Chapter 174
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 174
Chapter Title: Even I Don't Love Myself
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Na jocha do na reul saranghaji anhneunde.
"Uhm..."
To Chloe, the bed had transformed from a place of rest into one of torment.
Due to the bizarre phenomenon she'd been experiencing lately.
She kept having the same dream, vivid enough to feel real, over and over.
And it always ended in the morning with that final line from her friend.
In dreams, no matter what she did, it was guilt-free! And it was a realm known only to her, unseen by anyone else.
So, there was a different dream she really wanted to have...
But dreams don't bend to one's will, so she could only wait vaguely for this phenomenon to end.
"Yaaawn~"
She wasn't afraid of the dream itself, but it forced so many thoughts on her each time that facing it felt like a fishbone stuck in her throat—uncomfortably true.
'I'm really sleepy now...'
Chloe's blue eyes lost their sharpness, glazing over blankly as her consciousness slipped away into her own world.
Slowly.
Very slowly.
The moment her mind and body melted limply, merging with the bed.
The Chloe in her bedroom vanished, and before she knew it, she stood in the mansion's training grounds, sword in hand.
"..."
It was back when Oppa was staying at the Church, and at her sister's urging, Rike was living at the mansion.
Rike would sometimes train with her when her sister was away or not at the mansion.
Unlike Chloe, who had formally learned swordsmanship from her family.
Rike had abandoned structure, focusing on instinct and sense for a fluid attack style that adapted on the fly.
She said that absurd ideology, theme, and core came from the menacing great scythe she wielded and from Oppa.
But Rike's way had clear pros and cons.
Her free-flowing movements, shifting with the situation, seemed perfect in theory.
But embedding that into her body—even in drowsiness or unconscious swings—was so hard.
It demanded more training volume than structured methods.
Following Rike to compensate for that, Chloe realized her own past efforts weren't her all-out best.
Rike's expressionless face belied the ferocious training intensity.
But the bodily fatigue perfectly quelled the vain thoughts in her head, so Chloe gritted her teeth and chased after Rike.
And the finale: sparring.
The wondrous staff work she'd shown in Practical Combat class was mere basics for handling that giant scythe.
Facing an unfamiliar weapon for the first time was tricky and unpredictable.
Chloe's defensive swordsmanship quickly fell into a disadvantage, with no gap to drop defense and switch to offense.
Adel's Persona - B
▷ Creates a persona beneath the mask.
▷ Physical abilities increase during skill activation.
▷ Abnormal status resistance increases during skill activation.
She didn't even need to hold back for this.
Clank-!
From the moment the black armor, modeled after a black rose brooch, consumed mana and enveloped her body, her mind sank into focus.
Her vision narrowed, freedom constrained, yet the info flooding her head and sensations sharpened.
Her body lightened, and her grip felt strong enough to crush the sword hilt.
"Hup!"
With the skill's activation, Chloe's movements lost all hesitation, chaining into aggressive action.
The moment her longsword flashed up.
Mana condensed above Rike's head, bursting red light as her physical abilities surged just like Chloe's.
Clang!
Their weapons collided with incomparable power and speed to the previous exchange.
The repulsion flung their bodies apart.
'...Whew.'
Pain like a club smashing her wrist hidden under the gauntlet surged.
Chloe's face twisted beneath her helmet.
Whoosh! Thud! Thud!
Dodging the red spears raining down like a hail of arrows with a roll, she kicked the ground hard enough to flip the dirt, closing for close combat.
Fighting Rike offered no guarantees, but it was her only option.
At range, blood magic would target her, leaving her helplessly beaten like their first bout.
"Chloe's extra fierce today~"
Red flowers bloomed on the ground, a crown of blood forming above her head.
It mimicked the halos or light rings atop angels, messengers of the goddess.
Or felt like some noble queen or princess in her elegance.
The chance to witness rare blood magic—scarce even in tomes—was such that her sister would come watch if time allowed.
In black armor, Chloe's mind analyzed Rike's ever-changing blood magic displays.
Slash!
The instant Rike sliced her palm on the scythe, spraying blood, which Chloe reflexively blocked with her broad blade.
Chloe realized her judgment was wrong.
Sizzle-
"Ugh...!"
The blood smeared stickily on her sword gained coercive force, gripping the blade and flinging back to expose her chest.
Clang!
Her tightly gripped longsword flew from Rike's strike, rolling across the training grounds.
As the spar ended, Rike staunched her palm's bleeding with blood magic and applied ointment from her pouch.
True to form, she fussed over her body maintenance, scars on her face aside.
"Every time, you become a different person in an instant. Your movements speed up too—it's impressive, no doubt..."
"Just say it straight."
Grown used to Chloe's altered tone from the skill, Rike continued without minding.
With Seria absent, the three had revealed their skills, creating feedback sessions whenever gaps arose.
It deepened their bond and intimacy from sharing secrets, solidifying their unity.
"From the description, it changes you to the personality or demeanor you want, right?"
"Yes."
Meeting those innocent purple eyes, Chloe nodded, her helmet grating metallically.
Heat rose like steam from her body, sweat soaking her chin dripping down, but their faces betrayed no fatigue.
"I think varying rhythm against strangers creates variables nicely. But how to put this feeling..."
Rike stowed her used scythe somewhere, picked up Chloe's rolling sword.
She spun it, gripped the blade, and offered the hilt.
"Your swift, powerful sword loses hesitation, making it tricky—but in my view, pre-skill cautious Chloe is harder to face. The fight time proves it, no lie?"
Her friend's earnest concern rang in Chloe's head, hoping to help.
"Does Chloe dislike herself so much she wants to change her persona with a skill?"
There, the world twisted like a whirlpool, and the dream ended.
..
..
Originally, there should have been advice after: talk to Sis or Oppa.
But the dream always cut off here.
Waking from the recurring dream, Chloe sat up halfway in bed, staring blankly.
No more bentos to make, no unconscious visits to the Church.
"Heeuu..."
It forced her to face the feelings she avoided, rubbing her dry face amid tangled thoughts.
Realizing she couldn't sleep more, Chloe finished simple prep and headed to the kitchen.
"Sis~"
"No bento today, so you could've slept in, but you're up early again."
A routine just days in.
Down after waking, her sister always up first, prepping and eating breakfast.
Changes: Rike gone, Chloe helping Sis with cooking bits.
Rike, hand-in-hand with Oppa heading home, smiled childlike and blissful.
Recalling that harmonious beauty, Chloe's mind forcibly shifted topics amid queasy discomfort.
'When to bring it up.'
Even eating breakfast with Eclair, Chloe's mind wandered.
The dessert shop derailed by the Empire incident.
Now, only this legit excuse left for alone time with Oppa.
Might happen again, might not.
Their verbal promise.
The intangible chance felt precious beyond form.
'If I ask, he'll go, right...?'
Baseless confidence maybe.
But Chloe had near-faith Roman would grin and agree.
A legal opportunity.
She wanted to hoard it, suppressing emotions till it hurt too much.
Using it meant instant end post-date, bone-chilling regret.
But greedy humans prefer savoring the now over patient futures, no?
"Chloe."
"Y-yeah?"
"Something bothering you?"
Her mumbling mouth and hands from thinking drew Eclair's sharp question.
"No...! Nothing...!"
To Eclair's ask, Chloe shook her messy head wildly.
"If it's too hard alone, tell me anytime."
"Yeah..."
Because she's Sis, closest, the unspeakable worry felt hugely guilty inside.
But she wouldn't cross that line.
Sis is most precious to me.
Like a faithful believer sustained by unseen faith alone.
Fantasies alone nearly burst her nosebleed; imagination suffices.
'For today...'
Oppa's Practical Combat class.
That alone fueled her day.
Creeeak.
Whoooosh-
Opening the mansion door, morning chill sharpened her lax mind.
"...Ah."
She was going mad.
What was this pathetic sight.
She knew exactly what she wanted, why—yet couldn't act.
What did Chloe Dreitna, this fool, truly want, how?
Fear and pain gripped her at living forever unsatisfied like this.
