Chapter 169
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 169
Chapter Title: The Timid Girl's Emotions are Flames
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After lunch, which had instilled in her a firm resolve to really throw herself into afternoon classes, an unidentified teapot of mysterious origins took its place at the center of the table.
The teapot that Brother Roman had prepared for his sister and Rike was black tea—a common ground for the two of them.
He'd received a sample before buying it and wanted to brew it himself, so he took hold of the teapot.
His massive frame handling the dainty cups and teapot with such careful movements.
She'd told him to relax, but Chloe's heart raced uncontrollably as she sat there just watching.
Chrrrp—
"I've been practicing lately, but I have no idea if I'm brewing it right."
A platinum adventurer brewing tea—it was more than just unique; the sheer transparency of it made it all the more fascinating.
"Thank you...!"
Clink.
As Chloe lifted her teacup and inhaled the aroma, she let out a string of silent admirations in her mind.
Even she, who knew nothing about tea and only drank what was served, could easily pick out the fresh scents of various fruits and flowering trees.
It was something any recipient would surely delight in.
"When I'm home alone, I used to just drink coffee, but now that it's a habit, tea after meals feels pretty nice too."
Was it Rike's influence? Or her sister's? Maybe both?
"Thanks to Sis, I feel like I've gained a bit of refinement myself..."
She had to return to the academy soon, so she wanted to savor this pure, unadulterated lunch break with Brother Roman.
But Chloe, who blamed herself for Roman having to rely on the Church...
In this private space, she found it hard to meet his blue eyes directly.
Yet she couldn't rudely avert her gaze to the side either.
So she lowered her head slightly, directing her eyes toward his neck or chest area, where she saw scars—gouged flesh, torn open like waterways, now hardened.
The adventurer's life was right there, less than a step away.
They carried death in their shadows, or so she'd heard.
These indelible skin wounds were diaries of survival, trophies born from brutality and desperation.
Not just simple cuts.
Upon closer inspection, she could even spot faint burn marks where the skin had discolored here and there—had she contributed to some of those?
'He says it doesn't hurt now, but...'
Just because the pain was gone didn't mean the wound simply ended.
Chloe knew that all too well.
She still couldn't forget the throbbing agony when she first gripped a sword.
Her palms tore open and bled; blisters formed on her knuckles.
She remembered how her hands shook so badly during meals that her parents scolded her, leaving her feeling so unfairly wronged.
'Only Sis noticed and applied ointment for me...'
Without her sister sneaking in that night with the salve, would she have kept holding the sword?
The ointment's effect wasn't miraculous, but that time together became a pillar supporting her.
The day after swinging the sword hurt more, and the next day, just grasping it brought tears to her eyes.
She even resented the innocent hunk of metal, hiding it under her bed instead of hanging it visibly in her room.
And so those days dragged on.
Before she knew it, she'd finished training with enough energy left to read her favorite books, and the sword found its way back to a visible spot.
Looking back, one might call it growing accustomed to hardship and pain.
'But in reality...'
She saw it as something vital within a person being chipped away, carved out.
Everyone said mental pain was the worst, but physical pain harbored its own indelible terror.
Even if wounds faded from sight, it wasn't over—they became stepping stones to numbness.
That's why, seeing the precious people who lived combatively every day, Chloe felt fear and dread for herself.
Scars she'd once thought huge became trivial; bodies were used ever more recklessly.
That desensitization to pain and injury—others praised it as cool, a realm of mastery—but to Chloe, it was just sad.
"Brother Roman... your body really is okay, right?"
It was the first time today, but on the day of the incident, she'd asked this countless times.
Even in her dazed, chaotic state, she'd clung to him, checking obsessively—enough to make even her cringe now—but the anxiety lingered.
His answers always came light and laced with laughter.
"I'm totally fine."
He'd said a person's value—adventurer, knight, or otherwise—wasn't determined by martial prowess.
But everyone in the empire, not just her, knew who was truly indispensable.
"Um, Brother Roman... I have a favor to ask."
"Yeah? Go ahead."
It was a thought that had plagued her since sitting with Rike at the Church.
Chloe was still a timid girl, her heart filled with fear and self-doubt.
She could be impulsive or bold at times.
But when faced with danger beyond her control, she'd learned she froze—unable to move or think.
In that moment, the man who risked his life to protect her out of duty stirred guilt, shame, and so much more.
'Even if Sis had been there, the same thing would've happened...'
She realized her existence might burden Roman and her sister far more than she'd imagined.
"From now on, even if something like last time happens, you don't need to protect me at the cost of yourself...! O-Of course, I'll spend my life grateful for this favor and repaying it...!"
Brother Roman's expression stiffened unusually, his eyes clearly reflecting her face.
"...Let's hear the reason. Why?"
"I... um..."
Chloe Dreitna.
She couldn't be the reason someone noble had to sacrifice.
Despite everyone around her urging her to value herself above all, she lacked the resolve.
The more she poured out her heart, the more it twisted like a wrung cloth.
Maybe she was just seeking comfort—disgusting.
She was never good with words, and this was disastrously messy, crumbling apart.
Still, she forced out what she wanted to say, the thoughts she'd organized inside.
She spat out the tangled words somehow, lifted her head—and heavy silence blanketed the room.
Afterward, the thought hit her: she'd messed up. But she waited for his response.
Tiny noises she usually ignored tickled her ears.
"Chloe."
His low voice, typically reserved for academy classes, sent tension surging to her scalp in everyday life.
"Y-Yes...!"
Her breath caught as he coolly scratched his forehead and ruffled his black hair.
She knew it was rude to say this after he'd saved her, so she expected no cheerful mood.
She'd even imagined getting scolded.
She had... but...
If Brother Roman actually got angry or showed displeasure right in front of her?
The possibility made her hands tremble, unlike her imaginings.
"I get it—it's hard to change your values with just a few words. You've lived by your own thoughts for so long; you can't flip your mindset on someone else's say-so. If you could, concepts like enlightenment or reflection wouldn't exist for humans."
"..."
"Tch—I didn't want you to see me like this..."
As he scratched the scar on his jaw, squeezed his eyes shut, and let out a regretful sigh, Chloe's heart jolted.
To the selfish her, who'd spoken her piece and shut her mouth, Brother Roman responded with grave seriousness.
"Chloe. Say you're walking down the street in broad daylight and spot some mana-less homeless guys raping a woman in an alley. What would you do?"
"I-I'd help..."
"And if you saw it, what would you think I'd do?"
"You'd help..."
His black hair swayed side to side in denial.
"Can't say for sure. Even if I had the power to save her easily, helping a stranger depends on my mood. If I stepped in, maybe it'd be less about rescue and more about venting my rage on the rapists under the pretext."
Roman wasn't done.
Before Chloe could respond, he continued.
"If someone truly tried to kill me with malice, I'd at least cripple them. No need for that much, but if it's a hassle, taking their life outright? I've chosen that plenty."
"..."
"Doesn't change now. I'm just trash blowing off steam with excessive punishment."
The final words stuck more than the long preamble.
She'd torn herself down endlessly.
But seeing him self-deprecate was rare.
She glimpsed how much evil he'd done—like looking in a mirror—but first, she needed to correct his words.
"...Brother Roman isn't trash."
"More people have died by my hand than I've saved. I've taken legal requests that might harm others if the terms fit. How's that? Incorrigible trash, right?"
"No...!!!"
Chloe's voice cracked high, echoing through the room.
"You really think that?"
"..."
No verbal answer.
Tears welled up, so she nodded vigorously instead. Only then did Brother Roman flash his usual smile.
"Chloe. Even if I'm breathing fine in the empire, there's no guarantee I've saved or benefited more people than you. Saving people isn't an unconditional badge of value anyway."
Tears brimmed again despite herself, and Brother Roman stood with a chuckle.
He knelt on one knee to meet her eyes, like her sister would, and gently wiped her tears with his large hand.
It felt impossibly tender for hands marred by scars.
"If you'd agreed I was trash back there, it might've hurt a bit. You saved me, Chloe."
"...Brother Roman."
"Don't feel guilty about this incident or anything before. People grow by messing up and doubting themselves. Stuck in your territory your whole life, meeting new people makes you impressionable and chaotic—it's normal."
"Sniff..."
He pulled out a handkerchief from somewhere and handed it over.
With a refreshing smile, he placed a hand on her head, offering closing advice to avoid awkwardness next time.
"You don't need to grasp everything perfectly. Just confront it like now and resolve it. That's all Chloe can demand of herself."
"..."
It felt like a strong wind blew through the stuffy room.
The gust pushed her legs to flee, yet rising heat melted her, rooting her feet.
"Come visit the Church anytime you're bored. It'll make me happy too if you do."
"Ah, ahh...! Y-Yes...!"
Every blink at Roman sparked emotions like flames within Chloe.
...
...
She somehow convinced Brother Roman, who insisted on seeing her off outside the Church, to rest.
Not now. Absolutely not.
Fleeing the room in a panic to leave the Church, Chloe wandered in a daze.
"Lady Sister? Are you alright?"
As she passed the hallway, the young nun from earlier called out.
"Y-Yes...?"
"You don't look well..."
Indeed.
Chloe sensed something off with her mind and body.
Her head felt cloudy, like parting mists.
With a floating sensation, she boarded the waiting carriage and headed back to the academy.