003 - All-Time Best!

"Ramen party!"

The pot bubbled furiously. I dumped five entire packs of ramen into the massive pot and cranked the heat until it roared. Slurrrrp—

I squeezed an entire bottle of ketchup into the mix. The rich, savory aroma punched straight into my nose, sending a shiver of pure pleasure racing down my spine.

"Ssamjang? We've got ssamjang? One spoonful of ssamjang in ramen? This is—"

This was no longer mere food. This was art. The kind of masterpiece that belonged in history books.

Khhhh. You chewy, plump, delicious little ramen wench. Today, it's you or me. Let's see who dies first!

"Is it really okay for me to hog something this delicious all to myself? Heh heh heh heh. Every last one of you ramen bastards is finished."

Five packs of ramen. It would've been perfect with some ham, but back in these days our fridge never held anything that fancy. We were broke.

BANG BANG BANG BANG—!

Someone pounded on the front door. When I opened it, a pack of ugly, thuggish men with faces like gargoyles shoved their way inside without waiting for an invitation.

"Ha Namjin. Today's the day you pay interest. Got the money ready?"

Ah. Loan sharks.

It all came rushing back—how my parents had tried their hand at business in their later years, failed spectacularly, and borrowed from these exact parasites. In the original timeline, today was the day a truck would've crushed my legs and sent me to the hospital. I hadn't expected these bastards to show up.

They were the ones who took the insurance money and hospital fees in the original timeline.

"What the hell? He's boiling ramen?"

"Perfect, I'm starving. Hey kid, dish it out nicely and serve it to your hyungs."

"Ugh, fuck, what is that smell? Ketchup? Who the hell boils ramen like a fucking idiot!"

Splashhhhh—

They dumped all my carefully prepared ramen straight into the sink. At that exact moment, something inside my head went snap.

"You gambling bastards who don't know the value of food! Company, attention!"

"What?"

"What the fuck is this guy saying?"

"He's lost his mind."

The memories of all the hell I went through to find something—anything—to eat flashed through my mind like a panorama. The endless days of humiliation and degradation. The way I'd whipped Manager Kim Jang-dong with a belt in my previous life!

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to sell your pride for two potatoes? Bastards who don't cherish food deserve punishment!"

Tap-tap-tap—!

I leaped into the air and slammed a kick straight into the head of the loan shark boss. CRACK!

The boss, who possessed the Leg Strength concept, flew backward and smashed into the wall. His eyes rolled back white. I couldn't tell if he was dead or just unconscious.

"B-Boss!"

"You son of a bitch!"

"Fuck off! Actually, let me do the fucking!"

I charged forward and drove my foot straight into both men's groins with everything I had. THUD! THUD!

"Aaaaaagh~"

"Guaaaagh!"

The men foamed at the mouth before they could even react. I emptied their pockets and came away with a total of 230,000 won.

230,000 won! How many packs of real ramen was that? Who cares, fuck it!

"I'm rich! Hehehehe! All-time best! Aren't you guys happy too? Huh?"

"Ughhh..."

"Eeee..."

To think they'd collapse so completely from a single kick to the balls. At this rate, they had no hope of surviving the world that was coming.

So what now?

I put my middle-school-educated-but-still-the-smartest-in-my-class brain to work. The future unfolded before me with perfect clarity. If I let these guys go, they'd definitely try to get revenge.

"That's just how humans are."

People who casually cause trouble for others always lose their minds the moment something slightly inconvenient happens to them. These three fit that profile perfectly.

"I'll just bury you all in the yard. I'll even plant flowers on top. Sound good? You pieces of shit will be reborn as flowers. This is the ultimate form of recycling."

Snap.

I tightened cable ties around the loan sharks' fingers. They thrashed and resisted.

"S-Stop! Hey! Ha Namjin! You're not that kind of guy!"

"Bury us?! You're joking, right?! This is murder! Murder! Somebody help! Help us!"

"Don't waste your energy. You know better than anyone that no one lives next door, right?"

This was why a rundown neighborhood after a failed redevelopment was perfect. Scream all you want—there's no one around to hear.

"...Th-This bastard's gone completely insane!"

"I told you we should've eased up once the principal was paid off! We're really gonna die! Hey, you fucking dog! Boss! Wake up already!"

They kept struggling, so I kicked their groins a few more times out of annoyance. They finally went quiet.

Still, if I wanted to bury them in the yard, I'd need a shovel...

"Ah?"

I realized belatedly that we didn't own a shovel. Oh well. Burying them was off the table for now.

"Consider yourselves lucky. I'm insanely good at finding recyclables in the dump. Since it's come to this, I'll just have to recycle you three."

Everyone would probably be shocked to hear that even worthless trash like these guys had some use. But my exceptionally brilliant mind was already overflowing with ways to utilize them.

"Hey, have you guys ever kidnapped anyone before? Could you pull it off again?"

At my question, the loan sharks—who'd turned blue from the groin kicks—immediately twisted their faces into identical grimaces. It was the exact same expression a homeroom teacher would make while looking at a student who'd written "Emiya Kiritsugu" as their future dream.

How did I know that look? I wish I didn't.

"K-Kidnap... who?"

"The President."

The only daughter of the Seonam Group would obviously have presidential-level security. Kidnapping her would be no different from kidnapping the actual president.

The loan sharks stared at each other, seemingly moved by my profound plan, then burst out laughing. Pwahaha—!

###

"A shovel and samgyeopsal. That's life."

I left the neighborhood, bought three servings of pork belly at the large mart, and picked up a shovel from the nearby hardware store. The bag felt satisfyingly heavy.

Money really was great. With money, you could get anything you wanted. Even in the ruined world, money had been important. Of course, back then bottle caps were used as currency, and there was a ridiculously funny reason for that. I'd tell that story later.

I'd splurged on three servings of samgyeopsal. Just thinking about those strips sizzling on the iron plate made my butt twitch and my tailbone tingle. The perfectly rendered fat dancing on my tongue. If that didn't excite you, you might as well be a eunuch.

"Khhhh—"

I returned home in an excellent mood, excited to grill meat for the first time in years.

Only to find a crowd of men in black suits gathered in front of my house. I froze for a second.

"Did news that I bought meat already spread? There's not really enough to share, though?"

Were these the loan sharks' reinforcements? Five of them. The yard might not have enough space to bury all of them. This was exactly why people needed to live in big houses.

"If you want to become idiots, come at me first."

Swish. I raised the shovel and pointed it at the suited men. They burst into laughter.

"Is this the guy? The one who hit our young lady and ran away."

"Yeoul-ah, is it him?"

Swish.

Someone emerged from between the suited men. The sight of a girl with a sharp bob haircut wearing a school uniform felt strangely familiar. Then she shrieked at me.

"Hey! You!"

"What the—it's Bread Butt."

The high school girl from the truck accident. So the bad luck I'd kicked away had followed me all the way here. It felt exactly like that cursed demonic doll that kept coming back no matter how many times you threw it away.

"Why do you keep interfering in my life! Why are you making my life hell! Why! Whyyyyyyyyy!"

I was so frustrated I felt like I might actually foam at the mouth.

"Bread Butt? Interfering? Hey! What the hell did you do to act like the victim here?! You broke my phone! Do you even know how much this phone costs? Over two million won! What are you going to do about it?"

The high school girl waved her strangely shaped phone in front of me. My face crumpled instantly.

She was trying to extort two million won over a single broken phone. This girl was actually worse than the loan sharks.

"Bread Butt, is a mere phone really more important to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you than the lives of roughly forty thousand people?"

"...Forty thousand? Suddenly?"

"With thirty thousand won a month, you can provide vaccines for six hundred children according to UNICEF standards. Two million won could save sixty-six thousand lives."

Apparently caught off guard, the high school girl made a dumbstruck face and began muttering while counting on her fingers. "Two million divided by three is..."

The black-suited men beside her quietly whispered.

"Yeoul-ah, his math is correct."

"At thirty thousand won per month, it's approximately sixty-six thousand people."

"Really?"

Baek Yeoul trembled. I drove the nail in deeper ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠for this girl who didn't understand the value of money or math.

"I can just fix the broken phone. Then there's no need for compensation, which is good for me, and you'll end up saving sixty-six thousand lives, which is good for you. It's a win-win. How about it?"

"Win-win my ass! Hey, this is a specially commissioned Awakener smartphone made exclusively by Youngsa High! It's linked with a smartwatch—how the hell are you going to fix it? Just bring your parents. Two million won is a lot of money, so it makes more sense to talk to them instead of a student, right?"

"Y-Yeoul-ah—"

"Calm down!"

It was pretty funny watching the tall, lanky men in suits flusteredly trying to soothe the red-faced high school girl who was screaming her head off. Isn't it embarrassing to be born with balls and still get bossed around by a girl?

I decided I would never be like them and answered confidently.

"Hey, my mom and dad aren't people you can just meet because you want to. If you actually meet them, things will get really serious."

"What are you talking about? Are your parents the president or something? I'm Baek Yeoul of Baekdang! Our family used to supply ingredients to the Blue House, you know?"

"My mom and dad. They're dead."

"...De... dead...?"

The high school girl, who had been acting like a rabid raccoon, suddenly went quiet. She looked genuinely flustered. The suited men stirred noticeably as well.

About five seconds passed before Baek Yeoul awkwardly scratched her forehead. She looked incredibly embarrassed.

"You don't have any family? You live here alone?"

"Not exactly alone. There were definitely three people here who were like family."

"The people who were tied up here? They're over there."

The loan sharks were tightly bound between the suited men. They stayed as quiet as dead mice, listening to our conversation, even trying to suck up to the suits and Baek Yeoul with pathetic expressions.

"You're Miss Yeoul from Baekdang Pharmaceuticals, right? Don't listen to that guy! He's a complete lunatic! He was talking about kidnapping the president!"

"After his parents died in an accident, we took care of him like our own little brother, but his head's completely broken. He started boiling weird ramen and lost his mind! Look at the ramen he threw in the sink over there!"

"The sink? Weird ramen? Urgh— Uuuurgh— Oh, shit..."

Baek Yeoul peered into the sink, dry-heaved several times, then made a strange face.

"What the hell... you eat stuff like this? No money, no parents, so...?"

"...Haa, forget it. Messing with you any more will only hurt our company's image. Still, I won't forget you, Ha Namjin. Just wait and see."

Swish.

Even while saying she'd remember me, the high school girl held out a piece of paper.

"You're an Awakener, right? I saw the admission documents in your mailbox. Looks like we'll be seeing each other at school from now on?"

The school for Awakeners—Youngsa High. Or, in more refined terms, "the Stage." In my previous life, my destroyed legs had kept me from enrolling. I hadn't planned on attending in this life either, but I'd always been curious why it was called the Stage.

Flash.

A thought suddenly struck my wise brain like lightning.

"By the way, does Seo Gaeul attend there too?"