Since You Made Me This Way, Master, You Must Take Full Responsibility
Hope is a truly vicious, wicked thing.
It becomes the excuse that drives me forward, denying me the rest that comes with giving up.
But looking at it another way—couldn’t I simply abandon hope to satisfy my own selfishness?
I know I shouldn’t.
To be honest, the moment I realized the level penalty didn’t apply and sank into despair, a strangely refreshing, almost pleasant sensation was mixed in there too.
Of course, everyone who had prepared for this fight alongside me came to mind right then. So I called it a stupid thought and tried to find a breakthrough somehow.
Because that was the right thing to do.
.......
But once again, an opportunity to end it all came to me.
An accident no one would blame me for.
A perfect ending that wouldn’t harm a single person other than me.
This is where it ends.
My masculinity won’t get defiled by becoming a female, and in this damn world overflowing with spiteful handicaps, I won’t have to suffer through countless injustices anymore.
“Don’t give up. Please….”
But why is that idiot looking at me with that expression?
I just need to accept this despair and sacrifice myself to secure a sure victory. There’s no need to cradle something like hope in my chest if it means risking harm to someone else.
…Yeah, of course I want to live too. What kind of idiot would want to die a dog’s death like this?
But still.
Is it okay to create even the possibility of sacrificing someone other than myself for that?
If things get worse and someone else dies because of it, could I handle that?
People are selfish by nature. Even if the choice you make is a sacrifice, it might not be all that different. You might choose the path of sacrifice out of fear of the despair that could come from choosing the non-sacrifice path—running away from it.
Honestly, dying like this doesn’t seem so bad. Better to believe in nothing than to believe in hope only to be betrayed.
Yeah. The conclusion I should have reached was obviously something like that.
“That’s so unfair.”
But who are you to shake my heart like that?
Why are you so tormented by the possibility of losing me? Because of that, all the advantages of giving up that I carefully lined up don’t even register anymore.
“…You must be happy, turning me into trash like this. Master.”
I tried to abandon every last scrap of hope and give up, but someone refuses to allow it. She pours every bit of hope she has onto me, spitting out teardrops that beg me not to give up.
…Yeah. For a moment I had given up on everything and was completely empty inside. There was no way I could withstand that merciless violence of hope.
“Jasmine!”
Zzzt-crack!
I poured every last drop of mana I had into activating my ultimate skill. In that instant, a fierce electric shock stabbed straight through my body.
It felt like my entire body was being ground up by something. Along with a strange agony as if every single cell was twisting, the flow of mana stopped, and the power dwelling in my wings vanished.
What followed was a hollow freefall.
Amid the buzzing voices, my momentarily blurred consciousness began to clear. True to this vicious world, it was probably waking me up in advance so I could hit the ground and get eaten by the Sand Ghost. Since I dared to hold onto hope, I should die in a thoroughly fucked-up way while I was at it.
Or, if not that….
If there really is a miracle that would grant this hope… I wish it would help me just once, I resolved in my heart.
And a huge monster’s mouth swallowed me whole.
“…You’ve got to be kidding me.”
No—it tried to swallow me.
I went straight into the Sand Ghost’s mouth, bounced off its soft tongue, and was flung back out. In that instant, the massive mouth that had been smacking its lips as if ready to chew me up and end my life in one go snapped shut tightly.
Since the level of the ultimate I activated was 0, the accuracy reduction was only about thirty percent at most. I actually succeeded in that gamble and survived, but it was pretty funny. Because of a gamble that didn’t seem to mean much even if I used it, we had to see the Phase 2 groggy one more time due to insufficient damage.
“Jasmine!”
“Phew….”
“I’m sorry, everyone. Because of me, there are two groggies left in Phase 2.”
“That doesn’t matter at all…! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, so don’t worry and focus on dodging the patterns.”
“……”
I was dizzy in various ways right now too, but we were currently participating in a Deadly Battle. We should finish off the enemy first before chatting.
Still, it didn’t seem like they were blaming me. What a bunch of softies. What are they going to do if they die in my place acting like that?
“Citrus, fly at a slightly different angle!”
“Okay!”
Even so, after that one spiteful handicap, it’s been giving us mostly dodgeable stuff since then. Or is it because there’s freedom to cover with other characters for most things? The perceived difficulty isn’t bad.
“There’s still a bit left. I’m sorry.”
“I’m actually grateful, so stop saying things like that. I sincerely think it’s a relief.”
“That’s because Powder is too kind….”
“That’s not something I want to hear from Jasmine.”
What am I supposed to do about it? Who does this Powder mommy think she is, lecturing me? Anyway, I said I’m sorry, so just accept it, people.
Because of my ultimate, the extreme damage on the second groggy was weakened, so our firepower was a bit low. In the end, we prayed that no more spiteful handicaps would come out and barely managed to reach the third groggy.
Still, the fact that no one got hurt meant that gamble was somewhat successful.
“You remember what I told you, right? Conserve your mana as much as possible, and only use it once right before it’s full.”
Phase 3 wasn’t particularly special. The patterns from Phase 1 were enhanced, with more painful and AoE attacks flying around. And the stun trap pattern from Phase 2 ran alongside it in a smaller, longer-cooldown version. But the fact that the stun trap was an instant-kill didn’t change, so we had to conserve mana as much as possible and respond immediately.
…Of course, not long ago I ranked number two on a Sand Ghost four difficulty levels higher than this. So these patterns were really cute by comparison.
But once the difficulty goes up, it’s a boss full of spiteful handicaps….
Anyway, at the current difficulty, as long as we respond properly, there shouldn’t be much of a problem. With our current damage output, it should be fine as long as we don’t make mistakes.
“Master. The remaining HP is currently…. Master?”
…Why no answer? It’s a bit annoying if that guy doesn’t tell me the HP.
I kept talking to him, confirmed there was still no response, and sighed.
Looking at the timing when we crossed the phase earlier and our average DPS roughly….
We weren’t far from the boss’s HP hitting ten percent. I had a feeling I wanted to check, so from now on I needed to conserve mana even if it meant reducing damage a bit. So we could respond to the final pattern.
“From now on, don’t use any mana. We’re saving it.”
The Sand Ghost’s Phase 3 is easy once you learn the strategy. The only really annoying part is the enrage pattern that triggers at the final ten percent HP. From then on, all the patterns get enhanced, making it basically impossible to hold out for long.
“From now on, hit it with maximum firepower!”
I watched the boss’s form as carefully as possible. The moment the glowing color on its body changed, I didn’t miss it and activated the buff. And at my signal, everyone poured out all their mana and slammed in the damage as if they’d been waiting for it.
“Please…!”
The Sand Ghost thrashed about with an enormous roar. And before it could use any powerful skills, it lost all its strength and collapsed.
…It was clearly a familiar clear cutscene, but with such a huge monster thrashing around, the sense of victory didn’t really hit hard.
“Everyone, good work.”
“Hah, hah….”
Really, I was grateful that everyone followed my commands without any problems right to the end.
By the way, the protagonist guy is supposed to be the commander directing this raid in his own way. What the hell was he doing at the end that he didn’t respond to my contact….
“Hgyak!?”
“Jasmine…!”
“Master…?”
I was extremely flustered by the guy who came running and hugged me the moment the battle ended, not knowing when he’d gotten here. I deliberately hid him in a safe place, and now he ignores that and comes running out—what is he thinking?
The reason contact wasn’t working was probably because he was running over here.
“Master. I told you not to come out because it’s dangerous for me…. Hgyaak!?”
“Jasmine, Jasmine…! Hic, hup…. Th-thank goodness.”
“Uh, um…?”
Even when it involved me, he was usually expressionless as a default. At best, his strong reactions were a slight smile or a subtle reveal of emotion. But now he was almost dripping tears, his face exactly like a child whose dam of tears had burst.
“Yes, Master. Jasmine is still by Master’s side. Please calm down.”
“I-I thought it was over like that…. Hic, I was so shocked…!”
…Without realizing it, I started stroking his hair. It was an action I did without much thought at first, but since this touch seemed to help him calm down, I kept stroking and comforting him.
By the way, thinking that my death was something that could provoke this kind of reaction from someone made me feel strange somehow.
“Hic, hup….”
“I am Master’s Jasmine. I’m right here beside you. I won’t disappear.”
“Yeah.”
“Ah, and the fact that I’m alive right now is all because of Master. So you absolutely have to take responsibility, okay?”
“…Yeah.”
I gently hugged him once he had calmed down somewhat. Then slowly patted his back, comforting him until the tears completely stopped.