The Alchemist’s Greatest Worst Crisis: No Milk?!
“...No milk? Why?”
“Young lady, you're a bit slow on the uptake, aren't you?”
“...What's going on?”
The ranch owner peered at me with half-lidded eyes, then spoke as if bestowing a great favor.
“Haven't you heard? Milk baths are all the rage among the nobles these days. You think they'd leave our high-quality milk alone?”
So... those bastards are hoarding all the milk for baths, leaving none behind?
Th... those damn nobles!
That's exactly why I hate them!
I swallowed my boiling rage and forced myself to calm down.
“When's this fad supposed to end?”
The old man shrugged.
“How should I know? It'll end when the highborn get bored of it, I suppose.”
“...That's no good.”
I muttered, chewing my lip, and felt his gaze on me.
He eyed me suspiciously before speaking up.
“Miss, are you... here on errands for Lady Astalote?”
I thought for a moment and nodded.
There was no point hiding it anyway—I'd already introduced myself to Claudia as her apprentice. For the time being, posing as Asha of the Astalote family's disciple seemed like the smart play.
“Oh! Why didn't you say so sooner? Of course we saved our VIP regular's share. I was starting to worry since she was due around now and hadn't shown up.”
“...Really? How'd you know?”
“No one around here dresses like that except her.”
“Ah...”
Sorry, old man. I'd been curt because I didn't like how chummy you were getting, but when I get back, I'll apologize properly—
“So, what's your relationship with her? This?”
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than he stuck out his pinky from his fisted hand and waggled it.
Never mind.
“Of course... my master has a fine voice, a handsome face... oh, and she's tall too. But no, it's not like that.”
“Er... well... she has an apprentice, huh...”
Why the sour face?
I didn't say anything wrong.
“Anyway, give her my regards.”
“Sure.”
I paid and took the box, sharing the load with Cecil as we turned to leave. The old man clapped his hands as if he'd forgotten something.
“Oh, right! I almost forgot to mention!”
“Yes?”
“We hooked you up this time, but next time might be tough.”
“Wh-why?”
“Come on, you know~?”
He made a circle with his thumb and forefinger, grinning brightly.
So... it's about the money, huh?
...Fair enough.
It was heartbreaking, but if it's money, I get it. Anyone who knows the worth of a single coin understands its weight.
I couldn't help feeling annoyed, though.
Times like these made me miss home.
But I didn't want to go back. I couldn't with this body anyway.
“I'll let her know...”
“It's heavy—be careful!”
“...Yes.”
This time, I finally said goodbye and headed out.
A huge backpack hung from Cecil's back as she carried her share of the box beside me. It was stuffed full.
“Cecil, isn't that heavy?”
“This much is fine. Should I carry your box too?”
“...No, I'd feel too bad.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course.”
I'd worried about how much I could carry with this changed body once we decided to go shopping, and sure enough, I couldn't haul much.
That's where Cecil came in.
She could lift weights that would strain a grown man.
...Even though she wasn't much bigger than me.
Not fair.
“Heading home now?”
“Yeah. This should tide us over for a while without needing to go out again.”
“Yes!”
Cecil, who answered energetically, was wearing a dress. It was cheap and sturdy, a bit plain, but her looks made it work.
“Lady Asha! The new clothes suit you so well!”
“Uh, y-yeah?”
“Yes! You don't look so stiff anymore!”
“Th-that's not something you say out loud!”
“Isn't it?”
“No... it's our little secret.”
“A secret?”
“Yep.”
“I'm happy!”
“...Good.”
Truth be told, I was wearing the same kind of dress. Under a robe, though.
There was a perfectly good reason.
The shop auntie said she'd give me a discount if I bought it.
At my age, a bargain beats flattery any day.
I wouldn't be going out much anyway—just dates with Claudia for the foreseeable future—so no need for a big wardrobe...
If it saves money, I'd wear a dress a hundred times over.
Especially after wandering the house in nothing but a shirt and robe, no underwear.
Getting shy over a single dress felt downright quaint.
“...Let's hurry.”
“Yes!”
People's stares were another matter entirely.
Anyway.
We finished shopping without incident, sorted our haul, and by then the sun was setting, darkness creeping in.
Looking back on the day... my first memory was holing up in the bathroom, frantically rubbing between my legs.
Not pleasure—disgust hit first.
The loss of control over my body... was the worst.
To avoid it happening again, I needed the cause.
But first, dinner with Cecil.
Appetite returned by evening, so I grilled the meat I'd saved.
Seeing Cecil enjoy her first taste made me happy.
Bellies full, we moved to the workshop.
A bit late to start work, but isn't that the perk of working from home?
“Cecil, finish up the potions we didn't get to earlier.”
“Yes, Lady Asha.”
Now came the real problem.
Without known ingredients, I had to test effects personally.
This world had swords and magic, but no mind-reading convenience.
Which meant...
To verify if Cecil's semen had that effect, someone had to test it.
Me? Hell no.
Cecil? I didn't like that either.
She'd do it without complaint if asked, but putting myself in her shoes—even if the effect was somewhat predictable—it felt deeply wrong.
If I'd been born here... maybe no hesitation.
But I wasn't.
Come to think of it, Cecil herself was special.
From what I'd researched beforehand, no cases of... that part hypertrophying like hers.
Homunculi weren't made much anymore. Nearly obsolete.
Expensive materials, complex process.
People hired help instead.
Without a freak like me, most homunculi knowledge was fodder in books—nothing useful.
“Maybe consult Master...?”
...Table it for now.
Not that urgent yet.
Come to think of it, I hadn't even sent a greeting letter in ages.
But she'll understand.
Her unworthy disciple was just too swamped.
I really was busy.
I opened the preservation case, eyed the beaker of Cecil's semen, then grabbed the alraune materials nearby.
Hoping tomorrow's me has a bright idea.
Not procrastinating. Really.
“Lady Asha.”
“Hm?”
Cecil had sidled up to me before I knew it.
Glancing over her shoulder at the table, plenty of materials remained—she hadn't finished her quota.
“What's up?”
“Well... there's a weird smell near you, Lady Asha.”
“Weird smell?”
“Yes!”
Nothing odd here.
“Is it coming from this?”
I shook the neatly wrapped alraune petals.
Cecil's red eyes locked on like a cat chasing a toy.
So cute—I waggled it a few times, but the cloth loosened, spilling some petals.
Pinkish to deep red, they fluttered down.
Oh crap—I scooped them up.
“Cecil, can you pick up the ones on the floor?”
“Yesss...”
Her expression looked... dazed as she replied.
“Cecil?”
“Yess... Lady Asha.”
“Something wrong—?”
She picked up an alraune petal, clutched it, and approached me with a hazy look, body twitching.
And... her clitoris was massively erect.
It poked right through the new dress I'd bought today.
“Wh-what the—?”
“...?”
She looked utterly confused. Still hazy-eyed.
Then she blinked, her pale face flushing red, breath growing ragged.
...No doubt about it: alraune petal poisoning.
But... that shouldn't...
Alraune petals contain a male aphrodisiac compound.
That's why I'd gone to such lengths to procure them—for neutralizing into virility potions, Viagra-style, to sell.
Libido was serious business anywhere.
Selling this could fund even pricier milk.
I admitted my carelessness.
But... I was a woman now, albeit reluctantly, and Cecil too—so I figured no issue.
No, there shouldn't be.
Proof: I was fine.
“L-Lady Ashaaa... m-my body feels... s-so hot... ah, hnn.”
“J-just hold on.”
This wasn't good.
B-but not a big deal. I'd bought antidote honey with the alraune at market.
I rushed to the preservation case for ingredients, but Cecil pressed right up against me.
Her scorching rod, escaped from her world, prodded my waist insistently through the fabric.
Its presence was unmistakable.
Cold sweat trickled down my back.
“C-Cecil, get off!”
“Lady Ashaaa... Lady Ashaaa...”
Big trouble.
She wasn't listening.
Couldn't shove her away either.
...Unfortunately, Cecil was stronger than me.