screen. Anyway!
Just thinking about meeting Seo Gaeul in the cafeteria made my spine tingle with excitement! My beloved Seo Gaeul, wait for me…!