A Senior's Pride
"Ah... I-I'm a fan of yours too, of course, sunbae..."
"Then why did you only ask for three autographs?"
"Ah, th-that's..."
The sight of Jinwoo's flustered, helpless face almost pulled a snort of laughter out of her. She crushed the smile climbing all the way to her chin and wore a blank expression, as if to prove she hadn't been frightened for even a second. Then she tossed the words out with a cool, indifferent look.
"Well, it's fine. Happens. Everyone's got their own taste. Not like the whole world has to like me."
She'd pulled off the casual speech without a hitch.
"I really am a fan of yours..."
"Too late."
"......"
Sensing the momentum had swung her way, she folded her arms and squared her shoulders. She narrowed her eyes and tilted her chin up, just so, picturing herself looking down on him from above.
But Jinwoo was so tall she ended up looking up at him instead. Her neck was already starting to ache.
Why is this kid built like a damn lamppost...
"Fine. I'll sign them."
"Really!? Thank you so much, sunbae!"
"Go get some paper and a pen."
"Ah, yes! Just a moment!"
Jinwoo whipped his head around, scanning the set, then took off running — the bloodstained kitchen knife still clenched tight in his hand.
Ugh... why does he keep holding that knife...
That thing was the whole reason she'd tensed up and gotten scared in the first place. What if he just silently stabbed her if something set him off? Like Choi Dooshik.
And wouldn't you know it. The exact situation she'd been dreading unfolded. Jinwoo, still sprinting, collided with a crew member around a corner.
"Kyaaaaah!"
"Hwah! I-I'm so sorry!"
"Y-you scared me half to death... aigoo, I thought my heart was going to give out..."
"I'm sorry..."
A moment later, Jinwoo came tearing back with the paper — paper in one hand, kitchen knife in the other, sprinting like a madman and giving it everything he had. Watching him charge straight at her, her heart hammered against her ribs. It felt exactly like he was about to run her through the same way he'd done to Ahn Hyemi.
"......"
She swallowed hard and quietly unfolded her arms, her hands coming together neatly in front of her, posture turning polite all on its own. Jinwoo skidded to a halt right in front of her, panting hard from the all-out sprint.
"Hah, hah... finally found it..."
In that instant, her face went ice-cold. Choi Dooshik's image flickered over him in her mind — the line he'd delivered to the fallen Ahn Hyemi in that dead-end alley.
It felt exactly the same as watching that scene with her own two eyes. The face and eyes of a killer who'd just found his prey, flushed with rapture.
"Sunbae. I brought the paper."
The moment she heard those words, the strength drained right out of her. Of course it wasn't that. Of course it wasn't.
"Ah..."
"And the pen..."
"......"
She'd thought she had the upper hand completely. And then, in a single instant, she'd chickened out all over again. Her pride as a top actress crumbled in a heap.
She couldn't just let this slide. She had to show this cocky junior what a real senior looked like. That was the only way her shattered pride would recover. She was an actress through and through. She'd just act her way through it.
Her expression hardened into something icy. She held the pen back out to him.
"I don't need the pen."
"Pardon?"
Instead of the pen, she pointed a finger, lightly, at the bloodstained kitchen knife.
"Give me that."
"Ah, this? Yes."
Jinwoo flipped the bloodstained knife around and offered it to her with both hands, perfectly polite.
"Signing with a pen is boring. I'll do it with this."
"Pardon?"
To stage something even more provocative, she gripped the knife in a reverse hold and smeared blood across the paper like she was doodling. Red blood dripped from the tip of the blade, soaking thickly into the pristine white paper. Just looking at it was enough to turn your stomach.
This ought to have startled him. Jinwoo's face didn't change at all. He just stood there with his hands neatly folded, staring blankly, the picture of courtesy.
He's still not scared...?
Then again, it made sense when she thought about it. The knife was a prop. The blood was fake. And besides, this knife belonged to the junior who'd just played Choi Dooshik. She needed something even more shocking to make this insolent junior in front of her completely lose his nerve.
In that case...
She pressed the tip of the blade into her index finger. If she drew a little blood and signed with that...?
But the scene she'd imagined refused to materialize. The prop knife, as it turned out, wasn't sharp at all. No matter how hard she jammed it down, not a drop of blood came out.
"......"
I'm screwed...
"S-sunbae, that's dangerous. Please be careful..."
She'd meant to show some senior swagger and rattle him. Instead, he was worried about her. Well. He did look startled, just... not in the way she'd wanted.
Seizing the moment, she hiked up her tank top and bared her stomach. Still gripping the knife in a reverse hold, she gently aimed the tip at her own belly.
"S-sunbae...!"
Now he looked a little shocked.
"Why are you flinching over a cheap prop knife... is this scary?"
Please just say it's scary...
If he'd just admit he was scared, this would all be over. Prop knife or not, she didn't have the guts to actually stab herself. The blade was plastic. Every time it touched her soft stomach, it stung.
Ow, that stings...
She was out of options.
"Scared? You chicken?"
She had no choice but to fish for the answer she wanted.
"That's dangerous... please stop."
"Want to try stabbing me yourself? Like Choi Dooshik?"
"What? N-no. Why would I..."
"...You scared? Is it scary?"
Watching her junior squirm, her mood lifted just a little.
"Ah, too bad... I kind of wanted to get stabbed by Choi Dooshik at least once..."
She snorted a laugh and tossed the bloodstained knife onto the floor.
"Come on, junior. I was just messing with you. Why're you so scared?"
"......"
Part of her wanted to pat her thoroughly rattled junior on the shoulder and comfort him, the way a proper senior should. But to do that, she'd have to reach way, way up — like she was taking a jump shot. That would not do. It'd look awkward. Cheap, even. From an actor's eye, the pose had zero style.
So she settled for a leisurely, light pat-pat on his back.
"Junior. I'm not that cruel. Don't be scared of me."
The final bluff: flawless.
I'd gotten Hwang Mina sunbae's autograph. Four of them, actually — handwritten, and she'd put real care into every one. I'd only asked for three. She'd done four, including one for me.
And that wasn't even all. She'd sent her manager to fetch her wallet, then pulled out a fistful of fifty-thousand-won bills and shoved them at me.
"You're still a baby, junior. Here's some allowance."
Counting them right there in front of her would've been tacky, so I pretended not to look and eyeballed it. At least twenty bills. Easy.
"Whoa..."
So this is what a top star looked like. The class difference was real. There was a reason they called her a national actress. The rumor that she made over a hundred million won per episode... maybe that was actually true?
And she still wasn't done. She'd posed for a photo with me too — bloodstained kitchen knife in hand, pointed right at me, wearing the sweetest smile.
That single photo meant a great deal. It might even be enough to convince Mom. No — if it was Hwang Mina, Mom's all-time favorite, it was more than enough.
Mom, what if I just quit being an idol and go into acting?
WHAT!? Son! Have you lost your mind!? Do you even hear yourself!? After five years of...
I'd just slide the photo of me and Hwang Mina sunbae, looking all friendly, right under her nose.
I'm acting with Hwang Mina sunbae in this drama.
......
I'd watch Mom's stunned face, then drop the line in the cockiest voice I could manage.
I'm an actor now.
Just imagining it, a smile spread across my face all on its own.
Yoo Youngjin sunbae arrived late, and the lead actors' scenes finally got underway. In the drama, the two of them played violent crimes detectives. True to the crime-thriller genre, they had fantastic chemistry, picking off vicious criminals one by one as the story unfolded.
Today's scene: a stakeout from inside a parked car, spotting the suspect, then bursting out and chasing him down an alley.
"Hey, you lost him!? Where'd he go! Ah, dammit, augh!"
Detective Seo Ji-won quietly picked up something that had fallen on the ground.
"S-senior... take a look at this. This is..."
"This is...?"
"Don't tell me..."
"Contact forensics right now and run a DNA match!"
Evidence the suspect had dropped while fleeing. That piece of evidence would reopen a murder case that had been closed as unsolved.
"Whoa..."
They were veterans, and it showed. The presence they carried was on another level. They moved like they'd been pairing for years — their facial work, their eyes, all of it top-tier. The immersion was no joke.
"Cut! Good! Not bad. That was good, but in that last beat..."
The director demonstrated it himself, walking them through the acting.
I'm jealous...
They were the leads, after all. Unlike extras like me, who wrapped in a single take, they shot the same scene over and over.
I was standing off in a corner of the set, staring blankly at the two of them act, when someone called my name from behind.
"Jinwoo-ssi."
I spun around. It was the writer.
"You haven't left yet?"
"Ah, Writer-nim! Hello!"
Jinwoo bowed deeply as he greeted her, and Writer Lee let out a small laugh.
"You already said hello earlier."
When she'd first arrived on set, Seo Jinwoo had been the first one to come running over to greet her.
"There's a few things I've been curious about, though..."
"Yes. Please, go ahead."
"Didn't you say this was your first time acting? I'm pretty sure that's what I heard at the audition..."
"Ah... about that..."
"It's fine. I'm not asking so I can give you a hard time about it."
"I... it really is my first time. That's the truth."
Writer Lee's expression hardened.
"You don't have to lie to me... I'm not the type to make an issue of that."
"It really is my first time."
"......"
Writer Lee stared at Jinwoo's face in silence. The atmosphere around him was completely different from when he'd been playing Choi Dooshik just a little while ago. His expression, his eyes — they looked so kind it was like looking at a different person.
If you spent enough years in this industry, you occasionally saw it happen: a character with almost no screen time catching fire, completely by accident. Supporting roles with a handful of lines, who appeared for a blink and vanished.
But even those supporting roles, thin as they were compared to the leads, still showed up every episode, even if only for a moment. Because in the end, you needed to stay in the audience's eyes to have any chance of breaking out.
Choi Dooshik didn't even rise to that level. He was closer to an extra. One impactful scene in episode one, then arrested and shipped off to prison in episode two. That was how she'd designed him from the start. Serial killer Choi Dooshik was a disposable character — show up early, set the tone of the series, and disappear.
And that was what made it such a waste. If he hadn't been Choi Dooshik — if he'd been cast as someone else... With acting ability like this, he could have handled any other role just fine. Judged purely on difficulty, Choi Dooshik was an extremely hard character to pull off.
"Did you have any real trouble with the acting today?"
"Ah, well. It was my first day, so I was pretty nervous and I think I made a lot of mistakes... I'll do it properly, no mistakes, when we shoot again."
Mistakes...?
Had there been any of those...? She racked her memory. There hadn't been a single flubbed scene. He'd wrapped the whole thing in one take, without a single NG. Mistakes? He'd dominated the entire set. He'd carried the scene, as they said.
The reason the lead actors were still shooting the same scene over and over was simple. They hadn't captured the exacting Director Kim's heart yet.
Writer Lee looked at Jinwoo for a long moment, then clicked her tongue softly, her face full of regret.
It's such a waste...
Killing him off after a mere two episodes felt like a crime against acting this good. She could pad his screen time a little, the way the director had asked. But even then, how many extra shots would that even be? Choi Dooshik was getting caught by the detectives and written out in cuffs either way.
And suddenly inflating Choi Dooshik's role came with a real burden. All for one villain extra who was supposed to just pass through, she'd have to overhaul an already finished script. In more than twenty years of writing, that was something that had never, ever happened.
"It's a shame... it would've been so much better if you'd been cast as someone other than Choi Dooshik..."
"Not at all. I'm really happy with the Choi Dooshik role. Thank you for saying such kind things."
There wasn't an actor alive who disliked a meaty role. Even if a lead was out of reach — even just a supporting part. Even something like a partner detective stuck to the protagonist's side. He could have shown so much more of what he could do.
Come to think of it, a detective role would have suited him quite well. Covered in blood, he'd looked like an actual murderer. Looking at his face now, all cleaned up, the impression was completely different.
"Jinwoo-ssi, I think you'd be great in a romance someday."
"A romance?"
"Or maybe not... a school series might suit you even better..."
As a writer who built stories for a living, she was dying to see it. The youngest, most devastatingly handsome department head, treating the heroine like dirt. A filthy-rich chaebol third-generation brat dripping with pedigree. A school-gang thug who cruelly tormented the weaker kids. Choi Dooshik's image was still so overpowering that those were the only roles that came to mind. But honestly, she had a feeling he'd look right in anything.
"Jinwoo-ssi, could you smile for me? Just once?"
"Pardon?"
"Smile. Let me see you laugh."
"Ah..."
Jinwoo awkwardly curled the corners of his mouth up, just a little. Writer Lee studied his face with care, then gave a small nod.
"Oho..."
A face that could cross from hero to villain without being bound by genre or character type. In this industry, they called actors like that a thousand faces.
What a waste. Such a waste...
"Jinwoo-ssi."
"Yes, Writer-nim."
"Do my next project with me. Not a villain like Choi Dooshik — I'll give you a great role."
"What!? I-is that for real?"
Jinwoo bowed his head deeply toward her.
"Writer-nim, thank you! It's an honor! I'll work so hard!"
He was so overflowing with passion, she couldn't help finding him adorable.
But then. Director Kim, who'd appeared at some point without anyone noticing, laid a hand gently on Jinwoo's shoulder.
"Hey now, what's this... Idol Man already promised he'd do my next project with me..."
"Then he can do mine after yours."
"...What genre? It's not going to overlap with mine, is it?"
Writer Lee snorted a quiet laugh and gave a slight shake of her head.
"That's a secret."