The Association (2)
My reunion with Carbon Ham was the worst.
"...39.7?"
"BurntCowIsCarbon...?"
A situation one beat away from a classic Japanese skit — Aah! It got away!
But staring at the cruel reality unfolding before me, I could only despair inwardly.
No way. This has to be a lie...
There's just no way this is real...
A TS Carbon Ham? That's flat-out nonsense...
In my heart, Carbon Ham had long since been enshrined as a forever-forties, grizzled, middle-aged veteran Awakener.
Boing~!
"......"
But as if to mock that faith of mine, two slabs of flesh wobbled sickeningly right before my eyes. Face to face with that obscene violence of fat, I stood there dumbstruck, mouth hanging open.
"No... th-this is..."
The other side was just as flustered.
A gallery celebrity from some community? Happens all the time. An anon stirring up trouble in the gallery? Rare, but not unheard of. An unidentified-age pretty girl entering the Tower? Sure, she's probably got a tragic backstory or something.
But a female gallery celebrity, wading into the Awakener Gallery as an anon to pick fights?
No such thing exists in this world.
And no such thing should exist.
"Why. What is it."
"......"
Except this wasn't just any pretty-girl anon. This was a pretty-girl anon who had cleared the wicked Lunatic difficulty.
Confronted with a situation where common sense simply didn't apply, Carbon Ham — no, Carbon Sis — hurled a question at me while flat-out denying reality.
"You're that 39.7...? The one who cleared Lunatic difficulty...?"
"Th-that would be me."
"The anon who posted a pic of coughing up blood after downing 26 cans of energy drink and got banned from the Awakener Gallery??"
"W-well, about that..."
"Don't lie to me. How would you drink 26 cans with that body."
"...Sniff."
No, it's true... I drank that stuff, died of cardiac arrest, and awakened...
But it was far too embarrassing to openly admit to such a braindead awakening process, so I desperately rolled my eyeballs around, hunting for an excuse.
— STAFF ID —
Name: Hong Yeon-hwa
Grade: A
Special Response Team Leader
"Huh...?"
And then, of all things, the necklace-style staff ID dangling in front of my eyes. Written on it was a name I knew very well indeed.
Hong Yeon-hwa. An A-rank Awakener under the Association.
A name featured all over the media, and one that came up constantly in the Awakener Gallery. Of course, the woman on TV and this old, shabby creature in front of me looked nothing alike.
And the moment I realized that, I went straight for the reality-check jugular.
"Hong Yeon-hwa? You're... that Hong Yeon-hwa, big sis?"
"Yep. Why?"
"Don't lie. There's no way A-rank Awakener Hong Yeon-hwa is an Awakener Gallery celebrity."
"......?"
"A-rank, a senior Association executive, and Hong Yeon-hwa is a fortysomething fixed-handle user who drops rawr emotes on female Awakeners' bikini photoshoots... The Hong Yeon-hwa I know would never do that!!"
"...Hey!!!!"
At Hong Yeon-hwa's shriek of pure mortification, every pair of eyes in the lobby snapped toward us in an instant.
Come to think of it, that did sound absurd, didn't it? A senior Association executive moonlighting as a fortysomething fixed-handle user.
My opinion of Hong Yeon-hwa dropped a full tier.
And so, while every passing employee gawked at us and the counter lady clamped a hand over her mouth fighting for her life not to laugh, Hong Yeon-hwa broke into a cold sweat and desperately changed the subject.
"S-so, registration!! Shall we go do our Awakener registration??"
A desperate, flailing struggle to escape social death. Faced with that pathetic display, I reluctantly nodded along, playing the gracious loser.
"Sure."
"...Thanks."
Hong Yeon-hwa's face had flushed as red as her hair.
Shortly after, we headed into the Association's inner quarters for Awakener registration, and before long we arrived at a place that looked exactly like a hospital.
— TEMPORARY MEASUREMENT ROOM —
"We're here. This is the place."
"Oh. It's cleaner inside than I expected."
It was habitual banter, but honestly, it really was well kept. The furniture was arranged like a hospital exam room, with a transparent crystal orb sitting on the table.
A timeless cliché. If I placed my hand on that thing now, it would fail to withstand my mighty mana reserves and shatter spectacularly — something like that, right?
Seriously, predictable didn't even begin to cover it. Such a novice-level ball-washing setup. And if that's the game they want to play, then playing along is simply beneath me.
"...Mwheheh."
Harboring that sinister little daydream, I promptly slapped my hand onto the crystal orb and started pouring mana into it.
And at my sudden move, Hong Yeon-hwa turned pale and scrambled to stop me.
"Ah-ah? You do know how to use that..."
"It's fine. I already know how."
Vuuuuum—
The mana-fed crystal orb gave off a low thrum. Then, with a sensation strangely similar to when I used Transmutation, the light pouring out of the orb began to grow brighter and brighter.
"Uuugh..."
This felt like... that time I misclicked a flashbang gif at dawn and got my retinas scorched. Though the brightness here was incomparable — so intense that the room around us seemed to dim by contrast, swallowed by the orb's glow.
Roughly how many seconds passed as I kept flooding the orb with mana?
"...Huh?"
What is this. Why isn't it shattering.
By now, the orb that had tasted my magnificent alpha mana should have exploded with a crash!! — this should have been the exact moment for a scouter-wearing Association employee to stammer, "Combat power 9,000?! Th-that's impossible...??"
Whooooosh—
"Ungh...!" But my hopes were betrayed by a draining weakness, as though strength were seeping out of my entire body, and the world began to swim before my eyes.
Thud!
"Gahk..."
Unable to feed the orb another drop of mana, I flopped face-first onto the table, then lifted my head to glare at Hong Yeon-hwa with pure, simmering resentment.
"Th-this is weird... Why won't this thing break..."
"...That's why I said I'd teach you how to use it."
Hong Yeon-hwa looked down at me, sprawled across the desk, and spoke with the weary pity of someone watching a fools' parade.
"Well, I figured it'd come to this, so I brought one with a generous capacity in the first place."
"No way..."
"There's no way your mana is low after clearing Lunatic."
"......"
What is this clean, competent handling. This is not how things get done in Korea.
Was the Awakener Association... not actually a scum-sucking black company...?
Just as I was quietly marveling at the Association's administrative competence, Hong Yeon-hwa took one smooth look at the color of light the orb had displayed, then immediately began scribbling something in the folder she'd brought along.
"Figures — an absurdly bloated mana pool... and the density's not bad either?"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Your mana control is way too refined to call you a beginner."
"Hohoho. As expected of me."
Who am I?
The owner of an EX-rank skill, Drug Addiction. The wicked alchemist who dares blaspheme God himself — that name is none other than Zinc A-yeon.
A genius who leaves the Awakener Gallery stunned, the Association aghast, and the world green with envy. At this point, even I'm starting to fear myself...
"At this level, B-rank is more than fair."
"......?"
But at a verdict of B-rank — far, far below my expectations — my world collapsed.
I'm sorry... what?
Me? B-rank...?
Not EX-rank. Not even S-rank.
Not even the garden-variety A-rank.
B-rank...? So B as in "Braindead"... is that what this is?
"B-rank...! Me, me, B-rank!!! I, I..."
"Um, excuse me? Do you have any shame...?"
"Impossible..."
"Hey there, doc!!"
"Is B even a rank, huh? HUH? Even that 87-year-old Grandpa Park Chan-soo pulling his scrap cart out there would take B-rank free of charge. Back in my day, coming home with B's in college got you whipped with a leather belt! You know that?!"
"...Something seems to be seriously wrong with you."
"Accept it. That's just how the world works."
"This is a character assassination..."
As I kept sulking, stubbornly refusing to accept reality, Hong Yeon-hwa let out a small sigh.
"It's fine. B-rank is a good result."
"...I take zero comfort in that 'good job, second place' consolation prize."
"Everyone starts out low. When I got my first grade, I was C-rank."
"That's because you were a scrub."
"You little—!"
At my lip-poking, pouty-faced sulking, Hong Yeon-hwa glared at me with the expression of a woman one knuckle-rap away from violence.
"Then what, did you think you'd get S-rank after barely scraping past Floor 1?"
"At the very least, A-rank."
And honestly, fair enough — this wasn't just any difficulty. It was Lunatic. I figured A was the floor of my expectations.
Granted, I had speedrun the whole clear by cheesing it with my legendary, once-in-a-millennium cheat trait called Drug Immunity... but wanting a high grade is only human nature.
That whole vibe of wanting to die but still craving tteokbokki, you know?
Hong Yeon-hwa pressed on.
"This is a temporary measurement to begin with. Grading gets decided on raw mana output alone, without proper equipment — of course the bar's set high."
"Uuugh..."
"If you're that salty, apply for the promotion exam."
"...Doesn't that take a month?"
"If you come aboard as Association staff, I could pull strings to fast-track it for you."
"......"
"Haha. Kidding."
At my meaningful, narrow-eyed stare, Hong Yeon-hwa laughed awkwardly for no reason, picked up her completed folder, and rose from her seat.
"Anyway, the measurement's done, so once your Awakener license comes through..."
Stagger—
"Hnngh!"
Suddenly she wobbled, clutching her head like she was in real pain. Watching her, I asked with genuine concern.
"Are you okay?"
"...I'm fine. Just sleep-deprived."
"How deprived, exactly?"
"No idea. Three days? ...Four?"
"......"
"...Five?"
With every tilt of her head, the count grew by one more day. When I gave her an incredulous look, Hong Yeon-hwa just shrugged.
"I'm fine. Sleep is something you do when you're dead."
"Humans die if they don't sleep."
"Then let me sleep!! Ha, shit— ...damn it all. That bald bastard of an Association President."
"...Hm."
Apparently the Awakener Association was an even worse black company than I'd imagined.
Preserving the proud traditional culture of Korea's scummy sweatshops was not what I'd hoped for here.
Clack.
◈ A single candy packing the caffeine of ten commercial energy drinks (approx. 1,000mg).
◈ Stimulates the central nervous system, inducing a temporary state of heightened wakefulness.
"......"
Still, we went way back in the gallery. Leaving her in this state just didn't sit right with me.
Having decided as much, I fished a few Caffeine Candies out of my Inventory and held them straight out to Hong Yeon-hwa.
"Here, eat."
"...? What's this."
"Caffeine candy."
"Caffeine candy...?"
She took the candy I offered with a dubious squint, popped it in her mouth, and immediately launched into a grumbling tirade.
"You probably wouldn't know, being freshly awakened and all, but for Awakeners, stuffing yourself with this stuff is pointless anyw—"
Crunch, crunch.
"...Hngh, what is this? Why is it so fishy?"
"Because it's loaded with caffeine."
This was a candy condensing a full ten cans of energy drink into a single piece. Shove several in her mouth at once and chew like a woodchipper, and of course it'd taste like battery acid.
Thump.
"Ugh... whoa?"
The caffeine kicking in a beat late, Hong Yeon-hwa clutched her chest at the sudden hammering of her heart. And then, one by one, sparks of life began returning to those rotten dead-fish eyes of hers.
"The effects are insane!"
"Naturally. I made them myself."
"Wait — you have a crafting skill too?"
"That's a trade secret."
I pressed a finger to my lips and flashed Hong Yeon-hwa my most infuriating imp of a smile.
Her face softened another notch, and she reached out and ruffled my hair into a complete bird's nest.
"Aww, tsk... Thanks anyway, kid."
"Eep...! Don't touch me...!"
"What was that, shorty?"
Having thoroughly reduced my hair to a rats' nest, Hong Yeon-hwa stepped out of the measurement room first, tossing a wave over her shoulder.
"I'm off. You wait here and pick up your Awakener license."
"...Okay."
What is with that ajumma. Did motherhood spontaneously sprout along with her age, or what?
"Haaa..."
Either way, I was spent. An outing is simply too high a hurdle for a shut-in basement gremlin.
"Time to hurry home and get my gallery browsing on."